I’ve got a friend (no really) and she’s recently split up with her BF over distrust issues and because basically he’s a rather unpleasant person.

He’s been calling her, threatening her with physical and mental harm, as well as threatening to damage her property and to harm himself.

She’s block his numbers, but he is now using friends phones to continue harassing/threatening.

His latest one today, was telling her he has AIDS, which has obviously got her distressed, worried and therefore very upset.

Aside getting her to make an appointment with her GP.
Is there anything legal she can seriously do to stop this?

Something that can be enforced without further repercussions.

She’s over 700 miles away, so i feel pretty useless to help other than to reassure her it’s all jealous threats.

Anyone in the Truro area with a suitable bat to stop this?

threatening her with physical and mental harm

Call the cops.

Should be reported to the police as it’s intimidation, harassment, etc.

BT have a malicious calls service too see Here

I know it’s a pain for her but changing her number should fix things quickly enough.

Call the cops

If the cops are anything like the ones in Truro who looked into harrassment of a friend of ours by her boyfriend, which included cutting the brake pipes on her car and breaking into her house to steal correspondence, then I wouldn’t bother…

I have told her to even though i’ve little faith in them responding in an effective manner to these situations,.

Also she’s only 21 so a little nervous of coming over panicky over worried.

Plus obviously what he may do reguardless to whether the law gets involved.

I’ll chat when she gets in.

The BT barring tins fine for set numbers, he uses different ones and will just keep doing it till he’s bored i suspect.

Still it’s not nice for her..

Sharki do you have the cash for a train journey? if not email me

Rob, I haven’t no. That’s a wonderful thing to offer though, if your intentions are read how i think they are meant.

Not really sure what i could do if i did go down there.
She asked for a cuddle, and TBH that WOOD render me utterly useless if he came round and threatened us.

Unless i used it as a club.

I would however be there in a shot or her if i could.

Sharki.

Change numbers, don’t answer calls and use answerphone.

Call cops.

Money making idea

post some pics on here and sell a crafty look 😉

Changing the numbers will be a good start yes.

Pics of her, hell no!

She should keep a record of every indecent, report every threat to the police. If they fail to respond escalate it and write to mp etc.

Sometimes you have to give the system a kick to get it to work for you, shouldn’t have to, but that’s the way it is.

Police.

She might be better trying the Community Policing Unit or Victim Support, going to the police station herself rather than phoning them.

Should also be making notes of all the dates and times of calls, what is said, building a picture and all that. I’m not a legal bod, but I thought you could take out non-molestation orders for this type of thing, or have I watched too many cop shows ??

I’ve told her to ignore any unknown numbers/txts.

Initially telling her to just delete them to they didn’t get to her.
Them realised they maybe handing to keep should thing worsen.

hels, yeah good thinking.

I’d not normally encourage people to dwell and become obsessive with responding to this sort of thing, especially as she’s not handling it easily.

Though i certainly understand it will build up a picture to strengthen any further actions.Thanks

Tell her to write down every time he calls, the time and content. She needs to go to the police and make a complaint of harrassment and make it clear he is threatening her. They HAVE to do something about it.

sharkie
if you even think that some harm may come to her then you need to do something. dont leave it to late, if you need some cash to get there then i along with racing_ralph if i read him right, will come up with something, and anyone else who cares to chip in. do you have a paypal account?
burt

burt – you did read right :0)

I know it’s a pain for her but changing her number should fix things quickly enough

and if she changes it to a premium rate number, she gets paid everytime!

but other than that, season of goodwill and that, I’ll chip in too.

Hi Sharki,

Tell your friend to go to her local Police Station.

Once there she has a few options.

If she just wants the offensive contact recording, she can ask for them to note that the contact is happening on their computer system.

She could also have the fella verbally warned by an Officer who should then record this conversation in their notebook. An intial verbal warning from the Police sometimes has the desired effect without having to make official complaints and statements.

Your friend can also make a written statement and the ex BF could be officially warned under the harrassment act. A record of this will then be kept on the PNC incase of any future problems. Once warned, any further communication by themselves of a third party should result in his arrest.

On the information you’ve given, it could be possible that he could be arrested straight away as it seems that he has entered into a ‘course of conduct.’ Your friend would have to make a written statement about this and he could then be arrested and interviewed on tape.

I would suggest that an initial verbal warning from a Police Officer might be the best response at this time. She would not need to make an statement for this to happen, but the Police would record the full facts. She could then step it up if there was any further contact. More often than not, this verbal warning works.

I would certainly not delete any texts received and I would also tell her to call her phone provider and speak to their appropriate dept.

Also if she does contact the Police, tell her to get a job / log number from them as her phone provider will probably want it and it’s also handy for her own reference.

Not nice, esp at this time of year.

I’d ditto that from amplebrew but beware i.m.e involving the police more often leads to escalation (restraining orders etc) than resolution.

Try other avenues first, has she a trusted mutual friend, contact with his parents, a brother or sister? Might be worth trying them first.

If she does get the brush off from an officer on the desk (does happen) tell her to persevere. Take a friend for support. If she doesn’t get the required support try going back or call by phone, ask to speak to the duty Inspector and explain to them..

