Walking the dog this morning and happily throwing the ball for her to retrieve. Get chatting to a passer by and while chatting she says;

‘Shame dogs can’t look up, they must miss so much’

Ummm, errr, OK, while I watch my dog track the ball pass over her head and catch perfectly from the air.

What’s had you lost for words?

30th minute of the Germany : Brazil game….

Friends of our have some Chinese kids on an exchange and my mate puts on the movie “Rush Hour” with Jackie Chan, so they will feel more at home. 😆 😆

Words failed me

My 3 year old daughter telling me she’d just seen a flying badger, and it was sitting on our garage roof.
When I looked outside it was a Magpie..

Recovering a car from a ditch down a little country lane, wearing the fetching hi-vis overalls, lady stops and informs me if I drove more carefully I wouldn’t have to block the road with a recovery truck. It wasn’t my car, I was purely having a day at work.

My 3 year old daughter telling me she’d just seen a flying badger, and it was sitting on our garage roof.
When I looked outside it was a Magpie..

😆

When I was interviewing a guy the other day for a senior role and when asked how he motivated a team to deliver high-performance said:

“I tell them to don’t take the piss”

Saw a woman feeding a young baby coca cola from a baby bottle with a teat on it. She shook it up then squeezed the teat to let the fizz out first of course. Giving the baby coca cola without doing so would be irresponsible ?_?

In the same area I also saw a different woman getting her child to hold her cigarette so she could answer her phone.

freeagent – Member
When I looked outside it was a Magpie..

😀

After just getting back from a foreign holiday, a few friends landed at my house. I hadn’t had chance to go shopping, so couldn’t offer them a cuppa.

Luckily, I had some mini ice creams in my freezer…as we were eating them, my mate’s sister asked if I’d fetched them back from my holiday!? I think the looks she got from everyone told her everything she needed to know.

Woppit’s Spoiler thread.

Woppit then not being banned.

tightywighty – Member
Saw a woman feeding a young baby coca cola from a baby bottle with a teat on it. She shook it up then squeezed the teat to let the fizz out first of course. Giving the baby coca cola without doing so would be irresponsible ?_?

In the same area I also saw a different woman getting her child to hold her cigarette so she could answer her phone.

plymouth was it?

‘Shame dogs can’t look up, they must miss so much’

There is some evidence for this:

(“Dogs can’t look up” is from Shaun of the Dead by the way, she may have been trolling you or she may have been very stupid)

walking into the shared kitchen to witness someone filling the kettle up from the wall mounted water boiler…

“I tell them to don’t take the piss”

I think we need more managers like him – Not ones who find holistic solutions!

You now have me wandering if she was sharper than she looked graham. That’s not fair, you can’t troll people at 6 in the morning, it’s not fair to take advantage of the sleep deprived.

I feel dirty.

I was conducting an interview last week and the candidate told me his current manager was Madeline Mccann! 😯

Having driven through the wrong puddle and collected 2 pinch punctures on the nearside of my van, it was parked in one fork a little Y shaped drive for a country house; it very obviously had two wheels off, WAS leaning at an angle with two great big trolley jacks holding it up, and another van nearby was disgorging overalled fellahs carrying wheels and tools.

A leathery faced posh looking woman drove up, stopped 1 foot from the rear bumper, and leant on the horn.

Speaking to a lady yesterday who had uncomfortable shoes on so she had sent a cab on a 20 mile round trip through SW London to collect a comfy pair from home.

walking into the shared kitchen to witness someone filling the kettle up from the wall mounted water boiler…

I do that all the time at work. The water from the boiler isn’t quite hot enough for my liking (ie. not actually boiling), but filling the kettle with it gets you a head start. Why would that leave you lost for words?

Watching a guy in his car, on his mobile while smoking a fag trying to do a three point turn on a busy main road.

There is a sign in one of the kitchens in our Nottingham office asking staff not to boil milk in the kettle.

I must get a photo of it one day.

Not very exciting but we have a big cheese visiting next week at work and a few of us have to give presentations. I arrived at the office yesterday and a colleague proudly showed me his – it had very little content, lots of un-necessary animations and bright colours, drum roll and applause sound effects, and a clip from the Monty Python Spanish Inquisition. I was completely speechless for a moment.

that pretty much sums up our HR policy. works.

Seeing this today for the first time
[video]http://youtu.be/PzP1XC51kro[/video]

zippykona – Member

Speaking to a lady yesterday who had uncomfortable shoes on so she had sent a cab on a 20 mile round trip through SW London to collect a comfy pair from home.

Pah when i worked in the YHA in St Pauls eons ago some poor PA was sent out to “get some boots for my boss who’s doing the three peaks this weekend”

A ‘discussion’ with a walker on one of the bridleways through Winterfold at the weekend.

