Need to Vent

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  • Need to Vent
  • Hello all, although I am not a regular or known here I just need to get my feelings down anonymously.

    My son was born on Tuesday, Labour was complicated, but my partner was awesome and I was so proud of her. Wednesday night comes around and we haven’t slept really since Monday.

    He starts really screaming and his breathing had changed, so we took him to A and E. His blood sugar wasn’t even reading. On the way to the paediatric ward he became unresponsive, went limp and was barely breathing. I had to run to the ward clutching my first baby thinking he was going to die.

    I am now sat next to his incubator while he sleeps. My wonderful lady is sleeping a much needed sleep.

    I have kept up a brave face for her and family, but I feel broken inside. Just want my boy to get better and feel utterly powerless. I’ve known him for four short days and I feel a love I didn’t think it was possible to experience.

    Sorry for ranting here, but I just need to get these feelings out.

    mate you are at the best possible place. just stay with him and keep showing him love, and your partner.

    greatest thing in the world kids.

    good luck

    Premier Icon danrandon

    Good luck buddy, my little one was born with a cleft pallette, query on 5 different genetic conditions, 3 holes in her heart and a cyst on the base of her brain 10mm from her spinal cord. She’s 7 now.

    I know exactly how you feel after spending 2 weeks on a neo-natel ward, be strong and be there for your partner and little one. Enjoy every moment you can and all will be good.

    It can be tough but as I say be strong and don’t be afraid to show your emotions.

    I wouldn’t call that a rant. Sounds like a really tough and emotional place to me. I’m sure everything will be OK very soon. Kids have a way of making you think the very worst. Next moment they are bouncing about like nothing was ever wrong


    It sounds like he is stable and in a safe place. Hopefully the staff are keeping you informed too. Keep strong fella, I’m sure it has been a huge shock and will take time to process. Best of luck to all.

    Premier Icon wwaswas

    My son ended up in an incubator on his second night after screaming himself blue when the nurses took him away from my wife to ‘give her a break’.

    As you say the fear you feel is like nothing you’ve ever experienced.

    Tell your wife how you feel – you can still support her and she’ll understand.

    I hope your boy is ok, they’re generally tough little blighters, babies.


    Babies are tough. My son was severely ill when he was born, intensive care the day after he was born. As much as people rant about the NHS they do know what they’re doing. Having gone through something similar my only advice is to look after yourself and your wife because the Doctors will do the rest. I nearly fainted in the IT unit as I had forgotten to eat and drink much for a couple of days. My wee boy had a couple of difficult years (22 admissions and 8 operations) but he is nearly 5 now and he is the best wee boy eva!! Stick in cos it will all be fine.

    Edit: with a name like funkmasterp, everything’s gonna be fine 😉

    Premier Icon bearnecessities

    I know a baby that had some scary breathing issues; into IC from 2 days old where he stayed for several weeks. I’m 36 now and a pain in the arse 😀 . I’m told it was really hard for my Mum though, so above comments ring true.

    Best wishes to you all x


    My wishes, prayers, mantras and love is with the 3 of you.
    Certainly puts “what tyres for the Gobi Desert” concerns into perspective.
    Good luck to you all.

    Thanks all for the kind words. Letting myself cry now they are both asleep. They gave him a lumber puncture last night and sent off bloods, both came back showing signs of infection, but thankfully not meningitis.

    His heart rate, oxygen levels and blood sugar are all now within acceptable levels. Thanks to the staff here he is doing really well. It’ll be a minimum seven day stay.

    Just keep flashing back to running holding him. I know it’s stupid considering he’s getting better, but I am terrified and it’s knocked his mum’s confidence.

    Thanks again.

    have nothing to add except i wish your son a speedy recovery.

    Premier Icon bearnecessities

    Hope this seems appropriate.

    Last two lines fella.



    and it’s knocked his mum’s confidence

    She’s a Mum now, she’ll be reet.

    Sit tight, they’re tougher than you think. Best of luck.

    Premier Icon marko75

    keep being postive – you are in the best place. Keep feeding/sleeping while you can. Your missus and little one need you at your best/most positive!


    Oh and remember the feelings you have now when he first comes home drunk/crashes your car/costs you an arm and leg at Uni…………..and rides on 2 wheels, unaided, for the first time. 🙂

    Genuine thanks to you all. It’s why I lurk on here, it’s the best forum I have had the pleasure of stumbling across.

