Lets just say we’re going through a bit of a crappy patch, anyone been through marriage counselling did it help, positive and negative comments welcome.

Yup, after mini squirrel was born we were having a tough time and not talking to each other (properly). We went to a set of sessions and cleared all the crap out. I’d certainly recommend it if you both want to sort things. It’s hard to think you can’t fix it on your own but just having someone else to moderate or steer the conversation was a big help, in the end it was really us doing the work, they were just prodding us in the right direction.

Cheers, the not talking is some of our problem, not that I don’t try, but tother half has been through counselling for depression so its been hard anyway, but other crap has now come on the scene that was well and truly out of the blue, and I didn’t see happening!!

From experience if you both are willing to go and try it has to be worth it ,on your own when the other half doesn’t it can just clarify things soz

It didn’t work for me in terms of saving the marriage, but it did help come to terms with things. I also know people for whom it has worked so it’s not all bad! I would say you have nothing to lose by giving it a try. Whatever you do good luck and things will get better eventually…

I’m hoping so to, for the sake of our little man not just us.

Worked for me and the wife, still together.
Long story short…We got divorced in 2012 after about 6 years of marriage,a year later decided to try again, we went through counselling after the divorce. I was a complete d1ck during the first marriage. The counselling was more listening to how much of a d1ck I was and discussions about how not to be in the future. Was all self evident stuff really, for me it was more an eye opener and assistance in my way of dealing with stressful issues.

^I hope that’s the above posters kid that’s hacked his account. I’m sure he wouldn’t let himself down by posting something so crass.

I hope you both find counselling helps you work your issues out. A relationship is hard work. I know myself it not all sunshine and happiness.

Good luck to you both.

I went with my first wife. It didn’t save the marriage, but I’m convinced it went a long way to allowing us to split with some dignity all round, settle the whole thing amicably, and remain friends.

Hi Merak,
Badly worded from me. Hard to explain in a forum using an iPhone. But the counselling worked for us. The objective for me was to save my marriage/get back with my ex wife. I knew I wasn’t great to be around and my behaviour towards my wife wasn’t great. The counselling helped me see what I was doing, see some links to my background, and ways to improve myself.
I knew already that the failed marriage was down to me, but I couldn’t understand the detail of the reasoning.
I come from a military background, I wasn’t always able to treat my wife different than the soldiers who worked for me. I drank more than I should and was away with work a lot. In my black and white world, she married me as I was, it was up to her to mould to me. Obviously that’s not fair and no way to have a happy marriage. It took the counselling for me to see my behaviour, to link it to my own childhood (dad was also a soldier in the parachute regt during the 70s and 80s, he was in Northern Ireland a fair amount so was reasonably stressful for the family, he was also very much an Alpha Male). Anyway, back to the OP, the counselling worked for me, it helped me and my wife (we married again in 2017)
I would say though that both parties need to go in there ready to open up. Some of the truths can be hurtful.

wOOdster

Not aimed at you. Rather it was @Alpin who made an altogether uncouth remark after your honest and humble post.

His remark was subsequently removed, mine remains hence the confusion.

Thanks all, I really do hope we can work problems out, and thanks for those that gave heart felt replies, as for alpin’s comment, saw it and ignored it as it’s the sort of comment I’ve seen off him in the past.

It’s one of those things where you just can’t go on other people’s experiences. Works for some, doesn’t work for others. In my case, it dragged up a load of shit from the past and made things worse. But it depends on the counsellor, depends on the couple… we’re all different.

I think it can work but it does require some patience and a willingness to listen, hear and reflect afterwards.

It also requires some personal awareness – my wife phoned up the Relate head office to complain that our counselor “couldn’t deal with her strong personality” which funnily enough was the main reason we were there as I couldn’t either.

I think it can work but it does require some patience and a willingness to listen, hear and reflect afterwards.

Indeed..

I was always keen to go. We went once, reluctantly on her behalf.
Didn’t work for us, as it takes two to want to tango…

I’m getting 1-2-1 counselling now, and really benefiting from it.
I’m sure our marriage could have been saved if my wife was more open to counselling. unfortunately, it can bring up things you may not want to hear (for both parties). If you’ve your fingers in your ears and an air of ‘i’m untouchable’, you end up where we are now…

Hopefully it’ll work for you.

DrP

positive and negative comments welcome.

I thought I’d lighten the mood….. Sorry if I caused any upset to the OP.

Just need to add a bit of a different view to some of those above because experience is different .
Please don’t just go into it thinking “what have I got to lose, it’s got to be worth it…”
It can make things worse, it could be the wrong move, don’t just do it by default without thinking and deciding that you think it is right for you both.
There’s another thread on here talking about counseling , singly for depression I think, and a repeated point on that one is that the councillor has to be the right fit for the person involved for it to click and work. Now, with two of you involved, and the background of your partner’s depression, then that’s a lot more complex equation to solve.
It might be that this is the right option at the right time, but also be wary that it might be the wrong time if the depression therapy has unfinished business , and other problems may need sorting first. It’s probably complicated, and interlinked, but please have a good think about whether it’s right rather than just” nothing to lose”. Also, it can make things worse before it gets better, so there needs to be something on both sides to push through the harder parts.

Personally, been through couples counseling with depression involved , went through the “worse before it gets better stage” , and then had to stop to go back to individual counseling for the the depression, and it left the relationship worse than beforehand.

Please have a good think and make it a decision not a default option.

PS do a bit of research about what your options are. “Mind” do free “couples counseling with depression” that might be a possible option. Your wife’s councillor may be able to refer you as a pair, or Gp referral. Might be relevant to the situation.

This is a very timely thread for me, as Mrs. Willies and I have started relationship therapy. We had come to a point after ten years where we didn’t have much time with or for each other and it was getting tricky.
We both wanted to do it, as we both believe that it will do us good, we both love each other and we want to stay together. I think the seriousness of Mrs. Willies’ depression and control issues run a lot deeper than we had both realised and it’s made me do a lot of thinking about where some of my own behaviours stem from. It’s not easy and I think we’re both a bit scared where the digging might lead, but I think for us, it’ll be worth it.
It does sound like depression can be a large part of others problems too. Having never had it, I do find it difficult to empathise with, as Mrs. Willies’ black dog doesn’t seem to cause sadness as such, but more anger. That then leads me to retreat somewhat, as I don’t know how else to handle it.

It does sound like depression can be a large part of others problems too. Having never had it, I do find it difficult to empathise with, as Mrs. Willies’ black dog doesn’t seem to cause sadness as such, but more anger. That then leads me to retreat somewhat, as I don’t know how else to handle it.

hear hear… 🙁

DrP

I think the seriousness of Mrs. Willies’ depression and control issues run a lot deeper than we had both realised

Well that sounds far too close to home for comfort.
Next to making a marriage work, bringing up two extremely high energy, willful children seems easy. I hope it works out well for you OP.