Me: ‘Good morning!’
Him; ‘ This isn’t a bridleway you know. The bridleway goes up there ‘
(technical interjection, it is a bridleway, as is the one he was pointing out. There are two bridleways)
me: actually it is. so’s that.
him; are you sure?
Me: yes. There’s a finger post about 50 yards back there if you want to check
Him: I get idiots like you riding at me on footpaths all the time
(Technical interjection, i should have ridden on at this point but couldn’t help it)
Me: What is the problem with folks like you. Can’t you bear to let anyone else have any enjoyment?
Him: I don’t mind you enjoying yourself, as long as it’s in the right place
Me: What, like on this bridleway?
(technical interjection – I made a sweeping indication of the lovely rocky bridleway I was enjoying)
Him: JUST F*CK OFF!!

That was the bit where I was lost for words.

Posted this on here before, I saw a woman pick up her dog’s poo in a plastic bag, tie a knot in it, then very carefully tie the knot to a tree branch. I asked “What the hell are you doing that for”, and she said, (in her best talking to a stupid child voice) “It makes it easier for the rangers to collect”. I made some vowel noises but couldn’t manage any words.

Just leaving the checkout at Costco when we overhear the old guy behind us ask the cashier “when is it due?” and the cashier replies “I’m not pregnant, just fat”. His wife was mortified.

😆

My 3 year old daughter telling me she’d just seen a flying badger, and it was sitting on our garage roof.

had one in our garden once

The guy who drove into the back of my car whilst I queued at traffic lights last night who then asked:

“Do you know how much this is going to cost me?”

stewartc, that looks like a cracking night

ahh car crashes:

Moment 1: woman who T-boned as we were driving down a nice wide road on a sunny day “you came out of no-where”

Moment 2: as I am stood there with my right should dropped and hand turning blue (shoulder dislocated) waiting for a paramedic her husband comes up while I am on the phone to the insurance and butts in saying “at least no one is injured”

The Policeman saw the look in my eyes as I didn’t know what expletives to use and told him to go back to his wifes car.

<looks up train times to Preston>

So there I was, nice sunny afternoon, stood completely stationary on my bike, on a wide, smooth, otherwise-empty towpath, looking behind me at my 5yo pottering along to catch up with me at maybe 5mph, when this runner barges between us and yells “DON’T RIDE AT ME YOU **** NOB!” before storming off into the distance. Stunning.

If I ever see him again I’m going to kick the stupid **** and his ridiculous **** bumbag into the canal.

Another driving one I’m afraid:
The driver who overtook our club group into oncoming traffic, paused when he saw the cars coming the other way, and then carried on driving directly at them before standing on his brakes to avoid the obviously impending head-on collision

Or the horse rider, riding her horse in a field, the other side of a 10ft hedge, shouting at the club group to keep the noise down as we road up the country road. The hedge was so high and thick we didn’t even know she was there till she started shouting at us…

My all time favourite is when I tried to dob a bloke in for fraudulently using a disabled badge.
Phoned up the people who issued the badge and explained the situation and was informed that the driver may suffer a disability that is not obvious. “Such as” I asked. “He may be blind”.
I hung up at that point.

“Congratulations, its a boy!” on the birth of No.1_oab
*cue tears*
*cue unable to speak*

I shot a Don’t Tell the Bride wedding in Newcastle a few years ago. The ceremony room was tiny and I jostled for space with TWO film crews. We all finally settled in and waited for the bride to be to enter.

Just as she did, the sound guy un-apolagetically stepped right in front of me and one of the video guys literally elbowed me out of the way. Quite deliberately and with force. There was absolutely no need as both had a perfect viewpoint – it was purely malicious. I noticed the director grinning and giving the video guy the thumbs up. Needless to say I got my own elbows out and got the shots I needed but I was fuming.

About an hour later, the director came up and barked at me that he’d need my photos on his desk within the week – he was completely contemptuous, utterly dismissive. Lost. For. Words.

They got **** all from me despite numerous phone calls, during which I recovered the power of speech and waxed eloquent.

Reading in the local news today that 70% of the local population are overweight or obese, as many “healthy weight” as obese (28%). Okay BMI isn’t exactly a great measurement, but seriously ?

Xc-Steve, the boiler to kettle thing is always done at my work. When the kettle “broke” one guy ordered a new one but when I tried ithe old one no problem, became apparent when he filled the kettle later on. Not bad for a sparky 😆

ryan91: yep. 64% of adults in the UK are overweight or obese (by BMI).
Worldwide one in every three people are now overweight!

And the UK is right up there leading the charge wobble:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-25576400