Night Rides are…
Night riding rocks for a hundred reasons.
1. Get back soaked to the skin, freezing cold. Sweet!
2. 15 miles riding around on open moorland convinced you're being followed by a madman, years off your life.
3. Ride back past gangs of bored teenagers who hurl abuse, cans, bottles, knives.
4. Have a puncture right in front of said gangs. My, that's an interesting night for you. Take weapons.
5. ride a trail at light speed because 'you know it' and then cannon into a tree because at night it's different.
6. Experience light envy. You've spent 200 quid on a new front light and because one of your riding partners has spent a whole lot more on something else, you can't see shit apart from his EARTHSUN weaving around burning out owls eyes. What a Tw@.
7. Pub worry. You all stop for a drink, but your toes are actually at zero degrees kelvin, all you want is a hot cup of tea but that would be less than manly so you have to have a pint with the boys. Don't worry, all their toes feel like ice blocks too, they're just acting it up.
8. The whisky stop. Someone will bring out a small flask and offer it round. They're hoping no-one will accept. It's **** Talisker in there man, it's 30 quid a bottle! But every one takes a swig anyway. The non-whisky drinkers nearly shit their pants at taking on a 40% drink but this is a male bonding experience, don't flinch! Oh, and don't get pulled driving home.
9. YOU NEVER GET HOME AT THE TIME YOU SAID YOU WOULD! So the wife will be storming around, angry that you've got home later than you said. She will claim this is worry, something might have happened to you but in reality, she's cross you've been out enjoying yourself longer than the pre-arranged period. Now you'll suffer! Sorry, just try and think of the ride while you're being nagged.
10. You get home half cooked, knacklered, cold and wet. Do you do some bike maintenance? DO you ****! Throw it in the shed/garage, shower, beer and bed. Screw YOU!
x10Posted 8 years ago
Beautifully put Samurai.
11. The next day at work you KNOW that everyone around you has no concept how much FUN you had last night. They think you've been dogging.
12. You aren't supposed to have this much fun in the mud once you are past 6 years old.
13. The near miss – and detailed description in the pub afterwards.
14. You can pedal faster than werewolfs and vampires can run.Posted 8 years agotandemwarriorsMember
Superb, top list.
Done number 4. Me & buddy flying along Baslow Edge many years ago heading down into Baslow. Know it like the back of my hand. Then pass a huge monument. MONUMENT??? WHERE THE HELL DID THAT COME FROM? Yep, took a left turn that I'd never even seen in the day!
Happy days, or should that be happy nights?
RobPosted 8 years agodoug_basqueMTB.comSubscriber
Ha HA! Number 9 and number 11 are so true!
What about #16: You get home starving, cold and muddy. Eat and drink but can't be bothered showering before you go to bed. Wash your face and crawl into bed in the dark. Get a repeat helping of #9 in the morning when your partner wakes up muddy too 🙁Posted 8 years agoMostly BalancedMember
A few years ago when the riding and drinking were getting seriously enthusiastic wifey laid down the law……
"If you're not home by three next time, don't bother"
17 No matter how much it hurts you've got to show willing and be efficient in getting the kids ready for school the next day, cos you'll get so much grief if you look like you're suffering for your fun.Posted 8 years agotheotherjonvSubscriber
Variation on 16:
you can't have a shower because that wakes the wife and kids adding to 9. So you opt for a bath, as hot as you can stand. Being smart you rinse your legs off before putting the plug in but you never get it all off, so you always get a bit of grit under your arse making it slightly uncomfortable. But not uncomfortable enough to stop you dozing off and waking up in a tepid bath with wrinkly fingers an hour later. And your tea's gone cold on the side as well. But despite all this, you're still smiling.Posted 8 years agosimonfbarnesMember
We had a great ride round Torver Common from Blawith on Wednesday, marred only by one whingeing git who complained that it was "too muddy". TOO MUDDY FFS ?? We're called the BOG TROTTERS and it's been raining for most of the last year, what else do you expect you tarty apology for a man!!
<and breathe> :o)Posted 8 years agoAlexSubscriber
Nice one Jon 🙂 Had a brilliant ride last night in the Malverns. Frozen on top, toasty warm in superb clothing. Had the hills to ourselves. Great views for absolute miles, full moon, fast blasts out-reaching the lights, bit slidey in places.
Home. Stew. Beer. Bath. Asleep in 2 seconds. Bacon sandwich cooked as "Hero's breakfast".
Guy at work has just stumped up £480 for gym membership. I reckon this lot is WAY better value.
Love riding in the summer. Love riding in the winter too. So many people seem to treat MTBing as a 3 season sport. They're missing lots 🙂Posted 8 years agoxc-steveMember
For me Night riding is all about standing on top of a Hill over looking your village/town/city rain and wind pelting down on you your lights illuminating the next decent and a small smile comes across your face, thinking of the poor suckers sat infront of their Tv's or on a hamster wheel at the gym!Posted 8 years ago13thfloormonkMember
#19: Realising that with enough lights, and a willingness to ride by your £30 Cateye LED if needs be, ANYTHING is possible.
Getting off the train at Blair Atholl at 10:30pm and riding through Glen Tilt trying to find a non-existent bothy at the other end, but ending up lost in a bog and re-crossing the same river about 4 times at 02:00 in the morning? One of my best camping trips ever 😀Posted 8 years agosimonfbarnesMember
looks like it's part of the experience we are missing.
I have a ST hipflask, however I never drink spirits, so I'm wondering what else I might put in it 🙂 I would suggest alcohol would only interfere with the enjoyment, which is already complete (apart from rampant sex but let's be realistic)Posted 8 years agoVortexracingSubscriber
most of the original list applies to me plus
Walking upstairs in my mud covered leggings, which have dried off in the 10 minute car ride home, leaving a trail of $h1t all the way through the house, removing said clothes in the bathroom and leaving dried mud all over the bathroom floor. Having the bath and can't be arsed rinsing it out afterwards.
Results in a version of #9, just the bollocking relates to being late AND the trail of $h1t in the house and mud in our new white bath (only spotted the morning after)
All factual, happened only this Wednesday.
I love this mountainbikeingPosted 8 years ago
The topic ‘Night Rides are…’ is closed to new replies.