One of those relationship threads….. with questions…

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  • One of those relationship threads….. with questions…
  • So at a point in my life I never expected to be, long story short, I’ve been in a relationship of nearly 10 yrs, just happily chugging along in life. Lovely girl really nice, but no real spark anymore. Certainly at the point where when I see her I don’t really feel anything. Our relationship has been this way for sometime.

    First question for those in long term relationships – do you still get ‘that’ feeling when you see or kiss you partner?

    Towards the end of last year I met a woman, 14 yrs younger than me, for those that want pictures, tall, slim, dark & tattoo’d think suicide girsl… things progressed, & culminated with a weekend away last weekend. Which was brilliant. When we’re together we’ve got this perfect little bubble, when I go to kiss her, it feels amazing, like my chest is all funny, feels like Hollywood Movie love. For whatever reason I can’t commit to leaving my current missus for her – I have no idea why that is.. she’s totally besotted with me.
    The potential fly in the ointment is she has 2 kids, & is married, although she has left her husband…

    Second question – would you take the chance/opportunity?

    I’ve never felt so lost with any life decision before & just need to get stuff off my chest….. any abuse/advice greatly appreciated.

    mikewsmith
    Member

    There is a short and a long answer, looks like you pulled the new profile trick so the rest of us can’t really answer.

    your partner of 10 years deserves better than finding out about your infidelity after the event. Do the right thing and tell her now and then discuss whether there’s anything to be saved.

    My sibling has been on the receiving end of this sort of behaviour and to say that it’s completely shattered the family and her well-being would be something of an understatement.

    No real advice here. But I’ll enjoy the thread. πŸ™‚

    Premier Icon weeksy
    Subscriber

    Can you have both ? One as a main course and one as pudding ?

    Premier Icon binners
    Subscriber

    Life’s too short to drink cheap wine, ride crap bikes, or hang around in dead relationships

    Get on with it!

    Premier Icon nickc
    Subscriber

    Certainly at the point where when I see her I don’t really feel anything. Our relationship has been this way for sometime.

    this is something that you’ve let happen. Take some responsibility for it. It takes two people to have a relationship, and it needs working at all the time.

    You’ve cheated on her. Don’t **** about with other people while you’re still with your current missus, it isn’t fair, right, or cool. It’s shitty, devious, and wrong.

    Choose what you want and get on with it.

    Premier Icon binners
    Subscriber

    Is Hora here yet…..?

    your partner of 10 years deserves better than finding out about your infidelity after the event. Do the right thing and tell her now and then discuss whether there’s anything to be saved.

    This.

    I’m certainly in no position to judge but have a bit of backbone and talk to your partner. If it’s allgoing to shit anyway then being honest will just expedite the process. If it’s resolveable then it’ll get resolved.

    I have spoken to her & left her last week. Broke my heart to see her in tears.

    Currently sleeping on a friends floor since.

    iolo
    Member

    If you don’t want to be with your current partner then do the bloody right thing and tell her. Reading your post it seems you couldn’t care less about her so do the right thing, grow a pair of balls and tell her.
    Then, and ONLY then go and sew your wild oats with whatever floozie tickles your fancy that week.
    Having it off with some other younger lady must seem amazing to you right? I just hope you’re older than 29. I’m very sure after a few years, when you’ve gone fat and your gentleman’s sausage doesn’t work as well any more she’ll be sleeping behind your back (she might already be) as she clearly has zero morals sleeping with a guy who’s in a current relationship.

    mikewsmith
    Member

    Following on…. there are some big life decisions. It’s not black and white, it’s certainly not worth throwing it out for the STW moral Massive or Hora…
    Edit Mail in Profile

    Premier Icon weeksy
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    northernpete – Member

    I have spoken to her & left her last week. Broke my heart to see her in tears.

    Currently sleeping on a friends floor since.

    Hows the sex with the new one ?

    globalti
    Member

    First question for those in long term relationships – do you still get ‘that’ feeling when you see or kiss you partner?

    The answer is no and I’d be willing to bet that most people in a long term relationship don’t. There comes a time when you just have to settle down and get on with life and value the companionship.

    So she’s got two kids and is married?

    She’s looking around for a better deal and if she decides you’re a stayer, she’ll get pregnant. Oops! Then when she gets fed up with you she’ll look around again for another sponsor. Thus it goes round and round in circles.

    Just understand that women with kids need stability and income and will keep looking until they’ve found the right bloke.

