Office toilet shenanigans

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  • Office toilet shenanigans
  • The other reports on that website JD are all about Women’s misdemeanours ..what’s going on there?

    Are they not just suggesting similar articles?

    mcj78
    Member

    That must have been a proper knot-splitter – there’s a bog bandit in almost every workplace, we have a mysterious individual who leaves (always the middle, weirdo…) trap looking like a set from trainspotting & doesn’t wash his hands 😐 The Profanisaurus is great for descriptions of toilet terrorism using wonderfully dense prose, perhaps you could print out a note using some choice terminology to warn against this type of behaviour? +5 points if you include the phrase “u-bend straightener”

    Premier Icon wwaswas
    Subscriber

    They won’t get a criminal record for this, it’s a Seville offence.

    It must be Terry’s!

    gonzy
    Member

    there’s a bog bandit in almost every workplace, we have a mysterious individual who leaves (always the middle, weirdo…) trap looking like a set from trainspotting & doesn’t wash his hands

    we have one here too…i’m sure its one of my colleagues but as i work in a university it could possibly be a dirty student

    i walked into a cubicle after this mystery person had been…shit splattered all over the toilet and seat…no sign of any toilet paper being used either…the dirty scrote!!

    Premier Icon BoardinBob
    Subscriber

    In my office we have one or more persons who

    – Piss all over the floor
    – Wipe bogeys on the wall
    – Draw penises on the cubicle wall
    – Set fire to the toilet roll holder

    everyone
    Member

    kumsquits

    Too many opportunities. I reckon most of them would get me banned though!

    I just copied the link from FB. I guess it’s similar to The Daily Mash

    Premier Icon Northwind
    Subscriber

    gonzy – Member

    we have one here too…i’m sure its one of my colleagues but as i work in a university it could possibly be a dirty student

    Hah. The nearest toilets to my office are basically stunt toilets- they’re orrible, but they’re the closest to the main entrance and the lecture theatures so they get all the mankiest traffic (the bus drivers are the worst- heard a flush, dude came out of a toilet cubicle, I looked in and on the floor was a copy of the sun, and on top of that, was a pork pie wrapper and a load of crumbs….. ewwwwwwwww ew ew ew ew ew)

    But we have nicer ones hidden away nearby.

    ninfan
    Member

    See, Berocca does turn your pi** orange!

    Premier Icon tthew
    Subscriber

    Mud monkey πŸ˜†

    My pseudonym of choice is Bungles Thumb, but I’m always happy to learn a new alternative.

    Premier Icon Sundayjumper
    Subscriber

    In a former workplace we once had an email come round giving advice on how to use the facilities, including a reminder that we shouldn’t smear s**t on the walls (I paraphrase slightly).

    At the time we had an embedded client team from a very very very very large O&G company.

    Never eat an oranges while on the loo.

    A mate dropped his phone in the toilet in a night club puke infested loo.

    He told me it didn’t worked anymore. I asked him how he knew as I would have left it…

    He used his hand to…and get through the vomit, poop and ewww.

    acidtest
    Member

    Should have used an apple cuz they’re shit.

    Premier Icon Pook
    Subscriber

    preciousmetals – Member
    It must be Terry’s!

    Pook – Member
    Has anyone asked Terry about it?

    POSTED 4 HOURS AGO #
    Ro5ey – Member
    It’s not Terry’s, it’s mine

    8)

    Premier Icon wwaswas
    Subscriber

    a very very very very large O&G company

    Orange and Grape?

    Stevet1
    Member

    BoardinBob – Member

    In my office we have one or more persons who

    – Piss all over the floor
    – Wipe bogeys on the wall
    – Draw penises on the cubicle wall
    – Set fire to the toilet roll holder

    Do you know who the other person is?

    We had a similar issue,but with a yellow citrus fruit.
    We even drafted in a couple of elderly Detectives,but to no avail.
    Their verdict? Lemon-entry Dear Watson…..

    Premier Icon Northwind
    Subscriber

    Frankenstein – Member

    A mate dropped his phone in the toilet in a night club puke infested loo.

    He told me it didn’t worked anymore. I asked him how he knew as I would have left it…

    He used his hand to…and get through the vomit, poop and ewww.

