Seeing as I’ve just overheard a fella on a call my wife’s on say

“this is our chance to make one plus one equal three”

Why are you listening to our call?

He wants to make a baby with your wife?

From the look on her face, the thought of that is even more repulsive to her than the thought of making one with me.

Personal favourite:

Don’t piss on me and tell me it’s raining

From the look on her face, the thought of that is even more repulsive to her than the thought of making one with me.

Lol.

Wife used “deep dive” in a legit conversation with me last night, turns out it wasn’t what I thought and I too have been a victim of corporate bull**it 😯

Wife used “deep dive” in a legit conversation with me last night, turns out it wasn’t what I thought and I too have been a victim of corporate bull**it

Are you also married to my wife? We had the same a similar conversation last night. I sniggered a bit, and got into trouble for it. So, it’s just another audit.

“Swimlanes” was a new one to me til she started her current contract.

I use the words holistic and pragmatic quite a lot, as in a “holistic view”, or a “pragmatic approach”, does this count? 😥

edit: Swimlanes – -WTF 🙄

We havent had any new gems for a while, I thought people were bored of/fed up with it now.

This is not a bad thing.

Mrs Binners works in the third sector. She can have a conversation almost entirely in acronyms, with the odd word thrown in to make them into sentences. Its like some secret sect that use a completely different language

I have to stop her when she’s talking to work colleagues, and tries to include me in the conversation, and point out that I haven’t got a ****ing clue what any of them are on about 😀

I work for a large american company, to make it a fair challenge I would have to reverse the bingo card and stamp phrases that are not corporate bull****

I’m not incentivised enough to think of many good examples.

Commercialised. Or, “sold” as we like to say, in the land of normal.

Collaborative partnering. Nope, not at all do both words mean the same damn thing.

Process-centric. Holy shit, have you read the wikipedia definition of this crap?

Process-centered design (PCD) is a design methodology, which proposes a business centric approach for designing user interfaces. Because of the multi-stage business analysis steps involved right from the beginning of the PCD life cycle, it is believed to achieve the highest levels of business-IT alignment that is possible through UI.

which in itself is utter, utter, meaningless arse.

No brainier really irritates me.

I quite like the leisure centre – themed idea

Could we send that one back to the shallow end, put some armbands on it and it might just float. I’m in !

(sadly, the non-head office bits of the NHS aren’t very fertile ground for this sort of thing, other than in irony)

Own the extra mile

Had a new one to me in a Safety alert from our US parent company

“What is the high learning value event (HLVE) others can receive from this lesson learned?”

I know what they are getting at but what a waste of words.

What is the high learning value event (HLVE)

Obvz, they’re referring to the top board – no bombing !

We’re not trying to drain the ocean.

Apparently I am running “sustained learning programmes”, so I was informed yesterday… 😕

We’re not trying to drain the ocean.

You’re clearly not in Surrey.

Thankfully I don’t hear this crap any more since I left my corporate job and started doing proper work for a living. 😀

From the past though,”let’s chew the fat” was the thing I hated hearing the most.

Every other email at work (loads of redundancies) – that has been going on for a year or so now.

“Thank you for your professionalism in this time of uncertainty.”

Yeah, right. C*ckwombles.

A couple of colleagues were ‘deselected’ today. 😯 🙁

scaredypants – Member

What is the high learning value event (HLVE)

Obvz, they’re referring to the top board – no bombing !

Your close it does involve water and height!

Only the water was frozen & landed on someones head from 60′ up 😮

Anything that involves “leveraging”. 👿