So, our second sprog is now 8 weeks old, and along with our 2 and a half yr old, they’re obviously rather a handful. With the birth of the first, my riding time took quite a hit, even more so when we had the second. However, having climbed the walls for quite some time now, my wife & I have decided to negotiate regular time off so we can do our own thing (wife – horses, me – bikes). We each get one evening off (I take mine for my LBS’ regular weekly evening ride), and alternate Saturdays off. Considering I work full time, this does mean we only get Sundays together as a family, but because I mainly work from home I still get to see the kids a lot so that’s ok with me, and worth it because I’m frankly very hard to live with if I’m not getting regular rides (arf!).

Strangely though, a lot of our friends/family seem to think this is a rather odd setup & we should give up our lives to stay at home with the children or something, which always seemed counter-productive to me. Happy parents are good parents, or so I like to say.

Anyway, we kind of struggled to get to a position there this all works fairly well. I’d be interested in how other couples with children balance their responsibilities with their hobbies. Cheers.

You need your own time, most of my riding is to and from work, go out on a thursday night as well.

Thursday nights are routine, she gets allotment time I get riding time. Helps entering SITS solo so she is currently kicking me out three times a week to train! Always have one day on a weekend for family time.

Seems like your set up is good.Very similar to mine when the wife & I were together.Things are different now but I still see the kids all the time so the structure is still weirdly the same.A friend of mine is about to be in the same situation,his answer is some nice new hope lights ! 😀

sounds like about what i did when mine were that age. And i don’t work from home so see less of them if anything. Now we squeeze more riding in (mrs julian gets out on a bike 2 or 3 times a week too) in evenings or for fitness/family bablance wiuth bike trailers/seats and a picnic. Night ride once the kids are in bed makes no difference to them imo.

while i agree about needing your own time, i just feel really guilty for not seeing the kids all week cos i’m at work, then buggering off at the weekend as well.
consequently my riding time has diminished recently, but (shock horror) i quite like my wife and kids so i don’t seem to mind as much as i thought i would.
when the kids are older and can stay with the inlaws at weekends then it’ll be another matter! 😉

ps sorry for no capitals, broken wrist at the mo and i can’t be arsed with the shift key.

i have three boys 9, 6 & 18mths and i get out one day out of a weekend on an all day ride – they either go to their gran or stay with their dad but weekdays are a nightmare. It is hard though and what is almost impossible is getting on a mtb holiday or a few days away 😕
I am assured from friends that it is alot easier when the youngest is at least 4 + cos then more family members can babysit without having to worry about nappies, feeding, toilet training etc!

A decent set of lights can be your best accessory.

I used to ride very early or very late to keep riding time up but then my Mrs likes watching shite TV weeknights. Weekends has always been a bit trickier but now Jr is riding a bit himself I can get away with a 2/3 hour blast as long as I then take him out for a trundle after. It’s an ideal ‘warm down’ if you believe in that kind of thing & great father/son time. Just need to convince him that hooning off of everything isn’t compulsory and that being able to land properly is more important than taking off. 😕

3 of us do Mendips on a sunday starting out at 7am if we travel to Quantocks we are up by 4.30 and riding by 6.30am, early yes but good quality riding done and back home by midday every time

As a parent, it’s your responsibility to be around to help look after you kids – and not just when they’re toddlers.

In order to be around for them, one of the things you need to do is look after your health.

Therefore, regular physical exercise is NOT something to be balanced against a “family life” – it’s an essential ingredient of it.

Physical exercise is also good for relieving stress and tension – meaning you’re more relaxed and able to interact with your kids in a pleasing manner 🙂

Hard innit.
It used to cause me grief being the only dad in our little group. The singletons thought I was weak for not getting out when and were I wanted, it really used to anger me.
Then they started to have kids, initialy it did’nt cause much of a problem for them, and I’d get asked what the problem with having kids was .
Then they had the second kid, that’s when it all changes. Leaving their wifes at home with one on the t!t and the other one running around the kitchen don’t last long. within weeks I never saw them again.
I’ve only just started to find the time again, though my youngests weekend sports take up a lot of my free time.

i quite like my wife and kids

you can’t admit that sort of thing on here!

