Following on from the other thread – how bad of a thing is it if your boys end up finding porn on the internet? Is it a good idea to try and forcibly ban it, remove all possible viewing either deliberately or accidentally, or to let it happen as part of a managed sexual maturation process?

et it happen as part of a managed sexual maturation masturbation process

FTFY

Really depends on the Porn they watch I guess

It’s a bit scary that youth seem to think that triple penetration is normal 😯

It’s a bit scary that youth seem to think that triple penetration is normal

I doubt they do…

It’s a bit scary that youth seem to think that triple penetration is normal

You don’t have to let them. Just tell them you don’t want to 😉

Define ‘normal’

😆

Common place

Tis an interesting topic for discussion. Not sure it’ll stay on the straight and narrow here though. 🙂

Really depends on the Porn they watch I guess

Hmm, not sure really.
I’m sure there’s some porn out there that reflects the reality of human relationships, but I’ve never found heard of it.

Problem 1 is that porn just sets up unrealistic expectations and usually isn’t a great example of how to treat women.

Problem 2 is that there’s so much of it and access is so easy.

I’d say restrict access as much as poss, whilst trying to minimise the effect of the stuff they do see.

Depends on the age of the kids I suppose. The days of porn stashes in a hedge are long gone unfortuately.

Porn isn’t about human relationships though. I think it’s important that kids learn that of course, and about relationships in general.

The thing is, how are kids going to understand how porn fits into life if you ban it at home?

…how bad of a thing is it if your boys end up finding porn on the internet?

A pair of boobies? Not damaging at all. An underage ladyboy mating with a dead horse? Probably very damaging indeed.

So our house rule is no porn, and we’ll be checking your computer usage regularly, which we do. We use a decent web filter (K9), so in the unlikely event they do stumble across something inappropriate words will be had suitable to the content. Our youngest liked a Facebook post which seemed innocent enough, but when clicked showed a young girl in a worryingly suggestive (but almost certainly legal) pose with a guy. He hadn’t clicked it, but of course every other friend and family member might have! It’s a question of what is appropriate, and content.

You don’t have to let them. Just tell them you don’t want to

This. As I’m constantly telling my younger partner.

Our job as parents is to lay the rules down, to be seen to be doing the right thing. I’d be highly surprised (and probably a little disappointing) if all my children didn’t bend those rules as much as we all did when we were young.

Frequently used to find ‘hedge porn’ when I was a kid. The fact that all of the men and women had no detectable genitalia left me scarred and bemused for years… 😯

I’m sure there’s some porn out there that reflects the reality of human relationships, but I’ve never found heard of it.

I dont think that is why teenagers are watching it tbh

Problem 1 is that porn just sets up unrealistic expectations and usually isn’t a great example of how to treat women.

True and fair point but i am not sure that will cause “damage” to all. is it not a bit like drugs – bit of weed probably wont do any harm mainlining heroin is unlikely to end well hence my point.

I dont really see how we can put the genie back in the box though as i dont know a single man [ and very few females] who have never seen any porn. I would say it is about managing it and that largely depends on what they see

Rusty I agree, overall, it is not good

Utterly irrelevant I’d have said.

It has led to the demise if hedge porn, which was more mysterious and eagerly received than Christmas when I was a kid.

molgrips – Member

Porn isn’t about human relationships though.

It is, you know.

It’s massively influential in reinforcing the harmful aspects of gender stereotyping and normalising aggressive behaviour.

It also leads to very unrealistic expectations regarding body image.

Might be worth sitting them down and talking about porn, the porn industry, women and sex.

They’ll find, come across encounter the muckier end of things at some point. It falls on you to educate them that what they might be watching could be suicidally desperate people who’ve run out of life choices doing uncomfortable, degrading acts and deadening themselves to emotion and feeling through drug abuse.

There’s some good porn out there, but it’s like the meat industry. Do you want to watch a battery hen with dead eyes and no feeling, or a free range chicken with freedom and choices, who’s enjoying themselves?
After that, how many porn actors and actresses are genuinely happy, with healthy relationships?

That should give some food for thought regarding how porn should influence their attitudes towards sex, women and relationships.

There’s some good porn out there, but it’s like the meat industry. Do you want to watch a battery hen with dead eyes and no feeling, or a free range chicken with freedom and choices, who’s enjoying themselves?

I’ve not seen that site. Linky?

Free access to my computer with no restrictions here. He got a lecture when he managed to crash Madame’s work computer with a porn virus that demanded money to unlock and not to be prosecuted – how we laughed (once I’d fixed it).

I did explain that not everything on the Net is appreciated by members of the opposite sex (or even same sex) that he is likely to meet in real life.

We all have a fantasy world in our heads, some of those fantasies become reality with willing consenting adults.

There’s some good porn out there, but it’s like the meat industry. Do you want to watch a battery hen with dead eyes and no feeling, or a free range chicken with freedom and choices, who’s enjoying themselves?

Agreed, probably.

real world…caught out my son who was 13 at the time. left his itouch lying on the sofa, open up browser, back one page…bingo.

