A young Polish girl stows away on a ship. After a few days she is discovered and taken in front of the captain.
“What are you doing on my ship?” he asks.
(Polish accent here) “I came to UK to work as waitress and I met this nice boy from Liverpool and we fall in love so we decide to run away to America to start new life,” replies the girl. “So I hide in ship and we have a VERY good arrangement…. every day he bring me three meals and in return every day I let him f**** me.”
“You’re certainly getting f****ed,” replies the captain. “This is the Birkenhead ferry!”
The Potato King was sick of his three princess daughters moping around the palace so he summoned them to his chamber.
(Pam Ayers rustic accent needed here) “Daughters,” he commanded, “It is time for you to marry. Go out and find yourselves a suitable potato husband and report back to me one year from now.”
A year passed and the three daughters returned to tell their father how they had got on.
“My first daughter… tell me who you married!”
“Well Father,” replied the first daughter, “ I met a lovely Jersey Royal and I married him!”
“Very good! Very good!” chortled the Kind proudly. “Daughter number two?”
“Ooh Father, I met a lovely King Edward and I married him!”
“Excellent! Excellent!” smiled the King. “Now, daughter number three – how did you get on?”
(Sad voice here) “Well Father, I’m afraid I must disappoint you. I married….. Des Lynam”
“Des Lynam? Des Lynam?” shouted the King, enraged. “He’s just a common tater!”