I pretty much demanded a weekend morning (was Sunday, now Saturday), caused much grief when combined with a football season ticket. So I’ve lent out the ST and ditched the football 🙁 fair enough I suppose. I do a Thursday night “fitness” ride too

I actually managed to ride more when my daughter was born. I could still ride every day if I wanted, but can’t be arsed really.. 😕
My personal/work situation is a million miles from yours tho so unless you are prepared to completely change your life I couldn’t offer any advice, sorry.

regular physical exercise is NOT something to be balanced against a “family life” – it’s an essential ingredient of it.

Couldn’t have put it better myself.

Personally I’m lucky like the OP in that I work from home and get to see my lovely baby daughter all day long (in short intervals), so can manage a weekend ride, a weeknight ride and the odd weekend (or even week) away without feeling like a neglectful parent.

Agree about the lights. Tuesday night rides with the local club was the one constant, that and uber early Sunday rides returning as the house was waking up.
That said family first and riding would always give way to their needs however small. And I almost live by Druidhs statement up there, but riding is a timely excersice, and I now remember instead of walking the Springer I’d go for xc runs with him and twiddle weights at home.
I still have’nt been abroad riding with my mates in over sixteen years as to me that’s very selfish use of my free time.

I get an early morning ride in most weekends (out at 7ish – back by 12) but thats about it for the mtb. I commute 18/20 miles a day to work so still manage to stay reasonably healthy.

Personally i think you need to accept that you will ride less and at less sociable times when you have kids, end of.

I feel really guilty if i do go out on a weekend, and the look on my sons face when i tell him make me feel even shitter!

That’s pretty much the set up we have pedalhead – I ride at least one evening a week and four-ish hours on a Sunday morning (although I slammed on Tuesday night and am off the bike with a sprained ankle for at least the next week :cry:)

I totally agree with druidh there – the exercise is vital; we’re counting on them coming out with us riding / running as they grow up as it’s just a normal part of their family life.

It is important to get time away from family for both mum and dad and getting the balance is the key, It is expecially difficult with very young children until your in a routine. Mine are 2 & 4 and now it’s much easier.
I get one guarenteed evening/night ride a week when the kids are in bed, my wife gets the same to go swimming. Everything else is by negotiation.

I/We also tow them in the trailer at the weekend which is a very good workout.

I don’t have kids so am just speaking from experience of my friends, but it seems the problems come when blokes expect time off but the wives don’t get the same, so I think it sounds like you have the balance right.

don’t have kids so am just speaking from experience of my friends, but it seems the problems come when blokes expect time off but the wives don’t get the same, so I think it sounds like you have the balance right.

yep, mrs yoss rides a bit but also goes out with friends one night a week and does other stuff during the week too. If I compared ‘hours off’ she’d probably be ahead of me but then i don’t have to look after 2 kids for 12 hours a day so i reckon its all good.

Agree 100% with oldgit about riding with ‘non-dads’. 2 kids is a totally different proposition to one.

Two kids, 6 and 3 now, and my riding time is exclusively pre-0700 or post 2000 on a couple of nights a week, thurs and sundays usually. From next september however, both kids will be full time at school, so will have 6 hours a day to ride…

Cheers all, really interesting to hear other views on the subject. You’re dead right about two kids being a different proposition to one, more like 4x the work I reckon! One thing I did get a few months back was a kiddie seat for the front of the bike, which our toddler loves, although she is growing out of it now. My main problem is that we live in an area that’s absolutely pants for “proper” mtb’ing, so 1.5+ hours of driving is required for anything other than what I’d call a “fitness” ride. Actually trying to persuade the other half that we move to the foot of the Quantocks…that would be problem solved :-).

Road bike….

I don’t have kids so am just speaking from experience of my friends, but it seems the problems come when blokes expect time off but the wives don’t get the same, so I think it sounds like you have the balance right.

So true. But the “wives” must resolve the other half, not expect the “husbands” to fill the time for them.

Road bike….

haha, tried that a long time ago, and I have a 1998 Giant TCR2, used no more than 10 times, sitting in my garage as a result 😉 . I wish I could get into the roadie mindset, but I just find it dull dull dull, and a little scary.

You are all scaring the shit out of this expectant father.

Junkyard has been saying the same to me for a while now but hearing so many other people saying it is worrying. 1 ride a week?! Ouch.

