Leaving the door open while on the loo. Every. Bloody. Time. She’s always completely taken aback if I happen to walk past, or if I start to head into the bathroom myself (before realising she’s already in there pinching a loaf) “Sorry, I didn’t think you’d be coming in here” she’ll mumble. She seems genuinely surprised to find me in my own house…

Also, attempting to set a personal best for how many clothes items she can fit in a washing machine or tumble dryer every time she uses them. She cannot grasp the idea that both machines need the clothes to be able to move around in the drum, not be wedged in in a solid mass.

Used teabags being left on the worktop after making said cup of tea

I wonder if this is a habit picked up from parents / grandparents in more frugal times, who would reuse them for a second brew?

She insists that she doesn’t care which way round the bog roll is put on and doesn’t really clock which way round she’s putting it on.

If that were true then it wouldn’t ALWAYS BE THE WRONG WAY ROUND

Every time she changes the roll, she puts in on backwards. I’ll spot it, turn it around, and it’ll then stay that way until she changes another roll. This has been going on for nine years and neither of us has ever mentioned it.

Can sympathise with some of these. She’s

Incredibly noisy
Incredibly untidy
Finds it impossible to sit still and relax
Appalling driving

By the same token she would say of me:
Creepily stealthy
Organised verging on OCD
Annoyingly lazy
Appalling driving

Only cleans the inside of saucepans, and doesn’t do that well. Then when I redo them gets the hump like i’m the one in the wrong.
And describing everything she likes as ‘astonishing’

We stayed in a holiday cottage where I watched her father walk across the kitchen, get a saucer, walk back, put the saucer on the counter, then put the teabag on it. The bin was right next to the counter.

Well, this is quite a good idea and we do similar. You see, teabags are wet when you take them out of a mug. Wet tea bags can – and do – drip on the floor when carrying to the bin. Whack them on a saucer to dry out and then put them in the (compost) bin. Less mess. Easy.

Another one that annoys me: I like polo shirts but they need folding correctly because of the collar. She never folds them correctly and I constantly ask her to leave them out and I will fold them as I like them. She never does this and gets the hump and accuses me of being fussy when she ever spots me taking a badly folded one out of the drawer and refolding it.

(I shouldn’t really complain as I *never* do any washing though).

Things I do that must annoy her:
Having a very thick skin and laughing off things she seems to think are the actual end of the world – such as the time she was upset at not being asked to do a ‘Tough Mudder’ type event by the other mums at the school our girls go to (they all run together, my wife doesn’t run at all so why would they think she wanted to do it)?

Taking the whole evening to cook meals – I often don’t have dinner ready until 9.30/10pm.

Asking me to pass her something when it is just as close to her.
“Can you pass me my drink?”
“You mean that drink that is on the coffee table right in front of you?”

She insists that she doesn’t care which way round the bog roll is put on and doesn’t really clock which way round she’s putting it on.
If that were true then it wouldn’t ALWAYS BE THE WRONG WAY ROUND

Every time she changes the roll, she puts in on backwards. I’ll spot it, turn it around, and it’ll then stay that way until she changes another roll. This has been going on for nine years and neither of us has ever mentioned it.[/quote]

We have this ‘discussion’ too, she also insists it’s not deliberate, my explanation of maths and probability meaning that if that were true then at least sometimes she would get it right are met with huffing and a smirk…I’m on to her…

also, proclaiming things ‘lost’ when what she actually means is “I haven’t yet looked for it so I was looking verbally”

ie:
“arrrgh, I’ve lost my $THING/I can’t find my $THING”

normally said with an air of panic and an undertone of ‘help me find it or I will make you pay’, which is 99% of the time solved with the following reply:

“turn your head 8 degrees right/left and look down a bit”

Her insistence that the best way to deal with being busy, is to get more busy. Jobs left half done everywhere, yet has a constant & growing list of things to do.

Treating the car like an extension of the bin.

Filling bags of garden rubbish with soil at the bottom, then foliage on top. Then leaving them out in the rain.

When she gets up, everyone gets up. Quiet? No chance!

When she cooks, she uses every pot/pan/utensil we own and spills half of whatever she cooks on the hob/cooker/floor (and rarely cleans it up).

Believing EVERYTHING she reads on FaceBook or whatever. “Ooooh, have you seen this story about this bloke that’s eaten his pregnant lovers unborn baby” etc etc.

I’m sure she could come up with a list a mile long of things she finds annoying about me too, but that’s only natural after a long time together (isn’t it!?)

She has miles more good traits than bad, but us blokes find the little things annoying, don’t we 🙂

The sink trap, leaving stuff on stairs, not doing up lids properly, not mopping up splashes of water round the kitchen sink, constantly tidying and half heartedly cleaning rather than doing it once, properly.

I’m pretty sure it’s either emotional abuse or unreasonable behaviour.

Toothpaste squeezing in the middle.

Coming in like a whirlwind and just dropping stuff and leaving it lying around everywhere. I’ve taken to de-cluttering her stuff by popping small items into her handbag.

