I scoff cake is Jacob Reece Mogg and I claim my 5 pounds.

Davina Mcall and Doctor Louise Newsome are really doing amazing things for women experiencing perimenopause and menopause. Perimenopause is the bit where you still have periods but can be experiencing all sorts of symptoms and can last up to 10 years! Menopause is when you haven’t had a period for a year. For women suffering I would recommend downloading the balance app from Dr Newsome. It’s free, full of info and can be used to track your symptoms and prepare a report for the GP.

I think as women are now an equal part of society and expected to work into old age that we certainly deserve all the help we can get. In ‘the olden days’ a lot less women worked and those that did got to retire earlier than men. I’m all for the equality but as many women will suffer with symptoms that affect their work they deserve the support to alleviate them. After all keeping women in work and with better productivity will pay for the extra costs to the NHS.

The stats on how many women leave their careers early due to menopause currently are scary.

Well said hobo

Wondering if OH is menopausal…

Mrs STR had early menopause in her early 40’s – it wasn’t fun. GP refused to accept it and wouldn’t prescribe HRT. In turn, the lack of HRT has contributed to severe osteo arthritis (2 new hips and the rest). I’m glad for others it’s getting more recognition now

I can deal with it. However my worry are my 2 young boys. They struggle to understand what’s happened to their mummy.

I’m with Hobo. Tho my OH has also just given up the weed, so might be a little bumpier over the next couple of weeks

Women can typically go through the menopause between the ages of 45 – 55.
Average age for the menopause is 52.
At a guess I think many on STW will have their female partner (or even a relative) going through this if not now, in the near future.
Support is key. Knowing that this isn’t for ever.

It’s hard to know what’s happening to our bodies and minds when going through the menopause.
I know for a fact that future generations of women will have better knowledge, support and ability to understand that this time in their lives can be a little easier to get through than in the past.

Even though I barely touch my bike at the moment, it’s threads like this that keep me coming back.
Mrs.Willies had been perimenopausal probably just after the birth of our daughter ten years ago and it’s dragged on since. Coupled with ongoing depression, fybromyalgia, it’s been pretty rough for both of us. She’s recently started oestrogen and that seems to be doing something, but I totally recognise all of the symptoms that have been outlined above and the effects on the relationships. The hardest part for me to deal with has been the feeling of being incapable if doing anything right.

LOL at i_scoff_cake sitting at work trying to do his job to the best of his abilities, but suffering from impotence. You may wish to consider your analogy there. Not judging.

Am i the only one who gets extremely confused when my wife starts discussing the drugs etc that are available and what they do.

I dont switch off. I sit and try my best to listen but its like something turns off and i dont understand it all. I know she had some drugs off the doctor at the start of covid and i know she had some pretty bad effects from it. It was like she was bleeding to death. She eventually got an appointment and was taken off them. It was about a year later when she has built up the courage to revisit and now she has a different perscription which she seems happy with. Talked to me about dates and when she should be taking them. Honestly, i hate her having to take anything, but i hate it even more not understanding what the hell she is talking about when she is trying to explain.

I know there is loads of info for women about but from a blokes perspective it may help for me/us to have some understanding of whats going on so we can be a bit more supportive.

LOL at i_scoff_cake sitting at work trying to do his job to the best of his abilities, but suffering from impotence.

I guess his impotence has effected him to the extent he is in a permanent rage about everything? 🙄🤣

I guess his impotence has effected him to the extent he is in a permanent rage about everything? 🙄🤣

Everyone, male or female, feels impotent sometimes. It’s me against The Man, and The Man is winning. I don’t want to take tablets for that sort of impotence. 😀

I guess his impotence has effected him to the extent he is in a permanent rage about everything? 🙄🤣

Awful thing to say. It’s “affected him”.

Anyway, all part of life’s rich tapestry yukky periods/sweaty menopause, can’t say I’m a fan really but waddyagonna do? At least these are cyclical/temporary whereas testosterone fueled twittery is more of an ongoing issue (though I’ve calmed down a lot through my later 50s).

I’m rolling through this with my wife.

