Lost my son today
Just saw the thread, absolutely stunned. All love from my clan to all of you.
In your first post you ask to tell you happy stories, so I just say that I,m sitting here playing Lego with the 7 year old, the 5 year old is happily playing with pony babies and the toddler is diving onto the beanbag like a loon.
Really don’t know what to say, our best friend lost her 2 year old last year, and she would say, even though unimaginably hard right now, life will go on. Love those around you even more, and try to look forward.
again, all our love.
KevPosted 5 years agorestlessMember
This website may help with some of your questions and it offers support.
There is no right or wrong way to deal with losing your son. You may find comfort in expressing your feelings in a different way than you OH and that is ok.
You do not need to be strong or apologetic, just be.
You have a lot of emotions to deal with right now.
The only bit of advice I would give about telling your other children is not to say that your son has gone to sleep forever.Posted 5 years ago
It is a way some people explain death but it can make children fearful of going to sleep themselves.deludedMember
Your profile indicates you are from Kent.
I found this website ‘holding on letting go’ (Rochester, Kent). Take a look. They have experience in working with bereaved children with learning disabilities. They might be able to help your child that is autistic … or put you in contact with another agency.
All the best,
Larry.Posted 5 years agomark90Member
I read this last night but had no words, and a tear in my eye, as I have now. A little close to home, a good friend had twins yesterday, a little premature, both are currently in SCBU but doing ok. Have a young daughter myself I can’t imagine what you and your family are going through. Be there for each other, but that doesn’t mean having to be ‘strong’ and not openly grieving. Thoughts are with you at this most difficult time.Posted 5 years agowordnumbMember
Reading the thread title I really hoped this would be a story about someone’s son wandering off and having some sort of adventure while parents panic.
Sorry for your loss Bruders. Take your time with it, you already know that the priority is helping your family through the situation.Posted 5 years agoteamhurtmoreSubscriber
Bruders, firstly my thoughts, prayers and sympathies are with you. You are experiencing the very worst thing that can happen to a parent. It is unnatural and shouldn’t happen to any of us. As others have said, the loss never goes away I am afraid, but it does become manageable with time. You are doing absolutely the right thing in making that difficult transition – you are talking about it to friends, your LBS and to all of us complete strangers on STW. I hope that this can help you make some sense of how life will proceed. As impossible as it seems right now, life does go on albeit in a very different manner and slowly at first. Take care of each other and very best wishes, THM.Posted 5 years agoglupton1976Member
That sounds pretty damn horrific. I wont even pretend to say that I can imagine what you and your family are going through, because I cant.
You speak about being strong, and being able to cope. Don’t try and be strong, just be your normal self, and take time for your own grief. Dont worry about coping, because you will ge through it somehow, everyone always does.
As for telling your kids – just be honest with them. Kids are better at this kind of thing than adults are.
Finally, look after yourself.Posted 5 years agoleffeboySubscriber
That is shocking, as a dad I don’t think I could imagine anything worse or what you must be going through. As thm said, my thoughts, prayers and sympathies are with you in huge amounts.
fwiw the advice so far has been great (as it often is here). I’ve not had direct experience in the way that you have but I have been in a couple of small teams that have lost someone very suddenly and have had counselers talk to us. Their advice is perhaps relevant here:
* Talk about it and keep talking about it amongst each other (which you are doing).
* The need to do this will tail off at different rates for each of you so it is important to keep listening to the rest of your family, even after you personally are starting to move on. You’ll end up saying/listening to the same thing hundreds of times even though it doesn’t make sense but that’s ok because the situation doesn’t make sense. There isn’t a solution, only getting through it.
* Writing stuff down can help get the feelings out for some people. Maybe carry a small notebook for when stuff comes to mind.
* Don’t bottle it up and watch out for others that are – you need to get it out. I kept it in for too long because I was trying to stay in charge of the situation. In the end it had to come out.
care for each otherPosted 5 years agosuffolkMember
Very sorry to hear of your loss. You did everything you could, that must have taken a lot of courage. Don’t tell yourself otherwise. You and your family have my deepest sympathies.
All I can say is be strong for the others who will need you now more than ever. But that doesn’t mean you cannot grieve, you will all need to support each other.
One of the hardest things is the world just carrying on as normal around you, try not to separate yourselves too much from it.Posted 5 years agoscrambledegMember
Utterly soul destroying, I like OP have served and thought I had seen and experienced the worst. I have also had to resuscitate my own child. And in all honesty I have never ever been so afraid in all my life. Our situation turned out somewhat different fortunately. I would just like to say, I know you fought for him and as a dad & a soldier that’s all you can do!Posted 5 years ago
Don’t blame yourself, focus on your other kids and your wife who need your strength now.
Keep your chin up & ‘Stag on’stevenmenmuirSubscriber
Sounds like you did everything you could, look after yourself so you can look after the rest of your family. You’ll have ups and downs but over time the downs will become less and the ups more. Get help if you need it. I’m going to give my kids an extra big hug when they get home this afternoon. Thinking of you and your family.Posted 5 years agoaka_GiloMember
Read this earlier but was too upset to respond.
I can’t imagine what you are your wife and going through, but my thoughts are with you. Look after each other and your kids.
Do whatever you need to do to get by – if that’s posting on here, chatting to your LBS guys, whatever, just keep do doing it.
So sorry for your loss.Posted 5 years ago
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