We have a back door into a utility room, or a front door straight onto hall carpet, they are 10 seconds walking distance apart, she insists on using the front door irrespective of how wet/muddy it is outside.

suddenly deciding that it needs doing NOW and getting huffy that I’m doing something else and don’t want to drop everything at that instant

nod

turns eveything off at the socket; particularly chargers for phone, tablets etc…

Constant harping about unimportant things and commenting on affairs in a sad “woe is me” voice, as if I’m expected to feel devastated that the local stray cat has got mange or her toenail has gone black after walking in unsuitable shoes.

Asking my opinion on stuff them, when I offer an opinion, she replies: “You don’t really know do you? You’re just making it up as usual!” So nowadays I just murmur “Gosh, I don’t know.” and close the subject.

Her mise en place is appalling.

Asking my opinion on stuff them, when I offer an opinion, she replies: “You don’t really know do you? You’re just making it up as usual!” So nowadays I just murmur “Gosh, I don’t know.” and close the subject.

Yes. Or asking what she should do about something and then doing the complete opposite anyway. WHY ASK THEN? you’d evidently made up your mind. I’ve given up offering opinions now, and go with something like ‘whatever you think right’

I have turned into my dad.

Toothpaste here too.. She’s not even a “middle squeezer”, more of a “top squeezer”! We’ve had full blown arguments about it but nowt changes.

Tailgating. Every time I’m in the car with her. Doesn’t even know she’s doing it or why it’s ill advised.
“Can you please drop back darling”
“WHAT?! I’ve been driving this long and never had a crash bla blah blah don’t you bloody tell me how to drive my car who the hell bla blah..”

Also car servicing and maintenance. Seems to think it’s optional. Oil service light been on for couple months (it’s £75 at the local mini indie) but things like curtains and haircuts are obviously more important..

Disappears every single time I cook and meal is ready even with warning then reappears huffs a bit and puts it in microwave. Every. Single. Time.

Complete inability to be anywhere, on time, ever.

Apart from to our wedding.

My mrs will happily sleep until lunchtime whereas I’m up and about at 6:30am. Gives me time to do stuff I suppose but it’s a challenge to get her up at even a reasonable hour when we’re both going to do stuff

Among many things is the quooker…. when we had a new kitchen we splashed out on one and it really is great, however she uses it to fill the sink and empties the cylinder EVERY TIME i want a brew.. we don’t have a kettle and from empty they take a while. she knows this and simply doesn’t care…. (I must get some sort of first world problem prize for this…)

Ohh and every single time we go out we spend 15 minutes rounding up the kids, getting the car ready, getting the kids in their car seats, all ready to go and the next thing I know, she has disappeared somewhere in the house, me stood waiting with the keys wanting to lock up and she has gone to do something, not reappearing for 5 minutes.

👿

Being asked which dress/earrings/shoes look best, HAVING to have an opinion about it, and said opinion then being rejected as stupid.

Having to do everything together, including watching telly. I like America’s Next Top Model as much as the next man, but there IS a limit.

Buy a kettle? 😀

My first world problem is to do with dishwasher loading, specifically the cutlery drawer. I like to group spoons with spoons, forks with forks, etc, so when I empty it, I just grab handfuls of cutlery and drop it into place. If I load the dishwasher I can enjoy it with my eyes closed. So why can’t she do the same???

Oh she also does that thing with the toothpaste tube, I think it’s a feminine trait.

Leaving lights on.
Washing machine runs at least 3 times a day.

When I suggested she wouldn’t do this if she paid the electric or water bill went menthol.

Used teabags being left on the worktop after making said cup of tea…..the bin is appx. 1 meter away…..

When I’m in charge, those people will be first against the wall.

For me, it’s the missus’ memory when it comes to something either of us has done wrong. Her version of events, without fail, seems to be whatever suits her particular line of attack at the time. It’s almost as if she’s making things up to win arguments. Of course, I get to be the world’s smelliest arsehole when I give a play-by-play account that proves she’s wrong, to the point that at times I wonder if I’m guilty of gas-lighting her. But then, the way she acts and sticks to her story in the face of adveristy the raw, unadulterated truth, it could almost be that she’s gas-lighting me.

For me,she’s close to perfect, apart from being too nice and accommodating.
When I hear some of the things she lets her minions get away with, I want to charge in all football fan style.

When I hear some of the things she lets her minions get away with,

Are you married to Scarlett Overkill?
Herb?
Is that you?

[video]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C4p2iZTIDog[/video]

I like to eat peanut butter sandwiches before I go for a ride. I like to eat all the crusts first – get the hard graft out of the way – and then enjoy the soft, moist centre bit, completely unfettered by chewy crusty crusts.

SO WHY DOES MRS WEAKLY INSIST ON WALTZING OVER, AND TAKING A BITE OUT OF THE LOVELY MOIST SOFT CENTRE BIT, WITHOUT HAVING DONE ANY OF THE GROUNDWORK???

