• This topic has 29 replies, 19 voices, and was last updated 2 years ago by alpin.
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  • Off my chest. Anger issues and potential loss of feeling in finger
  • alpin
    Free Member

    Cathartic exercise…. Maybe some good might come off it.

    Saturday night I got home after a 13 day. Wanted to sit in peace and drink a cup of tea.

    GF gets home and starts rabbiting on. To be fair she was on her own all day in the workshop and hadn’t seen anyone all day.
    I eventually snap and tell her that all I want was to sit in quiet and drink my tea before having to be up in six hours time for another 12-14 hour day (installing crap at Hilton in town).
    My tea is now cold. Go to kitchen and wanting to rinse it I throw the mug in the sink and manage to smash it and catch a load of shards between middle and fourth finger. Blood pissing everywhere.

    Ended up spending a few hours at the hospital where the doc removed what he could. Turns out there’s something still in there and I’ll have an operation tomorrow where they’ll slice my hand open again and have a rummage around.

    24 hours after the incident and I can’t feel the tip nor right side of my middle finger. It feels swollen with blood…. Remember when you used to wrap a rubber bands around your finger tip and the pressure built up…? It feels like that.

    If they’re aren’t any complications I can hopefully use my hand again in two to three weeks…. Worst case eight weeks. Got a shed load of work that I need to complete both for clients and privately in the next two months before being kicked out of our gaff.

    Bit of a wake up call. Need to calm down. Not fair on the GF. I don’t have these aggressive outbursts often, but when I do something usually gets broken. I really need to wind it in and get on top of my anger.

    woody2000
    Full Member

    Having a numb hand, some anger to shed and a pissed of GF sounds like an opportunity not to be missed 😉

    jambourgie
    Free Member

    Look on the bright side. Day off tomorrow surely with a busted hand. So crack open a beer with the lady, light up a fat one, whatever. We all lose our shit occasionally, don’t stress.

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    alpin
    Free Member

    Ha! You seem the state of my hand?

    And honestly I’ve not been in the mood for that for a while….

    Combination of stress. Leaving town at the end of March so we need to sell all our crap, finish the van and sort out a shed load of paperwork.

    On top of that my old man back in the UK ain’t doing great thanks to COPD and I know my sister is struggling with looking after her boys as well as our old man.

    alpin
    Free Member

    So crack open a beer with the lady, light up a fat one,

    Antibiotics so alcohol is out which is a shame as I’ve a really good (and expensive) primitivo open.

    I’m not even going to try and skin one up…. Fingers on the right hand are all tied up on a splint. Have to see if I’ve got some butter left in the freezer and make myself some cake (or just be incredibly lazy and spread it on toast with honey).

    jambourgie
    Free Member

    That’s the spirit. I remember bashing my GF’s desktop PC because the fan was making a noise and driving me nuts. Broke my bloody hand. Felt like a right dick 🙂

    alpin
    Free Member

    Well I’m not the only dickhead in town. You’ve made me feel better already…. 😁 Cheers!

    Cougar
    Full Member

    Fingers on the right hand are all tied up on a splint. Have to see if I’ve got some butter left

    I honestly did wonder where you were going with that for a moment.

    oldmanmtb2
    Free Member

    I’m sorry to all i offend… there are times when people need to leave other people in peace.

    I fully understand and identify with the opening message.

    Its my other halfs worst trait she calls it “communication” i call it “harassment”

    integra
    Full Member

    If nothing else, just apologize and make it up with your girlfriend asap. The rest can sort itself out later.

    i_scoff_cake
    Free Member

    I refuse to have a job again the rules my life. I feel better for it although I’m poorer.

    tjagain
    Full Member

    I used to be like this.  It got to the point I scared myself once so I got professional help and stopped getting so angry.

    so get some pro help with your anger.  Its OK to be angry but its not OK to have such a disproportionate response .

    TheBrick
    Free Member

    Don’t expect a fix. its a journey. I have really bad anger issues but I lost it big time last week some strangers who 1. Where being a dick but 2. Still didn’t deserve what I have them and now I am the one in the wrong.

    To be honest that’s the common pattern for me.

    Some does something inconsiderate / rude / wrong. I go ape shit, then I have lost all authority on the original wrong action, it’s me now at fault and whoever it is that has been a dick now no longer has to except their own errors.

    scotroutes
    Full Member

    A known side-effect of certain recreational drugs.

    tjagain
    Full Member

    Cocaine and amphetamines not weed

    alpin
    Free Member

    make it up with your girlfriend asap

    Done that. Although I might have ballsed things up again by leaving the house half dressed, without saying goodbye because she was telling me (whilst looking at her phone whilst lying in bed that there had been an accident in town. FFS.

    I refuse to have a job again the rules my life.

    That plan is already in motion. Not taking on any new work. Leaving the rental and taking some time out to find an alternative to the 9-5 rat race.

    @ The Brick…. I get myself into similar situations. Last one was on a sunny Sunday morning outside a cafe when some guy starts honking because he couldn’t wait 30s for the lights to change before he could pull into a space. GF and several others had to hold me back.

    Oh and then there’s the time back in summer when I clocked some guy for harassing two women.

    dyna-ti
    Full Member

    I think weed does cause anger issues. Especially in long term addicts.

    molgrips
    Free Member

    Far more likely to be due to stress IMO. I do get angry but usually verbally directed and inanimate things. But it only happens when having been under pressure for a while in a negative way, not a positive productive way.

