• This topic has 112 replies, 58 voices, and was last updated 5 months ago by DezB.
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  • Online dating. Tips?
  • Premier Icon MoreCashThanDash
    Full Member

    The other was funny, very attractive and fit, has run marathons… but had a voice like a foghorn. Felt like the whole pub could hear our conversation!

    26 years ago next month I first encountered my now wife – who was quite some distance away, but could be heard clearly. I distinctly remember saying to the mate I was with “pity the bloke who has to put up with that”.

    So yeah, run away now!

    Premier Icon lamp
    Free Member

    @Tom-B

    Your third point is brilliantly put – a big no no for me too – not that im in the market! I don’t know why anyone would ever do that to themselves?? They don’t look younger, they don’t look more attractive, they just look bloody odd! Some womens eyebrows leave me speechless! 😀

    Premier Icon Cougar
    Full Member

    Anyway chatting to one woman who looks totally out of my league but we’ll see, if not i’ll start again after valentines day.

    On this,

    Looks might be everything when you’re 18, but increasingly irrelevant as you get older. By the time you’re in your 40s it’s increasingly a case of “attractive, sane, single, pick any two.” You might get the odd narcissist or gold-digger but generally people are more interested in people they actually enjoy the company of. She’s chatting to you, she likes you, any perceived “league” is in your head.

    Probably mad as a box of frogs, mind. (-:

    Premier Icon boltonjon
    Full Member

    From serial dating app user, on & off over the last 10 years, Bumble certainly has the lowest number of nutters on it

    POF is 90% crazy and Tinder just got odder and offer.

    Met someone really nice in the local area 4 months ago and now very happy

    My advice – just be yourself

    Premier Icon MoreCashThanDash
    Full Member

    Looks might be everything when you’re 18, but increasingly irrelevant as you get older. By the time you’re in your 40s it’s increasingly a case of “attractive, sane, single, pick any two.” You might get the odd narcissist or gold-digger but generally people are more interested in people they actually enjoy the company of. She’s chatting to you, she likes you, any perceived “league” is in your head.

    A mate is going through an “out of his league” phase at the moment, first relationship since separating from his wife. If he’d stop worrying and just enjoy the experience he’d be even more happy.

    Premier Icon BruceWee
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    I’m 5ft5 and had a lot of women say I’m too short, before even meeting me. Like a ridiculous amount. Even women at 5ft2! They all want a 6ft + person.

    Being short is definitely an unforgivable sin for some women. I’ve asked a few women over the years why this is and generally something about feeling ‘protected’ is given as the reason.

    Yes, it really is a mystery where short man syndrome comes from.

    Premier Icon BillMC
    Full Member

    My wife worked with a woman who used to meet her 1st dates at lunchtime for a coffee, no beer goggles and a good get-out clause.

    Premier Icon GolfChick
    Free Member

    Definitely agree with the ‘as you get older looks matter less’ however piece of advice from a woman, do not tell the woman that! My fella made a comment the other month about something I’m very sensitive about following a MTB crash and when he noticed my reaction he said something along the lines of ‘I’m not with you for how you look, I’m with you beause…..’ yep although I agree with his sentiment I’d still rather not have it spelt out quite so plainly!!

    Premier Icon dc1988
    Free Member

    You’re less likely be dismissed out of hand when you’re taller but if you end up dating someone over a foot shorter than you it can be awkward

    Premier Icon nickc
    Full Member

    I’m 5ft5 and had a lot of women say I’m too short, before even meeting me. Like a ridiculous amount. Even women at 5ft2!

    Yep, my partner turned down a guy as he was a couple of inches shorter than she is, it’s about her only absolute red line.

    Premier Icon redmex
    Free Member

    Height doesn’t seem to have been a problem for Bernie Ecclestone he’s tiny , must have something going for him

    Premier Icon Mister-P
    Free Member

    Bernie looks a lot taller when he’s standing on his wallet.

    The 6ft thing annoys me because if I were to put a specific physical requirement on my profile I would (quite rightly) be called out on it. But it’s seemingly fine for women to say “must be 6ft”.

