Inspired by the mention of “Bullet” Baxter from Grange Hill on another thread and a couple of conversations i’ve had with my 12 year old daughter who’s in first year at high school…..

Do teachers not have nicknames at school anymore?
My daughter couldn’t provide me with more than one humourously named educator at her school. ( Mr. Babybel)

When I went to the same school thirty-something years ago we had loads… There was Chimp and Greasy, Grotbags and Maggie Beast, Panshiner and Sweaty Betty.

If you’re a teacher, do the kids have a name for you?

Who were the imaginatively named teachers when you were a kid?

Go.

Not that amusing really:

Fag-ash Lil
Nobby Styles
Maxie
Straw Dick
Buck Rogers
Jamie
John Thomas

I’m sure they still do .

We had
Stapleneck
Monotone Jim
Clank (the w**k)
Cough-cough

Mr. King was usually known as Wan

Mr Bates was always referred to as Master Bates
The rural studies teacher was Scrunge (no idea of real name, only the thick kids did rural studies)
Miss Ballwinkle was funny enough without a nickname

Turner the Bastard – Chemistry Teacher who (legend told) fed phosphorus to seagulls – he was part of a small clique of receding haired, veiny templed, beetle-browed, scowl-y and authoritarian teachers that used to patrol the portacabined area of the playground during lunchtime, generally put a stop to any fun. Collectively they were known as the Bastard Squad.

The textiles teacher at my secondary school, Mrs Griffiths, was alternately referred to as any of the following:

Griff-griff-smoke a spliff
Homeclothes
Skeletor

We had a music teacher called Mr Spinks
– no prizes for guessing what we called him

Ahh memories…

Caveman
Pinhead
Hagrid (shows that I’m not toooo old)

If you’re a teacher, do the kids have a name for you?

My dad started out as a teacher, one of his first schools had a system of sending correspondence between classrooms couriered by trusted and dependable pupils. They all believed these messages were serious and necessary communications without which the machinery school would grind to a halt. They weren’t – they were jokes, and the game for teachers was maintaining a poker face while drafting another correspondence for the pupil to take back. The game was nearly up when my dad was handed an envelope – opened it and it read ‘This has got to be the ugliest kid in the school’.

Iron Mike.. Pe teacher
Mr cook.. Female Pe teacher who looked like a man
Tefal.. Technology teacher with big forehead
Lighbulb.. English teacher who went bright red when angry

We had a ‘Duck Island’ named because of his unusual bald spot 🙂

A few off the top of my head:

Belly
Fatty Batty
Perky
Whiz
Charlie
Greasy
Bob-a-job
Flecky
Wedgie

and not forgetting…

Buggers

Plugger – old fashioned PE master, taught boxing in the day, great teacher (guaranteed A)
Spoon/Cecil – protruding backside and initials CEC
Elsie – initials LC
Ernie Scrotum – no idea, great bloke RIP
Crackers – obvious surname of biscuit fame RIP, great bloke, loved to whack people!!! RIP
Mike the fag – obvious RIP
Herbie – can’t remember even though he was my housemaster
Monty – don’t know, great bloke, squeaky brogues, lousy teacher but favourite RIP
Bummer – obvious (allegedly)
Whitbread – big head (trophy bitter, the pint that thinks it’s a quart) great hockey player, bowled super fast at us in the cricket nets too mental
The whiskey priest – unfounded but stuck
Swivel cow
Victor – tall language master after the poor giraffe who had to be put down in some zoo
Fling – surname was the give away
Ratty – did look like one too

Oh, heck must stop this is taking back too much

Hitler Roberts- pretty obvious
Bender Lonsdale – spent a lot of time hunched over, hands in pockets, change jangling
Test-Tube Thompson – short, skinny, taught chemistry
Dr ‘Zarkov’ Roberts – chemistry teacher, slight resemblance to Topol.

Few others, but those were the most enduring.

My dad started out as a teacher, one of his first schools had a system of sending correspondence between classrooms couriered by trusted and dependable pupils.

WE had this too but the Geography teacher Mr Gow (a.k.a “Ydna Wog”), a slightly camp Fifer with an extremely high voice, foolishly chose my extremely untrustworthy and larcenous older brother to deliver a top secret and important missive to the french teacher, Miss Allison.

Naturally, my brother opened it as soon as he was out of sight to find it contained a single Rolo, which he promptly ate and then went for a fag for the rest of the period.

My father was a teacher and after my brother and I were taken in to school as tiny tots in the early 1960’s (to be shown off I guess) he was forever known as ‘Daddy’, even up to when he retired 25 years later.

there are worse things to be called as seen above

Mr Roberts – Billiards. Used to stand at the front of the class playing with his balls.

We had a dinner lady who got called mrs pigeon and everyone cooed at her en mass

Mr Cutmore (Real Name)

Woodwork teacher with fingers missing from one hand.

Last part of nickname was “more fingers off”.

We were horrible really. Looking back, he was a pretty descent bloke.

Mr Baird – Yogi.

His shortarsed mate, well, you can guess, can’t you.

We had one called Gunner – he was always gunner do this , gunner do that.

35 years ago now but been thinking about these recently. Most notable ones where
Dildo D****n
Easy Rider (school vicar who rode his bike around school)
Tex and Rex (Metalwork and woodwork teachers – they were their real names too)
Cheesy (used to smile a lot – )
Chiefy (no idea why but he’s a nice guy)
Gobby (welsh geography teacher – big guy)
Et Bon (french teacher)
Geoff (headmaster)
Knockers (matron)

I was going to say I couldn’t remember any, but then there was this:

Tefal.. Technology teacher with big forehead

We had one of those too! Same nickname, same subject.

