Is this woman Jess Ennis, cos if it is then you should leave your wife. She is on the list.

Mmm did you not post a month ago using that login?

My, you are quite the detective. Funnily enough, this hasn’t happened quite overnight. I created the account, thought about throwing myself to the wolves, thought better of it, forgot to logout before proceeding to post normally. Sorry.

Tat is rubbish. I could still bang one out thinking about Big Helen who I knew when I was 16 and that was 20 years ago!

Big as in tall or round or did she just have an excellent pair of personalities?

Just because you are separated dosent mean you can’t be a fantastic dad to your kids.

I had a few friends this year have terrible illnesses, cancer, motor neurone, so do,what makes you happy I say
Good luck

this as well. life is too short and precious to waste*
.. life should be exciting, challenging, full of emotion, passion and a real love to wake up and see what the day brings. If it doesn’t and you are just plodding then you are wasting the time you have on an acceptance of a mundane life with no real value…

*with the caveat, don’t be a total self centred dick about it, but be honest in your rational self interest

I was going to post, just dive in and do whatever is the most fun today. But, and it’s a big but, the parent thing. Not the for the sake of the children thing. Being a parent to young children, especially if you are the stay at home principal carer, changes everything so completely until your children are self reliant, that sometimes there just isn’t room for the previous adult relationship. Usually there will be again sometime down the line, sometimes things have been thrown off kilter that people fail to reconnect the same way. Even when everyone knows it’s the right thing to do, this often takes hard emotional work to get back to what seemed natural before.

My, you are quite the detective

I know, I know clicking on ‘forum activity’ is bordering on Poirot in the super sleuthing stakes.

…and fallen head over heels in love with her. This woman ‘gets’ me, we love the same things, she’s stunning, funny, wonderfully imperfect. seeing her smile lights up my whole life. What is even more amazing is that she seems to feel the same way; she tells me she loves me, that I’m her soul mate. I cannot describe the effect these words have on me. Incredible.

And you are one seriously cheesy chap.

You fell in love with your wife once upon a time didn’t you? You chose to bring two lovely kids into the world. She was the one you chose to do that with, wasn’t she?

and if you are still the same people as you were at the start, then you will feel the same and wouldn’t be going through the doubts now.

People change over time(they don’t always change in ways complimentary to the other partner or situation), circumstances change, life changes. If you are lucky you change together and get stronger, it’s as equally valid that you change into totally different people who wouldn’t even look at each other if you were both single.

On Mumsnet, this relationship would be described as an Emotional Affair. Do yourselves a favour, and stay away from each other, while you sort out your current relationships. Otherwise, it’ll all end in tears.

You fell in love with your wife once upon a time didn’t you? You chose to bring two lovely kids into the world. She was the one you chose to do that with, wasn’t she?

I met my wife a few months after a very painful break from a woman who I was crazy about, but unfortunately was actually crazy. My wife was everything that this ex girlfriend wasn’t; nice, trustworthy, honest, blonde, buxom, wholesome, decent. I was intensely attracted to her, and if I’m honest, the fact that she was very unlikely to put me through the same shit that I went through with the lunatic was a big part of the attraction. I owe her a great deal, probably my sanity for one. I have never had any intention of leaving her. It has been tough over the last few years, and I do think that maybe she doesn’t feel quite the way she says she does about me, but I’ve always been willing to give it the benefit of the doubt, and try.

And now, you’ve fallen for someone who really understands you and has a connection with you and therefore want to bin it all off? Don’t be so **** weak. Man up, princess.

fair comment, but no I don’t want to bin it all off. I’m just struggling to figure out my feelings. Man cave and badgers it is, then. For the rest of my life. Ace.

But surely it’s worth making sure you tried everything to save it first though Tazzy, eh? To be able to look in the mirror and know you’d done everything possible, including the hard yards, to make it work?

Man cave and badgers it is, then. For the rest of my life. Ace.

that really is not good for your mental health!

Big as in tall or round or did she just have an excellent pair of personalities?

last one. Hmmmmmm…

I’ve met the most incredible woman in the world…

No such thing.

Grow up.

Get a grip.

Tazzy, thankyou for daring to ply the lesser trod path. i appreciate your input. I have no idea what the right way forward is. One thing I can be sure of though, is that there are a lot of posters on here in possession of their own badger strewn man caves…

Can’t you just demand your wife for more nookies in different positions? 😯

In all seriousness, and leaving aside the amazing female that has caused me to take a great big look at mt current situation, one of the things I am concerned about is whether (what may develop into) a relationship of simmering resentment and mutual toleration would actually be still better for children than one of seperated parents who are happier as a result. I have zero experience of this, so serious question.

Can’t you just demand your wife for more nookies in different positions?

Ha. the nookies thing hasn’t really been happening for quite a while. But I can live with that. It’s the barely concealed annoyance when I express an opinion, and the naggging feeling that I’m a spare part that I’m really not fond of.

OP. Don’t do it! Make sure you do everything you for your marriage and if that doesn’t work out long-term then maybe it’s time to finish that relationship before starting another….?

I’ve met the most incredible woman in the world…
No such thing.
Grow up.
Get a grip.

Bollocks. I am lucky enough to spend my life with the most amazing person I’ve met.

Tazzy, thankyou for daring to ply the lesser trod path

no daring in it. I’ve seen too many people in really unhappy relationships/ marriages stick together through some sort of twisted “it’s the right thing to do, it’s what society expects of us” totally **** themselves and their kids up.

One close friend couldn’t cope with the thought of being a failure for not being an uber dad/lover/success/happily married shiny person as others appear to portray to the world.

