Long distance relationships – can they ever work?

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  • This topic has 75 replies, 45 voices, and was last updated 4 years ago by  Houns.
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  • Long distance relationships – can they ever work?
  • Junkyard
    Member

    depends on what you want tbh but IME yes they can.

    dirtycrewdom
    Member

    They can definitely work provided there is enough trust and love. They can be hard though. What is the distance and how often would you get to see each other?

    monkeychild
    Member

    I had one with my wife (before we got married) for 5 years. I’m in the RAF and it was tough at times.
    We’ve been together 13 1/2 years now 😀

    Premier Icon binners
    Subscriber

    It depends on a number of factors. Firstly; do you actually like each other?

    dirtycrewdom
    Member

    It depends on a number of factors. Firstly; do you actually like each other?

    They actually work quite well with either answer.

    Premier Icon binners
    Subscriber

    Exactly! 😀

    lol!

    Keep em coming…

    Premier Icon Bunnyhop
    Subscriber

    yes.
    i met hubby in california many years ago. i was manchester based, him in london.
    we managed very well, just a lot of travelling involved.

    sadly the mtbing had to give for a year until he got into riding offroad.

    clubber
    Member

    Yes. Not for me I reckon but I have a few friends who it’s working for. I think it depends very much on the people. The ones who it seems to work for (and I’m not suggesting this is always the case – put the pitchforks away…) are quite self-contained and sensible/logical.

    I’ve seen others where it went badly wrong where they just seemed to grow apart once they didn’t spend time together.

    The ones who it seems to work for … are quite self-contained and sensible/logical.

    hmmm encouraging.

    titusrider
    Member

    IMO they are tough to begin a relationship at long distance, but an established relationship can still survive a long time and long distances

    emsz
    Member

    Sort of

    Just make sure the person your having a relationship with isn’t a needy, single child who can hit your buttons at any distance, and you’ll be good.

    Oh, and phone sex, hard to do convincingly 😉

    Junkyard
    Member

    My number is in profile emsz happy to give tips 😉

    The ones who it seems to work for (and I’m not suggesting this is always the case – put the pitchforks away…) are quite self-contained and sensible/logical.

    So basically its doomed if a woman is involved then

    clubber
    Member
    Premier Icon Bunnyhop
    Subscriber

    So basically its doomed if a woman is involved then

    haha.
    me tom boy so it’s worked 😀

    Premier Icon Del
    Subscriber

    LOL
    did exeter/guildford for a few years. took it in turns pretty much every weekend.
    things only fell apart after i bought a house and we lived together…

    I managed 18 months away from home (Teesside to Reading).

    It’s hard work, but not actualy harder than living together some days!

    I found it best to go on dates at the weekends, i.e. we’d go out for a meal, cinema etc, but actualy spend some time appart in the daytimes (go for a ride) otherwise I got supprisingly little ‘me’ time in my weeks and got quite irritable!

    lemonysam
    Member

    My girlfriend and I spent 5 years living a few hours apart. Not massively long distance but enough to mean it was weekends only. Worked perfectly for us, she got the space she needed to finish university and I got the space I needed to use the rollers in the front room and eat pizza in my pants.

    Edit: Some clarifications. I was in my pants, the pizza was not. I also didn’t do this at the same time as using the rollers.

    clubber
    Member

    Couldn’t you use a plate or the pizza box like other people?

    baby
    Member

    Oh, and phone sex, hard to do convincingly

    You should add me on Snapchat…

    emsz
    Member

    Wasn’t a massive distance for us, but I don’t drive and the trains are pretty expensive, and her place was tiny. So she was forever coming to mine, and then Sunday is shit…

    We stuck at it for ages, but we were sort of used up by the end of it.

    plyphon
    Member

    Mine wasn’t always long distance,

    But it has been now for 2 years, and tbh, works fantastically.

    I probably wouldn’t head straight into a long distance from the off, we had give or take a year together before it turned long distance so the trust was already there etc.

    It works for us, or rather, we make it work for us. With skype and whatsapp the world is a lot smaller. And shes only 2.5 hours away so we have most weekends together.

    mark90
    Member

    Met my now missus on a skiing trip (large group of friends and their friends etc). We did the long distance thing for a little over a year, Bristol to Manchester. One of us travelled (drove) most weekends, although her working shifts often meant she would come up during the week sometimes. It was tough and the travel was tiring. Lived together now for 13 years and married for 9. Oh how I miss my own space 😉

    A mate in London has a gf in Edinburgh. Spends a lot of time (and cash) on trains. Seems to be working out for them.

    I guess it really depends on you both and the strength of your relationship, I can see it being easier with an established relationship.

