Have you ever mentioned to someone (diplomatically) that they’re an offensively loud eater? We’re talking crisps in public, crunching with their mouth open, forcing down sandwiches so fast they’re making choking noises, and finishing every sip of coffee with a loud “AAHHHHH”.

I’m torn between mentioning it and just whacking them in the face.

If their Mammy didn’t teach them manners……..

I’d avoid being in their vicinity at feeding time.

I did have words with a lad I work with who was sitting opposite me in the staff canteen, blew his nose and put the used tissue on his tray, ffs. Some people are dragged up !!!!

I have a friend who is so extroverted that even his eating was something he felt the need to share by chewing as loudly as possible.

I remind him at every opportunity that ‘you eat like a horse, man! Keep it shut!’

He just laughs and starts chewing with his mouth closed.

I share an office with a guy who breathes out loud! I’ve asked him to stop, but he always just mumbles on about trying his best and can I just try to work around it, ****ing prick!

As a noisy eater, mostly no people don’t say anything 😀

My wife and her family are not shy about mentioning it. Yet they keep serving crisps, crunchy carrots….

Yet they keep serving crisps, crunchy carrots….

It’s not about the food you’re eating, it’s the slapping of the chops.
I did mention it to someone last week. She took it well 😊

I share an office with a guy who breathes out loud! I’ve asked him to stop, but he always just mumbles on about trying his best and can I just try to work around it, ****ing prick!

Harsh! Eating noisily being irritating I can understand, but someone breathing noisily probably can’t help it. Sinus issues, adenoids or whatever?

I’ve had words.

“I can’t help it”.

So I fart. Well, I can’t help it.

I share an office with a guy who breathes out loud! I’ve asked him to stop, but he always just mumbles on about trying his best and can I just try to work around it, ****ing prick!

Me too.
It was a mistake.
Now my neck hurts and I pray he does not alter the deal any further

I inherited mine from father so blame him

I have to leave the room if someone is eating loudly, my dad being the prime example. It’s creates a bubbling rage I can feel all up the back of my neck. Makes me want to peel my own skin off.

I’ve mentioned it to people in the past, but they normally laugh it off. I’ve got better in recent years, but my dad still boils my piss.

Have you ever mentioned to someone (diplomatically) that they’re an offensively loud eater?

Not diplomatically.
The famous approach we have used in the far east amongst friends or family members is “Stop eating with your pig snout”
It is very rude to eat loudly in the far east except for eating Japanese noddle in Japan.

Also as a kid when we refused to comply we got the punishment with rattan beating, yes, we did.

Also as a kid when we refused to comply we got the punishment with rattan beating, yes, we did.

I’m generally a limp-wristed, lilly-livered liberal but I think corporal punishment is absolutely the correct remedy in this case.

In my head i tell them. I’m screaming ‘stop eating liking a **** horse’ In reality I’m tutting just quietly enough that they don’t notice.

As a student I had a tutorial cancelled so wandered over to the coffee bar with a paper to kill an hour. A female fellow student of industrial proportions, whom I didn’t like anyway, came and sat opposite me with two Cornish pasties, dripping in brown sauce, and proceeded to eat them both whilst talking at me. The horror. I feel scarred for life. But no, I chickened out, didn’t convey my thoughts but scarpered at the earliest opportune moment. I think the porcine scoffing was not temporary but terminal, I couldn’t have made a difference.

One bloke in our office takes three huge, consecutive, loud bites from an apple before chewing what’s in his mouth. I don’t know how it does it. I tried it once and nearly choked attempting the second bite.
Another one makes all sorts of groans, wheezes and generally unhealthy noises as soon as he starts eating as though his body is desperately clinging on for life. No idea how he’s still alive.

Who’s really got the problem here again?

It’s possible you have misophonia. If there’s a noisy eater in the room I have to leave or it really does make the red mist descend. Scraping of bowls also drives me crazy. Some days can be worse than others. Unfortunately there are a few noisy eaters in my life and it’s quite difficult.

Yes, I’ve told them even if it is “my problem”. Slurping and eating with your mouth open isn’t particularly pleasant irregardless of the condition.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Misophonia

In my case I do feel the irrational feeling that I want to beat someone to a bloody mess, so yeah leaving the room is one of the few options. People in my life who are noisy eaters my wife, my mum, my brother-in-law (now lives in Oz thankfully) and a guy in my office who sits a few feet away who eats apples with his mouth open)

I once sat opposite a colleague who took out her false teeth to eat a vanilla slice. That day lives with me some 35 years later.

It’s possible you have misophonia. If there’s a noisy eater in the room I have to leave or it really does make the red mist descend.

Isn’t the point of misophonia that the people who trigger you may not actually be particularly noisy eaters, more that you’re hyper-sensitised to the noises made by certain individuals, usually the people you spend most time with, so you’re actually anticipating the noise and hyper aware of any sounds they make. You might not even notice the same noises made by someone else.

All of which makes it subtly different to being annoyed by genuinely noisy eaters. I guess the killer combo would be misophonia and someone who ate like a goat 🙂

MsPJ tells me I’m a noisy eater – one of the many ways I’m “just like her dad”. Luckily, she quite likes us both and puts up with the down sides. I usually react by making as much noise as close to her hears as possible.

If anyone else pointed it out to me I’d do my best to make them comfortable, but a lot of people don’t react well to criticism. I’d suggest mentioning it politely, then punching them if they react badly.

p.s. I blame messy/noisy eating on being one of 3 hungry bros. Eat fast or eat last. (but I do my best with crisps, just squelchy chewing I’m bad for/don’t notice.)

Scraping of bowls also drives me crazy.

This. So much…

someone who ate like a goat

I sometimes eat like a goat… but i’m only kidding.

Noisy eaters need a high five…in the face…with a chair.

If I ever go down for murder, it will be because I had to sit next to a noisy eater for an extended period of time.

Noisy eaters need a high five…in the face…with a chair.

What you have there is a “high four.”

What you have there is a “high four.”

Not if I hit them 5 times 😉

I have a friend who, despite being very normal in every other way, eats like a neanderthal – one arm around the front of his plate (like he is protecting the food from scavengers), the other holding a fork like a stabby tool to spike whatever he can manage to get on it. He then proceeds to eat noisily with his mouth open. If I ever go out for a meal when he is present, I try to sit as far away from him as possible.

Early on in the relationship with my now-wife I had to pluck up the courage to mention that she ate crisps with a method generated scientifically impossible levels of noise. Otherwise she was ticking all the boxes. Could of gone either way and even now, 12 years later, she occasionally mentions sarcastically that she is eating her crisps quietly especially for my delicate ears. Ironically I’m actually pretty deaf to a lot of things!

My wife has some sort of weird acoustics going on that her skull amplifies everything. It’s not like she eats with her mouth open but if she’s chomping on crisps the whole world knows about it.

Only tends to bother me if I’m in a particularly intolerant mood, it’s the people that make random hnnnng noises as if they are half arsedly clearing their throats that really do my head in.

If I know them well enough, they’ll get told. If I don’t, I’ll probably just tut and scowl.

Public toilets – having a number 2, I can sort of understand if you’re struggling (I’m sure some people could be quieter though), but heavy breathing and all sorts of weird noises when you’re stood up having a pee – wtf?

And don’t get me started on those that feel the need to use a cubicle to pee – all over the blummin seat 😬😡

Sorry, tangent taken