Get and talk!

It’s only a car FFS.

I hope you had a great meal and enjoyed your time together alone. Good luck in working it out.
Relationships are not always easy but they are generally worth the effort you put into maintaining them.

OP reading your post, sounds like you both still want to be together. Time on your own to talk about what you both want, and expect, is all important. Your son will also benifit from both his parents being chillled and not at each others throats all the time, not healthy for a growing mind.
When my brothers and Me were kids we were in bed by 8pm on a school night, for what Dad called “Our time”. Weekends were family time. Children need rules and order to their lives. They feel more secure and happy.

OP nice one! 😀

To everyone else, got home with a bunch of flowers, which she wasn’t expecting. sons at his grandparents and we’re going out. We both said we didn’t want this to be the straw that broke the camels back, and it had certainly crossed both our minds. Cheers.

Good shag tonight!

Glad it worked out Warton and from your last post good call on the flowers.

My suggestions:

You’ll never cry over money.
Whereas you will over emotions/love/family/children. In other words get a **** grip about the accident.
Never post a topic like this on singletrackworld FFS. We are a bunch of disparate mountain bike lovers not marriage counsellors… If you have serious issuees seek help as opposed to listening to a muppet (me) posting from 4000 miles away!

Talking like this will get it off your chest. Good start.

I’m no expert…. but,

1. She’s a mum with a 2 year old kid = very hard life, but it DOES get better.
2. She’s a woman, they are ALL mad (best is 20% mad), they can’t help it.
3. She’s different to you, read “women are from venus men are from mars”
4. Contact Relate +5, then at least you tried.
5. You are a Dad with a 2 year old kid = very hard life
6. Respect that you are different, tolerate the differences, ALL husbands have to do it, some don’t show it, there is no woman out there that will b e significantly different.
7. Give until it hurts, then give some more (m.teresa). MTFU, there is a kid involved and you loved her once, for some reason, hopefully not just for sex, like most do.
8. You need help and to feel loved too.
9. You are both hurting, be nice to each other.
10. tell us how you got on. We are nosey buggers. YThe fact you posted your problem here, means you have strarted to solve you problem. Give her a hug, tell her it will be ok.

Your ride 250 miles per week, that is a lot of time (2-3 hours a day!!!) and have a 2 year old. Maybe a root cause. How do you find the energy.

I was in a similar situation when my son was 3.When the last straw broke the camels back, I had all sorts of worries about how my son was going to be grow up in a broken home. Hes now 8 hes happy, we have a great relationship, he stays with me 3 nights a week and he doesn’t have to witness his mother and i fighting every night.So there is light at the end of what at the time seams a long tunnel. Best of luck.

Get a tandem.

I would go I should have left a relationship 7 years ago but finally went last year .

The missus pranged her 2 month old car earlier this year. I was less than impressed but she does it fairly regularly, if you include clipping parked vehicles and stuff that was other peoples’ fault then I’d guess it’s averaged once every year or so for the last 12 years. Think of it as endearing, part of a care free attitude and general lack of coordination. Neither of us like her driving my car. I crash far less often but do it properly!

In fact, one day her work colleague spotted her car and in work asked if she drove a Volkswagen. Her answer was no I have a VW Polo! She’d parked it out of gear without the handbrake on, it rolled away and was found by her colleague in the middle of the carpark.

Hope tonight goes / went great.

However it went, give Relate a call. They’ll help you move forward – whatever that comes to mean – in a positive way.

I would go I should have left a relationship 7 years ago but finally went last year .

Kids involved? gave relate a go or just F**ked off?

Urgh,easy Mrspoddy. That’s the last thing he wanted to hear on here. Doing any of that right now would benefit you but probably end it all by midnight for Warton!

8) (Warton, not me)

I would go I should have left a relationship 7 years ago but finally went last year .

Kids involved? gave relate a go or just F**ked off?

Kids involved ,was told to **** off and spent months sleeping on my own sofa before finding somewhere nice to live .I am now happy for the first time in years
Kid is here watching footie with me.

My ex left me when our son was 15mths old, out of the blue for me,
he obviously had it figured in his head prior to this, and yrs on i still dont know why.

if there is any chance of you working it out then do so, dont give up too quickly.

1) Child is only two, have you considered post natal depression? Can be insidious and last a long time. If so she needs your support.

2) I often think that the things you find annoying now were probably endearing when you were first in love. If you can consider that then maybe she won’t piss you off as much.

3) Relationships are not easy, niether is being someones wife, think of things from her point of view, and stop obessing about how much you don’t like her any more.

Your wife is what the insurance industry calls an “accident magnet”. Fix the car and don’t tell your insurers, that advice came from an insurer off the record when Mrs Gti had her third small fender bender because she’s too vain to wear glasses.

As for your shite marriage, welcome to reality. It’s my belief that the majority of married blokes are unhappy and dream of leaving. However you’ve gone and made a kiddy and you have a deep and lasting responsibility to that child. When I was young my parents rowed all the time and the thought that they might separate absolutely terrified me.

So I’m staying with my rude, insulting, frigid wife until our son is 18 and can stand on his own feet. At that point if I still have my marbles I’m off. Just under five more years to suffer then.

(At lest that’s what I tell myself to keep my morale up.)

Good work Warton.

So I’m staying with my rude, insulting, frigid wife until our son is 18 and can stand on his own feet. At that point if I still have my marbles I’m off. Just under five more years to suffer then.

Laughed my ass off – brilliant

Well done Warton.

To everyone else, got home with a bunch of flowers, which she wasn’t expecting. sons at his grandparents and we’re going out. We both said we didn’t want this to be the straw that broke the camels back, and it had certainly crossed both our minds. Cheers.