    Last Weekend my major concerns were staff issues at work and what bike to swap my Bfe for. That all now seems utterly irrelevant.

    I had grave concerns all through the pregnancy that I wouldn’t bond. I cannot put in to words the love I feel for him.

    Your comments have helped me, made me laugh and made me appreciate how lucky we are compared to some of the things you have gone through.



    Out first had to go back into hospital and onto IV antibiotics after only being home 3 nights. Coming home to an empty house on my own with all baby stuff everywhere was terrible!! Like you I needed to chat – I ended up chatting to a friend online who I’ve never actually met in real life for ages 🙁

    The little guy pulled through fine and he’s just a couple of weeks away from his 6th birthday 🙂

    I really hope it all works out for you all.

    Premier Icon danrandon

    No problems buddy, babies are tough liddle mudders, I thought I was a strong person till I held Olivia for the first time, then there was no stopping the amount of tears of happiness that I shed.

    If you ever want to chat drop me a line to the email address in my profile.


    When you really, REALLY need them the NHS kicks ass.

    Premier Icon Cougar

    Friend of mine’s sister has just had a little boy.

    Six months premature, weighed 500g.

    Hospital is performing miracles, keeping him safe. I don’t possess the parent gene, but I can’t even begin to imagine what them / the OP must be going through in situations like these. Best wishes, sir.

    Premier Icon midlifecrashes

    Good luck to you all, hope you’re over the worst. Don’t forget to get some sleep yourself, and call any useful relatives in to give a hand, too.


    Speaking from experience…. Make sure you talk to your partner and don’t bottle things up.
    And make sure she gets as many cuddles with baby as she possibly can.
    And be prepared to cry when anything that involves babies in ICU comes on the telly ( I still do 7 years later).
    The bonus to all this is that you will see just how great the NHS can be !


    All the best fella; sounds like you made the right choice. Our second was born with her stomach outside her body and some other related complications. She was whisked off quick smart by the doctors, which was a tricky time for us all. After a middle of the night operation, all was well and the care she received from everyone at the hospital was impeccable. Take some time to breathe now, get some rest yourself and enjoy every minute as a father of a family- even the tough times.

    Premier Icon kimbers

    First son had a tough birth- ventouse snapped scared the shit out of me then wife got possible mrsa infection

    All turned out fine in the end but it is incredibly frustrating that you feel for them so much but can do so little

    They are tougher than you realize and the NHS and modern medicine work miracles


    Been in high dependency special care with two of my girls. It’s tough but the best place. I really really feel for you and wish you all the best. Make sure you get some rest also.


    Don’t worry, I’m sure he’ll be fine. We just had our third last month, he got shoulder distocia (stuck half way out basically), and when they managed to pull him out he was blue, limp, and not moving at all. It took five minutes of the doctors inflating his lungs with a bag before he started breathing by himself.

    They resuscitated him right next to us, and my missus was in hysterics watching this happen. I was totally calm all the way through (don’t know why though). He spent the next 5 days in ICU, and the level of care and attention they get in there is amazing (compared to our first two who didn’t have such complications and went straight onto the post natal ward). It’s amazing how many extra little things they tested for in ICU, that could easily affect a healthy baby but would never be picked up.

    It sounds like yours had low blood sugar from birth, but they don’t usually test blood sugars just after birth unless mum has gestational or regular diabetes. The reason ours had to stay in ICU for so long was because his blood sugars took a while to come up to normal (but once they’ve got there, they shouldn’t drop again).

    Premier Icon cloudnine

    Congratulations on becoming a dad… It’s a massive emotional rollercoaster even without any complications.
    By the sounds you have passed your first major dad test with flying colors and did the right thing getting to a&e.
    Try and get some rest as he’s in good hands… you will need all of your energy in the coming weeks.

    Sounds like you saved the wee fella there – what more could the boy want from his old man? Had something similar with my second one – all birthed and so on, went off to get the oldest from school to come and meet her wee brother, get back to the maternity unit to find he’s gone. Sent up to SCBU to find him hooked up to goodness knows what, pipes everywhere, wife in bits, but thank goodness she woke up and saw he was blue and not breathing! One week later, home we go.

    I knew what all the machines did and beeps meant when the third one did the same thing, so it was much easier to play it cool in front of all the SCBU nurses. They told me that SCBU is the one part of the NHS that get whatever they want, no expense spared. So sit tight, nag them to let you cuddle him, and you’ll be fine.

    All the best.


