MyHermes: Divide by Zero

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  • MyHermes: Divide by Zero
  • Premier Icon DezB
    Subscriber

    I was fairly pleased with my recent DPD delivery – ordered 2 items from the same shop at the same time – one (a jersey) was delivered to a neighbour, the other (tyre) was taken back for return the next day. Odd! Anyway, I went on the DPD website and said to leave the tyre by the front door. They did and emailed me a photo of it sat by the front door. Sweet.

    Premier Icon pb2
    Subscriber

    Great idea OP, I kinda knew were this might go as MH are fine until it goes wrong and then they lie and lie and lie. They really don’t give a toss, I’m am convinced their business plan allows for X% failures and therefore why spend time and money trying to resolve built in failure. Concentrate on getting the other 95 or 96% there roughly on time and in one piece.

    I’m sure if I ran a huge business pumping >£500k or more business through MH I might get a better level of service but for mere Joe Public its a pure lottery as to whether it will arrive.

    My latest brush with them had them claiming the parcel was still out for delivery — see your tracking info they say —- when the parcel was right next to me having been returned to me earlier without any prior notice.

    When I would not back off they conceded it had been returned because they had made 3 attempts to deliver and couldn’t. I had the the guy buying the stuff conferenced in to the call. I asked when had they tried, big silence then they came up with one random date, why no card lefts, more silence. I pushed on and then some genius said they could not deliver the parcel for security reasons 😕

    What security reasons we both wondered, I’m sorry we cannot discuss security with you —- catch 22 —-. They then sent me a message saying how pleased they were to have resolved my problem 🙄

    They are without doubt the least trustworthy business I have dealt with in many years, I understand Yodel run them close but honestly avoid them like the plague unless you have a defined regular route that works and then hope and pray the drivers don’t change.

    Premier Icon DezB
    Subscriber

    They then sent me a message saying how pleased they were to have resolved my problem

    😆 Brilliant.

    Gary_M
    Member

    I’ve got myself a rogue one too 🙂

    I’ve sent over 200 parcels with hermes and had one damaged parcel in that time and one go awol.

    However I dropped off a parcel at a shop in Yorkshire on Sunday and tracking hasn’t moved from ‘dropped at parcel shop’.

    Premier Icon bruneep
    Subscriber

    07/12/2017 10:58 Delivery will be attempted between 11:00 and 15:00 today

    Ohhh exciting times…

    trail_rat
    Member

    Attempted. Doesn’t mean they will actually attempt it at logie view though bruneep

    Legoman
    Member

    Literally the last thing I did before opening this thread was book a MH collection for tomorrow. I’m kinda wishing I’d ticked the insurance option now…

    In other news… this has got to be a late contender for Thread of the Year!

    fifeandy
    Member

    Ohhh exciting times…

    Too right! There goes my afternoon smashing the F5 key

    I got the notification of the 11:00 to 15:00 delivery slot at 12:38.
    Just home at 13:30 and no parcel yet, or card.

    This is exactly what I needed after a minging uni exam this morning!!!!

    Premier Icon verses
    Subscriber

    I realise I mistyped in my previous one – it was 13:30 when I wrote the message.

    I got home at 1- cos I’d cooked my lunch, tidied up and sat down on the computer before typing that post.

    So…. no danger they tried to deliver at 13:25

    Jamie
    Member

    It’s essentially a perpetual motion machine. The parcel will forever be in transit.

    Do you think this will be like last time? One fake delivery attempt then many “delays, please wait 24 hours” and nothing for a week until I message them????????????????????????

    It’s essentially a perpetual motion machine. The parcel will forever be in transit.

    Like a buttered cat?

    These two lines in the tracking seem so ominous now:

    18/11/2017 18:58 Entered the Hermes network
    18/11/2017 18:57 Entered the Hermes network

    If I win a prize for thread of the year…. please post by Hermes!

    martin_t
    Member

    I wonder…

    if you reinvested the insurance to put a new empty box into the Hermes network for every ‘attempted delivery’

    …am I right in saying that assuming 6 attempted deliveries of each parcel per month. Would there be 2.2. billion(6^12) parcels in the network after a year?

    deepreddave
    Member

    I’m wondering if the OP is the driver…..

    Premier Icon scotroutes
    Subscriber

    deepreddave wrote:

    I’m wondering if the OP is the driver….

    That would explain why he’s never in when he tries to deliver it.

    Premier Icon mangoridebike
    Subscriber

    deepreddave » I’m wondering if the OP is the driver….

    That would explain why he’s never in when he tries to deliver it.

    Genius

    Jamie
    Member

    That would explain why he’s never in when he tries to deliver it.

    It’s Fight Club all over again.

    The first rule of delivery club….never leave a card.

    deepreddave
    Member

    ^^^ it’s all making sense. Finally.

    mudshark
    Member

    Well seems UPS aren’t so great. I was able to go online to change my delivery date to be next Monday, yesterday they didn’t try to deliver stating this as the reason but then they tried today and say they’ll try tomorrow. Hopefully they’ll also try on Monday.

    ScotRoutes wrote:

    deepreddave  » I’m wondering if the OP is the driver….

    That would explain why he’s never in when he tries to deliver it.

    My head just exploded like that Scanners movie

    Guys…. should i post another one?

    Gary_M
    Member

    Yes but get them to pick it up.

    Premier Icon Stoner
    Subscriber

    Post two things. One small box, one big box. We need data granularity.

    Premier Icon teethgrinder
    Subscriber

    Durr. Of course!

    Premier Icon amedias
    Subscriber

    Yes but get them to pick it up.

    this, very much this

    Jamie
    Member

    Guys…. should i post another one?

    Yes. But this time put a GPS tracker in there.

    Or even a better a cheap Nokia phone…the one with a week plus of battery. After a week ring it and maybe someone will open the package and answer. Then you can give ’em the good ‘ol Liam Neeson.

    [video]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jZOywn1qArI[/video]

    pistonbroke
    Member

    This reinvestment of compo scheme definitely has legs. It could turn into a crypto currency, maybe called Shitcoin?

    Premier Icon pb2
    Subscriber

    Do it and if I could give you the credits they said they would give me for screwing up I would be delighted to pay for the collection — A collection addressed to yourself would be the ultimate spoof —- please please do it 🙂

    Jamie
    Member

    This reinvestment of compo scheme definitely has legs. It could turn into a crypto currency, maybe called Shitcoin?

    I just don’t think it’ll deliver on the investment.

    Premier Icon scotroutes
    Subscriber

    Yep. Returns will be poor.

    701arvn
    Member

    I suggest the OP gives out his address and we all send him a package.

    pistonbroke
    Member

    Good idea but the joke is that he lives on the moon, or alternatively in a box in Hermes’ returns dept.

    Premier Icon martinhutch
    Subscriber

    I wish I had seen this thread before I sent my nephew and niece (who live in central Edinburgh) their Christmas presents, by MyHermes… 🙂

    Can I join the ‘wait and see’ brigade?

    ^ uh oh

    Will book a collection and drop one off at parcelstore

    Will write delivery and return to addresses on them

    Premier Icon martinhutch
    Subscriber

    If they arrive but not yours, we’ll at least confirm just how much your driver detests you.

    TheDoctor
    Member

    They have to be stealing them! being that incompetent would be too much effort! The only guarantee is they will lie about it!

Viewing 40 posts - 201 through 240 (of 390 total)

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