    Premier Icon MoreCashThanDash
    Full Member

    Yep, my partner turned down a guy as he was a couple of inches shorter than she is, it’s about her only absolute red line.

    That sounds a very open relationship you have there…..

    Premier Icon BruceWee
    Full Member

    The 6ft thing annoys me because if I were to put a specific physical requirement on my profile I would (quite rightly) be called out on it. But it’s seemingly fine for women to say “must be 6ft”.

    Yes, I’m not sure what the reaction would be if you put, “must be less than 55kg”.

    Premier Icon mjsmke
    Free Member

    The 6ft thing annoys me because if I were to put a specific physical requirement on my profile I would (quite rightly) be called out on it. But it’s seemingly fine for women to say “must be 6ft”.

    Yes, I’m not sure what the reaction would be if you put, “must be less than 55kg”.

    Agree 100%. People can change their weight to a degree, but you can’t change your height. Yet if a men said he’s looking for someone with a particular waist size it would probably make the news as being shallow. I even read some profiles that asked for their men to drive particular types of car and dress a particular way. I think they had been watching too much made in Chelsea.

    The only requirement I had was she needed to have some kind of hobby or interest. Didn’t matter if it was something I wasn’t interested in, but wanted someone who had their own interests. “Socialising with friends” doesn’t count.

    Premier Icon bigdean
    Full Member

    Yep height thing is strange, but ex was a good foot shorter than me.

    I even read some profiles that asked for their men to drive particular types of car and dress a particular way.

    Had one date mid afternoon on a Sunday and afterwards the woman said she expects men to wear shoes. After I replied I was going to but had run out of shoe polish and though scruffy shoes were worse, she was all pleased and chatty.
    I then asked what would be the answer if I said similar, say women on a date should be wearing heels? Didn’t get a straight answer.

    Supprisingly I didn’t take it any further.

    Premier Icon mattyfez
    Free Member

    It’s so weird, I’m 6’3 and get accused of telling fibbs about my height before we meet, go figure that one! hahah! That’s an immediate red flag for me.

    The only requirement I had was she needed to have some kind of hobby or interest. Didn’t matter if it was something I wasn’t interested in, but wanted someone who had their own interests. “Socialising with friends” doesn’t count.

    This is a good bar to set from a blokes perspective, I think.. it’s very healthy to have the same interests and some differing interests, but if they have no interests at all, other than netflix and Gin cocktails… not a good start.

    Premier Icon mjsmke
    Free Member

    This is a good bar to set from a blokes perspective, I think.. it’s very healthy to have the same interests and some differing interests, but if they have no interests at all, other than netflix and Gin cocktails… not a good start.

    Exactly. Shared interests are great, but after meeting a few people on dates that had no interests other than “socialising” or “hanging out with friends” they seemed very dull and quite hard work. Nothing to talk about at all.

    Premier Icon politecameraaction
    Free Member

    Some of us have been doing it for 25+ years

    When you expecting to finish? 😀
    RM.

    Bravo! D’ya fancy a pint on Friday? PS I am mad as a box of frogs and 5’5″.

    Premier Icon MoreCashThanDash
    Full Member

    I’m an average 5’9, avoided the height thing by finding someone 4’10.

    She has tiny hands, and only one of them works properly, so everything seems huge to her. 🤷‍♂️

    Premier Icon DezB
    Full Member

    Just remembered, on the height thing, my foghorn date said I was a “sexy height”! Something to aim for fellas 😂

    Premier Icon choppersquad
    Free Member

    I’m not in the dating game at all, but I’m 6ft so after reading all these posts I’m now feeling pretty good about myself😊.

    Premier Icon Cougar
    Full Member

    Pretty much everyone’s the same height horizontally, I’m not sure what the fuss is about.

    Premier Icon joefm
    Free Member

    Interests help you stand out a bit so add them in I’d say.

    Agreed on finding people who have a hobby. It’s great when you want to go riding and they’re doing their own thing rather then sat bored and frustrated at home.

    Premier Icon DezB
    Full Member

    It’s great when you want to go riding and they’re doing their own thing rather then sat bored and frustrated at home

    Strange way of looking at things. So we’re looking to find someone who won’t need to spend 100% of their spare time in our company? Otherwise when we’re not seeing them they will be bored and frustrated??