Good luck

Andy

hi sharki how are you?
this happened to a friend of mine a few years back in strikingly similar fashion, what my friend did was contact the phone provider (in this case bt) who happily changed her number for free and did not put it in phone book either. hope that may help.

mmb. Not bad, just feel helpless being so far away.

BT will help, but will the mobile service provider?

Cheers Burt and RR once more. Too kind.

It was only whilst i was chatting to her earlier that she wanted me there. That was just at that moment when she crying. Any friend would do, not just a bloke 19 years older than her and one she barely knows. (she let me stay with her for the night when i was on my walk, and we’ve stayed in touch since).

She has plenty of friends to help her, that are near to her.

I have told her to take a close friend along for support with anything she does regarding police and will advice her as per the above.

A warning that the police will be involved and that a log of all his communications will be kept and backed up elsewhere, should i believe calm him down.

I’m hoping his just upset for losing such a fantastic girl and that the weather means he can’t hit the BMX trails.

All great advice as always here during these more mature threads..

I told her to sort out with a friend to be there with her whilst this continues.

I think the main thing from her point of view is that she’s not alone, hopefully she can come through this ok.

As per Amplebrew says, however other option is to take out a non-molestation and/or occupancy order although this would involve her instructing solicitors and paying money for this. The police should take this seriously it will be considered a domestic and if there is no recorded previous or your mate says this has not happened before she woo be logged as standard risk. She will get support from specialist DV officers and external agencies. This needs to be stopped now otherwise he will continue. Whatever your mate decides to do from NOW she needs to keep a diary of all contact whether VIA phone, text, others. If independently witnessed then that logged as well. Domestics are notoriously extremely difficult to prove as 9 times out of 10 the only evidence is that of the victim acnd offender, there are no witnesses. Hope this helps if you want any more advice (I am a police officer) feel free to email me.

So sad when you hear of blokes who do this sort of thing, and the answers others give some which are really good and some may result in violence.

Report it to the Police, and your phone provider, and just wait for action, and keep a record of all calls etc.

I hope your friend is ok. Happened to a friend of mine, in her case getting MMS of awful photos. She kept a diary and changed phone number then letters started. However provided good evidence for the police and thankfully it all stopped with a caution. Just reassure her best you can and don’t let her see he’s getting to you aswell, he will be a coward. Good luck.

Thanks so much MC and everyone else.

She’s at a friends right now, so i’m leaving her be.

I’ll send her a message and go through it a little more detailed with her tomorrow.

She will i suspect, be reluctant to follow through with the reporting of it. That’s if she’s been a bit melodramatic about things, which i don’t believe she is.

If she see’s the seriousness of it she deal with it right, if not, i’ll be onto her friends to encourage her to do the right thing, for her and for any future girls he decides to mistreat.

God it’s embarrassing being a bloke sometimes.

haven’t read the threat but as i understand. if he’s threatening violence, if and this is the important bit, she believes he may act then it is assault.

speak to the cops. make sure she keeps a diary of the calls.

what M Chick says – another police officer here 🙄

Diary diary, witnesses witnesses, keep texts (can be photocopied initially before further authority to examine phones req etc), change number etc etc

+1 re ample brew, munge chick.

Yes the mobile provider will help but there is a step involved first.
I’ll email this to you so its not in the public domain

Make sure she does go to the local STW clinic, not gp ASAP. Sounds like he is making it up but better safe than sorry. She needs to do that and then contact police.

Make sure she does go to the local STW clinic

STW clinic? I know there are some diseased freaks round here…but we have our own clinic?

As said, from this point on, note everything, everything!! Inform the police…i don’t think you have any other choice really…..but, be carefull how you approach things…i would. Hope it works out dude..very, very tricky.

Inform Police. God knows how many times we (fire service) have been out to a flat/house fire where some jealous boyfriend (admittedly usually scagheads) has torched the place through the letterbox.

When you ask the girl about it or if she thinks anyone might have done it she tells all about the ex and how she didnt report him cos she didnt want him to get in trouble…… and now she has all her belongings trashed and nowhere to live.

It is usually an escalation of events, from phone/texts… facebook!! You’d think there was no Delete button on that bloody thing… lurking outside home, vandalism and then more serious unless its knocked on the head.

I’d encourage her to make the call, esp with the threats of physical harm. Police having a word might be enough to stop it.

Of course the other way is to get her to tell her father. I dont know a dad on earth who wouldnt put a stop to this bolx in a second.

I used to have an answering machine that could record calls even if you ansered the phone. Was an old tape device, don’t know if these things are still available, but if they are, it should be possible to record a couple of his calls. Go to the cops with a copy of them, but also to a lawyer. if cops won’t do anything, a lawyer might see a claim for damages caused by distress. A letter from a lawyer threatening to take him to court and have have his name plastered all over the papers for being a bullying bell-end might be enough to sort him out.
Also, if if you talk to the cops and tell them you think a visit from the boys in blue will sort his idiot behaviour, they’ll probably go for it (we all like to help a damsel in distress, don’t we?).

Mccett is very right .. however I didn’t want to start scaring people!! Lycralout, it’s not a case of “cops won’t do anything” it’s about the victim wanting to support a complaint and having some form of evidence. I can’t imagine there is a police force in this country that doesn’t take a domestic report seriously, admittedly there have been errors in the past hence why things are so tight now. As is quite clear though in this case already the victim doesn’t want to get the police involved and there is a huge variety of reasons for that.