One sided relationships

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  • One sided relationships
  • Premier Icon molgrips
    Subscriber

    Bloody hell – being an only child seems to have some advantages.

    It’s not always like that.

    However in my case it’s somewhere in the middle. My 18 months older sister is not really like me at all, neither is my Mum, but we do make the effort to do family stuff fairly often. It’s not too much of a chore but it is rather frustrating. I can’t really be fully myself as they don’t really get me very well, but of course I’m used to that since it’s how I grew up. Fortunately I have Mrs Grips for being myself with ๐Ÿ™‚ And, somewhat strangely, the rest of her family.

    ask1974
    Member

    I have to hold my hand up and admit that I’m not very good at communication, but the rest of my family is great so I don’t think it’s much of a problem. My Mum gets a little peeved when I haven’t called for a while and I just love winding her up with one word responses to her emails ๐Ÿ˜†

    My old Man is a nightmare, you call him and after ‘hello’ it seems he want to go, but that’s just him. He’s cr*p on the phone.

    Most important thing is do you actually get along when together? As long as someone makes the effort and you talk or see each other on a fairly regular basis them what’s the problem.

    freeagent
    Member

    Wow.. some very tough stories there.

    My Mum had a sister, they fell out 35 years ago (when I was 3) and never spoke, I only ever set eyes on her once at a funeral about 5 years ago. last year my Mum sent me a text which read – ‘just found out my sister died, and the funeral was last week, I guess some families just don’t work out’

    My Dad has a brother who never makes the effort – he is a grade A sh*t – my Grandmother passed away earlier this year, and I doubt any of us will ever see him again now…

    My wifes family is a nightmare, her Mum is a nasty cow, who has fallen out with her entire family, my wife has two needy sisters who tend to only make a big effort when they want something..
    The whole family have regular ‘Springer show’ style rows (Christmas day is a favorite) and are just hard work…

    I have a younger brother, who is 34 (4 years younger than me) we speak most weeks, and probably see each other monthly, he has a life-limiting illness (the big C) and realistically is unlikely to see his 40th birthday, I’m going to find this tough as although we’re not ‘best mates’ we’ve got a healthy sibling relationhip and do need each other.

    If the reason you don’t see/hear from your siblings is purely down to laziness then please at least send them the odd text, as you never know when they’ll be gone for good…

    Fascinating thread this.

    Premier Icon Blackhound
    Subscriber

    One of my brothers is a little odd and I only see him at Christmas – and then not every year. The other brother and sister I see occasionally and we don’t call each other much just at family stuff. We get on fine though. Just families and work etc.

    I have more problems with my daughter (26) who never contacts me. A couple of years ago I decided to not call her to see what would happen and the answer is nothing. I do call her for her birthday and Christmas as I do not want to lose touch. Whenever we speak she is great, happy to talk and stuff. Seeing her in London this Sunday which will be the first time this year – and not sure if I saw her last year. That hurts me more than my siblings.

    Premier Icon cinnamon_girl
    Subscriber

    It would appear that some of you blokes don’t make an effort.

    Premier Icon mactheknife
    Subscriber

    Yep you are right C_G, im a right lazy bugger and really need to make more of an effort. ALl my family are very good at keeping in touch considering we live on opposite sides of the world. My fault when it slides though ๐Ÿ™

    RichPenny
    Member

    I am pretty rubbish with my Mum and brother, but they’re in Oz so the time difference plus the fact that Mum lives in the shed most weekends makes phoning difficult. Emails every few weeks with Mum, probably speak to my Bro once every 3 months but we both have small children so that does make it harder. Need to make more effort really. My sister is spending a few years in the UK and I definitely haven’t seen her enough. Really missed seeing her grow up.

    I think you shouldn’t take it personally that you have to make the effort as long as things are good between you. My brother and I are definitely a little like that which means we go longer without speaking, but I love him very much and always think about how his life is going. Hope your brother is the same. Maybe tell him how you feel?

    My bother moved to NZ about twenty years ago. We didnt always keep in touch until the last 5 years or so. He died suddenly last april. Glad i made the effort, maybe some on here might think about how they might feel if something happend to tske away the option.

    druidh
    Member

    To those who think it’s “sad” or “tough” that some siblings don’t chat very often; why do you think that. To me, it’s perfectly natural. I have friends with whom I have a lot in common. We share interests, care about each other, maybe even disagree on stuff. Through an accident of birth, I also have a brother. I have absolutely nothing in common with him. Why would I want to keep in touch?

    emma82
    Member

    I think it is sad though Druidh, you grow up with someone so there must be some kind of bond there? but I guess I’m just being sentimental.

