Sorry in advance.

It turns out I’m getting a divorce – largely out of the blue.

Can anyone recommend an online, managed, divorce service?

Ideally someone who could take it from start to fininsh, including a consent order.

Thanks

Ideally someone who could take it from start to finish

Sorry, but this sounds like what you really want is a lawyer.  Any kids or other complications?

Thanks, no kids or real complications, all amicable

https://www.wikivorce.com/divorce/

https://www.gov.uk/divorce

If it’s amicable you can do most of it simply using the applications for decree absolut and nisi online via http://www.gov.uk
You may need to enlist the help of a solicitor to get a statement of finances drawn up .
I did my whole divorce for less than £1000.

i used https://www.quickie-divorce.com and it cost me £37… solicitors had quoted us in excess of £4000… it helped that we just wanted to end it as soon as possible with no complications at all and we were on friendly/speaking terms… this was 15 years ago mind.

remember, it’s in the solicitors best interest for you and your ex to fall out, means more paper work for them, and ultimately more money from you… remain friendly and courteous throughout, once it’s done and dusted you can let the bile fly…

Thanks, no kids or real complications, all amicable

Also no kids, sort of amicable, etc.

I used wikivorce.com as recommended above.

Cost about a grand in the end, including court fees.

I used the wikivorce financial settlement consultation service first :

https://www.wikivorce.com/divorce/Legal-Advice-On-Financial-Settlement.html

where you fill in a spreadsheet with both your assets on (I had a house, she had a flat, savings, pension, etc) and years together, and then you get a phone call consultation followed by a written report/advice.

The filling in of the spreadsheet of assets together and receiving the report makes the whole process quite transparent and then you can use the report, which was produced by a 3rd party and therefore hopefully seen as unbiased by your partner, as the basis of the forthcoming financial settlement.

If you agree any adjustments you are going to make, like trading your pension for more percentage of the house for example, before the consultation and mention them during it, and if it is fair then the solicitor will include this in the report.

You can also contract the solicitors services more at a fee if you need more advice.

Then I used their managed divorce service.

I put on the divorce document in the bit that now requires you to have mediation that this consultation and report was the mediation.

I did go to actual mediation but it seemed pretty useless and a waste of time to me, particularly if you are amicable. They will not advise you if the split you and your partner come up with will be seen as ‘fair’ by a judge, so you risk coming up with something that could get thrown out.

It’s better to just let a 3rd party like the wikivorce solicitors come up with an unbiased starting point and confirm whether your adjustments look fair.

I am not sure if no-blame divorces are a thing yet, but their solicitor also advised one side admitting to adultery as it doesn’t affect the settlement but speeds it all up. If you are amicable it is going to be difficult to come up with 5 reasons for incompatibility and the financial uncertainty of a lengthy seperation period really sucks – as the 50/50 split (or whatever) is based on your financial state at the end of the seperation period, not the start (which is why many people stop their pension payments during the seperation). In fact the uncertainty will add a lot to any feelings of depression.

Remember to keep exercising and not mope around letting feelings of depression build up. And don’t let yourself get angry about it, just suck it up and maintain your mental health ready for any future relationship.

DrP is envious of this in amicable divorces!!!

Here’s a quick question…my pension is no good to me NOW, but I’d need money from the equity in our house to rehome myself and my kids…

I guess I’d be OK suggesting that we split the ‘actual REAL assets now’, and then ‘equalize pensions at a later date’..??

Basically I don’t want to be left with no actual cash to spend now, but a huge pension pot for 40 years time!

DrP

If you’ve got the kids then that should squew the settlement in your favour as you need to house them rather than just yourself.

Or there might be some maintenance aspect of it that you can trade for more equity now.

A reasonable partner would recognise the need for the split to favor the kids, although when it’s not amicable reason goes out the window.

You can buy solicitor consultation from wikivorce as well.

@DrP my solicitor advised against trying to divide up pensions as it’s administratively expensive, so inefficient. They advised: Add all the assets up, split 50/50. That gives you the amount you’re each aiming to walk away with. Then add up anything in individual names – savings and pensions for example. This gives you what each has now without any division type admin. Then use house as the balancing asset to make both sides get 50%. Deal with spousal maintenance/child maintenance separately. Worked for me…

Unless there’s a lot of money at stake (salaries over £100k, lots and lots of assets) I was advised that it’s not really worth going to court. You’ll likely just spend in savings more than you’ll get in maintenance over the years. Was also told the 50/50 asset split is usually considered fair, especially when one party walks away with cash now and the other has a large pension later, since that pension later is kind of less useful than the cash now. And when it comes to the courts deciding what is meeting the needs of housing they have a fairly low bar, so there’s a decent risk that you spend savings going to court and then it decides that a crap house somewhere you wouldn’t want to live is adequate. Basically, it sucks – unless you’ve got the kind of money worth arguing about (and this is STW so maybe you do!) you should keep the £20k in legal fees it could easily cost and try and reach an agreement.

Out of interest,

If both parties decided on an amicable split, that everything was settled and they didn’t want to go after money etc, would that just get signed off or would the court demand that half a house had to be handed over even if neither party actually wanted it?

