- Long distance relationships – can they ever work?
Yes. Not for me I reckon but I have a few friends who it’s working for. I think it depends very much on the people. The ones who it seems to work for (and I’m not suggesting this is always the case – put the pitchforks away…) are quite self-contained and sensible/logical.
I’ve seen others where it went badly wrong where they just seemed to grow apart once they didn’t spend time together.Posted 4 years agothisisnotaspoonMember
I managed 18 months away from home (Teesside to Reading).
It’s hard work, but not actualy harder than living together some days!
I found it best to go on dates at the weekends, i.e. we’d go out for a meal, cinema etc, but actualy spend some time appart in the daytimes (go for a ride) otherwise I got supprisingly little ‘me’ time in my weeks and got quite irritable!Posted 4 years agolemonysamMember
My girlfriend and I spent 5 years living a few hours apart. Not massively long distance but enough to mean it was weekends only. Worked perfectly for us, she got the space she needed to finish university and I got the space I needed to use the rollers in the front room and eat pizza in my pants.
Edit: Some clarifications. I was in my pants, the pizza was not. I also didn’t do this at the same time as using the rollers.Posted 4 years agoplyphonMember
Mine wasn’t always long distance,
But it has been now for 2 years, and tbh, works fantastically.
I probably wouldn’t head straight into a long distance from the off, we had give or take a year together before it turned long distance so the trust was already there etc.
It works for us, or rather, we make it work for us. With skype and whatsapp the world is a lot smaller. And shes only 2.5 hours away so we have most weekends together.Posted 4 years agomark90Member
Met my now missus on a skiing trip (large group of friends and their friends etc). We did the long distance thing for a little over a year, Bristol to Manchester. One of us travelled (drove) most weekends, although her working shifts often meant she would come up during the week sometimes. It was tough and the travel was tiring. Lived together now for 13 years and married for 9. Oh how I miss my own space 😉
A mate in London has a gf in Edinburgh. Spends a lot of time (and cash) on trains. Seems to be working out for them.
I guess it really depends on you both and the strength of your relationship, I can see it being easier with an established relationship.Posted 4 years agothisisnotaspoonMember
Spends a lot of time (and cash) on trains
If I was doing it again, I’d considder some sort of season ticket (or just buy them in advance). It wasnt the being appart that was hard work, it was that we only ever saw each other at the end of a 5 hour car journey, irritable, dehydrated and tired!
Had to use trains a few times towards the end and it was a revelation!Posted 4 years agoBigDummySubscriber
I’m not sure I’d bother with another “relationship” if I wasn’t married, but a relationship designed so you don’t have a lot of sex would be low down my list of preferences if I could be bothered.
In my (limited) experience, the time spent organising the logistics of seeing one another can mask the fact that it is the actual having to see one another at all that is the faff.
🙂Posted 4 years agostu170Subscriber
I got together with mine and then 2 weeks later started in the raf. Quite difficult when out of the country with no option to visit. We did a weekend together every 2 weeks for a long time. And now 4 years later we have jist moved in together.Posted 4 years ago
Easy enough if you have trust. My mrs spent 3 years at uni in that time and that sometimes had its moments of wonderingstewartcSubscriber
Newbury-Hong Kong for 1.5 years before I finally decided to just commit and move to HK.Posted 4 years ago
I was lucky in that my job meant that I was in HK every 2-3 months (that’s how I met her) and she would pop over to me where possible, it’s tough but you can’t choose who you fall for.
It’s all an adventure, I say enjoy the times together but one of you will have move, if we had gone on for another year I couldn’t see it lasting.
In all fairness, it wasn’t a tough choice leaving Newbury for HK!molgripsSubscriber
Did one as a student, worked out ok til it ran its course 18 months later.
Did a trans-atlantic for a few years, that was fun but ended after expectations different. Should’ve ended earlier but the holidays were fun 😳
Did another cross channel then transatlantic, only a year or so til we then got married. So yes, kind of 🙂 Internet access at work is important I reckon.Posted 4 years agomudsharkMember
Was never interested in having one that involved much travelling about at the weekend as far too lazy for that but when I went to work in the US ended up with a gf based in NYC. So when the time came to return to the UK I had this idea that it would be worth trying to keep it going as fancied living in the US. We thought we’d give it a go but in the short term the plan was to get her to come to the UK but she couldn’t deal with the move in the end so it fizzled out; was fun while it lasted as happy going over there for trips.Posted 4 years ago13thfloormonkMember
Me and my g/f did 2.5 months initially (after 3 weeks dating…) and then stuck it out for 8 months with a couple of holidays together.
Early comment about self contained/logical personalities very true, I was quite content to spend the distance part of the relationship hiking and biking every weekend, and her history with guys meant she was content to play it very cool to begin with anyway.
After 8 months the strain was beginning to show but thankfully at that point my visa came through and now here I am in Vancouver with a gorgeous tall redhead girlfriend, an apartment on the North Shore and a job that pays easily 10 grand more than I was earning in Scotland! 😀
[smug mode off] We both felt it could work as we were both introverts and both content being single, so having a potential partner to look forward after a period of doing our own thing wasn’t such a hardship. I haven’t told her that my hiking buddy for the long distance period was a cute Chinese girl, but there are some things best kept secret… 😕Posted 4 years agotrail_ratMember
Been together 10 years at various stages in that we have lived apart – she went to uni in st andrews – me in dundee – living in arbroath
St andrews was a perfect sunday morning cycle and then cycled to uni on monday morning.
Did that for 3 years – then she moved back to arbroath and drove to uni for 4th year.
Then she worked in the highlands for a year on placement – used to drive up from aberdeen most weekends
Now i work offshore and go to africa for a month/5 weeks at a time.Posted 4 years ago
Well I quite unexpectedly had a holiday romance in Scotland. Almost blighted by: the presence of her poor friend who had to suffer me, remaining unresolved feeling about my late wife, the impending end of the trip. Despite that we got on “like a house on fire”. It seems we’re crazy about each other. And we want it to be the start of something.
Problem is I’m based in Somerset and she will be in Dublin for a good while. Apart from finding out if the magic is still there when we get together again, is the challenge of a long distance until the geographic ties change.Posted 4 years agoalpinMember
my GF and I did it for five years. we met in Australia and spent six months hitchhiking, camping wild, getting stoned and generally having fun whilst living out of each other’s pockets (or backpacks).
when I got back to the UK I had pretty much given up on the idea of our relationship continuing, but she had other ideas. within a month she had flown over from Munich. that summer I decided to ride to Munich and ended up spending a few months there.
upon my return I got myself a proper job and she stated uni. both of which were good as our gave us something else to focus on.
she would visit during the holidays and eventually did both placements in London. I would fly over whenever I had a lull in work.
this went on for far too long. I eventually ended up in Germany, but we both had imagined that it would be her coming to London once she had finished her studies.
looking back I’m surprised that we put up with the situation for so long. fortunately I was earning enough that I could fly over at short notice and she had lots of breaks.
it was also a blessing that Stansted was just 20 mins up the road and that easyjet flew to Munich.
strangely I never really felt that far apart or separated.
I would agree that you need to be a bit bloody minded/happy on your own type of person. if you or her are needy then it will be tough.
it’s not something I want to go through again, but it was, in my case, worth the effort… 11 years now.Posted 4 years ago
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