Office put downs…

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  • Office put downs…
  • DT78
    Member

    So in meeting with various senior bods giving an update. Head from other area decides to give me a hard time and score some points about how wonderful his area and rubbish mine is in front of people.

    Really wanted to point out he was talking a complete bunch of arse but struggled for the best way to do this in front of lots of people.

    I ended up with ‘thanks for your opinion, now moving on’

    Anyone coming up with a better put down or something more amusing (that wouldn’t involve a disciplinary)!?

    jekkyl
    Member

    talking to you is like taking a shit
    it takes forever and it stinks.

    Sorry I’ve actually got nothing useful to add. ๐Ÿ˜€

    thegreatape
    Member

    I refuse to enter into a battle of wits with an unarmed man.

    kevj
    Member

    I do not generally suffer fools, and you sir, are intolerable.

    thegreatape
    Member

    Oh, and for what it’s worth, had I been in your meeting, I’d be thinking he’s a dick, and chuckled at your response.

    FeeFoo
    Member

    I like to reply to “there’s no “I” in team” with, “yes, but there is in **** arsehole”

    Loses a bit with the swear filter, but you get the point!

    lucien
    Member

    “Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.”

    Premier Icon nickjb
    Subscriber

    “There’s no ‘I’ in team”
    “But there is a ‘u’ in ****”

    bencooper
    Member

    I ended up with ‘thanks for your opinion, now moving on’

    Preceded by a 3-second stare, I think that would do the trick.

    noteeth
    Member

    Flip him the bird.

    Premier Icon chakaping
    Subscriber

    The jerk store called, they’re out of you.

    TiRed
    Member

    Oh, and for what it’s worth, had I been in your meeting, I’d be thinking he’s a dick, and chuckled at your response.

    This. Politeness always wins out. If you need to score at other people’s expense, you will win no friends. It’s not a zero sum game.

    yossarian
    Member

    This is the look you want

    Alpha1653
    Member

    This might get me banned butโ€ฆ

    Best Comeback Ever

    b r
    Member

    If you’re asking here for a response, you’re in the wrong job…

    noteeth
    Member

    This is the look you want

    No, this is the look he wants…

    Terrifying character – and terrifying hair.

    ekul
    Member

    This thread has reminded me of the exchange from the other guys with will Ferrell and mark wahlberg : ๐Ÿ˜†

    Terry Hoitz: No, I don’t like you. I think you’re a fake cop. The sound of your piss hitting the urinal, it sounds feminine. If you were in the wild, I would attack you, even if you weren’t in my food chain. I would go out of my way to attack you. If I were a lion and you were a tuna, I would swim out in the middle of the ocean and freaking eat you and then I’d bang your tuna girlfriend.
    Allen Gamble: OK, first off: a lion, swimming in the ocean. Lions don’t like water. If you placed it near a river or some sort of fresh water source, that make sense. But you find yourself in the ocean, 20 foot wave, I’m assuming off the coast of South Africa, coming up against a full grown 800 pound tuna with his 20 or 30 friends, you lose that battle, you lose that battle 9 times out of 10. And guess what, you’ve wandered into our school of tuna and we now have a taste of lion. We’ve talked to ourselves. We’ve communicated and said ‘You know what, lion tastes good, let’s go get some more lion’. We’ve developed a system to establish a beach-head and aggressively hunt you and your family and we will corner your pride, your children, your offspring.
    Terry Hoitz: How you gonna do that?
    Allen Gamble: We will construct a series of breathing apparatus with kelp. We will be able to trap certain amounts of oxygen. It’s not gonna be days at a time. An hour? Hour forty-five? No problem. That will give us enough time to figure out where you live, go back to the sea, get some more oxygen, and stalk you. You just lost at your own game. You’re outgunned and out-manned.
    [pause]
    Allen Gamble: Did that go the way you thought it was gonna go? Nope.

    Premier Icon twonks
    Subscriber

    DT78, I think your response was a good one anyway.

    It really isn’t worth getting into a shit storm with the guy.

    If he is wrong then your bosses will know and see he’s a cock.

    I might have said ‘glad to see your deluded as well as obnoxious’ ๐Ÿ˜€

    legend
    Member

    So he went on about how much better he is, and you had nothing to say back…………. awkward……….. does that mean he had a point?

    Premier Icon bearnecessities
    Subscriber

    So he went on about how much better he is, and you had nothing to say back…………. awkward……….. does that mean he had a point?

    Have you ever worked with met people? ๐Ÿ˜‰

    legend
    Member

    I’ve met your mum.

    See, it’s easy ๐Ÿ˜€

    ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Premier Icon bearnecessities
    Subscriber

    Great, can you tell me where she is please?!

    Premier Icon surroundedbyhills
    Subscriber

    The meaningful pause… and the use of the word “fascinating”.

    “That’s eh……fascinating, thank you”

    Don’t engaage these types it is rarely worth it.

    Premier Icon Northwind
    Subscriber

    “Thank you for your, er, unique interpretation of events” or some variant thereof has got me through many bullshit work conversations

    Premier Icon Wally
    Subscriber

    Long pause, smile “thanks”

    McHamish
    Member

    Your response was bang on in my opinion.

    walla24
    Member

    Alpha…..brilliant! Il be using that later

    coopersport1
    Member

    ‘Unless I’m mistaken this meeting isn’t about blowing smoke up your departments arse so shall we continue with my meeting?’

    Swelper
    Member

    I think you are operating outside your sphere of knowledge

    blurty
    Member

    OP: I think your response was pretty good actually. Most companies don’t appreciate in-fighting in my experience; if you can rise above it & try to keep things on an even keel (See transactional analysis) then you will have come out of the exchange with credit.

    Don’t sink down to their level, they’ll win because of their experience

    Premier Icon edhornby
    Subscriber

    I’m with blurty – you said the right thing without heading for the lowest common denominator

    sugdenr
    Member

    DT you did it right in corporate land, the only thing better would maybe a prolonged silence before saying it.
    Depping at a mtg i said good morning to the director who didnt know me and in return asked pointedly if I had got lost and was in the wrong meeting, told him all the good ones were busy today so unfortunately he had to settle for me as i sat down next to him, his SLT who knew me pissed themselves laughing loudly. It clearly boiled his blood and he kept hid back to me the whole time. Sometimes self deprecation is just so perfect.

    One I have heard used is ‘you have dillusions of adequacy’

    Premier Icon mikewsmith
    Subscriber

    Yep your response was perfect, sometimes adding a stare or a chuckle can also help ๐Ÿ™‚

    I have asked if people have anything else to add or can we move along now?

    Premier Icon Tiger6791
    Subscriber

    You are just like a Slinky, completely pointless and I want to push you down some steps.

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