My eldest has been watching the Mama Mia films so has been humming/singing Abba songs round the house for the last few weeks. My 5yr old has obviously picked up on this and started copying. At school today she gave the class a brief rendition but with her own words, imagine the Abba song “if i had a little money” and sing my daughters version below to that tune

All the things i could do

If i had a little money, massive fanny, in a rich mans world.

such a proud father when the teacher was explaining this!

I think you need to have a chat with your wife.

That is brilliant. I love the things they come out with. My four year old son wandered in to the bathroom one morning last week as I was brushing my teeth and proclaimed “Chinese people find it difficult to fly” then just sauntered out.

We were eating dinner one evening and the cricket was on the radio. Eng v India, Jasprit Bumrah was bowling. The kids heard his name and found it funny, I mean they would its bumrah!! Then my daughter started pointing at us around the table and saying  “baby Bumrah, brother Bumrah, daddy Bumrah, and mummy you’re Lady Bumrah”!!

😂💨

An ex colleague of mine had his newly garnered stepson walk in to a room and proclaim, “When I am older, all midgets all work for me” then turn and leave.

My ex girlfriend’s 6 year old daughter saw me showering one time and observed that I had a big upper body and a small bum, like a gorilla, then went into hysterics….

Ex..girlfriend. 😂

Luckily I had my back to her else we might have had some other animal comparisons. 😎 (wrong)

When my daughter was 3, now 12, in front of me and various other parents, she proclaimed to the creche owner\manager (female) that, “my daddy has a tail”. There was a moment of confusion, followed by the penny dropping all round, followed by much embarrassment.

If only I had something that resembled a tail 🙂

Waiting to go into gym tots, I had taken my 3 year old daughter’s trainers and socks off. I turned round a moment later and asked her what she was doing as she was picking at her toes.

“Just getting rid of my toe jam daddy”

Cue embarrassed dad and half a dozen mothers trying to hold their giggles in.

Not sure as I understand that?  Unless she’s imitating you and you’re embarrassed about fluff between your toes?

Also,

My son went through a short phase of referring to his mum as “no willy”.

More recently I asked what he was doing, he replied “playing with mega blocks.” After a bit of investigation I discovered he was playing with mega blocks.

For context he’s 2.

Eldest went about telling anyone who’d listen he wanted ‘Diarrhea Kid’ for Xmas, no one knew what he meant, but he was adamant he wanted Diarrhea Kid, sounded like the garbage pail kids we’re making a long over-due come back but no, seems he wanted ‘Diary of a wimpy Kid’.

Just explained it to some work mates. Apparently only ex squaddies call fluff between your toes, toe jam cause none of my current colleagues have a clue about it. The mums must have just been laughing at her cleaning her toes.

On a better note, every time she farts, she giggles and says, “I just did a Donald trump”

somebody on here had a kid who was training and used to say “aaaah, magic!” whenever they managed a shite in the potty

Why?

That’s what dad says

(we were on a car journey as a family once and some arse cut us up within about a hundred yards of joining the motorway.  Cue my party trick:  “what is he, girls?” “he’s a moron, daddy”

followed by some discussion with mummy about how daddy always calls them morons

… and then a little voice from the back “mummy just says “fuggerrell”” 😀

I was using the urinals at sherwood pines and from one of the toilet stalls I hear a kid say “that’s a big willy daddy” and repeated it about three times trying to get the attention of the dad,  until the dad said come on lets go wash our hands.

Completely ignoring the statement and equally trying to change the subject.

I was on a conference call on the car hands free with various colleagues round the world. An Indian chap started talking and my 4 year old son, who had been under strict instructions to keep quiet, went into hysterics pausing only long enough to say loudly “daddy, that man has a funny voice!”. Luckily the funny side was seen by all!

On the school run, sat my 3 year old on my shoulders and asked her not to mess up my hair because I had to talk with her sister’s teacher at Parent’s Morning.

“It’s alright, Daddy”, she said, “I’ll just keep my hands back here on the no-hair bit”.

I had hoped I had a few more years left before I was officially bald, but apparently not.

I’d like to point out that this is in no way true but …..My 6 year old daughter started singing at the top of her voice

” Myyyyyyy daddy’s bigger than a horse bigger than a horse bigger than a horse”

I didn’t know what to do or where to look

One of my kids at about 4 or 5 years old told his mates I’d taken him out to get some ‘cock porn’……..or as I had to explain, ‘popcorn’ at the cinema

When my eldest was 3, we were experiencing problems with our front door which somewhat frustrated my wife when she unlocked it. A few days later when relatives visited, he proudly exclaimed: “Aunty Amy, we’ve got a f***ing door!”

I think you need to have a chat with your wife.

I think you need to have a chat with your wife.

I THINK YOU NEED TO HAVE A CHAT WITH YOUR WIFE.

I THINK YOU NEED TO HAVE A CHAT WITH YOUR WIFE.

et cetera…

Took my 4 year old son to school one day.  When we got there, his best mate hadn’t yet arrived, so I said to him “Alfie’s not here yet”.

At the top of his voice in front of all the other parents…

“DON”T WORRY DADDY, I”LL JUST PLAY WITH MYSELF”

A friend’s son, while learning to speak as a toddler, pronounced breakfast as ”f*ckest”… 🤣🤣🤣

My mates 3yo was asked at nursery what his favourite snack was.

“Big dick anal cake” he announced loudly and proudly.

He meant “a big bit of angel cake”

The nursery staffs reaction was not recorded.

My nephew once pronounced to his mother from the back fo the car, aged 5 “Mummy, I’m a good boy, I’ve not said F*** for while”