So, I’m firmly in the rat race, and will stay until im fired, but happy with many things material as well as immaterial, but i want to somehow section off a portion of my life to relax, but theres always something more to do, think off or put on a list, cycling workouts to do, things to fix & kids to ferry about.

In the main I’m happy with work, not ill or depressed, happy with the house, kids and wife are happy, and I also know moving all to the ideological Carribean is not a grass is greener option in reality.

I’m not even sure I’m explaining myself properly, but how to attain a portion of my life which is relaxed, cosy and sipping some XO in the warm without something cropping up?

Does this make any sense / ring true with anyone else? What have you done to change it?

No … but I would love to see how this thread goes….
I never thought I wanted to retire early but it is beginning to look more and more attractive …

I lock myself in the toliet with a book…

buy some XO
sit next to a fire
sip

Pretty much that. If you’ve arranged it you’ll do it. If you haven’t then something else will eat the time 🙁

no , , but i dont think i would enjoy doing nothing . i like to be busy .

we are moving to france next year , for a more relaxed way of life , but it will still be filled lots to do .

Illegal drugs.
Whatever suits our brain chemistry

Not really a lifestyle edict though is it.

Study something that interests you?

Not sure you can balance doing stuff you dont enjoy with a little bit of you time, doesnt sound very sustainable.

Take a look at Happiness by Design and dont leave this shit to chance.

That doesnt get great reviews at £5 for a Kindle book

Get out on more adventures…

Learn to follow your own mind.

I could be editing photos or writing code, but I’ve just bummed around watching telly this evening. I know how to relax 🙂

Maybe he didnt pay them enough!

I thought it was a good book, the basic message is take a pragmatic view of what makes you happy (pleasure or purpose) and do more of the most achievable activities. It appeals to my utilitarian approach to most problems.

People in general make terrible decisions based on all sorts or criteria which rarely deliver happiness long term.

“why be happy when you can be normal” is a quote that stuck with me.

I found reducing my hours helped give me some time and space. I only work 4 days, so my day off is a chance to get some chores out the way, freeing up family time elsewhere in the week, and then spend a few hours doing what I want to do – riding, reading, listening to my music, catching up on telly, snoozing, meeting friends for lunch, whatever. I have no one to answer to for 3-4 hours a week.

God, I love Monday afternoons!

Obviously, there is a financial cost, but going from, say 37 hours a week to 32 over four days might be doable.

Another reading recommendation, Yes Man by Danny Wallace. A quite positive but accepting approach. And not a preachy book.

I started meditating a couple of months ago, doing guided meditation using the Headspace app. The first 10 days are free and it’s worth every penny thereafter.

Get a nice hobby

I hear 100mm travel forks are very life affirming

Meditation
Yoga
Cycling – the ‘just going for a ride’ type – no GPS, no Strava etc, just go out and pootle for as long as you fancy, and then come home.

FWIW, Paul Dolan (Happiness By Design) is a very well respected academic – he’s a professor at LSE and previously worked in the Nudge Unit in Downing St when Behavioural Economics first started getting popular

I have to admit, I thought the OP was trolling given the number of previous threads on this subject.

I’m with morecashthandash. I work 4 days a week and it makes a huge difference . Highly recommended

I’m no help, I’ll admit that.

But..

You have a very busy life, your family takes up most of that when home, work will when not. Not a fat lot of time for yourself in all that hence the bikes for more “me” time.

I’m not preaching here, but you’ll have to substitute something in your life to fit in something else. Make sure you don’t substitute any family time or you’ll find that’ll disappear quite quickly, with the possibility of major disruption and far less time for your “me” time with extended consequences for years to come.

But from previous threads on this subject you’ve posted, you are just going through what we’ve all done in our 30’s through late 40’s… We all burn out on occasion, reassessment on your lifestyle often takes commitment greater than the effort your willing to give it (due to time/family/work commitments) Popup Self Help books may work for some, not for others. But buying another and feeling pressured to learn/read from it in your already busy schedule just adds to the limited time you already have.

I think all of us at some point in our lives have gone through/going through the same feelings you have now. We’ve all taken our own path to relieve the pressure, invariably something in our lives has had to change significantly to relieve the pressure, choose wisely the section of your life you think needs changing before committing to it.

BOL.