    Some positive responses here. Genuinely surprised

    What’s your experiences?

    fasthaggis
    Member

    Same here Mark90.
    Skiing trip romance ,then a long distance Edinburgh-London,
    London Plymouth thing for 2 years.

    ..and they said it would never last, 😀

    Spends a lot of time (and cash) on trains

    If I was doing it again, I’d considder some sort of season ticket (or just buy them in advance). It wasnt the being appart that was hard work, it was that we only ever saw each other at the end of a 5 hour car journey, irritable, dehydrated and tired!

    Had to use trains a few times towards the end and it was a revelation!

    Premier Icon BigDummy
    Subscriber

    I’m not sure I’d bother with another “relationship” if I wasn’t married, but a relationship designed so you don’t have a lot of sex would be low down my list of preferences if I could be bothered.

    In my (limited) experience, the time spent organising the logistics of seeing one another can mask the fact that it is the actual having to see one another at all that is the faff.

    🙂

    Premier Icon stu170
    Subscriber

    I got together with mine and then 2 weeks later started in the raf. Quite difficult when out of the country with no option to visit. We did a weekend together every 2 weeks for a long time. And now 4 years later we have jist moved in together.
    Easy enough if you have trust. My mrs spent 3 years at uni in that time and that sometimes had its moments of wondering

    Premier Icon stewartc
    Subscriber

    Newbury-Hong Kong for 1.5 years before I finally decided to just commit and move to HK.
    I was lucky in that my job meant that I was in HK every 2-3 months (that’s how I met her) and she would pop over to me where possible, it’s tough but you can’t choose who you fall for.
    It’s all an adventure, I say enjoy the times together but one of you will have move, if we had gone on for another year I couldn’t see it lasting.
    In all fairness, it wasn’t a tough choice leaving Newbury for HK!

    Premier Icon molgrips
    Subscriber

    Did one as a student, worked out ok til it ran its course 18 months later.

    Did a trans-atlantic for a few years, that was fun but ended after expectations different. Should’ve ended earlier but the holidays were fun 😳

    Did another cross channel then transatlantic, only a year or so til we then got married. So yes, kind of 🙂 Internet access at work is important I reckon.

    mudshark
    Member

    Was never interested in having one that involved much travelling about at the weekend as far too lazy for that but when I went to work in the US ended up with a gf based in NYC. So when the time came to return to the UK I had this idea that it would be worth trying to keep it going as fancied living in the US. We thought we’d give it a go but in the short term the plan was to get her to come to the UK but she couldn’t deal with the move in the end so it fizzled out; was fun while it lasted as happy going over there for trips.

    wolfenstein
    Member

    It could but its not worth it.. Life is too short for long distance bul!shit 😉 ..and besides, arent there enough people in your world that you are considering long distance thingy?

    anjs
    Member

    I met my wife when she was doing a year abroad from her US university. We did a year apart while will finished our degrees. This was 20 years ago with no internet and just one call a week.

    Premier Icon Sandwich
    Subscriber

    Early 80’s I dropped out after 1 year at Salford. Her ladyship saw me weekends for 6 months before she went to France for 6 months. I had a couple of weeks in France to see her then back to weekends for her third year. We’ve been married for 28 years now.

    darrell
    Member

    i lived in Zurich and she lived in Oslo
    was like this for 18 months. we saw each other every other weekend

    i moved to Norway eventually. Still together 7 years later

    Premier Icon bearnecessities
    Subscriber

    Long distance isn’t the problem, it’s proximity when problems occur!

    (early comment about personality type gets my vote)

    Premier Icon molgrips
    Subscriber

    arent there enough people in your world that you are considering long distance thingy?

    Not like my wife, no 🙂

    Premier Icon aracer
    Subscriber

    mrs aracer lived an hour and a half drive away when we met. Did the long distance thing for a year before she moved here – mostly me driving up Friday night and then back early Monday morning. Somehow I managed to fit in racing fairly seriously around that.

    Me and my g/f did 2.5 months initially (after 3 weeks dating…) and then stuck it out for 8 months with a couple of holidays together.

    Early comment about self contained/logical personalities very true, I was quite content to spend the distance part of the relationship hiking and biking every weekend, and her history with guys meant she was content to play it very cool to begin with anyway.

    After 8 months the strain was beginning to show but thankfully at that point my visa came through and now here I am in Vancouver with a gorgeous tall redhead girlfriend, an apartment on the North Shore and a job that pays easily 10 grand more than I was earning in Scotland! 😀

    [smug mode off] We both felt it could work as we were both introverts and both content being single, so having a potential partner to look forward after a period of doing our own thing wasn’t such a hardship. I haven’t told her that my hiking buddy for the long distance period was a cute Chinese girl, but there are some things best kept secret… 😕

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