Official way of measuring the old todger…?

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  • Official way of measuring the old todger…?
  • Premier Icon Poopscoop
    Subscriber

    Asking for a friend that has had a message on Tinder. Ahem.

    So…. From below the stem or from above? Does a semi count or  do you need the little chap in full on hunting mode?

    Measuring in cm’s obvs as it sounds better.

    My friend thanks you. 😉

    Premier Icon mikewsmith
    Subscriber

    Ask if she keeps a ruler in the bedroom first

    Jamie
    Member

    I’m not a prude, but this is content below the quality of this forum.

    Wait…oh, as you were.

    Premier Icon Stoner
    Subscriber

    do you not do it much like one measures a horse*.

    In “hands”

    * just a horse. Not a horse’s appendage.

    Premier Icon wiggles
    Subscriber

    Due to most men lying a LOT most women probably think 9 inches is the same length as a bog roll tube…

    Seriously though they seem to be way off in terms of their estimates compared to a Vernier/ruler/tape measure (delete as appropriate)

    Don’t measure, just get a picture of it next to one of them mini coke cans😐

    or a kids hand 😐

    cant remember who I stole this from,

    Measuring beaker?

    TheBrick
    Member

    I use a micromitor. Accuracy is very important.

    Premier Icon DezB
    Subscriber

    Exactly the sort of bloke all the women complain about on online dating sites. 🤬

    Premier Icon imnotverygood
    Subscriber

    Goodness me. I thought for a moment this was a thread about measuring the length of one’s penis. Is disappoint.

    Premier Icon jam bo
    Subscriber

    Banana for scale?

    Premier Icon zippykona
    Subscriber

    I know this but I can’t remember why.

    You get it up. Push it towards floor and measure from the base  to tip.

    Premier Icon theotherjonv
    Subscriber

    along the top side. But that’s not the real question, rather should be asking how far it’s allowed to push the end of the ruler into the fatty “pushin’ cushion” where the branch meets the tree.

    And never miss out on the optical inch.

    Premier Icon eddiebaby
    Subscriber

    Girth is the key factor.

    Premier Icon ads678
    Subscriber

    Can’t you, oh sorry your friend, just reply saying it’s bigger than a thimble but smaller than the Eiffle tower.

    Why worry? Mines only 3″ (but I’ve got a 9″ tongue & can breathe through my ears)

    Premier Icon Kryton57
    Subscriber

    You weren’t the guy I caught and reported playing with his cock in a North London cinema toilet today were you?

    Houns
    Member

    “You’ll just have to find out yourself”

    Premier Icon markgraylish
    Subscriber

    What does it need to be to get to next base?

    Use that measurement plus two inches…

    How many pint mugs can you, sorry, your friend, hang off it?

    “More though than his acting and his thuggery, Bindon was famous for the size of his cock. And he would love showing it off and to everyone. He could grasp it with two large hands and still have plenty left over to swing in a circle. Dani called it, in a French accent, Le pink elicoptere. It was like a hose. His party trick in pubs was to put empty pint glasses on it, and put his penis through the handles. I believe he could do ten at one time, or something ridiculous. I was having lunch with him in the Great American Disaster one day, when the waitress came to take our order, without lifting his haunches, he draped his cock across the table, stuck a fork in it and said, ‘can I have this lightly grilled, darling?’ Yes, that was John Bindon, the thug with the giant one.”

    Sample 3. Confessions of a King’s Road Cowboy. Memoirs, Autobiography. Subject: London Crime

    TheBrick
    Member

    <span style=”color: #444444; font-size: 16px; background-color: #eeeeee;”>Mines  3″</span>

    There’s always one show off

    Premier Icon DezB
    Subscriber

    For an official measurement with out having to erm, get the full ruler out, spread your hand 🤚 and measure from tip of thumb to tip of little finger. It’s the same.

    Mines only small…but it smells like a big one.

    redthunder
    Member
    Premier Icon maccruiskeen
    Subscriber

    The depth measuring blade is making me feel a bit sick

    Ask her how big her vag is?

    Premier Icon Northwind
    Subscriber

    “Ask her how big her vag is?”

    Correct answer.

    Also, remember to measure it like a pinkbike drop and add a few feet

    Mister P
    Member

    “measure from tip of thumb to tip of little finger. It’s the same.”

    Rubbish. I’ve got fairly large hands.

    Big enough to fill a pram. Three times over.

    emsz
    Member

    Opens thread for sake of amusement

    puts down food.

    leaves thread.

    Cocktail sausages?

    Steelfreak
    Member

    “Ask her how big her vag is?”

    … 1.9 TDI?

    rene59
    Member

    For an official measurement with out having to erm, get the full ruler out, spread your hand 🤚 and measure from tip of thumb to tip of little finger. It’s the same.

    I wish it was.

    Premier Icon matt_outandabout
    Subscriber

    You know if we stay in the EU there would be an official directive on this?

    Premier Icon parkesie
    Subscriber

    How many pound coins can you fit in the spare skin is a useful measurement.

    Premier Icon imnotverygood
    Subscriber

    ^ Your real life  nickname isn’t ‘Cashpoint’ Higginbotham is it by any chance?

    Premier Icon parkesie
    Subscriber

    Foreskin like the Frome hoard.

    Pyro
    Member

    When asked a similar question, my answer was “It’s a 3 inch nail, but it’s got a 15 stone hammer knocking it in…”

    Premier Icon martinhutch
    Subscriber

    Worst stem size thread ever.

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