Some of my general fitness training includes using a tag-a-long. Now lad’s started school this includes school run pickup. 5 miles of hills with wt of tag -along plus lad on return run is for me good training. (he loves it too, gives im some cred in school)

nightriding is convenient even at weekends.
i’m too tired to do early morning rides.
weekends i steal a morning or an afternoon for a 3hr blast.
otherwise its by mutual agreement for a weekend or 5-day trip.

So true. But the “wives” must resolve the other half, not expect the “husbands” to fill the time for them.

I don’t understand what you mean?

Get used to it Donk, a ride to the shops suddenly becomes exciting!

Wors well I should be ok with commuting but it’s not proper quality riding.

MrsF, I guess Bimbler means if wife gets time off from kids she should go and do her own thing, husband should not have to be there with her (and so impinge upon his “time off” i.e. riding time)

mrsflash – Member

So true. But the “wives” must resolve the other half, not expect the “husbands” to fill the time for them.
I don’t understand what you mean?

I had this early on. The Mrs sort of resented the fact that because I had a ‘hobby’ to fill my free time & she didn’t that it was sort of unfair on her. I always said she could do whatever she wanted but it was her decision not to do anything with her spare time which she eventually accepted.

Ah, I read it at first as she should sort out childcare for her time off and not expect him to do it! thought I ought to check before I started ranting 😉

mrsflash – Member

So true. But the “wives” must resolve the other half, not expect the “husbands” to fill the time for them.
I don’t understand what you mean?

I had this early on. The Mrs sort of resented the fact that because I had a ‘hobby’ to fill my free time & she didn’t that it was sort of unfair on her. I always said she could do whatever she wanted but it was her decision not to do anything with her spare time which she eventually accepted.

Yup pretty much what Nobby said

A VERY reluctant dad here (although I absolutley adore her if that’s not a complete contradiction. I guess I just didn’t want to ever be a parent) and the lack of spare time has taken our marriage to the very edge and who knows if it is going to topple beyond the point of no return.
Youngster is 12 next month and it was easier when she was younger as I could nip out at various times of the day and the biggest adaptation was I would ride to where ever we were going out for the day which included jaunts such as Stockport to Alton Towers and then back again at the end of the day.That sort of thing. No matter what we were up to at the weekends, I’d ride to the location, meet up with the family and then ride home again at the end of the day.
Now she’s older but not old enough to be completely independant, I have to drive her to places she wants to go with friends and hang around in the background or stay at home with the car in case something goes wrong and I have to rush in the car to collect her.
Difficult times round our house at the moment with lots of blame and guilt going on. It was easier when she was younger.

Pretty much the same as above. My wife doesn’t work since the kids were born so now eldest is at school and youngest at Nursery in the am, she gets mornings for herself. We’re not that anal about housework either – I tend to do a lot of that in the evenings so if she wants to she can do what he likes, I don’t expect her to be tied to a duster.

In return, I get at least a half day at the weekend, occasionally a chance for a longer ride and maybe one or two ‘event weekends’ through the year. I use some holiday for midweek skiver rides, and also recommend the acquisition of a decent set on lights for evening rides. And second, and so far not mentioned above – get some decent inclement weather riding gear. Once you’ve booked a day off to go ride, and you don’t have the luxury of saying ‘Sod it, I’ll go tomorrow instead’ you’d be surprised how much fun you can have in some pretty sh177y conditions.

DONK I’m going to be a Dad in the next couple of weeks and I’m quietly confident for a couple of reasons.

I’m happy to babysit while the missus does her own thing, we should be able to make a couple of hours for each other to get out most days. We’re both in favour of childcare, it gets them socialised and used to paddling thier own canoe at an early age. Grandparents will want some time with them, a regular half day at the weekends will be nice for kids and grandparents. We’re also lucky in that most of our mates haven’t got kids but are getting broody so I expect some babysitting will be forthcoming.

Stay strong brother!

Off Road commuting which can easily be extended on a nice morning or evening. I usually try to get a longer ride in on a Friday after work as the kids are out swimming anyway. I’m lucky to be able to choose quite a few routes to and from work and I often extend the ride by 15 minutes to half an hour. Not much but I enjoy every minute of it. The best thing about having to ride every day is that I find I’m much more likely to grab any opportunity for a ride, all my stuff is always by the back door and your just mentally ready to ride all the time. I found it much harder to get out and motivate myself before I was commuting.