My bundle of fun has just hit the terrible two’s and its like we’ve unleashed a monster! Any tried and tested tips from the experienced mums and dads here? What works and what doesn’t?

We’ve ruled out smacking so no owning with bombers and he wees in his own shoes…

Er, what’s the issue? Trying to force your will on a 2yo? Good luck with that!

Step 1 is talk to your kid and figure out what the issues is, then try explaining the situation. Hardass parenting isn’t so good in my book.

reward good stuff. NEVER give in to tantrums/whinging.

*orders catering pack of biscuits and coffee, lies back in hammock with sleeping bag…..*

consistency is key.
and not listening to molgrips shit advice 😉

Easier said than done but

1 be firm – if you say no, stick to it
2 if one parent says something then make sure the other one backs it up even if you disagree – talk about it later when the child isn’t around
3 lock them under the stairs (joke!)
4 Naughty step – we’ve been amazed how well this worked
5 If they’re able to understand, warn them that continued bad behaviour will mean their favourite toy being taken away for an hour/day/whatever as appropriate – then put that toy out of the way but easily visible (eg high, inaccessible shelf) for that time.

Works for us – though it’s hard sticking to it at times.

Depends on the kid of course.

If you try and lay down the law to our one she shuts off and continues to do whatever it is anyway. You have to keep her on-side, so to speak. Sanctions are required, but only with careful explanation and fair warning. And appropriately applied – you have to know when they’re taking the p*ss deliberately and when something else is going on.

They have to be able to link punishment to crime, and 2 can be quite young for this I think. My sister handed out discipline to her kid quite readily when he was too young to understand what he was doing in terms of their rules, so he lived in constant fear of having something bad slapped on him randomly (or so it seemed).

When you do the naughty step and the child leaves the step, do you restart the count from the re-place-on-step?

What if the child leaves the step at 1 min 50 sec and it takes ten seconds to get him/her back on the step?

Explain what and when the reward for good behaviour is. IGNORE the tantrum, put the kid on the step and carry on as if they weren’t there until it stops. Reward the end of the tantrum. Move on.

just keep repeating “why?” to your child – see how they like it!

i have been informed that headlocks are not the correct way to control a 2 year old. similarly chinese burns should not be used by child or parent. FACT

You realise it’s called the ‘terrible twos’ because it starts at 2?
It doesn’t actually end. Ever.

Don’t do what the chav did on Bradford station the other day in the queue for Greggs and chase her two’ish year old son, pushed him to the floor and asked him how he liked being pushed over by someone bigger than him. I should have gone to find a copper because she shouldn’t have been in charge of kids…

DD – we just reset the clock in effect but really it’s pretty fluid as a 2-3 year old doesn’t really get time. IIRC the guide is 1min on the naughty step per year age – eg 2mins for a 2 year old – seemed about right for us. I think we’re quite lucky though in that after the first time, he got the idea that he couldn’t leave and we’ve only had him on the step five or six times – the threat of it is usually enough…

Mmmm, Clubber has already posted my favourite tips. Particular plus one for Naughty Step, with a ‘minute for every year old they are’ guide for how long to leave them between reminding them why they are there and that they might want to apologise. (any longer and they may forget what they did wrong and then what’s the point…)

And the high shelf thing is also good.

Ridethelakes, are you planning on any more?

Parents need to be even handed in their approach both between what mum does and what dad does, and also to each child. In my professional life its amazing how many kids I meet who can’t do right for doing wrong, and have some amazing sibling from whose behind the sun shines. It can be a hard pattern for parents and their kids to get out of.

We started very basic reward charts at late 2’s early 3’s, but that was more about taking responsibility in a positive way for small things rather than ‘not being naughty’.

The naughty step / corner doesn’t always work. My eldest used to go there herself lol

+1 for not giving in on / ignoring the tantrums and being consistent between both parents though – both essential.

IGNORE the tantrum

I don’t entirely agree – I think you acknowledge the tantrum with an appropriate response (naughty step, stern talking to etc) but do not raise voices (other than to ensure the tone is firm and final). Make it clear to the child why they are being punished. And of course, as said above, reward good behaviour (just a cuddle or a kiss) even if it comes straight after the bad behaviour.

One of my two now actually jumps to attention when I do my ‘stern dad’ voice because she knows she has stepped over the line. We also find that the removal of the offending child from the room works really well (we don’t do the naughty step but it is similar in function).

x2 what DezB said!!

ignore, dont give in to trantrums, be consistant are all good. every kid is different… you will find a way… 😯

Only two tips from me.

1. Do what you feel is the right thing
2. Be consistent (‘across the parents’, and over time)

Best of luck

Divide and conquer.

Make sure your two-year old has absolutely no support for what they’re doing wrong. As said above, if they get one parent or sibling on their side you’re toast.

And don’t spend time trying to reason with them or explain stuff like they are little adults. In their world, you are God. God makes it happen, he doesn’t have to justify anything.

As a Dad I would strongly recommend this book: http://www.amazon.co.uk/New-Toddler-Taming-bestselling-parenting/dp/0091902584/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1302171843&sr=1-1

It explains clearly how to train children with reward and punishment, or reward and no reward if that’s what you prefer.

Withdrawal of something as a punishment always works as a lesson for us – the strop is soon followed by an apology and everything can carry on as normal as long as you explain why it had to happen.

Also, if you want to let them think they’re getting their own way, give them a choice of two things you’d be happy with 🙂

Also, if you want to let them think they’re getting their own way, give them a choice of two things you’d be happy with

I like that one too 🙂

1. choose your battles – its possible to tell them off all day long if you want to – its counter productive and don’t work
2. allow them to be noisy and throw stuff about sometimes – they are kids and need to let off steam
3. be consistent
4. if you take a toy off them for bad behaviour, give it back a while later – otherwise they won’t even remeber they were playing with it!

