- Mrs B needs a joke to use in a job interview
I’m only applying for this job because I got sacked from my last job on a building site.Posted 4 years ago
The foreman told me “I’m fed up with listening to that wheel barrow you’re pushing going ‘squeak…..squeak…..squeak…..squeak…..squeak…..'”.
I said “It’s not my fault the wheelbarrow goes ‘squeak…..squeak…..squeak…..squeak…..squeak…..'”
He said “Yes it is, it should be going ‘squeak,squeak,squeak,squeak,squeak'”1981mikedMember
I went on holiday to Norway last year, it was freezing. I woke up 1 morning and there was an ice cube in the bed next to me.. So I picked it up and through it in the fire… And it went… Insert fart noise here!
2 guys walk into a pub and go to the bar, 1 guy says to the other “right donkey… What you having?” Other guy replies “a p.p.p.p.pint of G.G.G.Guiness please”..
So the guy orders the drinks “2 pints of Guiness please, 1 for me and 1 for donkey” the bar tender serves the pints and they sit down and drink them.
1st guy gets up… “Right come on donkey, your round, hurry up im off for a piss”
So 2nd guy goes up to bar “t.t.t.two p.p.p.pints of G.G.G.Guiness p.p.p.please”..
Bar tender says “no problem sir, 2 pints of Guiness coming right”… He starts pulling the pints and says to the 2nd guy “I think that’s terrible by the way”…
“W.w.w.what says the 2nd guy?”
“The way he calls you donkey!”
“Oh eeoow…eeoow (donkey noise) He always calls me that”..
Courtsey of Mr Connelly.. Always make me laugh.. And before anybody gets offended at the stammering content, my brother had a really bad one for years and I have one when im n.n.n.nervous!Posted 4 years agoandywoodsMember
After being married for thirty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her.Posted 4 years ago
He looked at her for a while, then said, “You’re an alphabet wife ….. A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K.”
She asked, “What the hell does that mean?”
He said,” Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, and Hot.”
She smiled happily and said, “Oh, that’s so lovely … but what about I, J, K?
He said, “I’m Just Kidding!”
The swelling in his eye is going down and the doctor is cautiously optimistic about saving his testicles.Martin BMember
A man decides to go on a vacation on a Pacific island. When he steps off the plane, it is amazing: Cool, light ocean breeze, palms gently swaying in the wind, white sandy beaches, drums off in the distance. He goes to his hotel, checks in, starts having the time of his life.
When he turns in on the first night, he can still hear drums off in the distance. They were charming at first, but now it’s little annoying, and he has a hard time going to sleep. The next morning, he goes to concierge and asks about the drums. The concierge replies: “The drums, they never stop. Very, very bad if they stop.”
So the man goes about his day in paradise, having a great time, but the drums never stop. He tries to ignore them, but they interfere with his sleep the second night. The next morning, fuzzy-headed from too many island drinks and too little sleep, again asks the concierge if something can be done about the drums. He gets the same reply: “Drums not stop. Very bad if they do.”
The rest of the day is not fun. The drums are driving this man crazy, and he isn’t getting any sleep. The next day he is ready leave. He packs his bags and goes up to the front desk to check out. But first the man finds the concierge to give the concierge a piece of his mind. Suddenly, the drums stop.
He says to the concierge: “They finally stopped! Thank god, I can get some sleep. I was about the leave.”
The concierge says: “This is bad. Very, very bad. Flee from this island while you still can.”
“Drums stop. Bass solo next.”Posted 4 years ago
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