my Father has died

  • This topic has 97 replies, 75 voices, and was last updated 8 years ago by  hora.
Viewing 40 posts - 1 through 40 (of 98 total)
  • my Father has died
  • hora
    Member

    Estranged for over 20yrs. My choice. He died this week and was discovered on Thursday am. I’m not in the will however that was my choice I guess all them years ago. Still he never got to meet his grandson. He wasn’t innocent of course FAR from it. But that’s not the point. I feel loss and pain.

    Sorry to hear your news.

    Premier Icon ourmaninthenorth
    Subscriber

    Bad news, chief. Grief can be a complex thing, so try not to fight it, and don’t beat yourself up – decisions taken were done so for good reason. Your son wil be fine with it.

    Definitely time for a south Manchester catharsis ride.

    Premier Icon sc-xc
    Subscriber

    I’ve not seen my dad for around 16 years, and one day will have the same news. I imagine that although nothing will change on a day-day basis…the finality that his death has brought is going to knoc you about.

    Have a beer with your family, hope all is well.

    ton
    Member

    hora, i saw my dad 3 times, once when i was 3, then when i was 16 and in his coffin.
    never knew him, but still felt a bit sad at his funeral.

    chin up mate.

    I’m very sorry to hear this.

    Condolences Mark.

    I’m pretty much estranged from my dad too. Can’t ever truly sever the familial bond though.

    markrh
    Member

    When you loose your dad no mater what the circumstances are its going to be a bumpy ride. I think in yours it will only add to the pain, find someone you trust to talk to about it,it’ll help.

    epicsteve
    Member

    Sorry to hear that.

    I’m not actually estranged from my father but only see him rarely as he takes no interest in me or my side of the family (not even so much as a birthday card for my kids). He actually moved a couple of years ago and didn’t even bother to tell me – only saw him this year after I tracked him down after finding out someone had tried to murder him with a hammer.

    The odd thing is that we’re not even on bad terms when we do meet – it’s just that he’s completed uninterested.

    mamadirt
    Member

    Sorry to hear that Hora. Take care. I’ll always miss mine.

    kaesae
    Member

    Sorry to hear that Hora, my sperm doner left when I was 4, don’t really have much use for him now.

    If you decided to live without him in your life, perhaps it was for the best.

    Time is great for helping us learn how to deal with all sorts of internal turmoil, ridefree!

    showerman
    Member

    have 7 family members do not really have anything to do with any of them. still like you i am waiting the phone to ring as mum dad in their late 70s, to much pain to get involved with my family so cut free and live in my own world with 2cats a wife and 4 bikes never been so happy

    Pigface
    Member

    Commiserations Hora

    condolences….i have a simialr setup and i often wonder how id feel if mine went..

    spend loadsa time with the folk that matter and care i reckon

    hora
    Member

    He was well known to the Police for the wrong reasons. The plain clothes officer who called on his sister to give her the news indicated that he’d been on the force many years and he was aware of him. A violent man in his time. Evil. The estate runs into six figures and I am excluded. Am I bothered? I’m cut up with the old memories that have resurfaced. I really didn’t want this day to come.

    Naranjada
    Member

    Sorry for your loss Hora.

    Premier Icon cinnamon_girl
    Subscriber

    Oh hora. What mixed up emotions for you to deal with. 🙁

    Things can not be undone now so do keep looking forward and enjoy your son.

    Take care.

    Mark, sorry to hear your news mate. Your grief will possibly take a strange path for a few weeks. Try not to fight the feelings too much and try not to feel you have to man up about things.

    It was your decision to live your lives apart so you need to stand by that for your own sanity. Try not to dwell on the regrets. Talk to friends and loved ones who will support you through the process.

    I can only sympathise, not empathise. Take care fella.