NOT ONLY IS SHE ENJOYING THE FRUITS OF MY LABOUR, BUT SHE’S DEPRIVING ME OF MY SOFT, MOIST, DELICIOUS CENTRE BIT!!!

AAARRRGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Are you married to Scarlett Overkill?

Oh,she’s a lot nicer than Sandra Bullock 😉

Feeding the local feral gato negro, thus encouraging it to come around then getting upset when it mauls our cats.

Complete non-sequiturs, as in this morning’s text: “When are you going to fix the kitchen plug?”

Me: “What plug?”

Her: “The sink plug!”

Me: “What’s wrong with it?”

Her: “It doesn’t open when you turn the knob!”

Me: “That’ll be because you’ve swopped it for the one in the sink tidy, which has a shorter stem as it’s not self-opening!”

SO WHY DOES MRS WEAKLY INSIST ON WALTZING OVER, AND TAKING A BITE OUT OF THE LOVELY MOIST SOFT CENTRE BIT, WITHOUT HAVING DONE ANY OF THE GROUNDWORK???

NOT ONLY IS SHE ENJOYING THE FRUITS OF MY LABOUR, BUT SHE’S DEPRIVING ME OF MY SOFT, MOIST, DELICIOUS CENTRE BIT!!!

AAARRRGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

If she reads this she’ll deprive you of HER soft, moist delicious centre bit.

[list][*]Watches soaps.[/*]
[*]Not rinsing the soap suds of anything that’s been washed up.
[*]Leaving cupboards/drawers open.[/*]
[*]Leaving the fridge door open until the item taken from it has been replaced after use (eg milk).[/*]
[*]Never empties the bin.[/*]
[*]Doesn’t stack the dishwasher with any system, I can get twice as much in.[/*]
[*]Puts plastic and paper in a bag on the utility room top rather than take them to the recycling bins.[/*]
[*]Expects the hoover to work efficiently when the bag is nearly full.[/*]
[*]Hoovers around any large items of furniture.[/*]
[*]Hangs toilet roll unwinding closest to wall.[/*]
[*]Brakes before changing lanes when overtaking.[/*]
[*]Revs too hard in low gears.[/*]
[*]Believes the dog when it looks at her as if to say “I haven’t been fed”[/*][/list]

Humming/singing any song that’s recently featured on an advert. That’s pretty much all she’ll sing or hum, she’s that easily influenced.

Getting into a debate and getting in a huff when I actually debate rather than just listening and nodding.

Asking seemingly rhetorical questions and getting in a huff when I don’t answer.

Letting the food waste caddy overflow and piling stuff on the lid rather than just emptying it.

The way she eats pizza with a knife and fork and makes it sound like she’s trying to saw the planet in half.

She has many, many plus points though that more than make up for these foibles.

She gives the most evasive answers to questions. One word answers usually. Factually accurate, but as much use as a chocolate tea pot. An MP would kill to have such skill.

Say, if I ring and ask where she is, she’ll say out with Lauren (our daughter). Correct but tells me nothing.

If I do the same, she asks why I’m being funny.

It boils my piss to have to ask 20 questions to get the answer….

My dishwasher one:

On emptying it she places all the forks in the same direction. All the knives are placed to face the same direction. The same for the large spoons – they all point the same way.

Then she gets to the teaspoons and she just bungs them all in willy-nilly because ‘they are getting used all the time’ so no need to put them away neatly.

(Shakes head in disbelief)

I like America’s Next Top Model as much as the next man

not at all whatsoever?
My wife likes ‘Cake Boss’ – that show is deprived, every single time I’ll come in half way through and they’ll be making the effiel tower or something out of cake and she’ll go ‘look, isn’t that great, it’s made out of cake’ every. single. time. made out of cake? on a show called ‘cake boss’ who would have thought it.

Plenty, in fact most of the ones mentioned above.

The latest one seems to be standing in the doorway when I am trying to get through and then not moving until I ask her to. Almost like it is a complete surprise that somebody walking in from the car with Tesco bags in both hands wants to get through a doorway from the hallway to the kitchen.

Reading this thread it’s becoming clear I’m the annoying one in our relationship. Things I do which she frequently mentions, and I continue to do:

– Squeeze toothpaste from the middle
– Leave dirty clothes on top of the wash basket, not in it
– Always forget my wallet (mostly by accident)
– Constantly ‘man-looking’ as she calls it eg: not spotting my keys which are in plain sight and sat exactly where I always leave them
– Playing a game I call ‘bin-buckaroo’ where you win the game if you can keep jamming stuff into the kitchen bin even though it is completely full and obviously needs emptying, whoever empties it loses the game… when I see her empty it I wink and shout BIN BUCKAROO
– Making a load of racket or asking stupid questions about character’s backstory when she’s watching one of her drama Tv shows

…might have to get some flowers on the way home 😀

Every single day, she unplugs the toaster to charge her laptop, despite there being a variety of other plugs in the house that don’t:

Clutter the kitchen top with cables.
Disable the toaster.

Toast is important, it should be allowed a dedicated plug socket FFS.