Pam Ayers take on 50 shades

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  • Pam Ayers take on 50 shades
  • Premier Icon wwaswas
    Subscriber

    Is it just me who can’t read anything she writes without doing ‘the voice’ in my head?

    brakes
    Member

    that is pretty funny 😀

    Nothing more than I saw this and found it amusing:

    FIFTY SHADES OF GREY – (a husband’s point of view) – By Pam Ayres of course..

    The missus bought a Paperback,
    down Shepton Mallet way,
    I had a look inside her bag;
    … T’was “Fifty Shades of Grey”.
    Well I just left her to it,
    And at ten I went to bed.
    An hour later she appeared;
    The sight filled me with dread…
    In her left she held a rope;
    And in her right a whip!
    She threw them down upon the floor,
    And then began to strip.
    Well fifty years or so ago;
    I might have had a peek;
    But Mabel hasn’t weathered well;
    She’s eighty four next week!!
    Watching Mabel bump and grind;
    Could not have been much grimmer.
    And things then went from bad to worse;
    She toppled off her Zimmer!
    She struggled back upon her feet;
    A couple minutes later;
    She put her teeth back in and said
    I am a dominater !!
    Now if you knew our Mabel,
    You’d see just why I spluttered,
    I’d spent two months in traction
    For the last complaint I’d uttered.
    She stood there nude and naked
    Bent forward just a bit
    I went to hold her, sensual like
    and stood on her left tit!
    Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;
    My god what had I done!?
    She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
    “Step on the other one”!!
    Well readers, I can’t tell no more;
    About what occurred that day.
    Suffice to say my jet black hair,
    Turned fifty shades of grey

    Roter Stern
    Member

    Is it just me who can’t read anything she writes without doing ‘the voice’ in my head?

    No you are not alone! 🙂

    CountZero
    Member

    Not alone, I had Pam reading that in my head, it’s completely unavoidable. 😆

    Is it just me who can’t read anything she writes without doing ‘the voice’ in my head?

    My internal voice switches between pam Ayres and Benny Hill singing Ernie.

    brakes
    Member

    it’s completely unavoidable

    I’m not old enough to listen to Radio 4 so can’t think what she sounds like…

    Premier Icon aracer
    Subscriber

    Is it just me who can’t read anything she writes without doing ‘the voice’ in my head?

    I thought it was compulsory.

    Premier Icon wwaswas
    Subscriber

    For those who haven’t heard her:

    [video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4oydSZTAns[/video]

    Premier Icon martinhutch
    Subscriber

    She was the Enimem of the early 80s.

    ‘The Flit Gun’ poem is one that is ingrained on my memory. Can’t shift it.

    cooie
    Member

    My internal voice switches between pam Ayres and Benny Hill singing Ernie.

    Mine too 😀

    Premier Icon theotherjonv
    Subscriber

    I actually quoted her in a strategy document for a major ($150 Million) product line that I had control over in a former life. The strategy was associated to the denture fixative market, and the growth in demand as the population ageing trend continues:

    Oh, I wish I’d looked after me teeth,
    And spotted the dangers beneath
    All the toffees I chewed,
    And the sweet sticky food.
    Oh, I wish I’d looked after me teeth.

    I wish I’d been that much more willin’
    When I had more tooth there than fillin’
    To give up gobstoppers,
    From respect to me choppers,
    And to buy something else with me shillin’.

    When I think of the lollies I licked
    And the liquorice allsorts I picked,
    Sherbet dabs, big and little,
    All that hard peanut brittle,
    My conscience gets horribly pricked.

    My mother, she told me no end,
    ‘If you got a tooth, you got a friend.’
    I was young then, and careless,
    My toothbrush was hairless,
    I never had much time to spend.

    Oh I showed them the toothpaste all right,
    I flashed it about late at night,
    But up-and-down brushin’
    And pokin’ and fussin’
    Didn’t seem worth the time – I could bite!

    If I’d known I was paving the way
    To cavities, caps and decay,
    The murder of fillin’s,
    Injections and drillin’s,
    I’d have thrown all me sherbet away.

    So I lie in the old dentist’s chair,
    And I gaze up his nose in despair,
    And his drill it do whine
    In these molars of mine.
    ‘Two amalgam,’ he’ll say, ‘for in there.’

    How I laughed at my mother’s false teeth,
    As they foamed in the waters beneath.
    But now comes the reckonin’
    It’s methey are beckonin’
    Oh, I wish I’d looked after me teeth.

    No-one commented, which showed after all that as expected they all read the executive summary and filed the rest.

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