He didn’t want to leave his wife and kids and be try to find happiness as single bloke who loves his children, rather he tried finding excuses to be at work or be out of the house and not see them at all for the supposed stigma of leaving and what he thought it would do to his kids….he took his own life in the end and left a total mess behind. (hiding in a man cave can only work for so long)

I met my wife a few months after a very painful break from a woman who I was crazy about, but unfortunately was actually crazy. My wife was everything that this ex girlfriend wasn’t; nice, trustworthy, honest, blonde, buxom, wholesome, decent. I was intensely attracted to her, and if I’m honest, the fact that she was very unlikely to put me through the same shit that I went through with the lunatic was a big part of the attraction. I owe her a great deal, probably my sanity for one. I have never had any intention of leaving her. It has been tough over the last few years, and I do think that maybe she doesn’t feel quite the way she says she does about me, but I’ve always been willing to give it the benefit of the doubt, and try.

I know this isn’t helpful at all but when I read this I just think of it Charlie Sheen doing the voice over bits in Platoon, you know, the wallowing, slightly self pitying over dramatic voice.

a relationship of simmering resentment and mutual toleration would actually be still better for children than one of seperated parents who are happier as a result

The most important thing is that kids are loved, and know they are loved by both parents. These parents do not need to be together, but they need to be grown up enough to always be able to talk sensibly about the kids first regardless of how they feel about each other.

OK

So. Plan.

A) Cut off all non appropriate contact with this woman, painful as it may be.
B) Make real and concerted effort with wife, continue to enjoy the happy times with the kids. If this works, **** marvelous. but…
C) If the B) doesn’t work, seriously consider seperation, but WITHOUT involvement of third parties, and try extremely hard to keep it civil and sensible, and be the best possible dad I can be.
D) Wonder for the rest of my life if I’ve done the right thing. (this probably applies to all possible outcomes, I’m a bit of a ponderer.

Thanks for your input guys. I especially enjoyed the badgers…
I’m off to bed now with a slightly clearer head than I did a couple of hours ago.

Far to many people can’t stand to be alone these days and as a result will shack up and settle down with anyone. I found a girl like your describing and consider myself the luckiest man alive. But I would bet a lot of the “MTFU” or “grow up” advisers on here are the same guys that have to get permission to ride their £3k bikes once in a blue moon, between ferrying the kids around, being generally bitch whipped and eyeing up younger women in the supermarket. I bet if you sat with these same guys while they where drawing there last breaths, they would tell you different. It’s your life pal, not the wifes, not the kids.. yours. Sounds selfish but its a fact. If you feel this way about this woman go for it. But also be prepared to ride the shit storm that WILL follow.

How about this? You have a grown up chat with the Most Incredible Woman in the World and be honest. Tell her how you feel, then tell her that for the sake of your kids you are going to spend the next year trying to save your marriage. You want and need to have nothing to do with her whilst you put your energy into this. If after a year or so, you feel the same way, your marriage is not working despite you trying everything you can to fix it, and she still feels the same way then you will be round knocking on her backdoor.

Good summary OP!

How about this? You have a grown up chat with the most incredible woman in the world and be honest. Tell her how you feel, then tell her that for the sake of your kids you are going to spend the next year trying to save your marriage. You want and need to have nothing to do with her whilst you put your energy into this. If after a year or so, you feel the same way, your marriage is not working despite you trying everything you can to fix it, and she still feels the same way then you will be round knocking on her backdoor.

That sounds like it will fit in nicely with A), and give B) a timescale to work to. I am actually sure that ‘Ms Incredible’ will understand; she afterall is in a similar situation.

Yup, good round up. I can totally understand the “One life, live it” stylee posts too but strongly feel that once the choice is made to settle with another person, you should honour that commitment, dare I say, for better or for worse 😀

Best of luck!

assumedidentiti.. did you start a thread about cyclists not stopping to see if you and kids were ok when you had a puncture a few months back?

assumedidentiti.. did you start a thread about…

Nope. I do remember it though. Must. go. to. bed…

Cloudnine – delete that – I would.

Why, user-removed? is he trying to infer my identity? I’m not worried, he’s well off the mark. delete it if he wants.

did you start a thread about cyclists not stopping to see if you and kids were ok when you had a puncture a few months back?

ah, that would be me..

fairly happily married, no amazing new women in my life.. me and mrs yunki are barely speaking in anything more than grunts and nods though, but that’s more down to overwork than anything else.. (unless the wife is assumedindentiti 😕 )

Hi sweety 😉

Cue Simon Bates/Our Tune….

Aaaaah the allure of fresh flesh. It offers everything you don’t have and usually nothing you do….

Just that if I’d gone to the trouble of creating a new identity to garner opinions on a troublesome personal matter, I’d be slightly annoyed at others outing me (wrongly in this case).

Try to sort any issues with the mrs first, it’s not worth trying to juggle two women!!!

Just that if I’d gone to the trouble of creating a new identity to garner opinions on a troublesome personal matter, I’d be slightly annoyed at others outing me (wrongly in this case).

Yep, gotcha. Nasty. Wrong, but nasty.

My wife was everything that this ex girlfriend wasn’t; nice, trustworthy, honest, blonde, buxom, wholesome, decent.

She sounds lovely. Why not post a couple of pictures of her so the one or two decent singletons on here can have a go at being the most amazing man for her?

Sound hurtful?

It is, and it’s exactly what you’re proposing in reverse.

I appreciate your current relationship might not be all you want, and if that continues over time then you may have to make some very tough decisions. But try to make them with your head. Right now, it’s your other head that’s doing the thinking, and that never ends well.

Apologies.. I was going to lead onto a joke but it doesnt look like it will be funny.