• This topic has 173 replies, 74 voices, and was last updated 1 year ago by Cougar.
Viewing 40 posts - 1 through 40 (of 174 total)
  • Nursery costs £££
  • sillysilly
    Free Member

    How do normal people afford to go back to work full time after having a baby? Average nursery in my area is over £2k a month for 5 days. That’s more than most peoples mortgage. I’d bet on it exceeding salary for many.

    Any tricks I’m not thinking of?

    mrwhyte
    Free Member

    We were looking at a child minder. However, I’ve managed to persuade work I can work 4 days, but same hours. Just doing that has saved 400 a month. Wife will have a day off too in the week then with gparents.

    But when looking at nursery fees, it just shocked us. Only will have one child I think. The costs are astronomical for child care.

    mrchrist
    Full Member

    Childcare vouchers and a promotion helped me out.

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    tenacious_doug
    Free Member

    Childcare vouchers or whatever the current equivalent are, that’s the only “trick”.

    tomd
    Free Member

    You can get a bit back in tax using the child care account scheme (see gov.uk for details). It’s easy to use once set up.

    Also you start to get some free childcare hours from 2years in England or 3 in Scotland.

    But those first few years suck.

    TheBrick
    Free Member

    Partner is 3.5 days a week (2 week timetable) grand parents one day a week. It is a massive cost and I think the single biggest reason behind the whole gender inequality thing. You have to be on a decent wage and have some form of external help like we do to make going back to work pay. At one point my partner was on agency and it worked out as £40 a day she worked for (pre tax), take out fuel and it was probably more like £35 or less.

    I am not sure what the solution is but it does seem strange the way there are no hours until 3 years old.

    simon_g
    Full Member

    Was similar for us, I’m sure the same place will be over 2k now for 5 days. Their fee structure was barely cheaper for 4 days, most 4 day workers have Monday or Friday off and it’s hard to fill the place.

    Max out tax free childcare, check if there’s any discounts (they did NHS discount which wife qualified for) and remember it gets cheaper one the free hours (from quarter after 3rd birthday)
    kick in.

    Ours were 2 years apart, so a heavy year when they were both in full time nursery.

    nobtwidler
    Free Member

    This is useful to show what help you can get
    Childcare choices

    sillysilly
    Free Member

    Interesting, cheers.

    So is universal credit available to most people with kids?

    revs1972
    Free Member

    Any tricks I’m not thinking of?

    Perhaps one of you stay at home and look after your own child ?
    Call me controversial if you like , but the “traditional” route worked out well for us 😉

    SSS
    Free Member

    Did the same as above. Told the wife to give up work to look after the child. as Revs1972 says, the traditional thing seems to be out of fashion but worked for us.
    Also saves one person exclusively working to line someone elses pockets (nursery)

    MoreCashThanDash
    Full Member

    Tough one for all families – we used a local childminder with eldest, who was great, and MrsMC went part time.

    When the second came along, it didn’t make financial sense for her to work, we just tightened our belts, used childcare vouchers for pre-school when eligible, then I did a 9 day fortnight when MrsMC found a paying job one day a fortnight.

    I know a mate of mine was paying more in childcare than he earned, and I asked why he didn’t quit work and be a stay at home dad, but he was playing the long game with his pension contributions.

    sillysilly
    Free Member

    In my case no worries, that makes sense.

    I’m thinking of the younger generation. Many I know rely on two salaries to cover rent, mortgage if they are lucky. Tag that challenge against inflation and market shrinkage and I don’t think we have to worry too much about population growth.

    scotroutes
    Full Member

    As above, just have one parent stay at home. Hell, you could even make a bit of extra by looking after another child.

    Surely folk think about these things beforehand? You could call it family planning.

    trail_rat
    Free Member

    The traditional approach Works well if your ina career path that a. Allows it and b. Isn’t prohibitive to return. A gap for child care is still a stigma in interviews I’ve fought dinosaurs on panels over suitable candidates with gaps explained by “child care”

    Because her job allows my Wife went part time.

    My job – part time is not an option in my role but I’d have liked to have gone to 4 days.

    Child care is 550 quid for 3 days and even at that I’m really happy we are approaching 3. If it was 2 grand a month/child up here I think I’d seriously be considering not working regardless of any career or job aspirations that were ever had…..I don’t earn enough to consider spending that on childcare to buy the continuation of my career

    As above, just have one parent stay at home.

    Straw poll all those that successfully used this option. Which decade was this in ?

    Sounding dangerously like we are suggesting that you need to be well off/financially secure to have children these days – it’s largely a broken society that’s at fault here not the parents of unplanned children.

    klunky
    Free Member

    To those suggesting you ‘just have a parent stay at home’ what if one parents salary doesn’t cover the mortgage etc?

    revs1972
    Free Member

    To those suggesting you ‘just have a parent stay at home’ what if one parents salary doesn’t cover the mortgage etc?

    But from the OP first post , we are talking about when childcare costs could be higher than salary

    revs1972
    Free Member

    Straw poll all those that successfully used this option. Which decade was this in ?