    The legendary Poogirl:

    The Reading pop-up pirate is, I’m pretty sure, an urban myth but this one’s for real. But you probably need to have experienced a Leeds festival steel latrine to really get it. (imagine a steel tank the size of a small swimming pool, with 100 nonflushing toilets- or rather, toilet seats, that’s basically all they are- above it, and enormous pyramids of crap underneath. I’ve seen allsorts in there- phones, glasses- but never an actual person πŸ˜†

    Xylene
    Member

    Just pee in the sink if the loo is blocked by an orange. It’s acceptable to do on planes, so why not office toilets.

    Mr Woppit
    Member

    Good job they didn’t try to force Dawn French down the toilet…

    mrsfry
    Member

    I used to work at a well known crisp manufacturing place.
    The incidents that happened there was always on the night shift and it happened in the men and women’s toilets.
    People (say people because it was a heck of a job) would spread their poop, blood and sick around the toilet cubicles
    And around the squat over toilet ( hole in the ground so gents could squat).

    This happens around three to five times a month. People would be escorted to the loo for a while, but when that stopped all the poop and whatever would be back.

    I don’t eat crisps from that company anymore.

    Ringos?

    No ring goes like a ringo goes.

    allthegear
    Member

    Well, apparently I can bring on nuclear war armageddon – beat that!!

    http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2016/04/29/radio-host-claims-trans-women-using-female-toilets-will-lead-to-nuclear-war/

    (Quite proud of that one, tbh)

    Rachel

    shatsuma ?

    πŸ˜€

    Pan-gerine?

    DrJ
    Member

    i walked into a cubicle after this mystery person had been…shit splattered all over the toilet and seat…no sign of any toilet paper being used either…the dirty

    When that happens aren’t you worried in case someone comes in and thinks you are The Scrote?

    jon1973
    Member

    Where I used to work, life was so tedious, going to the loo was the highlight of the day.

    It’s no good blaming the cistern.

    gonzy
    Member

    When that happens aren’t you worried in case someone comes in and thinks you are The Scrote?

    no because all i managed to do was open the cubicle door and you could see the hell that had been unleashed on the said toilet…i walked straight back out and went to the less well known about toilets upstairs

    i then reported it to our estates team to sort out/clean/sanitise

    Premier Icon wwaswas
    Subscriber

    this just came up on twitter;

    Premier Icon MoreCashThanDash
    Subscriber

    I think you have surpassed my expectations on this one! πŸ˜†

    apparently I can bring on nuclear war armageddon

    Wow! That’s some ‘fallout’!

    Premier Icon colp
    Subscriber

    If it keeps happening you may have to keep a log.

    Vern0n
    Member

    Culprit will never own up to Debbie in HR.. They’re too chicken5h1t.

    Premier Icon scaredypants
    Subscriber

    Chicken was presumably a c(r)apon πŸ™„

    Premier Icon funkrodent
    Subscriber

    perchypanther – Member
    shatsuma ?

    Pan-gerine?

    Pandarin?

    Premier Icon funkrodent
    Subscriber

    More toilet tales..

    Friend used to work in an office block, opposite another block on t’other side of small street. Said other block had a toilet, with frosted window, pretty much opposite friend’s window. The window was such that in the evening, with the lights on you could see the vague outline of the top half of someone’s silhouette before they sat down.

    Anyway..

    Apparently on most afternoons a man (he assumes it was a man) would come in, arrange some literature of a most educational variety (one assumes about s-e-x, though it could just as easily have been about caravans. Or mountainbikes. Takes all sorts) on the ledge and proceed to engage in an act of self pollution. Bit of a spectator sport apparently, and one that led to all sorts of speculation as they watched the inhabitants of said office block leaving at the end of the day…

    No idea if oranges were involved though..

    Premier Icon Cougar
    Subscriber

    this just came up on twitter;

    I don’t know about that but, the skulking bog seat at the bottom lower edge of the picture needs posting to the “Argh my eye!” thread.

    They’re too chicken5h1t.

    *applauds*

    Xylene
    Member

    I find it amazing that i could eat a whole roast chicken, shit it out and not block the bog, yet if i try and flush one away it blocks it up.

    the body is an amazing thing

    Premier Icon jam bo
    Subscriber

    Quirrel – Member
    I find it amazing that i could eat a whole roast chicken, shit it out and not block the bog, yet if i try and flush one away it blocks it up.
    the body is an amazing thing

    Even in the sink?

    Xylene
    Member

    ^ maybe it would work on an airplane

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