Admittedly I was heading back from the pub, but Jesus Christ what a mess I’ve made!
Split my knee wide open, taking out my last pair of serviceable jeans. Gravel rash over both palms and elbows and my new pair of specsavers must be good quality as they have smashed into my nose and face without taking a dent!
I’ve got big lips as it is, but my upper is now the size of Lithuania.

Good times!

christ. Full face, gloves and knee pads should be mandatory

Beer blanket gave me all the protection I need!

Glad to hear the beer blanket helped, now you can just bask in the awesomeness of people asking how you did it. “Fighting off a shark” obv.

Do you need help amputating yourself or can you manage (fingers crossed you need help 🙂 )

More importantly; how’s the bike?

You posted this at around 4am. How long had you been in the pub before peddling/falling home? 😆

In my fairly extensive experience of riding home drunk you must have done so.ething stupid. From the injuries it sounds like a failed bunny hop 😀

Beers still talking, that’ll soon wear off..

Ouch..

Should have took the car instead.

Good luck peeling the bedcovers off this morning.

😀

@kimbers posted a pic when he did something similar, so lets see it 🙂

Today that’s gonna really suck.

Remarkably accurate typing from someone who had been in the pub all night.

So you got hammered and fell off your bike?

I feel sorry for you being hurt but it would be safer for you to walk next time.

No sex for a month unless you wear a bag on your head.

You plank you could have been killed.

Yay, the fun police have arrived!

I wonder if the OP even remembers he posted this?

That is if he has managed to get out of bed yet.

We need pics and an update! Poor fella 😆

Pictures of the injuries and also, of the scene required. My guess is as said, a gnarly bunny hop attempt/failure or, a bit of trials riding attempted 8)

So officially the cause was mechanical failure: lots of torque caused the chain to skip and jam resulting in a locked wheel and a kerb/skull interface.

Yes I had been drinking for 12 hours.
Yes I got stuck to the duvet.
Yes I am drinking through a straw.
The bike is ok.

Worst injury is my knee, which was compounded by eleven hours of solid skanking due to a wee local festival and a banging after party.

Best buy a more expensive bike with a better groupset. 😀

ETA: due to the lop sided injuries to my upper lip, I have now gained the nick name “half Hitler”

I always ride home pissed up, I even try to set times on a strava segment on the way (no cars at 4am). Sue me.