    2007 and 2013 for me

    the-muffin-man
    Full Member

    Any tricks I’m not thinking of?

    Vasectomy?

    May be too late for that though! 🙂

    sillysilly
    Free Member

    All the family planning in the world is only going to tell the average couple they can’t afford 1 kid, let alone 2 😂

    revs1972
    Free Member

    Sounding dangerously like we are suggesting that you need to be well off/financially secure to have children these day

    Why is that such a bad thing ? We waited until we were financially capable of supporting our children. Because of a number of issues, not least miscarriages, we were both mid thirties by the time we had them ( we met when we were 30).
    We were not rich by any means, just about had enough to cover costs. Even if I was in the financial position I am in now back then, my wife would have still left her job to become a mother ( it is what she wanted ). She has not expressed any desire to go back to work and now fills her days when the kids are at school doing voluntary work and looking for holidays 😉

    MoreCashThanDash
    Full Member

    Straw poll all those that successfully used this option. Which decade was this in ?

    2004-to date – I’m currently the part timer and have been the last 5 years. MrsMC earns more than me.

    What else have we done? We relocated from Sussex to Derby to be able to afford to start a family on one salary. We’ve had one foreign holiday in 19 years. Took us 20 years in this house to get the money together to do up the kitchen. We have second hand Skodas rather than new cars from “better” brands.

    scruffythefirst
    Free Member

    We’ve got a nanny who costs us a couple of hundred a month more than the missus brings home after everyone’s tax and ni is accounted for. Mrscruffy and I stagger our working hours so we can keep the hours down as much as possible. We’ve had 3 lots of very good maternity pay so not too bad.

    Not sure how we’re going to do it when they are all at school and need the school run doing twice a day

    trail_rat
    Free Member

    Why is that such a bad thing ?

    Are you really so unaware of the world today that you need me to explain that or are you just purposefully being devil’s advocate.

    sillysilly
    Free Member

    Just to be clear, I’m old and haven’t just had an unplanned child 😂😂

    I’m just trying to work out how the current / next generation are going to have kids to fund my pension and healthcare in old age…

    HansRey
    Full Member

    Flippant answer,: move abroad. Childcare is better funded.

    But it’s also what I did. Moved out of UK to be able to save for a house deposit and start a family.

    We pay 600e/month for 5 days/week at the local commune creche. It’s open from 7am to 6pm too.

    A former colleague in Wimbledon had 3 nannies for her two kids over the week. It was cheaper than a nursery, and yet all of her salary went towards this.

    If either of your employer’s has a relocation/internal transfer/ training abroad scheme, do it!

    eddiebaby
    Free Member

    A mate qualified as a child carer. Looks after his and earns money looking after other folks kids. Helps that he lives in a suitable area and has a big enough house/garden.

    csb
    Full Member

    2 kids 2 years apart here. The cost is horrific. I went compacted full time to gain a day a fortnight, wife went part time.

    scratch
    Free Member

    Twins, 2 and half years old, no sibling discount, both 3.5 days a week, separated parents, no grand parents on hand, no other family support. 17.5hrs free when they reach 3yrs old.

    Both parents have decent jobs and incomes but are frugal as needs must.

    When they get to school that monthly fee is going on coke and hookers until I’ve forgot about the past couple of years.

    Not complaining though, I knew child costs would be astronomical before they came along, and they’re bonny lads.

    andrewh
    Free Member

    Why is that such a bad thing ?

    Are you really so unaware of the world today that you need me to explain that or are you just purposefully being devil’s advocate

    It’s a fair point.
    We use money to ‘ration’ pretty much everything else. The size and location of your house, how many holidays you take and where, even what you eat.
    All these are decided by how much money you have/how you prioritise spending it.
    Why should having children be any different?
    I would like a horse but I can’t have one because I don’t have enough money for a field/stable/groom/horse so therefore I haven’t got one.

    spacemonkey
    Full Member

    Defo look at child minders in your area. Speak to other parents, check out the various online portals and apps (Bubble?) and see who’s out there.

    We opted to use a nursery for 3 days a week to give monkey the benefits of a bigger/busier environment, and got lucky with a local child minder who was amazing and insanely cheap for the other 2 days. She didn’t do it for the money, she’d fallen into it 30 years prior after looking after her daughters, and basically became a proper nanny to monkey. It may have helped that she had an epic garden and pool, which the kids had supervised access to, but IMO she was just plain brilliant. All the kids loved her.

    FTR, monkey continued going to her several afternoons a week after starting school.

    mert
    Free Member

    Yes, emigrate.
    Even before the ex and i did it, a decade and a half ago, childcare in the UK was about half one of our take home per month per child.
    There are two of them now, the most we paid for childcare (high quality, good child/carer ratios, proper food etc) was about £200 a month, for both of them, 45 hours a week.

    eddd
    Free Member

    Britain is very backward for childcare provision under 3.