Thanks. This is a thread with a difference though, I wouldnt attribute it to others as I’m in a very different place. First of all I’m not miserable, just trying to find some “space” if that makes sense, and wondering how others have achieved that. Despite some of my posts which are borderline tongue in cheek, my dabble with Mindfulness has quitened variious areas of my life although I’ll admit that busy-ness of work has caused me to fall off the wagon with meditation a bit, so the above is a good reminder to reinstate that into my day.

I gave up drinking for a month (first beer planned fro Friday night yay…) and the XO comment perhaps hints at the fact I don’t have any other vices in my life, together with the “winter training plan” which targets some immediate weight loss. I think this hasn’t help as I’ve dropped a month of enjoyment or escapism, its all been an exercise in discipline. I don’t mean I have to get roaring drunk and pig out on Belgian buns on a weekly basis, but there’s nothing wrong or seriously detrimental about enjoying a short in the evening after the kids are in bed.

Like others I guess, I also have a habit of sitting on the sofa with my ipad/stw in the evening with one eye on the telly, I’d be far better offer putting it away and shutting my brain off for a bit.

The job thing hasn’t help. Ive entered a risk/reward scenario where although I’ve worked very hard to build what is a backended pipeline I’m facing the biggest risk of all as a salesman grossly under target in a US Corp. In actual fact this comes at the climax of a 23 year career in the same business area and this week I’ve very much come to the acceptance that if I was pushed, it’d probably be a timely opportunity to explore something different so I was last week stressing about what I’d be doing on Jan 1st, now I’m not so much.

So its a merry go round of wanting to work to provide, excel to succeed, train to be fit and competitive, not have flaw iin my diet or abstinence which tires me I believe, but I don’t know why I’m so driven this way when in fact as we all know, none of it really matters – I can’t be the only one in this position surely? I think its a questions of trying very hard not to be average, when average is all I am or is not really defined in the measure of myself vs the iWorld through which I experience life

Breakfast musings eh!

Worrying about being average? What does average mean exactly?

Sometimes i’d be ecstatic to be average 🙂

I think I know what you mean. My situation is a bit different, but I was weighing things up in my own way a few days ago. I have a full time job and a family, so I’m quite busy but on top of that, all this keeping fit, watching my diet, staying off alcohol (because it often gives me migraine), doing regular exercises for my back, etc I feel stiff and regimented. My only way of letting my hair down is mountain biking but I don’t have time or energy to do more than I’m doing. I want to “play” a bit, but I don’t know how.

Find something that is purely about helping other people – not you, family, friends or pet interests. An evening a week working with homeless, chronically ill or whatever: it’s amazing how other stuff in your life comes into perspective.

I feel the same, I ‘think’ this is what a mid life crisis actually is.

All the stuff that was crazy fun in my 20s/30s (staying up drinking and more for 2 days etc) now just makes me feel AWFUL and I still have to deal with the kids.

I think it’s a case of re-setting what pleasure is, it might not be sinking 10 pints and midnight swimming anymore, it might be a snooze in a parked car. 😆

I have found volunteering helps. I’m on the Exec committee of our Scout group. I can’t commit to being a proper leader but there are loads of odd tasks the group needs doing to keep ticking along, the building, insurance, fund raising etc that you can dip in and out of and see the results when the kids achieve new things partly through your efforts. Very rewarding. There’s also a county cycle team who keep refusing my offers of help – obviously seen me ride!

I’ve also started volunteering with the Forestry Commission at a nearby visitor/trail centre. Only one morning a month but really interesting, and nice to do some physical outdoor work rather than paper pushing.

Kryton – would I be right to say the urge for racing is a recent thing? I’m sure if cycling was more “leisure time” it would be more relaxing, also free up some more time for other things without the constant requirements of a set programme.

By our age I think the realisation has hit that a pro sporting career has gone,

I think a lot of people wonder the same things as the OP does. I can certainly relate to the “average” comment. Sometimes it feels like you are going through the motions rather than achieving.

Study something that interests you?

Diamond advice. I got work to pay for my Prince2 training but I did it through online learning in a mixture of work and my own time. It was much more rewarding when I passed the exams rather than a 5 day cramathon. There are some good affordable online courses out there if you look. You seem to be a fan of good beer. Thought about a bit of home-brewing?

Turn off the phone, wifi etc so nobody can disturb you.