    Sorry to put such a cynical viewpoint on it.

    vermillion
    Member

    There is a simple explanation for this and that is that it is not natural for a man to stay with one woman for any length of time, we’re simply not designed that way. We do it because that’s what society expects and has become accustomed to.
    If you do decide to move on, with your exciting new tattooed girl or even someone else, it probably won’t be long before you lose “THAT” feeling again only this time, the feeling of being in love probably won’t last as long.
    The problem you have is that your present girlfriend is lovely/really nice, if she was a bit of a cow then it’d be an easier decision for you. If she is as lovely as you say she is then you should either tell her now and not hurt her more by letting her find out any other way.

    Do the right thing now and your girlfriend will hate you less in the future.

    As for tattoo girl, don’t look at her as a long term replacement, things are good now because it’s fresh and exciting for you but there are kids/husband involved and that has the potential to turn to rat shit.
    Good luck.

    Trimix
    Member

    Pretty much half the population is the opposite sex, so take your time and do some auditioning first.

    iamanobody
    Member

    was in the same boat last year – happier than i’ve ever been now (btw no overlap for me) with a new girl. She is everything that was missing from my life πŸ™‚

    Rockplough
    Member

    Pardon me for being harsh, but it sounds like you didn’t make any effort to maintain ‘a spark’, didn’t communicate with your now-ex, cheated on her, left her, and you’re saying it broke *your* heart.

    You sound like a keeper.

    hora
    Member

    Ah, sorry I’m late guys. Do I have time for a brew first?

    Longterm relationships have ups and downs.

    Saying that if you no longer desire your partner, enjoying throwing her around the bedroom and its standard-stuff then maybe its time?

    You’ve already done the deed though without first talking through with your missus.

    TBH this woman is a rebound though. The feeling excited etc stuff is becuase you’ve been in a static relationship for a while.

    The 2-kid thing- why would you jump from one relationship straight into another? Take it easy, be free and single for a while.

    Premier Icon BoardinBob
    Subscriber

    When we’re together we’ve got this perfect little bubble, when I go to kiss her, it feels amazing, like my chest is all funny, feels like Hollywood Movie love

    grow up πŸ™„

    Premier Icon benji
    Member

    For whatever reason I can’t commit to leaving my current missus for her

    I have spoken to her & left her last week. Broke my heart to see her in tears.

    Currently sleeping on a friends floor since.

    Sounds like you have already answered your own question, you’ve already left.

    Rorschach
    Member

    [video]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7m1s2NFOGyg[/video]

    hora
    Member

    Currently sleeping on a friends floor since.

    Ok.

    although she has left her husband

    so why not stay there?

    Premier Icon binners
    Subscriber

    When do the kids get to meet their new daddy then? πŸ˜€

    Premier Icon bearnecessities
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    Post 1:

    For whatever reason I can’t commit to leaving my current missus for her

    Post 2:

    I have spoken to her & left her last week.

    So you’re either Marty McFly, or there’s an ickle flaw in your Hollywood Script. πŸ˜€

    hora
    Member

    When do the kids get to meet their new daddy then?

    Could be shes telling the OP he can’t stay or visit the house yet due to the kids/not the right time which’d be a great cover for ‘husband really hasn’t left and she fancied abit of fun but doesn’t want to tell the OP’…

    Junkyard
    Member

    No one in a long term relationship is going to feel the excitement of a couple at the start NO ONE. Its different so its new and exciting or as you describe it Holywood movie love which i take to mean pretend and not real.
    It also takes a long time for those little amusing quirks to change from quirks to **** annoying and to really know someone. Certainly more than one weekend aways
    Kids complicate matters as they are [ or should be ] her number one priority and they will become yours. Trust me that wont make your heart flutter like a holywood movie

    Only you know whether the relationship is dead because you dont get on or because you have let it go stale.

    I am not sure how sleeping with someone else will help you work out the answer but sure will enjoy trying,

    Premier Icon Drac
    Subscriber

    AS the OP can no longer respond to this thread, one account per member only folks, I’m closing it.

    Mumsnet is over there OP —>

    Lol @ Weeksy. Can nobody around here secure a main and a pudding? πŸ˜€

    You did wrong, very wrong. As others have said, you didn’t appear that bothered, made no effort to maintain the “spark”. Relationships, good ones at least, don’t work without effort, you just forget the effort required when you get the rewards. If that’s how you felt and didn’t want to make any effort you should have left her before testing the water with someone else. Posting of your broken heart shouldn’t absolve you of any guilt, though it sounds as though you hoped it would. And if it has you’re hollow.

    Sadly you now have to wonder what she’s up to every weekend she’s not with you and if she does love you she’ll be torn apart with the doubt and worry when you’re not around. That’s the real seed you sewed when you did it all in the wrong order.

    You started your pudding before you finished your main, did they teach you nothing at nursery? Go tidy your room!

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