    It’s not just a problem for the immediate parents – the countless teachers, nurses, and other workers that we so badly need simply have to stop working in many cases as their wage doesn’t cover childcare. Getting mums back to work isn’t only about their own rights, it’s also important for the economy.

    neilnevill
    Free Member

    My wife’s job is to look after our 3 young kids. It’s incredibly hard but incredibly rewarding. They are only young once and my oh my they grow fast! She/we are very unusual around here, but we actually know our kids. We’ve overheated other parents talking in playgrounds at the weekend and it’s evident they don’t feel comfortable being responsible for their own kids. Today’s way of life seems to strongly value employment and not value parenting. why have kids and pay others to bring them up?

    trail_rat
    Free Member

    It’s a fair point.

    Yes and a reasonable counter arguement if you were a tory party member .

    I was born to two factory workers in the 80s .
    Thanks to circumstance they were able to buy a home with help from society.( Right to buy) cost them 29k . They sold it for many years later in the early 2000s for 45 it’s recently been in the market for 155k.

    Are two main wage workers going to get a loan for that these days.

    What about heating it.

    Food for all?

    Even two median income jobs that’s a fight if you started today … And rents nigh on match mortgages in most cases thanks to “investors”

    The other hilarity is child cares incredibly expensive yet those we trust our kids too….are paid barely a living wage in many cases.

    stwhannah
    Full Member

    I gave up my job to look after my kids full time. The stress of part time working in a senior position combined with the cost of childcare, long days, and kids starting school just didn’t stack up.

    Being at home full time was hard work but lovely. I’m glad I did it, because I think my kids have benefited, but…

    …ultimately I think it was a contributing factor in my divorce and the loss of earning potential is not something that is easy to get compensated for – you need the cash to pursue that argument via solicitors, and if you’ve not been working that well paid job you used to have…

    It’s not a fun discussion to have, but giving up a job is a big deal – and there is often (usually?) an assumption it’s the mother that will give up their career. Which kind of illustrates that it is an equality issue. Talking through how that’s going to look not just while nursery bills apply, but in the longer term, could save a lot of resentment later.

    How does each person get their own leisure time, or pay for that, if one is earning? Does the earner get to decide how any disposable income is spent? What do weekends look like? How does the non earner retain autonomy? What happens if they never get back to full time, or where their salary was? IMO it almost needs a pre-nuptial style agreement. There’s a lot to be gained, but plenty to be lost too.

    Having kids without a network of relatives around is hard! Modern society is pretty badly set up for it (unless you’re in a Scandinavian country).

    (Sorry, hardly a cheery post!)

    csb
    Full Member

    We use money to ‘ration’ pretty much everything else. The size and location of your house, how many holidays you take and where, even what you eat.

    Ah, but all those things have a qualifier that weeds out the unworthy, you have to pay up front (or be worthy of credit), but anyone fertile has qualified to have a kid. And once born they’re not easily repossessed…

    sillysilly
    Free Member

    What about people that actually keep society running, let’s say couples comprising of two:

    Nurses
    HCA’s
    Dustmen
    Delivery Drivers

    In all seriously at £2k+ a month even as a female Dr on £60k pa I’d seriously consider throwing it to look after kid/s.

    Don’t quite understand how you can maintain sustainable communities with this over large parts of the country.

    Fine for anyone in laptop class that bought their house in the 90’s / 00’s. I’m aware enough to realise that I would be in trouble if on same salary trying to buy house and kick off family today…

    argee
    Full Member

    We just struggled through the first two years, what really sucked for us was that my wife only got 6 weeks paid maternity leave, 2 of those were spent in the hospital due to complications, our daughter was the youngest in nursery by a few months, a lot of work places are 3 or 6 months, with add ons and so on.

    Childcare vouchers did help, as did only doing nursery 3 days a week, the best bit though is when she hit 3 and we got the 30 hours childcare a week, but you need a place to get that, and to get a place most of the time you already have to have your child in there, so not a lot of room to look after them until 3 and stick them in childcare.

    Around here we notice that grandparents do a lot of shifts as childminders, guess its similar around the country, wander in a town centre during the day and there’s a fair few 50-70 year olds pushing prams, i guess that’s the cheapest way of doing it!

    scotroutes
    Full Member

    and there is often (usually?) an assumption it’s the mother that will give up their career. Which kind of illustrates that it is an equality issue.

    There’s more than one househusband on this forum. I know of other couples where the womain was the main breadwinner and remained so.

    How does each person get their own leisure time,

    Share it out.

    or pay for that, if one is earning?

    Share it out.

    Does the earner get to decide how any disposable income is spent?

    It’s shared decisions.

    What do weekends look like?

    Same as they usually do. Probably a mix of family time and “solo” time depending upon circumstances.

    How does the non earner retain autonomy?

    Same as anyone does when they are part of a couple.

    What happens if they never get back to full time, or where their salary was?

    Then the situation stays the same for a long time.

    Your personal experience might colour your judgement of these issues but it works for lots of other folk.

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