    All the best OP, I’m sure he’ll be fine. Get used to the worrying as it’s all you’ll do for the rest of your life I reckon! We’ve been lucky with our two, both healthy, but I still wake up if one of them squeaks/snorts/burps/farts.

    As above, make sure you and the wife talk everything through – communication is key!

    Premier Icon johnikgriff

    Just saw this as I was about to go to bed.

    My heart truly goes out to you, we had something nearly exactly the same happen just over 10 years ago. I was sat exactly were you are now and it is with out doubt the hardest thing I have ever faced in my life (I’m a double cancer survivor to give it some prospective).

    I don’t even have any words of comfort that will help you now you have so many what if’s and why’s going on in your head and it’s making you feel sick, tbh thinking is the worst thing you can do and the only you will do. We were in neonatal for 2 weeks (I think, can’t remember most of it) and I put myself through mental torment for every minute of it.

    As the dad I felt it was my job to be strong and positive and that what I tried to do, even though I was in pieces inside. Not saying it’s what you should do, just saying what I did.

    Babies are tougher than us and I’m sure your lad is fighter. I’m sure he is in the best place he can be (although I guarentee you feel they should be doing more, even if you know they can’t). The frustration ipa do uncertain is killer.

    I realise I ha nt helped at all, I just wanted you to know your not alone. We are here for you to vent all you like mate and all my hopes are with you tonight.

    I will definitely be donating money towards equipment or whatever they need. They have given so much care and attention to both of them.

    The nurse has just been and told us they only need to check his blood sugar every eight hours now. It’s brilliant news! We called him Eben, which means stone or rock in Hebrew and the little man is living up to his name.

    Spoke to my wife rather than keeping it bottled in. I’m going to go home to try and sleep / eat. They are both in good hands.

    Thanks Singletrackers! What tyres for a proud new Dad?


    The nurse has just been and told us they only need to check his blood sugar every eight hours

    Quick, take advantage an go get some sleep, cos over the next few years you’ll get nowt! 😉

    Premier Icon bearnecessities

    I was actually waiting up to see if there was an update and really glad to see such a great progress report. Genuinely chuffed, as a lot of people will be (including those that lurk and don’t post).

    Do get some sleep though, and eat, as it looks like you’re going to do. Best wishes to you all again and would be nice to have a bit of an update when you find the time.

    I will definitely be donating money towards equipment or whatever they need.

    Maybe just do a charity bike ride instead 😉

    Premier Icon augustuswindsock

    funkmasterp, best of luck to you, your mrs and little Eben, parenting is without doubt the toughest job you’ll ever do, but it’s absolutely fantastic, enjoy every moment as every stage is so fleeting as they move on to the next, after what you’ve been through I suspect these moments will be even sweeter still.


    Good luck. Hope everything goes well. Sorry can’t add more. Keep your chin up.

    I’ve known him for four short days and I feel a love I didn’t think it was possible to experience.

    That’s fatherhood. There is no other feeling like it.

    I had grave concerns all through the pregnancy that I wouldn’t bond.

    I felt the same after being ‘told’ this might be the case during a pre-natal class or whatever they are. Utter bollocks IME. Sadly that may not be the case for others though.

    Only word of advice I can give is don’t be afraid to ask questions. And by that, I mean ask the same question to every nurse/doctor/consultant you want to, as you will likely get conflicting answers. Use their feedback to ask more questions. Be positive and be strong.

    God, the tears sprung up there for a second. Mrs Removed had a very difficult labour and I well remember the feeling of panic as everything went horrifically pear shaped.

    Hang in there.


    Can’t really say don’t worry but babies are hard little b’stards you know, hang in there and be strong.


    Just had a 28 weeker. Been in an incubator for weeks. Shit happens.

    As a new dad (5 months in) and a doctor you did everything right. They are in good hands, enjoy the great times ahead….

    Premier Icon augustuswindsock

    How’s it going a day on funkmasterp?

    He’s been taken off the glucose drip as his blood sugar has stabilised. The incubator has gone and they are checking regularly to make sure his temperature is stable. Feeding is the only worry. They may have to put a tube in if his intake doesn’t improve.

    Mum and Dad both got some sleep and food last night and today. It’s amazing the difference it can make 🙂

    Thanks for asking.


    Good news, good luck.

    Pleased everything’s going pretty good matey! Those PICU & HDU nurses are awesumz aren’t they?
    Biased opinion cos I’m married to one!

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