Jokes for crackers
Hi, I am making crackers for a party & need some really bad jokes to put in them.
Here’s one to get started:
David Beckham did a book signing last week in a bookshop in C London. He was there for 1 hour 30 mins.
Then he signed a second one!
So please post some equally bad ones/nothing offensive please.
Thanks in advancePosted 7 years ago
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
Look for the fresh prints.Posted 7 years ago
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail, and with his bad diet he suffered from bad breath.
This made him a super-calloused-fragile-mystic-hexed-by-halitosis.Posted 7 years ago
hey top ones, 3 down 8 to go.
CheersPosted 7 years ago
This made him a super-calloused-fragile-mystic-hexed-by-halitosis.
You’ve nicked that off me. (-:Posted 7 years ago
Why did the Belgian keeping mixing up his indefinite articles?
Because he was an twerpPosted 7 years ago
I can’t taste chick peas, tahini or garlic.
Doctor says I have no sense of humous.Posted 7 years ago
have i? if thats true then STW in massive small world shocker. cos it aint off here!Posted 7 years ago
David Beckham was stuck on a jigsaw. The picture on the box was a tiger but he just couldn’t make the pieces look right.
Eventually he asked Victoria for help.
She told him to put the Frosties back in the pack.Posted 7 years ago
There’s a convent full of stupid people, except for one, and she’s Nun The Wiser.
Why did the puma get on well with other pumas?Posted 7 years ago
He had a good sense of puma
5 down 6 to go.
11e contribution to cancer charity if 6 more bad ones appear!!!Posted 7 years ago
hold tight. i could go on all day.Posted 7 years ago
What do you call Noel’s House Party after it’s been run over by a steamroller?
Noel’s flat party
How do you make a questionnaire laugh?Posted 7 years ago
You tick all its boxes
What’s the first sign of madness?
Suggs walking up your driveway.Posted 7 years ago
What did the man wearing the orthopaedic shoes say?
“I stand corrected.”Posted 7 years ago
Racist thread.Posted 7 years ago
When do classical composers buy their Christmas presents?
During late night Chopin…Posted 7 years ago
I went out last night and drank twelve pints of yoghurt.
I was absolutely mullered.Posted 7 years ago
I just bought a boomerang from a ghost.
I bet that will come back to haunt me.Posted 7 years ago
Two muffins in an oven. One turns to the other and says
“God, it’s hot in here isn’t it?”
The other says
“ARGHHHHH A TALKING MUFFIN!!!!”Posted 7 years ago
My mate was a train spotter and he was run over by a steam train.
Chuffed to bits, he was.Posted 7 years ago
My girlfriend just left me because I’m really bad at making puns.
Oh well, I’m sure I’ll find someone else.
(Careful not to think too hard about this one..)Posted 7 years ago
Arnold Schwarznegger was asked which famous composer he might like to portray in a film.
He replied “I’ll be Bach”Posted 7 years ago
What’s got four legs and goes “Boo”?
A cow with a cold.Posted 7 years ago
My boss said, “Why are all the women in your office crying?”
I said, “You told me to bang some heads together.”
He said, “Talk about taking things literally!”
So I went away and prepared a two hour lecture on taking things literally.Posted 7 years ago
This new Thesaurus isn’t just terrible, it’s also terrible.Posted 7 years ago
Well you said bad:-Posted 7 years ago
What do you call a man with a seagull on his head? Cliff 🙄
What do you call a man in a paper bag? Russell 😆
I told my doctor that I can’t pronounce ‘f’ or ‘th’
“Well you can’t say fairer than that then”Posted 7 years ago
Why does Father Christmas have 3 gardens? So he can HO HO HO
Why would you invite a mushroom to a Christmas party?
He’s a fungi to be with
Why was Santa’s little helper feeling depressed?
He had low elf-esteem
What do you call a woman who stands between two goal posts?
How do snowmen get around?
They ride an icicle
How do you make a tissue dance?Posted 7 years ago
Put a boogie in it
cheers all, thats my 11 done easy peasy.
Much appreciated, thanksPosted 7 years ago
byePosted 7 years ago
Teacher: “Simon, can you say your name backwards?” Simon: “No Mis.”
Went to the shop the other day to buy 6 cans of Sprite. Only when I got home did I realise I’d picked 7up.
My mum laughed at me when I said I was going to build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face as I drove pasta.
All thanks to Bad Joke Cat.Posted 7 years ago
Feng Shui – the ancient Chinese art of extracting money from simpletons.Posted 7 years ago
My only two jokes;
Why do mice have small balls?
Because not many can dance.
Why don’t you see many elephants hiding in trees?Posted 7 years ago
Because they’re really good at it.
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