Cuboid
Noddy
Bollock chops
Zoot
Taffy

chopper – no idea why – great bloke I owe a lot

Tefal.. Technology teacher with big forehead
We had one of those too! Same nickname, same subject.

Now that I think about it – so did we. Its quite possible they were all clones or androids.

We had one called “Strawbs” legend had it someone once saw her first name and it was ‘Aubrey’ (it was actually Audrey).

She had a terrifying reputation, like a Female Mr. Bronson from Grange Hill, She was pretty old fashioned and acted like a School Mistress rather than the ones that thought they’d get more out of us if they let us use their first name and let us ‘learn freely’ which was code for ‘do sod all’, but she was never vindictive or spiteful – just direct with a formal politeness, she used all her P’s and Q’s and expected everyone to do the same.

People used to shout “Strawbs!” in corridors and hundreds of kids would scatter off, even if we were meant to be there in the first place, even after she retired!

She wasn’t known for her sense of humor, but she must have had one – I remember at the year-end assembly they used to play music – she always played “Strawberry Fields” and everyone sat about trying not to piss themselves ‘OMG! Strawbs is playing Strawberry Fields’ like in the 30 years or so the kids had called her that, she’d never found out.

She was the only teacher who ever gave me detention, and I forgot to go – didn’t hear anything about it again, but I didn’t really drop my guard until last year when I read she’d died, I wouldn’t put it past her to wait 25 years before cornering me and asking why I thought my time was more important that hers.

Brilliant stuff. Memories trickling back. We had:

Dr Pockets – had a doctorate and was always trying to put his hands in boys pockets
Kinky – nuff said
Tin tin – quiffy hair but had a fierce temper
Donnie – his name
Joe-man – dunno why, it was affectionate – best teacher ever
FAF – acronym for fat backsided 2nd name
Womble – alliterative and self explanatory

There were so many more but that’s all I can remember just now… kids are so harsh…

We also had a Mr Gay – real name…

We had:-

Bollock Eyes
Chicken Head
Marge (something to do with her legs!)
Piggy
Benny

Kids are cruel. There must have been others but I can’t think of any at the moment.

jemima, I went to the same school as you 8)

Hm. lets see —
‘Goofy’ French the English teacher, protruding teeth
‘Clink’ – McLean (I think – something like that ), deputy head, hard ba…d, looked and spoke like Mr Mcakay from Porridge, had a couple of cracking daughters, kind of test of Hercules to ask them out…
‘Beefchops’ Gordon, Geography teacher, used to boast of being in the army (I think) in Africa, good pal of Idi Amin (wtf…)
‘Dobs’ – edit…Robertson (can’t recall surname, that’s awful)physics teacher, had some cracking mannerisms, great teacher – turns out also taught my future boss, while at different school. Nairn Academy.. inspirational..
‘Stiff shit’ Davidson – Biology, walked very stiffly..
‘Yehudi’ McEwan, PE teacher..

oh and peg leg Bob Todd the maths teacher – great guy to be fair

We didn’t really do proper nicknames, we just had Mental Todd, whose name was Todd and who was Mental. Pretty clever.

Maggot. The PE teachers with a broken finger that was crooked.
****. The deputy. No idea why apart from the fact he was once.

Ah ha, yes teachers names:

Mrs Smith was called LankySpanky because she was lanky and she handed out spanks.
Mr Smith (the husband of Mrs Smith) was called RonHill because despite being a Maths teacher he wore Ronhills.
Mrs Storr became Storky, she was lovely and I had a crush on her.
Mrs Griffiths became Tits, because she had a massive pair.
Mr Petterson (the Head) was called Petty, because he was.
Mr Weeks became Peudo because he was always chasing young boys.

It was so long ago now I can barely remember them. There was 600 pupils in my school, the rotation of teachers per month was about 10. They came and went because we were an ex-pat school in deepest Fort Lauderdale, and most teachers were on some secondment from the UK.

We called one poor sod Isaiah. He had a noticeable defect – one eye’s higher than the other.

In retrospect I feel kind of guilty because I know he overheard on a number of occasions.

Inch High in the same school. A short-arsed nasty piece of work that had penchant for throwing his bunch of keys at kid’s faces. He wasn’t a private eye but bore a passing resemblance.

Pyro – Member

Hitler Roberts- pretty obvious
Bender Lonsdale – spent a lot of time hunched over, hands in pockets, change jangling
Test-Tube Thompson – short, skinny, taught chemistry
Dr ‘Zarkov’ Roberts – chemistry teacher, slight resemblance to Topol.

Few others, but those were the most enduring.

You didn’t mention ‘Crow’ 🙂 I remember we counted the number of times he paced up and down the chemistry lab and he covered nearly a mile in a double lesson. His wife’s home-made bras were legend.

When did you leave I finished A-Levels in 1990.

To the rather large dinner lady Mrs Waterfield who we called Mrs Watermelon, I’m so sorry.

Eddie Bum-chin

Mr Edwards, head of maths and year head, who had…you guessed it…a chin like a bum.

Decent sort.

Hoss
Oeuf
Stumpy Leg
Barney Rubble
Monkey man who used to teach us biology, we were doing blood stuff and had a test to see if we were rhesus positive or negative, he demonstrated and was rhesus negative to which he said “so I am less a monkey man than you think” we were all stunned he knew what we called him 😆