Its been pretty unpleasant. I seem to be public enemy number one and none of my thoughts, opinions and actions are acceptable.

I recognise alot of retrogirl’s symptoms in her.

It got to the point that I would only speak when spoken to because that was the best of a bad situation.

I feel like we’re further apart than ever and its damaged the way I feel about her. I’m desperately sad about that.

This is very much how my life is too.

Men and those with male partners might also have a read of this https://www.baus.org.uk/patients/conditions/7/male_menopause_androgen_deficiency_in_the_ageing_male
Please have empathy with the people around you, there are times when we all need some understanding 🙂

We both found the Davina McCall programmes really helpful to understand what was going on for my wife and that makes a huge difference. Recommended

One weird symptom I’ve not come across before is that she’s turned into Immediate Girl.

That’s my wife too! She thinks every question is a demand, not just a question.

Interesting, this has been a noticeable thing in the few months Chez Morecash.

“Immediate Girl” requires some careful choice of words to emphasise that the thing needs doing but not now, it needs to go on the long list. I can confirm that this is a difficult skill to master and there is invariably friction as the male of the partnership works out what causes no reaction while flagging that a non-urgent job needs doing.
Good luck to those just starting out on this phase of married life. I can also recommend the Davina programmes they were a revelation to me.

To be honest, we didn’t really manage it too well. Didn’t even consider it at the time so went through a number of unpleasant and bitter moments. We have kind of come through it and I regret that I wasn’t really able to handle it or support her as well as she deserved. The real “killer” in this is actually the perimenopause as that’s where the bulk of the mood changes, woolly head, “different woman”, dark times happen. Although it was pop TV (and deliberately so, I reckon) the Davina Macall programme really was excellent. Thoroughly recommend watching it – chaps especially so that you have a chance of being better prepared and more understanding. Probably no coincidence that menopause and mid-life crisis happen at roughly similar times and between them probably account (or historically anyway) for a significant number of divorces and separations. Along with the other suggestion ^^ regarding Louise Newsom – she really has done some stellar work. Check the web site out. There is no single HRT treatment (again, pointed out further up the thread) and all women are different. There really is no “one size fits all” solution so it may be a bit of trial and error.
The comment about “lazy GPs”. It is probably more accurate to say that there are a lot of GPs who have not had any training in the menopause and therefore it is more likely to be ignorance. Again, one of the things the Newsome trust have been doing is to try and get at least one menopause trained specialist in each doctors surgery. This is something that is likely to affect fully half the population, for a significant period of time. It’s easy to focus just on the “hot flushes” and think that’s all there is to it. Every woman will experience it in a different way. Some will get lucky and breeze through it. For some it will be life crippling as they will feel they have turned into a complete monster that they don’t recognise. And it is true – if this had been something that affected men then you can bet there would have been plenty of research done into it with all sorts of potions, ointments and drugs to treat it. It is a chastening thing for us blokes but let’s support and encourage the positive developments that have begun to happen and the removal of the shame of the menopause.

Oh, most of this thread is so so familiar sounding, except my wife flat refuses to even consider HRT, in fact when mentioned it brings on one of those “discussions” where logic is taken out, shot, tied to the back of a truck and dragged over cobbles.

…my wife flat refuses to even consider HRT

That changed for us following the Davina McCall programmes, YMMV

On HRT. As some might know my wife was diagnosed with cancer 12 months ago, now clear. On going through possible causes, prolonged HRT was high on the list. No proof of course, just a probability. It’s worth thinking about, especially trying to reduce the length of the treatment, as once started it can be too easy to delay ending it.

Scotroutes is right, HRT isn’t a magic bullet that works in isolation and has no other implications. There are so many variables and issues to balance; while it can improve mood, confidence, concentration, sex drive, it doesn’t always and that has to be balanced with the risk that some treatments raise, for example the slightly raised risk of breast cancer. Trial and error is a common feature of treatments and an understanding GP is an important part of the process. And a lot of patience from the partners. Our household has been a stormy place to be at times and is a different place to how it was about 5 years ago. My partner has chosen not to start HRT, as yet and at 58 hopes not to. But that decision still has implications and for both of us.