Posting under a pseudonym but I am a regular poster.

I am currently in a bit of a dilemma due to one of my friends who is having an affair with another one of my friends.

They got together last year while we were all holidaying together.

The friend having the affair and his wife have recently had a baby. This information has only recently come to light after I was told by some one else. I don’t have any connection to his wife to know otherwise.

Needless to say, his girlfriend is currently oblivious to his fatherhood and his wife has no idea he’s having an affair.

His job allows him to lie to both women about where he is due to being away a lot.

Based on the above information do I:

a) do nothing and let the information come out by other means
b) tell my friend whom he’s having the affair with
c) try to get him to come clean

I am erring towards option b but I wanted some moral guidance first from the hive.

d) Blackmail.

If the girl is your friend as well, tell him to be honest with her, or you’ll tell her yourself.

Then never speak to him again, he sounds like a tosser.

Option C would be my approach.

kettles on, anyone got any bourbons?

a – Mind your own business

No good can come of it for you or anyone else

They are grown ups let them get on with it.

anonymoose – Member

The friend having the affair and his wife have recently had a baby. This information has only recently come to light after I was told by some one else. I don’t have any connection to his wife to know otherwise.

Not being funny but, are you really friends? Since he’s had a baby and you didn’t know.

He’s away a lot? Is his wife fit?

he sounds like a shit. if you still want him as a friend, then c; if not, then b.

Not being funny but, are you really friends? Since he’s had a baby and you didn’t know.

I think that’s just referred to as ‘being a bloke’ 😀

Is his wife attractive & are you single? Tell her, then offer a “shoulder” to cry on 😈

binners – Member
He’s away a lot? Is his wife fit?

Is of course the CORRECT answer 🙂

Do they both know you know they’re having an affair?

He’s away a lot? Is his wife fit?

new baby complicates things somewhat though!

I have no useful contribution to make™

Would lean towards (c).

Maybe point out you’re extremely unhappy about your other friend being lied to and not knowing the truth about the whole situation. If that doesn’t prod him into sorting something out, I’d be thinking about losing him as a friend anyway.

personally i wouldnt tell anyone, or persuade to come clean i dont think. id just tell him my thoughts and explain that you really dont like people who cheat on their partners, and that youre worried your friendship might be compromised because of these feelings.

just my initial thoughts anyway, im sure others will come along with some that makes more sense 🙂

lay a trap so the girlfriend catches him out…

You know who to call…

http://www.cheaters.com/

sadexpunk speaks sense. One shouldn’t take the moral high ground obviously but with a friend it’s OK to … maybe.

I would tell my friend in words of one syllable to stop messing around with the mother of his child.
If not then he would no longer be a friend of mine. And i would prepare to be there when his wifes world falls apart.

Been there, did nothing, lost 2 good friends.

Stay well out of it.

If you become involved you’ll lose two freinds.

If you stay out of it you might keep one of them.

This information has only recently come to light after I was told by some one else. I don’t have any connection to his wife to know otherwise.

So it’s hearsay?

[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s6EaoPMANQM[/video]

Tell your mate he’s a **** and he should end the affair forthwith.

oh I forgot to mention, he doesn’t know I know he’s got a baby.

He’s still a friend of mine even though he’s kept this from me as he’s obviously worried i’d tell his mistress!

Friends who aren’t prepared to say it like it is in difficult situations like this aren’t really friends. If he’s heading for a complete disaster, you might be the only one who gives him the wake-up he needs.

So (C), I guess.

Do they both know you know they’re having an affair?

This is critical.

If yes, then C. If no then A.

Stay the hell out of it. No good can happen here.

Tell your mate he’s a ****

+1

he doesn’t know I know he’s got a baby.

He’s still a friend of mine even though he’s kept this from me

If he didn’t tell you he’s become a father he’s not your freind.

He’s just an acquaintance (sp?).

He sounds like a right arsehole.

To all those saying stay out of it, if you were the woman who had just given birth to this guy’s child, would you want to be told about it, or left blissfully unaware and be, as always, the last one to find out so that everyone can spend the next god knows how long talking about you behind your back?

I think you should grow a spine, tell his wife and then tell him to do one.

More pragmatically I would suggest C and structure the conversation around whether there is any good reason why he’s cheating on his wife.

Do nowt but distrust him from now on would be my approach.

a) do nothing and let the information come out by other means
b) tell my friend whom he’s having the affair with
c) try to get him to come clean

D. Steer well clear. I know some information told to me by a lad who laid two prossies whilst on holiday with his Wife. Put me in a awkward position but I’ve just avoided it. Its none of my business.

However if it was a best friend I’d quietly give counsel/tell him my thoughts.

“come out by other means”- to me means gossiping/loose with info. Stop all gossiping. Don’t be part of it.

To all those saying stay out of it, if you were the woman who had just given birth to this guy’s child, would you want to be told about it, or left blissfully unaware and be, as always, the last one to find out so that everyone can spend the next god knows how long talking about you behind your back?

There is however a chance that the affair will fizzle out and she will be none the wiser. Not an option if you blab.

Is an incredibly tough situation and not fair to put you in it. Where do your loyalties lie at the end of the day?

To all those saying stay out of it, if you were the woman who had just given birth to this guy’s child, would you want to be told about it, or left blissfully unaware and be, as always, the last one to find out so that everyone can spend the next god knows how long talking about you behind your back?

Life isn’t black and white though. I think in life you reach a moment of clarity when you realise relationships can be up/down/allover the place. Let others live their lives. Like I said- unless its a close friend, why is it your business to make their business yours?

When you have a baby- EVERYTHING gets thrown up in the air. Arguments, bickering, lack of sleep. Lots of people split >2yrs after a child is born.

I find the whole thing odd, not knowing your friend’s wife was pregnant let alone having a baby. Seems an on odd thing for a friend not to know.

Is this linked to the Unburden thread

I’ve seen the messenger as the only one that gets shot in these situations a good few times.
They all end up kissing and making up and you’re the bad bastard that stirred it up in the first place and now they’re too embarrassed to speak to you any more.

Tell the girl, she might still be your friend since the guy clearly no longer is.

Tell the girl, she might still be your friend since the guy clearly no longer is.

That approach works if you are moving in on the girl yourself I imagine.