    For those that asked – no I haven’t ever said anything because I think it is just a bloke thing by the looks of it, he’s just very laid back and to be honest, I think he’s like that with everyone. Like others have said I know he’d be there if I needed it, he’s just completely useless at keeping in contact. I don’t mind being the one chasing but just once every now and then it would be nice to get a response to a text!

    brooess
    Member

    My brother lives in Ireland. I reckon he moved there so he could detach himself from the family – I think he finds it easier that way. He never got on well with my Dad and we’ve always had a strained relationship. Sad really, he’s a good bloke and if he wanted to talk about how he feels I reckon he’d get a positive response from us.
    He made me Godfather to his two boys which was great and was a positive gesture but I’m b*ggered if I can get any communication from him at all. Text, email, Facebook. Nothing. He must just delete them without thinking… Had something of a personal crisis this year, got no message of support from him at all, except the time I called him… I have to say that’s pretty poor, it only takes 30 seconds to send a text.
    One of my best mates is a couple of years older than me. I’ve never said it to him but when we first met I saw him as a proxy older brother. He’s not that close to his younger brother so I guess it’s something that works for both of us.
    I reckon happy and non-dysfunctional families are as rare as hen’s teeth. Most people I know have issues at some level with siblings or parents.

    druidh
    Member

    emma82 – Member
    I think it is sad though Druidh, you grow up with someone so there must be some kind of bond there? but I guess I’m just being sentimental.

    I have friends with whom I have grown up for longer than I was sharing a house with my brother. I also have ex-friends I haven’t seen for decades. It’s no different.

    RichPenny
    Member

    I’d say it’s sad because as siblings you might have a lot of shared experiences. When I think about the good things in my life, lots of them are related to my family in some way. If you don’t have that outlook then yes, I’d say that was a shame because it’s something precious.

    druidh
    Member

    It’s precious to you because you have lots of shared happy memories. For me, those are with my folks and/or my friends. So, I haven’t lost anything and there’s nothing to be sad about.

    curvature
    Member

    I have 2 younger brothers.

    One lives in Stoke and the other in Liverpool but I couldn’t tell you where.

    They never call me or get in touch with my kids.

    We all like music but have nothing else in common.

    It’s a shame but thats life I feel.

    RichPenny
    Member

    Did your parents keep your brother in the basement or something? ๐Ÿ˜€

    emma82
    Member

    Did your parents keep your brother in the basement or something?

    Was that for me Rich? He wasn’t kept in a basement but actually there were a lot of unpleasant things happened to us as we were growing up courtesy of our bell end father, brother got the brunt of it though but weirdly has forgiven/forgotten and sees him quite often. I however cant be in the same room as said sperm donor without wanting to to physically harm him. I do sometimes wonder if that causes problems, it’s an elephant in the room, we don’t talk about it.

    We were quite close as a family growing up. We stayed out of town and there weren’t many other families about.

    It started off with me distancing myself from my elder brother (and family) as they just weren’t interested in me or my life. I was glad when they moved abroad but i do miss my nieces (who I love to bits) but hey ho I’m not that great an uncle to them. they usually say hi when passing through (bless ’em).

    I guess that when I went through a rough patch splitting up with a long time partner I distanced myself from the rest of my family as I thought that I wasnt going to be about for much longer so it would be easier on them I guess.

    Turns out I was a little premature on that score but the ‘bond’ has kind of been broken. I still make the odd token effort but I can’t recall anybody really making an effort to contact me.

    To be honest I ‘cut out’ a lot of people. I guess thats the way it goes.

    That’s my bed, so I’ll lie in it.

    I’m getting slowly a bit closer to my brother as we get older. But we have never been that close.
    Haven’t seen my father for 25 years – but may change that soon.

    People who have entirely textbook families have real difficulty understanding that it isn’t always that way as this thread shows…

    Premier Icon cinnamon_girl
    Subscriber

    I find myself agreeing with druidh. Must be an age thing. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    You can choose your friends but cant choose your family. Seems logical that you wont always like your family.

    I think it is sad though Druidh, you grow up with someone so there must be some kind of bond there?

    There is. I know this because when my sister was ill, close to death, I prayed for her. And am so grateful she has returned to health.

    I suspect a lot of siblings have issues that derive from parental attention problems, perhaps that the elder envies the necessary attention paid to the younger. And this carries on hidden by layers of life-events.

    I have no real memory of any kind of relationship with my sister when I was small – we just avoided each other. It was only after both our parents died that she and her new husband decided to care for me. It was a difficult situation to develop a relationship and there was a lot of tension. But I have not forgotten, despite the aggro, what she did for me.

    We’ll never be really close, but we get along better now then we ever have because we are older and can look back at events with better understanding.

    I will ring her at the weekend. ๐Ÿ˜ณ

    Premier Icon muddydwarf
    Subscriber

    Like ‘iseedarkness’ i made a semi-consious decision to cut people out of what passed for my life at the time, although they weren’t family but friends – i’d already cut the family away.

    Like the above i think i was thinking similar thoughts for my sins.

    Not good.

    I called my sister last night to arrange meeting up over Xmas and what to buy the kids. It was during that conversation that we both realised we hadn’t spoken since before their summer holiday. Nothing deliberate, just a failure to do much outside the day to day, week to week routine.

Viewing 25 posts - 81 through 105 (of 105 total)

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