Killing a pot plant on purpose – best way

Viewing 40 posts - 1 through 40 (of 63 total)
  • Killing a pot plant on purpose – best way
  • hels
    Member

    I have the office to myself on Monday. This is my window for sorting my colleague’s ridiculous ugly and downright (doesn’t bother with the passive bit anymore) aggressive symbolic pot plant that sits between the desks.

    What is the best way to do this ? It has to be something one dose, and untraceable.

    I have already discounted killing the colleague – too messy and I like a clear desk.

    Premier Icon zippykona
    Subscriber

    Boiling water?

    globalti
    Member

    Just weedkiller, untraceable.

    Premier Icon benp1
    Subscriber

    Is she green fingered? Presumably you don’t want to get busted?

    https://www.rhs.org.uk/advice/profile?PID=462

    hels
    Member

    So just pour the weedkiller in ? Will it not stink the place up ?

    Xylene
    Member
    Premier Icon mtbfix
    Subscriber

    Salt? Sprinkle it on and water it in.

    hels
    Member

    Proper spit on keyboard lol there Quirrel

    Hammer some copper nails into the trunk, or cut a ring of bark about an inch wide all the way round….

    Premier Icon Jon Taylor
    Subscriber

    Cut the branches overhanging your desk. Make sure you throw them back over to his/her side of the desk though.

    DrP
    Member

    Give it to me?
    There’s a reason all our plant are either plastic or dead…

    DrP

    Premier Icon Northwind
    Subscriber

    Bury it underground

    Premier Icon lesgrandepotato
    Subscriber

    aggressive symbolic pot plant

    Upon discovery that docking their stingers renders them harmless, docked triffids soon become fashionable in public and private gardens. As it takes triffids two years to fully regrow their stings, captive triffids are safe if pruned annually.

    Above the base are upturned leafless sticks which the triffid drums against its stem. The exact purpose of this is not fully explained in The Day of the Triffids; it is originally assumed that they are used to attract mates, but Bill Masen’s colleague, Walter Lucknor, believes that they are employed for communication. It is revealed that removal of these sticks causes the triffid to physically deteriorate.

    Premier Icon gofasterstripes
    Subscriber

    Pour aftershave on it, that’s what my mother did with my pot plant. :/

    Premier Icon NJA
    Subscriber

    Salt is the answer.

    Fry it with a table lamp.

    Premier Icon ratherbeintobago
    Subscriber

    I’d have thought boiling water would do it and would be pretty much undetectable.

    Roundup. Will take a tiny dab to kill a pot plant.

    Houns
    Member

    Have a pet slug in the office

    Let it read the religion threads on here. It’ll lose the will to live.

    jambalaya
    Member

    @perchy 🙂 but will it go to heaven ?

    xico
    Member

    In the novel ‘In The Lake in The Woods’ by Tim O’Brian John kills all the houseplants with a kettle of boiling water FWIW. Not a bad read, actually.

    woffle
    Member

    Roundup. Will take a tiny dab to kill a pot plant.

    We used Roundup on a vigorous patch of nettles. It may well kill them eventually but may well take it’s sweet time about it. A week after a proper dousing they’re looking a bit peaky but hardly terminal…

    peepingtom
    Member

    Not sure if salt is the answer tbh , ive tried salt on the patio ‘ and not just a sprinkling either , did bugger all to the weeds that keep coming through .

    How about domestos .

    Please tell me you’re not really going to kill your colleague’s pot plant while they’re out of the office?

    Premier Icon alibongo001
    Subscriber

    We used to poison our maths teachers plant at school with ink.

    We were trying to get the flowers to turn different colours one year and went a bit far- it died!

    (Not sure if ink is the best option but there is a strong STW tradition of only suggesting things you have experience of!)

    allthepies
    Member

    As above, roundup.

    ElShalimo
    Member

    Diesel – but it will stink

    Premier Icon joat
    Subscriber

    We used to poison our maths teachers plant at school with ink.
    We were trying to get the flowers to turn different colours one year and went a bit far- it died!

    You missed the punchline.. It dyed!

    Premier Icon nickc
    Subscriber

    We used Roundup on a vigorous patch of nettles. It may well kill them eventually but may well take it’s sweet time about it. A week after a proper dousing they’re looking a bit peaky but hardly terminal…

    Nettles have an underground part (rhizomes) that can spread for metres. You need to dig that out if you want permanently rid.

    chubstr
    Member

    hurl it out the window, be a man and own up to doing it with a well timed “come at me bro'”

    thomthumb
    Member

    be a man

    mondays a bit quick for that. but you might be able to get a stick on moustache?

    Build a Lego wall.

    Premier Icon bearnecessities
    Subscriber

    Weedkiller is all well and good, but the suggestions above are far too quick and will arouse suspicion.

    Two options I’d suggest are a) lift and snip the roots or b) spray with rosate, where the plant looks totally normal for 3 weeks, then will suddenly and quite dramatically die, many weeks after the crime was committed.

    Trebuchet is clearly the best option here.

    Let Mrs M look after it, she’s a more powerful defoliant than Agent Orange…..

Viewing 40 posts - 1 through 40 (of 63 total)

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