    Premier Icon mjsmke
    Free Member

    The different interest thing is more about finding someone who has a life and not a couch potato who gets bored every 5 mins.

    Premier Icon DezB
    Full Member

    So the tip is to find someone who has a life. Top!

    Premier Icon Mister-P
    Free Member

    It is amazing how sedentry some people’s lives must be “watching TV” is listed as an interest.

    Premier Icon rhorn
    Free Member

    Met my wife on match.com 10 years ago… To be honest I went through a couple of phases, first I tried going for women whose profile seemed to fit what I was looking for, and whilst I went on a lot of dates, nothing lasted more than a handful of weeks. Then left for a about a year and came back and decided only to go for women that I thought I would try it on chatting up in a bar i.e. not so fussed if they were into the same things, met my now wife not long after. I figured all my previous g/f’s pretty much I had met in nightclubs / bars etc.

    Funny to see no-one has really mentioned Match, it was the main website when I was trying. It was before Tindr but even back then the paywall factor seemed to remove the piss-abouters to a large degree and was worth it.

    Premier Icon Cougar
    Full Member

    So the tip is to find someone who has a life. Top!

    I think you’re just being obtuse here.

    A healthy relationship is one where you have both shared and separate interests. I’ve been in positions where wanting to, say, go for a beer with just the boys one night was taken as a personal snub, “so your mates are more important than me are they?” Is it not better to hear “OK dear, that’s fine, I’ll see if Jackie wants to come over for pizza / knitting club / a Playstation night / Zumba”? Do you want to become one of those people who shacks up with their partner and your mates of 20 years never see you again.

    I love my partner, she’s amazing. We do a lot of stuff together, whether it’s walking, watching TV, board gaming, quiz nights with her family… A lot of people were going out of their minds when lockdowns first started because they were suddenly forced to live in each others’ pockets 24/7, you couldn’t even “escape” into work. We were sensible enough to move in with someone we actually liked. (-:

    But sometimes I want – I need – the world to just piss off and leave me alone. I want to see my friends, we can do couply things with other couples (stop it) or in groups but that can be awkward if there’s the two of you and only a single mate. Meanwhile, she’s a voracious reader, that’s not something that’s readily interactive. We spent the early stage of the relationship both feeling guilty for needing downtime, now she’s glad if I go do something else for an hour because she can get a couple of chapters done.

    I know couples who’ve become this sort of gestalt entity, one cannot take a shit without the other one. Joint Facebook accounts, email accounts, everything. Which is great for them if it works I suppose, but I find it a bit weird to just discard your entire sense of self. I’ve had arguments with previous partners who have been cross at me for things like not wanting to merge our CD collections; bugger off, I don’t want to rummage through a stack of Take That to find where you’ve shuffled all my discs. With the benefit of hindsight it’s all a bit narcissistic control really.

    Pro tip: if you ever hear the phrase, “but if you loved me then you’d…” run for the hills.

    Premier Icon Cougar
    Full Member

    It is amazing how sedentry some people’s lives must be “watching TV” is listed as an interest.

    Seems reasonable to me. So long as it’s not the only interest.

    Premier Icon thegeneralist
    Full Member

    think you’re just being obtuse here.

    Agree.

    Seems reasonable to me.

    Disagree. Watching TV isn’t an interest. It’s just…. erm, well nothing really. Its certainly not interesting on the whole, and certainly not enough that telling someone else about it is interesting.

    Premier Icon DezB
    Full Member

    I think you’re just being obtuse here.

    Nope. I just think it’s blindingly obvious that someone on a bike forum wouldn’t look to date TV/Netflix/family hobbyists. Also not everyone is looking for someone to live with – so when you’re out doing your own thing, they will be out doing their own thing and you get together when you arrange to get together. So they’re not the type of cabbage that just sits around awaiting your return from your ride/whatever. I think you’d have to try pretty damn hard to find a middle-aged woman (and let’s face it, most on here are likely to be looking for that) who is that much of a lifeless being tbh.

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