OT: Standard STW Dirt – Internet ‘Casual Relationship’ Experiences.

A dear friend of mine (yes…a friend, I have a pretty redhead of a girlfriend…so no…not for me!) who I’ve known at uni for the past four years has somewhat had ‘zero’ luck with the ladies, despite being nice, outgoing, standard attractive male. Myself and my other co-conspirators made him pledge a new years resolution that he’d find someone within a week, even it was just simple, dirty student drunk night in Leeds hook-up. That would abate our fascination with his love-life and all in all bring cheers all around.

However, this is looking unlikely as ever. So for his benefit, we’re considering responding to ‘casual relationship’ ads on Gumtree. Now before cries of ‘some friend’ you are etc come slinging my way, it’s all meant in good humour, and he does see the funny side to it all (well…so far).

But on a serious note, given that I realise no-one would actually describe their personal goings on, on STW, over something of such a sordid nature, any interesting or what we’re more worried about ‘don’t go there’ stories that STW members have of ‘a friend of a friend’ would be appreciated.

We don’t really want him to die/get abducted/drawn into a cult.

So far (the girls among the group of friends are also in on it, one did volunteer to solve the problem and ‘do it for England’ but given she known as the proverbial bicycle amongst our extended group of friends, we would like to spare him this) we’ve written out a few draft responses, and this is proving a far more entertaining subject matter than writing our dissertations and revising for exams.

So again, if the moderators can stomach this (totally accepted if they don’t!) myself and my house would like to know of such things so we can try and stitch our (possibly soon to be ex-friend) up with a little New Years cheer. Try and keep it tolerable for the mods.

just get him on internet dating, unless he’s a total loser with ideas above his station he’ll get one soon enough.

If not, he’s the problem, and that’s a whole bigger kettle of fish to try and fix.

Take him to Barcelona, get him on stage in the baghdad club. Job done.

Leave him alone,get on with your studies, and stop wasting taxpayers’ money, you dirty unwashed feckless student!

In years to come, you will see this as immature and foolish. Peer pressure of this kind can lead to serious issues in a person, further down the line.

The best thing you can do for him, is get off his back, and let him gain confidence about himself, in his own way. Be supportive to him, instead of denting his self-esteem. Maybe he’s not ready for a relationship at the moment, or wants something a bit more than the average student fling. Maybe he has no urgent need to catch owt nasty, too.

I went out with a couple of nice girls while I was at uni. Some of me mates jumped on anything that cast a shadow. People are different.

If anything, the pressure of him being around you ‘studs’ is making him even less confident. If he’s yer friend, back off!

[Tannoy]

FatSimon to the Forum, please, FatSimon to the Forum, please.

[/Tannoy]

Not sure what you’re asking for.. I know a couple of quite successful internet formed relationships.

1. Bloke I use to work with. Fat, little bit smelly, glasses, bald since the age of 17. “Met” an American woman on the old Bulletin boards. Went to the US, married her. Must’ve been one of the first internet marriages – he’s still in the US (I just Googled him), so I guess the marriage was a success.

2. Good mate, “met” a girl on the NME forums few years back. Arranged a meeting in London. Ended up going out with her for a while, she was nice looking, indie chick.

No horror stories!

mate of mine split with long term girlfriend (as good as wife since they’d both expressed no interest in marriage)

Not knowing how to get back on the dating game, he ‘resorted’ to internet dating. He was mildly dishonest in his profile (in a good way) – he admitted that he is 40, bald, marriage-phobic, etc. but neglected to mention his mortgage free house and his 6 figure salary because he didn’t want to attract the wrong sort of gold-digger.

He had now met several highly intellectual, outgoing, vv high quality ladies, including some that responded to his ad that by his own admission he’d have considered way out of his league! He’s had dates, some extended dating periods, and indeed ‘relations’ with some but not others, but thus far has not finally found the right one (or indeed vice versa). No-one’s been hurt in this process, and IF I were to ever be back in that situation I’d have no hesitation in doing the same myself.

I’m sure there are folks, M&F, who use it as a glorified f***-buddy finder, and equally I’m not sure that it is the right way for a 21 year old with ‘access’ to plenty of girls to get to know, date, and fall in love with to go about finding a mate , but as a service for people of a certain age and a genuine need to date in this manner I’m all for it.

I shared a house through most of uni with a guy who somehow (don’t ask me how!) managed to go through 3 years without ever pulling anyone. He was really quite shy around girls so to help him he used to drink but he also didn’t know his limits so would often be hammered before even going out and once out he’d be too pissed to talk to anyone never mind actually pull them/get them back to his room.
Now, 8 years later, he’s the only one out of the 4 of us to be married (in fact, he was married within a couple of years of leaving uni), he’s still with her.

Moral of the story – leave him be, he’ll find himself a partner soon enough.

If I can meet women (3!) over the internet, anybody can!

Are we sure he is actually into women, and not still in the closet?

I think you should just leave him to it, before it gets messy!!
😕

Ha! I’ve just found a pic of the first chap I was talking about!
http://bocceiacity-coralvil.tripod.com/2005miscpictures/index.album/andy-connie?i=10

Rudeboy, are you that sanctimonious all the time? Let them get on with being students and enjoying themselves. Or are you just jealous you didn’t have any fun yourself and hate other people having a good time.

Not at all. I had a great time at uni!

I also saw a lot of unhappiness, and a lot of desperately lonely people, trying so hard to ‘have a good time’. And a lot of people regretting why they’d been so thoughtless (AIDs tests, abortions, STDs…).

And quite a few people who met at uni, and went on to be very happy together.