    Hora; might be an idea to look into some sort of counselling, as it sounds like you’ve got a lot of pent-up feelings about this. Could be a good move; your family could suffer from your issues, without you even perhaps being aware. Just something to consider.

    mmb
    Member

    hope your ok dude this can’t be good whatever the circumstances, i’m lucky to have made up with my dad after many years of bad feeling, have an estranged sister tho but that’s another story.

    don simon
    Member

    I’ve not seen my old man for something like 20 years and can understand that you had your reasons and have your life in order. As others have said, condolences and chin up and as Elfin says maybe talk to someone who has experience of these things.

    hora
    Member

    I told the coroner that I have lived a good and just life. I owe my son guidance and duty. Thank you guys. I feel loss. A father figure is such a honour and hard task isn’t it. I am not bitter just feel sadness.

    Premier Icon Popocatapetl
    Subscriber

    Sorry to hear your bad news mate. Try not to dwell on what might have been mate. Get up early in the morning and head out on the bike for a few hours. Then go online when you get home and buy some new forks! Hope to see you for a ride soon, email in profile mate.Chin up.

    hora
    Member

    On a lighter note a guy sat next to me in the pub just said bingo has a face like al pacino……hmmm time to leave

    Premier Icon sc-xc
    Subscriber

    I told the coroner that I have lived a good and just life. I owe my son guidance and duty. Thank you guys. I feel loss. A father figure is such a honour and hard task isn’t it. I am not bitter just feel sadness.

    That’s exactly it. If his legacy as a shit dad is that you are a good dad…that’s something to feel good about.

    Sorry to hear of your loss Hora. Just accept that for whatever reason, things turned out the way they did.

    khani
    Member

    Sorry about your news 😥
    pooch’s are nice to have at these times though, even if they look like Al Pacino, 😯
    He must have been pi….drunk 😉

    As my father said when his mum died:

    ‘She was a horrible old cow, but she was still my mum’.

    Same applies. Its ok to feel the loss, even if you thought him a get.

    My condolences.

    I have nothing really to add to the above but to say I am sorry.

    hora
    Member

    I forgave him yesterday. Partly for my sanity.

    Hadge
    Member

    Echo what TJ says but remember matey, you can’t choose your family only friends. Take care buddy and chin up.

    Premier Icon nickc
    Subscriber

    You have my sympathies Mark. I’m sorry for your loss despite your circumstances. It’s still never easy.

    Junkyard
    Member

    sorry to hear this mark i dont have great relationship with my Dad he is cold and unemotional. At his wons mums funeral he looked like he was waiting for a bus ..he was not hilding itin there was nothing.
    Being a better Dad should be your goal and it will be easy
    Chin up fella

    I forgave him yesterday. Partly for my sanity.

    A massive step. Be the bigger man always hora. Well done. I’m confident you’ll work through this if that was your first step.

    Premier Icon Del
    Subscriber

    that’s hard. all you can do is keep on trucking for the sake of yourself and your family.
    there’s no such thing as a ‘normal’ family in my experience, and much of life takes place behind closed doors.
    keep the good let the bad go. Selah.

    si-wilson
    Member

    A good father is a precious thing, sorry to hear about your sad loss, even with such history, take care of yourself and your family.

    Premier Icon MrOvershoot
    Subscriber

    Mark My father died 12 years ago last week. I still miss him almost every day as he was not only my father but my best friend & my inspiration (I’m honestly typing this through tears as we shared so much)
    Obituary Professor Paul L Hancock

    project
    Member

    So sorry Hora, for you and your family, dont beat yourself up over it, talk about it theres a lot of us to listen, oh and have a cry, somewhere on your own is best, it will help.

    hora
    Member

    Mrovershoot I bet you are very proud :). I have spent most of my life feeling embarrased(?) Infront of my family. Felt lesser even. Even though all were friendly and always willing to come out of their way to help me I’ve purposely avoided all invitations. Maybe this should now change.

    The one thing that does annoy me is the Executor of the Estates attitude. I asked I he was ill before and if I could have any old photos or home videos from the property and I was told ‘no’.

    Premier Icon cynic-al
    Subscriber

    Sorry for your loss, make something positive by trying hard as a dad.

    PS howcome no hora abuse on this thread?

Viewing 40 posts - 1 through 40 (of 98 total)

The topic ‘my Father has died’ is closed to new replies.