I very much doubt the OP’s friend have “demanded” anything

OP go to your friends wedding, if you don’t want to give a gift at all then don’t, if you’d rather give a present instead of cash then do that.

Wish your friends well and enjoy their day with them

Yep if young/poor then have a wedding list, otherwise no gifts IMO. We didn’t ask for anything at our wedding but some still gave gifts which was nice. Wife is Chinese and when we went to China to visit her relatives some gave us red envelopes of cash – quickly snatched from me by my (wealthy) MiL! She reckoned that as we weren’t living in China we would be giving anyone else any red envelopes so didn’t deserve to keep them.

We asked for people to make a donation to their chosen charity and if they wanted give little explanation in the cards. Got some wonderful and heartwarming stories and interesting charities that we had never heard of.

..OP go to your friends wedding, if you don’t want to give a gift at all then don’t

….the money is to be collected in person by the bride and groom

It will be a lovely memory for them, all their friends in line, handing over wedding cash and telling the bride she looks lovely. And then the OP gets to the front of the line and says

“We didn’t bring any cash, we were told it was a free bar. Anyway, congratulations etc ……”

😀

We asked for people to make a donation to their chosen charity and if they wanted give little explanation in the cards. Got some wonderful and heartwarming stories and interesting charities that we had never heard of

Now that is a brilliant idea.

OP go to your friends wedding, if you don’t want to give a gift at all then don’t, if you’d rather give a present instead of cash then do that.

Wish your friends well and enjoy their day with them

This seals up the thread nicely imo.

I think asking for money is taking the piss, just like creating a wedding list at a retailer with hardly any items less than £50 is also taking the piss.

The wife and I decided to ask people not to give us anything but their best wishes…. however my three aunties still couldn’t be doing with that, and despite not even being invited to the wedding (v.v.small bash) clubbed in for a good old fashioned cutlery set 🙂

*Edit – I may sound slightly cantankerous after seeing my brother and (now ex) sister in law extract the urine to the nth degree by having an engagement party and asking for presents because they were going to get married abroad… then getting married in the UK and still accepting 2nd presents from people who attended both. Needless to say, they only got an ‘engagement present’ from me!

I frequently go “off-list” for wedding presents. Most wedding lists are full of tat, and if you don’t move fast all that is left is the side plates for £20 each.

The correct procedure for being given gifts is to say thank you and be grateful. That is universal in all cultures. If giving money doesn’t sit right with you culturally then don’t !

Buy them something cool, that costs about the same as the dinner they are buying you. Or perhaps a bit less if they have insisted on a swanky place.

Then wait to see if you get a thank you letter. Then it’s judgement time.

(I gave somebody a lava lamp once. The look from the parents was worth it, but they loved it !)

Get a nice, crisp, fresh note. Iron it, and use starch if you have some. Present it in a really nice heavy cream-coloured envelope. This will increase the value of the gift by up to 30% over the face value of the note.

This works best with fifties, but it does wonders for a twenty.

If you can afford a fancy wedding you don’t need money.

The correct procedure for being given gifts is to say thank you and be grateful. That is universal in all cultures. If giving money doesn’t sit right with you culturally then don’t !

The correct procedure for giving gifts is to give one that is appropriate in the circumstances. That is universal in all cultures. If giving money doesn’t sit right with you culturally then don’t go to a cultural event that expects it.

OP is like someone showing up to a traditional English wedding at a church and saying “yeah, I know in your culture it’s traditional for the audience to keep quiet during the vows, but that doesn’t sit right with me because we usually bang cymbals, so thanks for inviting me and everything but I’m just going to sit in the second row and start mashing away with the Zildjians, yeah?”

Stock some lottery tickets in the card and wish them luck

No Konabunny that would be rude and offensive and is nothing even remotely near the same thing as giving the gift that you think is right.

The clue is in the word: Gift. Not duty, right, obligation, but gift.

But asking for Gifts, means it’s not a Gift but an obligation…

When I got married, I was absolutely set against a wedding list, as was my (now) wife.

Leading up to the wedding, we had loads of nagging from people as to what we wanted as a gift, and no amount of persuasion would convince them against buying us *something*… so we relented, and made a John Lewis list of stuff that we would like (note, we didn’t *need* anything) and stressed in the invitations that we wanted people to come along – presence not presents etc., but if they did want to buy something, then buy something off this list so we’ll actually use it.

Our wedding was very rural, with everyone staying over for the whole weekend. We paid for half the accommodation cost, gave loads of wine with the meal, and paid for half the bar bill in the evening.

Hopefully no-one thought we were fleecing them on what was the absolute best day of my life so far.

That said, I would have felt very uncomfortable asking for money, and could never have gone face to face with my guests requesting their cash 😯

Dave

Just don’t go if it bothers you so much, it’s their wedding, they have stated a preference, you don’t have to go, simple.

@ footflaps… That’s kind my thinking.

I’m definitely going. I’ve bought the groom some proper funky socks; he’s got tiny lady feet so won’t be any good for me. probably more memorable than money, too.

Oh, he’s German, she’s from Romania and has lived here since she was small.

Like the envelope idea. I found some lira the other week, could put that in there.

@ konabunny….. Don’t you worry. I’m going to skip the church bit. Can’t be doing with another 90 minute catholic service.

I frequently go “off-list” for wedding presents. Most wedding lists are full of tat[/b]

Presumably full of “tat” that the people getting married have chosen and actually want ?

Presumably full of “tat” that the people getting married have chosen and actually want ?

😆

And she chose to give them a lava lamp.

😆

Not read all of the thread.

Conti Verts 🙂

…..on a more relevant note, we got married nearly two years ago-we’d lived together for 5 years so needed nothing for the house and nearly every guest asked us for a present list….we just said that we’d prefer money to spend on the honeymoon..,..we were bleeding skint after saving for the wedding and thus the thousand quid that we got in gifts really came in handy during 10 days honeymoon in Rhodes!