That’s the major difference in the vast majority of domestic abuse cases and why it’s still a much bigger problem for females than it is for males.

That right there is why I posted what I posted, because that’s how so many people think and what is so wrong with our culture. It’s ignorant, biggoted and hypocritical.

When you can give me an example of a man with Parkinsons from repeated head trauma dealt out by his wife, then you may have a point.

honestly can’t believe how heartless and mean-spirited some of you are.

His story, is that he was “seduced” by a femme fatale, who tricked him into worshipping her and then she said nasty words to him.

In reality, he was shagging the office bike, behind her boyfriends back, got infatuated and acted like an idiot.

Ouch..tough crowd.

Me and geetee have hardly seen eye to eye on here generally but honestly can’t believe how heartless and mean-spirited some of you are.

Well yes, for sure Gobchul’s comments have been quite startling, but in a way they are relevant and important.

For example they highlight the problem of implicit bias. They show clearly that when discussing possible wrongs done against people, the gender of the person to whom that wrong is done changes how we feel about the wrong and how we then act accordingly.

I do think it’s important to understand that the male experience of DV/DA could well be very different to the female one; the dynamics that govern it are different, but different shouldn’t be conflated with better or worse, that’s just an unhelpful narative at best and misandrist at worst.

I’m not surprised that there have been so many other similar experiences shared here and quite a few people posting they aren’t ready to acknolwedge it.

BTW Gobchul, when you ask why didn’t I stop her, the answer is because I was always taught to respect women and certainly not to hit them. I was also in love so doing something like that would have felt really bad.

“In reality, he was shagging the office bike, behind her boyfriends back, got infatuated and acted like an idiot.”

You’re a charmer & more than a little selective with your interpretation.

Did you not read the bit where she’s slapping & spitting in his face?

“Brave post. Thanks for sharing.”

+ another.

“That sounds really tough going lazlowoodbine. I think you need to go have a chat with someone professionally to see what your options are.”

Regardless of the outcome, I believe it would help to gain a different perspective on your relationship.

A truer barometer might be to post your experiences on mumsnet and see how you are received.

“Have a read about narcassist relationships, you may have just survived one. My ex has split from her current husband, after bankrupting/destroying him, and has moved on to the next guy. The speed at which she opperates is staggering while telling everyone she’s the victim.”

I’ve seen this up close & personal – not me, but someone I know exceptionally well.

From the outside looking in it seems staggering how somebody can stay in a such an unhealthy relationship.

However, on the inside it must appear very different & I’ve no idea how that picture must look. FWIW the chap in the relationship at the time was ex-para & 22 SAS. He was most certainly no wimp. Emotionally fcked up quite possibly though..

Still, the above description of a narcissistic relationship is pretty bloody accurate IMHO.

GT – FWIW I don’t believe a lot of the stuff you’ve posted. I’m sure you don’t care.

The fairground post was similar, poor middle aged white bloke gets set up on by some women, is left a bit shaken but he’s OK. However, noone thinks blokes can be scared of women or women can be abusive towards men. Something needs to be done.

Did you not read the bit where she’s slapping & spitting in his face?

By spitting, I read that as spitting while shouting in his face, not a full on “spit”.

Slapping? He could of restrained her. He didn’t need to actually hit her to stop her.

Besides, he’s fully entitled to use reasonable force to protect himself.

He had no shared assets with her, no children, no ties. He should of just walked.  Victim blaming it may be. He stayed because he wanted to.

“He stayed because he wanted to.”

Narcissistic relationships can be extremely hard to get out of, really hard…..don’t underestimate just how hard.

“By spitting, I read that as spitting while shouting in his face, not a full on “spit”.”

You’d have to check with the OP on that.

“Slapping? He could of restrained her. He didn’t need to actually hit her to stop her.”

Not always that easy, particularly for some men. I wonder if it’s because they are afraid of the damage they might do? I’m just guessing..

BTW your friend with Parkinson’s? My sympathies – that’s brutal..

BTW your friend with Parkinson’s? My sympathies – that’s brutal..

You know the worst thing to me, was she went to the doctors with her 2 (adult) daughters, when he asked if she had ever suffered head trauma, she said no.

It was her daughters that said to her, “but what about when dad used to beat you up?”.

To put that in the same league as GT’s situation is madness.

To suggest that unless you’ve experienced something absolutely horrific you’ve no grounds to complain is madness.

I know of two men who have suffered physically at the hands of their girlfriends/wives, one was a flat mate another a colleague.In both cases the men were big, burly lads, over 6ft and probably around 16-17st, one was captain of the local rugby team. They both said the same thing, they couldn’t possibly hit back and not just because it wasn’t the done thing but because no-one would ever believe they would let a wee girl hit them. It was mental manipulation of the highest order, and in both cases the guys are just people who are susceptible to it, sadly this is too often the case.

I read your post Geetee and it was brave of you to post it up, good luck with sorting yourself out.

As to ignoramus’ like globuchul just let it go over your head sadly some people will never see the truth of the human condition.

To put that in the same league as GT’s situation is madness.

No one is doing that and no reasonable person would equate that situation with mine. As I said, I don’t feel like a victim mostly because here I am in a relatively good place in life where other people are in bits and have experienced more trauma than most people are capable of even thinking about. That’s why I’m at pains to say I don’t want sympathy, I don’t need it, your friend with Parkinsons does.

But trust me, at the time it was like being in the bottom of a hole you couldn’t get out of. It was not a nice place at all and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

There’s a frequently cited claim that 24% of women will experience domestic abuse/violence at some point in lives. That figure might seem high until you realise it includes a huge range of experiences that perhaps start at what happened to me and end with what happened to your friend.I personally believe that the data on men’s experiences are vastly under reported, especially when you realise that the definition of DA/DV, as used in the statistics you see quoted, includes exactly what happened to me, so you either have to stop quoting figures like ‘24%’ and decide that a lot of those will be experiences not worthy of our concern (at least based on your definition of things Gobchul) or else we have to start re-educating men that they should be speaking up and saying that their experiences also are not acceptable in civil society.

Anyway my kids need to have showers and a story read to them so I’ll catch up with you later Gobchul.

“To suggest that unless you’ve experienced something absolutely horrific you’ve no grounds to complain is madness”

Indeed.

Abuse doesn’t have to be physical to be horrific. You’d have to be made of stone not to admit that.