Job done. Good work fella!

Great stuff…a little effort goes a long way…good luck.

Great to hear!

Hmmm,

This all sounds close to home! Been having issues for a long time now but worsened by the fact I quit my job and the next job didn’t materialise (long story).

Now sorted but on a huge pay cut. It’s “all my fault” and pretty much everything negative is attributable to me. I know it’ll work out in a year or so, so not so stressed.

Lots of rows, in particular she speaks I’ll of me in front of the children which I think is inexcusable. I wouldn’t dream of doing that.
Life is short, I love my kids but I really wonder whether it’s doing any good me being there.

Any positive effort I make is ridiculed. My heart sinks as I walk up to the door as I know it’ll be instantaneous accusations of being a failure! I know it’s all b@llocks but the rage she throws this stuff at me with is difficult to counter.

Just keeping on trying to reassure her and do the ‘right thing’ however there is only so long you can do it for. Done counselling etc, think the lady felt sorry for me!!

If the reason you fell in love with her is still there, even if it’s just a glimmer at the moment, then you owe it to yourself to stick it out.

My wife and I came very close to splitting, but I’m so glad now that we didn’t.

When life’s bullshit piles up, it can make you forget why you got together in the first place.

Steevy,

I think that’s why I’ve stuck at it!

+1 for love!

How long has there been an issue?

When my business failed I nearly lost our house, life was bad, sometimes I couldn’t afford to eat, but worst of all my missus hated me for the harm it was doing.
I didn’t want to split and had to work hard to keep her.
That took three years. The fact that deep down we were still the same people we were when we married kept me going.

Three years later we are happier than ever. The kids are happy. We both have good jobs. We kept the house. We cleared our debts and this month we are going on our first holiday since 2009.

Forget the car and forget the bathroom.

Well done warton and do hope you can work things through. It’s so easy to forget to communicate with each other and having children can make life a struggle.

globalti – I remember your previous post. Perhaps you should consider what effect this is having on your son and how this may affect his future relationships with partners. Do you want him thinking it’s ‘normal’ for parents to be living as you do? You’re coming across as very bitter and that’s not healthy.

Apologies if I’m coming across as harsh, it’s not meant to be. I was in a marriage for far too long and although my life is far from perfect, am relieved not to be sharing space with a person whom I’d nothing in common with, except kids that had left home.

Life really is too short so grab it with both hands cos you never know what’s around the corner. And, believe me, I know and have talked about it on the Forum. 🙁

Oldgit; sadly a long old time fundamentally!

I’m not concerned about bathrooms etc!! Or holidays at the moment. Nope, my eldest needs specialist (read very expensive) education. Leaving my previous job was one step in funding that education (very complex). I personally feel we’ll be okay; she’s looking three years ahead to when we have no school fund due to my pay drop. I’m sure in less than that time, we’ll be sorted.

It’s all my “fault” I’ve “ruined the boys’ chances” and she’ll “never forgive” me.

quick update…

went out had a great night, and both really enjoyed it. the cars a car, money is money, it will only get spent on other things we don’t really need anyway, like shiny bike bits. hopefully rather than be the thing that split us up, it will be the thing that makes us stronger, and better as a husband and wife.

Thanks to you all for the advice, without your input I would have gone home and and had a big argument, and god knows where we’d be now, so thanks a lot 😀

Mikertroid, that sounds like a bad situation, hope it gets better soon, keep your head up.

I really hope everything goes well for you and all the other posters with marital problems. Communication and respect are cornerstones of any decent relationship in my opinion. Talk, talk, talk and then talk some more and if there are children involved keep talking. Bitterness and resentment if left to fester without being confronted spiral into a vicious circle which is hard to break.
Whereas I agree with the OPs who have said not to stay in a relationship for the sake of the children, in my experience with my own son the damage which can be inflicted on children by a marital split can not be underestimated.

The car isn’t the issue, it’s how I get shouted at and screamed at for asking how it happened, and suggesting she might not have been paying attention.

Indeed, sounds like other things might be bothering her..

As for your shite marriage, welcome to reality. It’s my belief that the majority of married blokes are unhappy and dream of leaving. However you’ve gone and made a kiddy and you have a deep and lasting responsibility to that child. When I was young my parents rowed all the time and the thought that they might separate absolutely terrified me.
So I’m staying with my rude, insulting, frigid wife until our son is 18 and can stand on his own feet. At that point if I still have my marbles I’m off. Just under five more years to suffer then.

Every time I read your posts on this subject I think two things:

1. Fortunately I don’t believe that most married men are unhappy and that telling yourself everyone else has it bad too is the way to go through life.
2. Separating when your son is 18 seems the absolute worst possible time to do it – in his early teens he has the stability of school and half his home life will remain much the same (minus one parent and a bad vibe), he’ll just gain another half. In his mid-20s he’ll be finding his way in life, maybe have a longterm partner, maybe be settled in a job/flat with an established circle of fellow adult friends. At 18 he’ll be turning from child to adult, leaving home for uni or work, going through absolutely massive changes in his life – and you’ll remove the one piece of stability in his life.

MTFU and act now! Seriously, do you think your teenage son doesn’t know what a disaster his parents’ marriage is and wishes you’d do something about it so you could all be happier?

Miketroid, I don’t mean to be harsh but it sounds like your wife is being a selfish dick!! For you to post your feelings on here to random strangers says a lot in my eyes!

warton – good to hear. 8)

wrightyson,

I guess I’m saturated with negativity! And I (and her family) think she’s being unreasonable.

But She won’t hear it from anyone, least of all me!!

warton – 🙂