Patience, love and kindness mixed with a bit of steel

DavyBoyWonder – you don’t explain what triggered the ‘child abuse’ you witnessed. Presumably the child had pushed over a smaller / younger child. As a one off what you witnessed might seem a bit extreme – but I actually don’t have an issue with a parent exerting their authority like this especially if it is in response to systematic ‘bullying’ of a much younger/smaller child, especially where the safety of the smaller child is endangered. Gradually instilling responsibility takes time – thats fine so long as nobody gets hurt in the meantime. I can think of at least one family where some more draconian measures like this would be useful to remind the little brat that it is not in control! They didn’t and at 8 he thinks its funny to punch adults (all of whom are too scared to take any real action in case they get reported to the police by the guy in the Greggs queue).

its amazing how many kids I meet who can’t do right for doing wrong

+1

Also I think you need to decide up front what your house is going to be like. Victorian workhouse or fun kids’ playground. So then you know what’s acceptable and what’s not, which is how you can start being consistent.

But also don’t over-legislate. My sister in law lets her kids do some things I wouldn’t let mine do, and some might consider them naughty, but really they’re a lovely family, happy as larry, kids are well behaved when needed.

It’s give and take. You have to let them have their fun within boundaries. But it sounds like everyone knows this.

EDIT: Although if my child hit or pushed over another kid there’s absolutely NO WAY I’d do the same to them. That just teaches them that it’s dog eat dog, so when they get older they’ll be able to push everyone over and be on top. Baad idea. Humans > dogs, or should be.

Some great tips. However, when all else fails, a short sharp tap across the back of the legs shows that you mean business and that you’re the boss.

Wait until they hit 3 1/2. 😯

My little lad is an absolute monster at the moment.

The only thing I remember was never to threaten anything I wouldn’t carry out.

And to carry out some of the threats, occasionally, if really provoked.

It fostered a sense of realism. Our kids (now all grown up in their 20s) recently thanked us for “being strict”. They reckon they have turned out better than children of more liberal parents.

The naughty step…

the threat of it is usually enough…

Our youngest is 2.5 yrs young now and when we threaten the naughty step she just says….”ok” :?…sometimes she says she has been naughty and just sits on it her self :roll:. What are you supposed to say to that?

my god im on the verge of having a heart attack reading this, ours is only 10 months and has started taking the p*ss already!

she has worked out how to pull the radiator pipe cover off…

mummy shouts “NO, NO, NO”

baby laughs, pulls some more…

Daddy laughs…

Mummy not impressed!

Naughty step didn’t work for me, my girl seemed to find it a nice bit of time out, even putting books to read on the step in advance.

Find out what they love more than anything and threaten to take it away.

Obviously if they call your bluff you have to go through with it.

After the first couple of hundred times just the mention of confiscating “it” should do the trick. Works anywhere, even if “it” is no where to be seen.

Even works on adults.

“if you don’t pull your weight i’m going to give your mountain bike away while you’re sleeping!”

good luck!!

Sometimes the terrible twos can be frustration about inability to communicate. I’ve seen people teach their kids sign language to get past it – they pick up much quicker than talking and it let’s them tell you what they want you to know. They lean on it and therefore start to talk properly a bit later, but soon catch back up once they’re chattering. If yours isn’t talking yet might be worth a try. And a big +1 for all the naughty step/consistency/follow though with threatened actions stuff. Did that with ours and we have two young but impeccably polite and reasonable kids. They’re actually a joy to be with – feel very lucky. Mind you, in a couple of years time I’ll be sharing a house with two teenage girls, so my time will come…

clubber – that’s the best advice I’ve ever encountered on t’interweb.

We found that sticker charts with a reward of his choice when chart was full worked wonders for a while. Then we also noticed a serious decline in behaviour the day after the chart finished…..

The naughty step does work, but little trb put me on the naughty step for drinking too much beer once – bliss, 40 minutes of sitting quietly!!

The only thing I remember was never to threaten anything I wouldn’t carry out

Mrs trb said this to me once when I threatened to drive everyone home 200 miles from our holiday if the boy didn’t get back into bed at 2am.
The look on her face when I told her I meant it was a picture – and the boy got back in bed PDQ.

Withhold food. They soon run out of energy to annoy you.

So.. what are people considering bad behaviour? What was the last naughty thing your kid did?

Bunnyhop – Member
clubber – that’s the best advice I’ve ever encountered on t’interweb.

I’ll be framing that.

Besides it’s one thing to know the right way to deal with things about kids, another to do it…

What was the last naughty thing your kid did?

Izzi – bite Evie (she gets frustrated because Evie always wants whatever she is playing with)

Evie – Push Izzi off a storage box they like to stand on to see the sheep in the farmer’s field.

I know the next year will be bringing MUCH more naughtiness…

You could always try what I saw a chap on Eurostar do last Feb.

He said in a very stern voice to said child who was having a tantrum
“Pull yourself together, no-one wants to see this. Get a grip of yourself or we’ll have to have a talk”

It didn’t work for him but it was amusing and it might work for you.

HTH

Tom – pushed over a bigger boy who’d just pushed his little brother over. It was in front of a lot of people so I went over and assumed the body shape of someone who is bollocking their child. I was actually saying well done but don’t do it in front of people in future 😀

Beech – tipped a bowl of cheerios plus milk over Tom’s head.

I was actually saying well done

I wouldn’t have.