See crazylegs last comment.

mrgibbons

From a guy who for whatever reason finds it hard to meet ladies, honestly, please please please don’t make the situation worse. If he is actually a good friend, try to help him out by going out of your way to introduce him to as many single girls as you know, get to know what types he likes etc etc. That way you’ll be able to be more proactive. The last thing he needs is your pisstaking, or a sympathy shag off the local bike!

Honestly, as a single person the most annoying thing in the world is smug coupled up friends who think taking the piss out of you for being single is fair game. Why, cos generally you make the situation worse, cos you’re actually compounding any self confidence issues that person has! Help him by upping his confidence enough to chat to ladies he likes.

And FWIW, I spent most of uni with the same GF, but when we split, I found uni was probably the WORST place in the world to meet potential partners. Everybody was more concerned with getting hammered and having promiscuous sex than forming any kind of relationship, and neither of those appealed that much to me!

Everybody was more concerned with getting hammered and having promiscuous sex than forming any kind of relationship

Now that sounds like Leeds Uni 🙂

i’m beginning to like RudeBoy. he seems rather smart….

So is he looking for meaningfull love or a good SH*G? if its the latter then whats wrong with the girl who has put herself forward? at least you know he will be in experienced hands.

Expat *does* have a good point…

Although rudefred also makes some good points.

A friend of mine has tried online dating and had so-so success. Met some nice people, met some people who are now friends but no lasting relationship. Another friend married someone he met on match.com and they’re very happy together so, again, no horror stories.

If your mate was in his late 30s and was asking for help then I’d say go for it, at uni, he’s got loads of time, only “help” him in this way if he wants it but even then, remember if he has a bad experience he’ll only remember that you were involved, not that he asked you to get involved.

Mr gibbons, perhaps your “freind” may be gay, or possibly haveing serious thoughts about his sexuality, if so, let him be, not everyone wants to come out of the so called closet, so he looks a normal lad, so what, if hes gay the women will flock to him , if hes straight , he needs to attract them, some men dont want women as girlfreinds , but as freinds, just because you and you male freinds all have giorlfreinds doesnt mean that he has to, just be his freind, not his social daying agency.

The girl who ‘would do it for England’. I am interested. First dibs.

Sloppy seconds, please.
Or another night altogether. WOuld she do it for nice meal though, as I can’t offer England?

🙂

I’m with rudeboy. Although the dirty unwashed feckless student thing is a bit far.

If you are at Uni and can’t get your leg over you must be a leper.

ScottChegg – Member

If you are at Uni and can’t get your leg over you must be a leper.

Must agree there. You could make any cheeky request at uni to a girl and more often than not they were up for it (and more). My mate never pulled squat in 3yrs and he never knew that we all knew that he was gay.

Being gay at uni? Is that illegal?

mrgibbons can’t you get one of your ginger girlfriends pals to take him on a date. Honestly if he’s at uni and can’t get a shag then he never will. Sorry.

It’s all a matter of exposure (and I don’t mean flashing).

He’s simply got to go to where the women are. Join a horse riding club and get himself a girl with a rich daddy.

mrgibbons – get him to watch Vigin 1 tonight at 9:00pm – “I Sleep With Strangers”. He should be ab;e to pick up some useful tips!

Just re-read this whole thread and noticed this…

Conor – Member

If I can meet women (3!) over the internet, anybody can!

PMSL

I’m saying nothing 😳

Except that they’re all bonkers that is!

I’m with rudeboy. Although the dirty unwashed feckless student thing is a bit far.

It’s true, though. Students are often dirty, unwashed and feckless.

I was never a big fan of pound-a-pint ‘Slappers Delight’ nights down the union. Just struck me as a bit sad, people getting off with others they neither fancied nor respected. I was particularly disgusted when I hear 3 blokes comparing notes on the same lass. Come on, man, have fun, but it just struck me as desperate loneliness, really.

And sad, when you see someone who actually liked the other person, have to watch as that person got off with someone else.

Still, most people grow out of it.

epicyclo.

never, NEVER, EVVVVERRRR go out with anyone that owns a horse. Ever.

The horse will always come first in the relationship (not that way you sickos) and you will probably be forced to get up at some ungodly time to muck out, feed and put the bloody thing in a field. Usually when it is pissing wet, sleeting or howling a gale.

Yes, I used to be married to someone that owned a horse. Phrase to remember: “I will go before the horse does!”.

She went.

It’s true, though. Students are often dirty, unwashed and feckless.

Often, not always!

I was never a big fan of pound-a-pint ‘Slappers Delight’ nights down the union. Just struck me as a bit sad, people getting off with others they neither fancied nor respected. I was particularly disgusted when I hear 3 blokes comparing notes on the same lass. Come on, man, have fun, but it just struck me as desperate loneliness, really.

Never a fan of them myself either, 3 people comparing one girl sounds a bit vile to me but I’m a little old fashioned like that, doesnt strike me as loneliness though – just that people have a different definition of entertainment than me! I was good mates with people who did do those nights (and a couple of lads who did and still never pulled!) but all of whome were happy and well adjusted in most respects! In fact the ones that were most screwed up were the ones in long term relationships while in the face of temptation – they often whinged about being lonely and unable to go out and have fun. Each to his own!

And sad, when you see someone who actually liked the other person, have to watch as that person got off with someone else.

That is sad, but its a fact of life and has been for god knows how long – its just more prevelant in “student nights” lol.

Still, most people grow out of it.

Eventually, yup, I am slowly regaining the mates that turned into club-crazed morons for years!