Anyone feel like they’re trapped ? Bobbing along in life craving adventure but trapped in the never ending rut of life ? Work family etc don’t get me wrong I love my family but just feel like I’m not going any where just plodding along.does it get easier ? Will I have a life after the kids have flown the coupe ?
I’m just rambling I know but ! Just at times feel that I don’t have a life of my own. But forever compromising my happiness for everyone else. Is it wrong to think like this ? What’s to be done ?

Been there, felt that, had an affair, was allowed back, knuckled down, got on with it, got sorted, yes it gets better, stop moaning and do your best.

Pause for a minute, then make a list of what is good about your life and finally add some achieveable goals, short medium and long term to cheer you up. Everyone gets this now and again, is it just the onset of winter blues?

I’m pretty lucky in that the people around me know exactly how much I absolutely NEED to ride my bike. And by doing so I hope those people see that it keeps me sane and functioning for everything else. And a lot of the “everything else” is pretty good anyway.

Life is full of compromises but if you don’t make time for yourself on your terms then you’ll drive yourself nutty. And that might mean telling someone close what you need and who can really help you, not just advice-giving “randomers” on the forums 😉

Yeah i feel like that sometimes, but I usually get over it after a few weeks.
Kids definitely get easier when they are up a bit.
Don’t have an affair or anything, you’ll regret it long term.
Buy some viagra, and show your wife what it does, I guarantee you’ll feel better.
(Not hinting at any problems down there, but lots of people use it recreationally)

Yep, led to a bit of a turn with anxiety and depression. Found an excellent counsellor who gave me the chance to take a step back from the constant rushing around with work, kids etc and just take an objective view of where I was – which wasn’t as bad as it had felt.

I go through phases of feeling like that, yes.
Normally when I have loads on my plate at work and home and don’t feel like I am making any headway with it – which is most of the time, to be honest.

Stop reading forums go mountain biking…sometimes it is all too easy to spend your life reading social media and forums. Do a digital detox and focus on key activities.

JeZ

Take a week off in the sun, canaries, do lots of riding and come back refreshed.

42.

I suspect this is what drives a lot of the epidemic of depression in this country. there you are – you have achieved what you set out to do -a nice family, decent job, nice house and then you are left thinking – ” is this all there is?”

Take your pleasure in small things – a fine sunset, a nice flower, a walk. Make some time for yourself.

A mixture of getting realistic and lowering my expectations helped me when I got to around 50 which is where I think a lot of people start thinking “is this it”. I am never going to do anything that interesting and never have so I either accept that (which I have) or do something about it.

I do make times for myself though and ride every Saturday and Sunday all year around.

Yes. My life is utterly subservient to five other entities; my wife, my two kids, my cat, and my employer. Everything I do, other than going for a run, is for the benefit of them.

This combined with my inability to accept anything I do as good enough is probably the major cause of my depression. Still, onwards with the treatment!

Go out today and do someone a good turn.  It helps.

Life can be funny, I intentionally avoided settling down, having kids, so I could retain my independence, go mountain biking when I wanted, etc all the perceived “good things” that our hedonistic culture is constantly equating with happiness.
And then….major knee problems manifested themselves a few years ago (on a mountain biking to portugal) and so I am now in my late 30s, forced into living with my increasingly elderly parents as I can’t take care of myself, getting the bus with the old ladies, and unable to date even if I wanted to. The only regular dates I have are with my physiotherapist and surgeon!
I’ve also observed the single life can get quite lonely as you age, as everyone your own age has settled down, so you just end up hanging out with the bitter divorcees down the pub.
My conclusion is – the things which our culture tells us will make us free (more money, more romance, more travel) probably won’t. Look at someone like Van Morrison, his music is all about freedom, but he spends his time flying around the world looking for happiness but will never find it.

Bensales sed> Everything I do, other than going for a run, is for the benefit of them.

Gotta keep fit to provide maximum benefit to Them.
#heretohelp

Take your pleasure in small things – a fine sunset, a nice flower, a walk. Make some time for yourself.

This. Currently laid up after a tumble, pretty much stuck in the house and not getting more than an hours sleep at a time. Restock with half an hour in the garden, watching the wildlife, listening to the noises. Simple Things.

The clocks went back last week. That doesn’t help you feel positive.
It’s natural, I think, once we’re past the reproductive phase in our lives to ponder the purpose of existence.
We spent last evening, giving up our normal cocktail, followed by home cooked gourmet meal with more than one bottle of wine, followed by whisky, in favour of babysitting our 2nd grandchild. It was great!

Yes, had this very conversation with Lyanda a few years back. Was meant to be a discussion but turned into an argument. Shortly after her problems began and made me rethink everything. Spent the next couple of years looking after her as her health got worse, being a Dad to 4 kids and working part time.