We had a conversation about respect, and about why it was wrong at his age, and about the birds and bees, and what porn was and what and who it was for. Luckily for me and his mum, he’s got a sensible head on him, and he hides his browsing habits better now 😉

Has it damaged his idea of women? I doubt it, lad is surrounded by strong and intelligent female relatives who’d bring him up pretty sharpish if he got any funny ideas.

I’d hesitate to call porn ‘wrong’ generically. Large parts of the porn industry – sure. But making a taboo out of it could have risks.

It’s massively influential in reinforcing the harmful aspects of gender stereotyping and normalising aggressive behaviour.

Hmm. I’m sceptical of this. I think society reinforces harmful gender stereotyping in all sorts of ways. If you’re a misogynist, then you’re going to be into misogynistic porn. If you’re a sensitive chap, you’re more likely to be into higher quality erotica instead.

It also leads to very unrealistic expectations regarding body image.

Far less damaging on average than women’s fashion magazines, imo.

For the record, I am not a consumer of porn, in case you think this is about justification. Nor do I have male kids.

I specified male, because most ‘bad’ porn is male orientated, isn’t it? Is it?

molgrips – Member

I’d hesitate to call porn ‘wrong’ generically. Large parts of the porn industry – sure.

No one has said it’s ‘wrong’. 🙂

But making a taboo out of it could have risks.

I don’t think anyone has said we should make a taboo out of it either.

Hmm. I’m sceptical of this. I think society reinforces harmful gender stereotyping in all sorts of ways. If you’re a misogynist, then you’re going to be into misogynistic porn. If you’re a sensitive chap, you’re more likely to be into higher quality erotica instead.

And if you’re a child, you’re vulnerable and easily influenced by whatever you happen to find.
Which is highly unlikely to be ‘higher quality erotica’ – which makes up a tiny, tiny minority of the grot out there.

Far less damaging on average than women’s fashion magazines, imo.

How many young boys do you know who read women’s fashion magazines?
Everything that reinforces unrealistic expectations regarding body image is a bad idea.

My 4.5yr old daughter just likes fairies and the like at the minute. But she’s growing up fast. Dreading her looking at porn or getting involved with boys or drinking cider or taking drugs!

Why can’t they stay young?!

Far less damaging on average than women’s fashion magazines, imo.

Not sure if that’s true, a different set of insecurities for ‘normal’ males that’s all.

If you’re a sensitive chap, you’re more likely to be into higher quality erotica instead.

I am sure that is what the kids are seeking out

as for whether porn is worse than female mags type stuff then that is between a rock and a hard place

I dount reading nuts [ does that still exist?] helps much either tbh

HandwringingMiddleClassTrackWorld.com

In a few years your daughters will be involved in the kind of sexual activity that you will struggle to remember…

crikey – Member

HandwringingMiddleClassTrackWorld.com

Deleted because it came across as a it preachy, but no, not really.

“Unrealistic expectations of body image”.

You guys should have been a bit more selective. 8)

In a few years your daughters will be involved in the kind of sexual activity that you will struggle to remember…

Chortles!

As a functioning adult, considerably younger than the lot of you, who grew up with an internet connection in his bedroom, chill out.

Also, thanks for putting ‘children’ and ‘porn’ together in one URL.

In a few years your daughters will be involved in the kind of sexual activity that you will struggle to remember…

🙁 Eldest daughter is 13.

Please, please let it be at least a “few” years.

As a father of 2 girls I think that you need to educate kids into being able to say no to things they don’t want to do and understanding that just because someone says they want to do it doesn’t mean they should.

Porn is out there and you aren’t going to close the internet down to avoid it so giving kids the right skills to handle difficult situations is the approach we are taking.

I accept my children are going to experiment and good for them I say but doing it in the right way is down to how you as a parent bring them up and support them.

As a functioning adult, considerably younger than the lot of you, who grew up with an internet connection in his bedroom, chill out.

I suspect this is the right approach.

When teenagers in the 90s, it was More magazine and lads mags that were going to lead the us astray. Prior to that, it was computer games, video nasties, punk, the Beatles, Elvis…

With regards age, I think that if you’re too young for it, it’s meaningless. When I was a kid I just thought that sexy pictures were something adults did and I wasn’t in the least bit interested either way. After a certain age, well I think it was more about curiosity.

A 14 year old wide eyed seeing something for the first time isn’t going to be thinking the same things as a 40 year old regular user, imo. I struggle to imagine a kid following the same crude, aggressive or misogynistic thought processes UNLESS they’ve been brought up in an environment that perpetuates them anyway. If you’ve grown up surrounded by nasty lecherous male role models then you’re more likely to adopt similar behaviour. Conversely if you’ve been brought up in a caring sensitive and emotionally aware household then I think it’s unlikely internet grot is going to turn you into a sexual monster.

It all comes down to education and awareness again doesn’t it?

It all comes down to education and awareness again doesn’t it?

Basically this.

You want things to get better, you teach your sons to respect women. It’s a bit like cycle helmets; the issue is driver behaviour, but we focus on helmets. In terms of sex and sexual relationships, the issue is male behaviour, not what porn to watch.

How sweet, you think she’s still innocent…

LOL @ Xiphon!

My oldest is 9 and I already can tell she’s starting to take an interest in boys. Some of the things she’s come out with recently crack me and my wife up.