Not looking forward to this

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  • Not looking forward to this
  • Premier Icon muddydwarf

    My 93yr old gran was taken into hospital last week, tests have returned various cancers that is highly likely to be inoperable.
    She’s been given a matter of weeks and I’m off to see her this afternoon.
    Ive not had to face this before (lucky i guess) and I’m really not mentally equipped for it.
    Nothing much to say really, just pretty rattled.


    Just be normal – last thing she’ll want is people treating her differently, I’m guessing.

    Premier Icon muddydwarf

    Might be easier said than done – I’ll do it though coz she doesn’t need to see me in a mess.


    Nobody’s mentally equipped, you do what you have to do when the time comes..
    You’ll deal with it, good luck.

    Premier Icon jamj1974

    Khani +1. No one is equipped. Take care muddydwarf.


    Had the same recently with my grandfather, living in another country I knew when I went over it would be the last time id see him. I just tried to be normal and talked about stuff I know he like to talk about, motorbikes, bikes and the war…. went to get him ice cream, which was the only thing he wanted to eat. When I left I really wanted to make a deal out of it but didnt want to scare him so just hugged him and left.

    Be normal if you can.

    Premier Icon simmy

    Its a really difficult time for everyone involved. No one is equipped to cope.

    My Nan is 92 and has good days and bad and has lost a lot of weight and had pneumonia a couple of weeks ago.

    At the time she had pneumonia I honestly thought it was the time and I had to balance being with her and not being there too much as to worry her as to why I’m there a lot ( Hope that makes sense )

    My thoughts are with you mate, just do what you feel at the time is the best thing.

    Keep us informed on here



    Went through similar with my mother who died a couple of weeks ago. All I can suggest is try to see her as much as possible, say the things you have always wanted to say to her but maybe have never done before. As said above it is difficult to prepare for such situations and your emotions will be all over the place ranging from tears to feeling guilty that you aren’t feeling upset.

    Best wishes

    Premier Icon MoreCashThanDash

    Be glad you’ve got the chance to see her before it is too late, and cherish those memories of good times. Still hate myself for not seeing my grandpa more before he died, and not being there for my mum when she needed me at the time.

    Far happier that the week before my nan died we had a great family barbecue in the sunshine and I got to kiss her goodbye.

    Be strong, but don’t be afraid to cry if you need to.

    Premier Icon MrOvershoot

    MD if she’s not in horrible pain & is facing up to the end be glad in her life 93 is a good age.
    I lost my father when he was 61 to cancer and it still tears me apart 15 years on.


    Been there a few times, its not nice,but needs to be done,talk as normal,have a laugh, discus funeral plans, and after death,wills etc.

    Older people know that when they reach a certain age thyre going to die,as theyve had experiences of their freinds family dieing, just like you will, and usually prepare themselves for it, its us thats left behind that get upset.

    oh and have a good cry when alone, it helps.


    You’ll get through it.
    Just try to act natural in front of her and be yourself.
    Good luck.


    Agrees with MeOvershoot.

    Dad at 69, mum at 70 here.

    At 93 she’s had a full life and given how you are showing your emotion here, she’s bound to know you care for her so just enjoy the time with her that remains.

    I lost my nan who was 89 last year, she was the king pin of the family, who are dispersed all over the place.. She was always the one to get us all together, she was so strong and respected by us all. I had a great relationship with her and she always spoilt me rotten.

    When she went into hospital we feared the worst and when I got back to the north east she was drifting in and out of consciousness, her mouth was wide open and blood shot, it was obvious she was on her way.

    At first I just stood with tears in my eyes and then came round. After a couple of hours I had to go and I gave her a kiss and squeezed her hand, shouting at her loudly and she smiled back.

    That made the 500 mile round trip worthwhile and I’ll always be thankful for that opportunity to see her for the last time. Far too many people go to young and too sudden, cherish the opportunity to see her for one last time.

    best of luck to you and your family.


    As above, no-one is equipped to deal with this no matter how many times you go through it.
    I would guess though, at 93 and knowing she has terminal cancer, she might want to say a few special things to you. Listen.

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