The past year and a half or so has been extremely difficult. Anxiety and depression are now in full swing, being alone in this eerie silence is devastating. I might still be trapped, but in different ways. Yes, I’m still a Dad to 4 kids, but now being trapped is all in my mind. That I think is worse. Before, my life had meaning and I was able to help the ones I love, now I exist and survive and not doing too good a job of it.

Treasure the simple things in life and make every moment count. Make the best of what you have and do what you can.

42

Life. Don’t talk to me about life.

timely thread, as spookily ive been thinking about just this sort of thing more and more just lately.

dont get me wrong, im happy with my lot, yeah could be better but could be so much worse, but since i watched my dad die of cancer last year, ive thought of death more than ever before. looking at the dog thinking how we’re going to feel when he goes, thinking about how long my mums got left and how thats going to be, who’s going to die first, me or my wife, just generally thinking ‘is that it?’ a lot more.

a lifetime of work, retirement, drawing a pension to get by, then death, youre just a memory. the rat race.
and in that timeframe you want to accumulate as many good memories and experiences as you can, but then…..gone. whats the point of it all…..

as mentioned above, our culture is to enjoy ourselves whilst on this earth, but is that it? try and earn more money to buy better ‘things’ that make us appear more successful? and as tj infers above, when youve ‘made it’, then what? and how depressing must it be to never actually ‘make it’, just trundle through life trying to be happy but with so much shit going on in your life that you never actually are.

is that the meaning of life? just to be happy for as long as possible? itd be a lovely world if we all tried to do something to make others happy, but we all know the world is just full of selfish arseholes who only think about their own happiness and are happy to make others miserable in their own pursuit of it.

sound a right miserable old tw*t dont i, but really im not 😀 im happy, i just think quite deeply sometimes….

Writing a long time back Pitirim Sorokin said only a culture of creative altruism would save humanity going forward.
Unfortunately I just see rising levels of selfishness, obsession with house prices, no charity, all very dark and demo4alising.Perhaps the younger generation will realise it, but nonsense like instagram seems to be making them just as superficial and materialistic as the rest of us.
Or maybe this just comes from living in southern England for too long!
My advice is to try and identify the few altruistic people out there and hang around them as much as possible, like volunteering at foodbanks, church, whatever involves doing things for others, it seems to create a feel good feeling that lasts longer than any drug.

a lifetime of work, retirement, drawing a pension to get by, then death, youre just a memory. the rat race.
and in that timeframe you want to accumulate as many good memories and experiences as you can, but then…..gone. whats the point of it all…..

as mentioned above, our culture is to enjoy ourselves whilst on this earth, but is that it? try and earn more money to buy better ‘things’ that make us appear more successful? and as tj infers above, when youve ‘made it’, then what? and how depressing must it be to never actually ‘make it’, just trundle through life trying to be happy but with so much shit going on in your life that you never actually are.

is that the meaning of life? just to be happy for as long as possible? itd be a lovely world if we all tried to do something to make others happy, but we all know the world is just full of selfish arseholes who only think about their own happiness and are happy to make others miserable in their own pursuit of it.

Addressed in most ways by the book Reset by David Sawyer that was recommended to me on here after I started a similar thread a while ago.

Since then I’ve enjoyed a number of little changes and success, not least – as is the basic guide of the book – achieving a target date in 10 years time where life will have much more choice and flexibility for us.    Having a purpose to get through the daily grind rather than just doing it for doings sake really helps.

Worth a read OP.

Yes OP, I feel like this a few times a year. It feels like you’re giving way more than you’re getting back?

Riding my bike really does help me reset though. It’s the bit for just me.

Find some easy / small and quick things that are fun and go an do them.
Like a bivi night in November.
Riding somewhere new and exciting – like trying to ride up Snowdon for example.
Weekend away riding somewhere different – Lakes, Wales, whatever is not normal for you.
Set a challenge for next year and start training for it, like a 24hr race, or an off road coast to coast.
Get an OS map and ride to somewhere near but somewhere you have never been to before.
Join a cycling club and meet others.
Find a mini adventure, plan it, do it.

Lots of goals, all small. As you achieve these you will be left looking back at good memories and forward to the next goal, challenger, adventure.

Thats all there is, so grab some of it.

Loathe it, or ignore it, you just can’t like it.

We are our own worst enemy. Constantly listening to crap about bucket lists, pushing yourself, not being happy with just plodding along and in general being looked down on for not wanting to always better yourself at everything.

To me there is nothing wrong at all with being content in life. So what if you choose to tick along nicely and don’t have the desire, drive or ambition to do ‘something’ with your life.

