Viewing 40 posts - 1 through 40 (of 63 total)
  • Killing a pot plant on purpose – best way
  • Premier Icon hels
    Full Member

    I have the office to myself on Monday. This is my window for sorting my colleague’s ridiculous ugly and downright (doesn’t bother with the passive bit anymore) aggressive symbolic pot plant that sits between the desks.

    What is the best way to do this ? It has to be something one dose, and untraceable.

    I have already discounted killing the colleague – too messy and I like a clear desk.

    Premier Icon zippykona
    Full Member

    Boiling water?

    Premier Icon globalti
    Free Member

    Just weedkiller, untraceable.

    Premier Icon benp1
    Full Member

    Is she green fingered? Presumably you don’t want to get busted?

    https://www.rhs.org.uk/advice/profile?PID=462

    Premier Icon hels
    Full Member

    So just pour the weedkiller in ? Will it not stink the place up ?

    Premier Icon Xylene
    Free Member

    Pee in it

    Premier Icon binners
    Full Member

    Premier Icon mtbfix
    Full Member

    Salt? Sprinkle it on and water it in.

    Premier Icon hels
    Full Member

    Proper spit on keyboard lol there Quirrel

    Premier Icon Nobeerinthefridge
    Free Member

    Hammer some copper nails into the trunk, or cut a ring of bark about an inch wide all the way round….

    Premier Icon Jon Taylor
    Full Member

    Cut the branches overhanging your desk. Make sure you throw them back over to his/her side of the desk though.

    Premier Icon DrP
    Free Member

    Give it to me?
    There’s a reason all our plant are either plastic or dead…

    DrP

    Premier Icon Northwind
    Full Member

    Bury it underground

    Premier Icon lesgrandepotato
    Full Member

    Trebuchet

    Premier Icon squirrelking
    Free Member

    aggressive symbolic pot plant

    Upon discovery that docking their stingers renders them harmless, docked triffids soon become fashionable in public and private gardens. As it takes triffids two years to fully regrow their stings, captive triffids are safe if pruned annually.

    Above the base are upturned leafless sticks which the triffid drums against its stem. The exact purpose of this is not fully explained in The Day of the Triffids; it is originally assumed that they are used to attract mates, but Bill Masen’s colleague, Walter Lucknor, believes that they are employed for communication. It is revealed that removal of these sticks causes the triffid to physically deteriorate.

    Premier Icon gofasterstripes
    Full Member

    Pour aftershave on it, that’s what my mother did with my pot plant. :/

    Premier Icon NJA
    Full Member

    Salt is the answer.

    Premier Icon stevenmenmuir
    Free Member

    Fry it with a table lamp.

    Premier Icon ratherbeintobago
    Full Member

    I’d have thought boiling water would do it and would be pretty much undetectable.

    Premier Icon cbmotorsport
    Free Member

    Roundup. Will take a tiny dab to kill a pot plant.

    Premier Icon Houns
    Full Member

    Have a pet slug in the office

    Premier Icon perchypanther
    Free Member

    Let it read the religion threads on here. It’ll lose the will to live.

    Premier Icon jambalaya
    Free Member

    @perchy 🙂 but will it go to heaven ?

    Premier Icon xico
    Free Member

    In the novel ‘In The Lake in The Woods’ by Tim O’Brian John kills all the houseplants with a kettle of boiling water FWIW. Not a bad read, actually.

    Premier Icon woffle
    Free Member

    Roundup. Will take a tiny dab to kill a pot plant.

    We used Roundup on a vigorous patch of nettles. It may well kill them eventually but may well take it’s sweet time about it. A week after a proper dousing they’re looking a bit peaky but hardly terminal…

    Premier Icon beefheart
    Free Member

    Premier Icon thestabiliser
    Free Member

    Smoke it

    Premier Icon peepingtom
    Free Member

    Not sure if salt is the answer tbh , ive tried salt on the patio ‘ and not just a sprinkling either , did bugger all to the weeds that keep coming through .

    How about domestos .

    Premier Icon hebdencyclist
    Free Member

    Please tell me you’re not really going to kill your colleague’s pot plant while they’re out of the office?

    Premier Icon alibongo001
    Full Member

    We used to poison our maths teachers plant at school with ink.

    We were trying to get the flowers to turn different colours one year and went a bit far- it died!

    (Not sure if ink is the best option but there is a strong STW tradition of only suggesting things you have experience of!)

    Premier Icon allthepies
    Free Member

    As above, roundup.

    Premier Icon ElShalimo
    Free Member

    Diesel – but it will stink

    Premier Icon joat
    Full Member

    We used to poison our maths teachers plant at school with ink.
    We were trying to get the flowers to turn different colours one year and went a bit far- it died!

    You missed the punchline.. It dyed!

    Premier Icon nickc
    Full Member

    We used Roundup on a vigorous patch of nettles. It may well kill them eventually but may well take it’s sweet time about it. A week after a proper dousing they’re looking a bit peaky but hardly terminal…

    Nettles have an underground part (rhizomes) that can spread for metres. You need to dig that out if you want permanently rid.

    Premier Icon chubstr
    Free Member

    hurl it out the window, be a man and own up to doing it with a well timed “come at me bro'”

    Premier Icon thomthumb
    Free Member

    be a man

    mondays a bit quick for that. but you might be able to get a stick on moustache?

    Premier Icon stevenmenmuir
    Free Member

    Build a Lego wall.

    Premier Icon bearnecessities
    Full Member

    Weedkiller is all well and good, but the suggestions above are far too quick and will arouse suspicion.

    Two options I’d suggest are a) lift and snip the roots or b) spray with rosate, where the plant looks totally normal for 3 weeks, then will suddenly and quite dramatically die, many weeks after the crime was committed.

    Premier Icon CaptainFlashheart
    Free Member

    Trebuchet is clearly the best option here.

    Premier Icon Ming the Merciless
    Full Member

    Let Mrs M look after it, she’s a more powerful defoliant than Agent Orange…..

Viewing 40 posts - 1 through 40 (of 63 total)

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