@cougar you can put whatever you like in the agreement, but if it looks really skewed in one party’s favour they might ask a few questions about why one was taking much less than they were entitled to, basically to make sure there’s no abuse/bullying/intimidation I think. But if you can persuade them that you know what you’re walking away from and you’re fine with that, they’ll approve it. It would be very unusual for a court not to sign off what had been agreed between parties, though it has happened (something to do with where a woman was walking away with waaaay less than she ‘should’ have). So I believe anyway, though I’m no lawyer (just recently divorced:-) )

BUt surely if you go via mediation, and not involve courts, then whatever you agree on should stick…?

A reasonable partner would recognise the need for the split to favor the kids, although when it’s not amicable reason goes out the window.

Ha ha ha. Haaaaaaaaa…… Hum….. 🙁

Unfortunately this is what I’m against….
If we only had pennies of equity in the house then I’d just forget it, as it wouldn’t be worth it… BUt we’ve >£300k equity, and to be fair, it would be handy to have half of that to get my kids out of bunk beds and into their own rooms!

I’m 99% confident there wouldn’t be any spousal maintenance as she’s a high earner too…

To be honest, I’m kind of procrastinating the whole ‘solicitor/courts/fight for your right DrP’ as I just know it’s going to be funking hard and emotionally draining….

One step at a time..

Hey….i’ve made the first step of actually leaving her and got my own place, and am happy (significantly so…)..let me refuel the tanks and I’ll go back in for round two in a bit….

DrP

Cheers Hannah.

Nobody has asked the OP where he lives, English/Welsh and Scottish systems can be different

DrP property and pension are the only real assets of value. Now pensions are valued in terms of a pot of money, valuation is much easier. So it’s sum of house plus pension divided by two. Plus sundries. That means that for a clean break, if the pension Ian in your name, this will typically stay with you. Too bad that you can’t access it yet. It is real money. Just as a he house is.

What that means is that you may struggle with paying for housing now. Your former spouse may struggle with income later. The solution is to reduce your pension contributions in the short term. There is no free lunch, but the system is much more transparent than it was.

I’m 99% confident there wouldn’t be any spousal maintenance as she’s a high earner too…

spousal maintenance could be her paying it to you if you have the kids to look after.

trade some of that for more money now so you can give the kids better conditions, and maybe trade some access as well

I’ve just done my own via the government site, the site itself is a cut crap but the process is fairly simple and will save you a fortune (around £550 all in).

I have had cause to use David Terry terry.uk . David is genuinely cheap, communicates only by email and can be brusque and businesslike to the point of rudeness. However, he is solid and got the job done. He also puts a lot of standard “process” and “what to expect” advice on his website, which includes a forum that he chips in on, which is/can be interesting. I get the strong impression he acts largely for men.

That’s not muich of a saving compared to my route with wikivorce and I had the transparency advantages I mentioned, including putting the financial advice down as the mediation part.

MTT, Hi mate. Going through a divorce at present. (see my Divorce thread) 🙂
Ok, ours started off amicable but went south really quickly. You can do the Decree NiSi yourself.
We have a house/Pensions etc so I went to a local Solicitors who are sorting out the Financial Consent Order. This needs doing by a Solicitors as finances can be quite complex, our isn’t, but still needs doing by a Solicitor. This is to prevent the ex having any financial claim in the future.
Just had an offer on the house, so touch wood that will go through ok.
If you need to talk, or need any other info drop me a PM. happy to share my experience.

Oh, just to add, the ex went to a Solicitor with a huge office, really nice rooms, big website, looks really posh etc… I went to a local Family Solicitor who was recommended by a friend. So far its cost me £150.00. Its cost her nearly £1000.00 and we are still at the same stage 🙂 🙂
Still, I am sure she will be very happy…

If both parties decided on an amicable split, that everything was settled and they didn’t want to go after money etc, would that just get signed off or would the court demand that half a house had to be handed over even if neither party actually wanted it?

Why would a court decide anything in this case? Mine was amicable and agreed between us – divorce done online, the only court involvement was to sign off the decree absolute and stick it in the post.

[edit]pretty sure the financial arrangements weren’t even divulged to the court.

Thanks for all of the responses above, they’re genuinely appreciated – particularly monkeysfeet’s offer of a chat.
I have submitted the petition online via the new .gov gateway. My wife (…) has agreed to the terms/wording so it *should* go through ok. It’s all just so disappointing.

The next step is a Consent Order, I’ll speak to a legal eagle first. Wikivorce has been invaluable.
Ps. England and Wales – in answer to an earlier question.

The Consent Order forms are available online via the Yougov website. Worth looking at so you know what information you will need.
https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/688073/d81-eng.pdf

pretty sure the financial arrangements weren’t even divulged to the court.

The Consent Order forms are available online via the Yougov website.

Confused here – this is asking for financial details. Is the Consent Order an optional step / dependent on how you split?

I think the court does get to see financial details, otherwise how would the judge have enough info to throw out divorces that were patently unfair – such as when a partner pressures the other into accepting too little ?