- my Father has died
Estranged for over 20yrs. My choice. He died this week and was discovered on Thursday am. I’m not in the will however that was my choice I guess all them years ago. Still he never got to meet his grandson. He wasn’t innocent of course FAR from it. But that’s not the point. I feel loss and pain.Posted 9 years ago
Sorry to hear your news.Posted 9 years ago
Bad news, chief. Grief can be a complex thing, so try not to fight it, and don’t beat yourself up – decisions taken were done so for good reason. Your son wil be fine with it.
Definitely time for a south Manchester catharsis ride.Posted 9 years ago
I’ve not seen my dad for around 16 years, and one day will have the same news. I imagine that although nothing will change on a day-day basis…the finality that his death has brought is going to knoc you about.
Have a beer with your family, hope all is well.Posted 9 years ago
hora, i saw my dad 3 times, once when i was 3, then when i was 16 and in his coffin.
never knew him, but still felt a bit sad at his funeral.
chin up mate.Posted 9 years ago
I’m very sorry to hear this.Posted 9 years ago
I’m pretty much estranged from my dad too. Can’t ever truly sever the familial bond though.Posted 9 years ago
When you loose your dad no mater what the circumstances are its going to be a bumpy ride. I think in yours it will only add to the pain, find someone you trust to talk to about it,it’ll help.Posted 9 years ago
Sorry to hear that.
I’m not actually estranged from my father but only see him rarely as he takes no interest in me or my side of the family (not even so much as a birthday card for my kids). He actually moved a couple of years ago and didn’t even bother to tell me – only saw him this year after I tracked him down after finding out someone had tried to murder him with a hammer.
The odd thing is that we’re not even on bad terms when we do meet – it’s just that he’s completed uninterested.Posted 9 years ago
Sorry to hear that Hora. Take care. I’ll always miss mine.Posted 9 years ago
Sorry to hear that Hora, my sperm doner left when I was 4, don’t really have much use for him now.
If you decided to live without him in your life, perhaps it was for the best.
Time is great for helping us learn how to deal with all sorts of internal turmoil, ridefree!Posted 9 years ago
have 7 family members do not really have anything to do with any of them. still like you i am waiting the phone to ring as mum dad in their late 70s, to much pain to get involved with my family so cut free and live in my own world with 2cats a wife and 4 bikes never been so happyPosted 9 years ago
Commiserations HoraPosted 9 years ago
condolences….i have a simialr setup and i often wonder how id feel if mine went..
spend loadsa time with the folk that matter and care i reckonPosted 9 years ago
He was well known to the Police for the wrong reasons. The plain clothes officer who called on his sister to give her the news indicated that he’d been on the force many years and he was aware of him. A violent man in his time. Evil. The estate runs into six figures and I am excluded. Am I bothered? I’m cut up with the old memories that have resurfaced. I really didn’t want this day to come.Posted 9 years ago
Sorry for your loss Hora.Posted 9 years ago
Oh hora. What mixed up emotions for you to deal with. 🙁
Things can not be undone now so do keep looking forward and enjoy your son.
Take care.Posted 9 years ago
Mark, sorry to hear your news mate. Your grief will possibly take a strange path for a few weeks. Try not to fight the feelings too much and try not to feel you have to man up about things.
It was your decision to live your lives apart so you need to stand by that for your own sanity. Try not to dwell on the regrets. Talk to friends and loved ones who will support you through the process.
I can only sympathise, not empathise. Take care fella.Posted 9 years ago
Hora; might be an idea to look into some sort of counselling, as it sounds like you’ve got a lot of pent-up feelings about this. Could be a good move; your family could suffer from your issues, without you even perhaps being aware. Just something to consider.Posted 9 years ago
hope your ok dude this can’t be good whatever the circumstances, i’m lucky to have made up with my dad after many years of bad feeling, have an estranged sister tho but that’s another story.Posted 9 years ago
I’ve not seen my old man for something like 20 years and can understand that you had your reasons and have your life in order. As others have said, condolences and chin up and as Elfin says maybe talk to someone who has experience of these things.Posted 9 years ago
I told the coroner that I have lived a good and just life. I owe my son guidance and duty. Thank you guys. I feel loss. A father figure is such a honour and hard task isn’t it. I am not bitter just feel sadness.Posted 9 years ago
Sorry to hear your bad news mate. Try not to dwell on what might have been mate. Get up early in the morning and head out on the bike for a few hours. Then go online when you get home and buy some new forks! Hope to see you for a ride soon, email in profile mate.Chin up.Posted 9 years ago
On a lighter note a guy sat next to me in the pub just said bingo has a face like al pacino……hmmm time to leavePosted 9 years ago
I told the coroner that I have lived a good and just life. I owe my son guidance and duty. Thank you guys. I feel loss. A father figure is such a honour and hard task isn’t it. I am not bitter just feel sadness.
That’s exactly it. If his legacy as a shit dad is that you are a good dad…that’s something to feel good about.Posted 9 years ago
Sorry to hear of your loss Hora. Just accept that for whatever reason, things turned out the way they did.Posted 9 years ago
Sorry about your news 😥Posted 9 years ago
pooch’s are nice to have at these times though, even if they look like Al Pacino, 😯
He must have been pi….drunk 😉
As my father said when his mum died:
‘She was a horrible old cow, but she was still my mum’.
Same applies. Its ok to feel the loss, even if you thought him a get.
My condolences.Posted 9 years ago
I have nothing really to add to the above but to say I am sorry.Posted 9 years ago
I forgave him yesterday. Partly for my sanity.Posted 9 years ago
Echo what TJ says but remember matey, you can’t choose your family only friends. Take care buddy and chin up.Posted 9 years ago
You have my sympathies Mark. I’m sorry for your loss despite your circumstances. It’s still never easy.Posted 9 years ago
sorry to hear this mark i dont have great relationship with my Dad he is cold and unemotional. At his wons mums funeral he looked like he was waiting for a bus ..he was not hilding itin there was nothing.Posted 9 years ago
Being a better Dad should be your goal and it will be easy
Chin up fella
I forgave him yesterday. Partly for my sanity.
A massive step. Be the bigger man always hora. Well done. I’m confident you’ll work through this if that was your first step.Posted 9 years ago
that’s hard. all you can do is keep on trucking for the sake of yourself and your family.Posted 9 years ago
there’s no such thing as a ‘normal’ family in my experience, and much of life takes place behind closed doors.
keep the good let the bad go. Selah.
A good father is a precious thing, sorry to hear about your sad loss, even with such history, take care of yourself and your family.Posted 9 years ago
Mark My father died 12 years ago last week. I still miss him almost every day as he was not only my father but my best friend & my inspiration (I’m honestly typing this through tears as we shared so much)Posted 9 years ago
Obituary Professor Paul L Hancock
So sorry Hora, for you and your family, dont beat yourself up over it, talk about it theres a lot of us to listen, oh and have a cry, somewhere on your own is best, it will help.Posted 9 years ago
Mrovershoot I bet you are very proud :). I have spent most of my life feeling embarrased(?) Infront of my family. Felt lesser even. Even though all were friendly and always willing to come out of their way to help me I’ve purposely avoided all invitations. Maybe this should now change.
The one thing that does annoy me is the Executor of the Estates attitude. I asked I he was ill before and if I could have any old photos or home videos from the property and I was told ‘no’.Posted 9 years ago
Sorry for your loss, make something positive by trying hard as a dad.
PS howcome no hora abuse on this thread?Posted 9 years ago
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