The above could just sound ike a misserable boring git but, tbh it is me and I enjoy life. Don’t need to go explore the world or run a triathlon. I just enjoy my lot and when I feel like unwinding I either go for a ride in the sticks with nobody around or go for a walk for ten minutes. Me, myself and I.

By all means make some small goals to make life more enjoyable if you’ve fallen off along the way but, don’t go nuts – just find time for you to do nothing and have no pressure.

I have this pinned to the fridge door for when my quitiapine, kemadrin and lamotagrine are falling a little short.
Hope it helps. It’s been a massive help to me;

“Desiderata
GO PLACIDLY amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.”

By Max Ehrmann © 1927

I see your Desiderata and I raise you Sunscreen by Baz Luhrrman.

try and earn more money to buy better ‘things’ that make us appear more successful?

Excellent, I can use the same quote as I put on the BMW/Audi driving thread tonight…. 😁

This planet has – or rather had – a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movement of small green pieces of paper, which was odd because on the whole it wasn’t the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy.

That’s awesome monksie. Thanks for taking the time to write that up.

Yes, I get these feelings all the time. I just keep telling myself that they are only subjective thoughts my own mind and have no basis in objective reality but I do get days when the little’un is howling for no reason and I worry about my career (or lack of it) when it can be hard to turn these thoughts off.

Monksie’s quote posted above is a good one. Definitely takes practice, and for me a lot of counselling when I was in my 20’s to get to a stage where all that makes sense though.

To me there is nothing wrong at all with being content in life.

You’re looking at it the wrong way. You’re blaming people for having ambition and desire. If you ARE content with a mundane life then you are very lucky indeed – those of us who aren’t are cursed, in a way. Your contentment is not something you’ve achieved, it’s just how you’re made up.

Don’t need to go explore the world or run a triathlon.

I bloody well do, and you’re not going to be able to talk me out of it!

I’m trying to keep content with biking locally to keep fitness up, and I’ll plan my big trips for when the kids are older and less dependent.

No the feeling at the moment. Another book recommendation “Solve for Happy” by Mo Gawdat.
First time out on the bike today after a 2 week gap certainly helped. Stress at work certainly doesn’t!!

Your contentment is not something you’ve achieved, it’s just how you’re made up.

How is this known? (you may know each other, in which case it would make sense). It certainly isn’t universally true, and there are many who only achieve peace and contentment via active pursuit. ie Buddhism is the first that comes to mind.

My contentment is certainly not how I am made up but because of deliberate decisions and actions.

I live my life by:
Do as much good as you can
Do as little harm as you can
Have as much fun as you can

I am not interested in the pursuit of material stuff at all. I do not define my success by how many toys I have but by how much fun I have. Yes I have plenty of money for my needs – but my needs are low.

As for it being mundane? It may be to you but that is because we have different standards. If I am enjoying it why does it matter that I do not own a BMW, a big house, be able to take 5 star hlidays etc. NO – I go by train to take a walk in the hills

Altruism? I do not believe such a thing exists. I am accused of being altruistic – but I am not. I do the things seen as altruistic because it makes me feel good. I love to bask in the glow of a ” kind act” Enlightened self interest

So for me the secret to happiness is to take joy in simple things and to try to leave the world a better place.

My very unscientific observation is that some of the most ambitious, busy people have the strongest neurosis going on behind the scenes. There was a study of Goldman Sachs recruits, all highly successful/alpha types, turns out they had pretty much running away from something very empty inside.
Unfortunately like pied piper they lead other people along as if working harder, playing harder, are the keys to happiness.
My two cents worth: life is designed to be challenging, meaningful work is hard, but that work should be for an altruistic purpose to really count.

@TJ just becomes altruistic acts make you feel good doesn’t mean they are therefore selfish. It could mean that’s what we were ultimately designed to do, and that is where our happiness lies.

I’ve read monksie’s post and am now feeling down and a bit of a failure in life as I don’t have a wall in my house big enough to stencil it on. 😊

I live my life by:
Do as much good as you can
Do as little harm as you can
Have as much fun as you can
Argue as much as you can

FTFY Teej.

Altruism? I do not believe such a thing exists. I am accused of being altruistic – but I am not. I do the things seen as altruistic because it makes me feel good. I love to bask in the glow of a ” kind act” Enlightened self interest

Projection? I once argued this point (existence of altruism) with my psychology lecturer and have still not settled it in my own mind. It would be very easy for me to point at my own motives and declare them universal. But that doesn’t sit right. Sometimes I do things to reduce the suffering of others because they are suffering and I have the ability to try and relieve that. You might argue that this is to try and relieve the pain that I feel at their suffering (sympathy/empathy, even ‘guilt’). But that too just seems too ‘tidy’ and universal an explanation.

Or as they might say in the Black Country, ‘Oo am yow ter say it’s all about that ‘glow’?’

‘Oo am yer?’