I know just what you mean.

4 or 5 years ago it dawned on me that I was pretty unhappy so I made some changes. Moved house, changed job and changed my mindset about a few things.

All was well and I have been happy and content since but I think things have started to slip over the last few months and I am back feeling a bit like you do. Not unhappy like I was but I seems to have an itch that needs scratching, I just don’t know where the itch is and how to scratch it.

My thoughts range from learning a new skill to to having the odd weekend away riding a bike to quitting my job and doing something more worthwhile.

It seems to be a side effect of modern life, the life I created for myself as I thought it would be what made me happy…and it does…but…

Average is a great place to be, surely it means you can do lots of things reasonably well. It appears you’re very competitive, perhaps you need to spend more time just playing? Playing on a bike, playing with your kids in the mud and puddles?

Impossible to give an objective response but I do feel I’ve found my own balance & it works for me. As you know, Kryton, I stepped off the corporate high-speed merry-go-round years ago & took a step back to judge what was really important in my life.

Work came way behind my family & my time so I adjusted things accordingly. I earn less, I no longer have a team reporting to me & don’t spend every other week somewhere else on the planet but I do get quality time with my family (especially important lately) and get adequate ‘me’ time.

We waste so much time dossing around, watching crap TV etc so I tend not to bother with any of that in the evenings. Negotiated more convenient working hours so I’m usually home within an hour of Jr getting in from school but if I need to do more then I get up earlier & make sure stuff happens at the start of the day. Gives me the entire evening to do stuff with him, ride, walk the dog, have a beer etc without worrying about the time.

Most of us can’t have everything but we can choose what we really need to be contented – it’s just a case of making those choices.

Yeah – as above, maybe a bit of you time that isn’t training/competing.
A regular social ride that ends in the pub? Yoga? Get involved with some of your kids activities? Become a sports coach, help out at scouts, etc.

Something will fill that gap for you and be very rewarding, and importantly differ from everything else you are trying to achieve.

I don’t think there’s any middle ground is there?
I don’t think that you tweak bits to suit you..

the clue is in the term… lifestyle

the style in which you live your life

it’s not called an hourstyle, or an eveningstyle or a wednesdaymorningbetweennineandtwelvestyle is it?

Work came way behind my family & my time so I adjusted things accordingly. I earn less, I no longer have a team reporting to me & don’t spend every other week somewhere else on the planet but I do get quality time with my family (especially important lately) and get adequate ‘me’ time.

Well, that may well be forced upon me soon, but if not my own remit will get bigger instead which will force a decision making process over Christmas.

spend more time just playing? Playing on a bike, playing with your kids in the mud and puddles?

Agree, but equally I enjoy a “reason” to exercise, stay fit, fettle with bikes etc. I get very grumpy and fed up when fat & lazy 🙂

I found when I first had kids that it didn’t really eat into anything *really* important.

I do have to plan to do something, or be able to pounce on opportunities more, these days though. For instance I now always make sure at least one MTB is in full order ready to be jumped on for a ride if I get a spare 2 hrs at the weekend/evening. I don’t find time to go to the pub so much.

If you schedule it, it will happen. I only got a small batch of homebrew cider through over the past week because my wife prioritised it higher than some DIY I’m half way through – mainly because 1/3rd of the freezer had been full of apples for around a year. I plan to set fire to the old couch and drink it in the back garden at some point.

A few things that can help, and in my and my wife’s case, have helped.

Routine. Set as little as 15 minute but ideally 30 aside every day as you time. Make sure the wife and kids know this is not negotiable. Schedule it for the same time each day and make all aware of it. Mine if from 9pm to 9:30pm in the week and at 10am on the weekend. You can do whatever you want in this time as long as it’s for you. I read a lot but whatever it is, I make sure I’m alone and without tech around me. My wife does the same.

Exercise. I currently am trying to exercise for a minimum of 30 minutes every day. It’s awesome. I feel more lively, I have a goal each day and my head is clearer. 3 runs a week (I’ve never run before and so am following a couch to 10k programme), 2 turbo sessions (30 minute HIIT sets) and 2 proper bike rides.

Meditate. Yeah, it’s a bit hippy but it works and I for one feel a lot better for it. 10 or 15 mins a day.

There are loads of other things you can do, but those are mine and they’re really helped.