    Not much to add to the OP except that it sounds unerstanable and the key point is to realise you’ve done wrong (as you have) and apologise profusely and sincerely.

    TheBrick
    Free Member

    Oh and then there’s the time back in summer when I clocked some guy for harassing two women.

    I think this leads to a good point, at least as I see it. The anger seems similar to mine, it is frequently aimed at a what is to you (or me) an obvious injustice, an obvious inconsiderate behaviour. There is actually a fair amount of courage involved in challenging strangers, this is really quite a virtuous point. The problem is finding a away to not always walk away. In your case where someone way harassing two women you shouldn’t walk away. But at the same time except that something that is obvious to you is with not seen by others or not cared about. I don’t mean this applies in all cases of the temper lost but in some it does.

    thisisnotaspoon
    Free Member

    I remember my one and only forray into domestic almost-violence.

    My GF is one of those people who insist on setting double digits of alarms on their phone, knowing they won’t get up for the first so we have to suffer 2 hours of alarm clocks untill she has to get up and walk downstairs to her desk.

    So a decade ago before smartphones this was an actual alarm clock (one of those small 50mm square plastic things) which would be snoozed or left ringing for hours. Eventually I snapped and hurled it so hard against the wall it took a lump of wallpaper out with it. But at least the alarm clock was dead.

    chrishc777
    Free Member

    Breathing exercises have been a game changer for me. Not doing them specifically when you feel the particular emotion (angry, stressed etc) but just doing them in general. There’s a great documentary on Netflix called the mind explained which talks about this kind of stuff

    My favourite ‘smashing things’ story is a mate who’s similar, when he gets angry he’ll launch or break something. So he’s staying at a mates place while the mate is away and he has some work done on his house. His GF pisses him off and sees him start to lose it, she says “it’s not our house, don’t break anything!” so he looks around, sees her pizza cooking in the oven, pulls it out and chucks it across the kitchen frisbee style! Funniest bit is she then refuses to eat it to prove a point so he gets the floor-pizza as well 😀

    ThePilot
    Free Member

    I can identify with a lot of what TheBrick says. And after the anger subsides, I have the most terrible shame.
    But at other times, I can’t see how even a saint couldn’t react to the way some people behave.
    Like the time my dog was having a little potter by a stream and I was sat down near her in the sun and a staffie came running down the hill barking at me. I tried to stay calm and it ended up snapping at my face and the women who owned it said it had been abused and I must remind it of its abuser. I let it go. A couple of weeks later, it came running and barking at me again and I told her to get it on a lead and she acted as if I was being unreasonable and I went absolutely berserk. Much as i didn’t want it to bite me, I was more worried about my dog as if the staffie had turned on her, it have could have killed her.
    But me reacting not only stressed me out but her (my dog) too. So I feel like I let her down and that makes me feel shame. This was years ago and it still troubles me and I bet the woman and her dog don’t give it a moment’s thought.

    So I sympathise with anyone with anger issues but I’ve got no advice on how to beat it other than to move to the moon maybe. I often think I might be better off up there than down here.

    Drac
    Full Member

    Yup stress is a horrible thing and makes us do daft stuff when we lose out temper.

    Hopefully as you say a lesson learnt.

    Can’t believe no one has mentioned Camilla tea.

    multi21
    Free Member

    Regards the cut/loss of feeling, it can come back. I had nerve damage to my right hand from putting my handing into a washing up bowl i thought was empty but actually had a big knife in it. Got a fairly deep cut from the knuckle round to the palm and i couldn’t feel part of my little finger.
    I can’t honestly say how long because it was so gradual, but probably 3 months or so and it’s completely back to normal now.

    chrishc777
    Free Member

    I sliced through my finger and left it hanging on by just a bit of skin. Don’t have full range of movement but the feeling gradually came back, not total but mostly back to normal. Did it 10 years ago and it is still improving.

    Surgeon said nerves grow back a mm a month as a rule of thumb, but they don’t grow linearly, that injury 120 months ago was only about 30mm from the slice to the top of my finger and it’s still improving

    TheBrick
    Free Member

    And after the anger subsides, I have the most terrible shame

    100% for a long time. Re your story about yapping dogs, I sometimes feel people are harder to convince of bad dog behaviour than bad children behaviour!

    alpin
    Free Member

    3.5 hour long operation.

    Removed several remains of mug. Not only was the nerve cut through but one of the tendons was partially sliced.

    Was asked if I wanted a full knock out or local. Went with local seeing as it meant to last for six hours. About 2.5 hours in I could feel it wearing off which was painful.

    It seems I’m not the only one with anger management issues….
    Been randomly placed in a room with an old boy from the UK. He’s in here because he jumped off the balcony to get away from his missus! Smashed himself up in the process by the look of him. Still, we’re keeping each other company telling jokes and putting the world to rights.

    p7eaven
    Free Member

    Good luck in healing OP. Sounds like you have a lot on your mind/plate, may help to seek some useful downtime and counselling.

    Meanwhile might one suggest some new mugs? 😉

    Superficial
    Free Member

    nerves grow back a mm a month as a rule of thumb

    _Chef’s kiss emoji_

    alpin
    Free Member

    Meanwhile might one suggest some new mugs? 😉

    Very good..!

    GF put out some bamboo mugs the other day. Cheeky bitch.

    Got to have a look at the mess I made.

    5-6 weeks without loading the hands at all in case the tendon snaps. Then some physio and occupational therapy to get some feeling back in the finger.

    Fuckity.

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