Warning could be a long read – it needs detail to describe to what happened. This happened around a week ago, and it’s been gnawing away at me as I (now) feel that I didn’t do the right thing. I probably won’t say right now what I did as it might cloud the discussion but I’d be interested in hearing the forum’s views.

I was at Toulouse airport with mrs DD and dd and while they were having a €10 sandwich, I headed for the loos. For those that don’t know the departures area at Toulouse, there are shops, cafes etc down either side with bunches of seats in the middle. A reasonably pleasant set-up designed to fleece you of your final few Euros. As I approached one cluster of seats, I could see a chap sat with his phone held up in front of him. He had his back to me. As often happens, one gets distracted by a moving image on somebody’s phone, and as I got closer, I could see he had it on camera setting. It was around the size of an iPhoneX I guess, not quite phablet but a pretty big screen. Sat directly across from him was a family – mum, dad, what I assume was grandma, young lad of around 10 I guess and a daughter I’d guess to be in her mid-teens – maybe fifteen at the most – wearing a pretty short skirt. And the reason I could see that the skirt was pretty short was on the screen of this guy’s phone, he was pinch zooming in on the top of her skirt. The family was obviously getting themselves ready to move on, the girl’s skirt had ridden up her legs quite a bit as she was getting out of the seat. I couldn’t quite believe the blatancy of what he was doing – but I guess to anyone on the other side of the camera, it might have looked like he was playing a game, face-timing etc. It looked pretty clear this was an “upskirting” attempt – and the first time I’d ever witnessed it being done. From what I describe, is there any possible innocent angle to this?

As I passed him, and this was my first mistake, I looked at him – probably disapprovingly, I dunno – but I felt at that instance there was a “I know what you were doing…” look from me and a “I can see that you know what I was doing…” look from him. I had to skirt the outside of the seating area for quite a bit before getting to the loo – I looked back at him quite a few times – each time he was looking directly at me – not even sheepishly. By the time I walked back, the family had moved into the concourse and were getting themselves sorted. I could hear they were an English speaking family. He’d put his phone on his lap, but yep, he looked directly at me a few times again.

Obviously, not having any need to know, I have no idea what French law is on this one – the Tory fella filibustering the private member’s bill in the HoC last year (I think?) came to mind. I didn’t have a clue what to do.

I felt an amount of revulsion – and (you have to take my word for it…) I’m not a tabloid-stranger-danger-there’s-a-paedo-on-every-street type – but this just felt really wrong and invasive. I went back to my own family and told mrs DD what had happened. I’ll say what I did later, but I’d be interested in others’ views as to what they’d do next in the situation.

Sorry but this is no fun if you don’t tell us what you did.

Being reasonable, either a quiet word with the family in question or pointing the guy out to airport security are probably the right options.

I think I’d have had a quiet word with the parents and left them to deal with it. Or look around for a member of the Security staff.

I’d like to think I would have mentioned it to the parents and/or security, though I’m not aware of the law over there.

As the dad of a teenage girl prone to wearing short skirts, I’m not sure how well I’d react if someone came up and told me this though.

Sorry but this is no fun if you don’t tell us what you did.

Fair comment – I just thought maybe that would become the discussion more than what would be the right thing to do, but as I said, fair enough. So…and I’m not looking to have any “fun” but…

I think I’d have had a quiet word with the parents and left them to deal with it.

…is what I did. And the thing is, what makes me feel bad about it, is that the whole family listened to what I told the dad. And I feel like I ruined the end of their holiday – I know I didn’t do anything against the law, but really, was there any point in them knowing? I should have sat down and thought it through for a few minutes and perhaps try to get the dad on his own for a quiet word, etc. I have a feeling that the upskirter had probably deleted any photos he may have taken – so going to security or the bizzies would have been useless and caused a massive kerfuffle. But then, who cares if there’s a kerfuffle? The guy deserved, at least, a kerfuffle didn’t he?

I’m not a tabloid-stranger-danger-there’s-a-paedo-on-every-street type

I am. A bit.

Mostly because of the convicted paedo who lives two doors down in my street.

I’d have immediately grassed him to the nearest po-po.

I have no idea what French law is on this one

Bet the French cops do though. At the very least it might have earned him a vigorous anal probing before he got on his flight.  He deserved that at least.

I’m going to guess you
1) told the security staff you saw this guy watching some ISIS vidoes while muttering about bombs and stuff
2) the airport went into lockdown. The guy got dragged off to Guantanamo
3) You’ve been hailed as a modern day Smeato by the local media
4) All the attention and the fact the guy will be rotting for etternity is making you feel guilty

Nah but seriously, I’d have told the family or a nearby security bod. Sounds bang out of order.

As the dad of a teenage girl prone to wearing short skirts, I’m not sure how well I’d react if someone came up and told me this though.

Yep, something else that only crossed my mind later – he didn’t look the type to over-react, but then not “looking the type” is no pointer to how someone might react.

This is like one of those “Someone said something really shitty to me and it was only an hour later I thought of all the best things to say…” moments for me. Only, this just feels a lot more serious and I have no idea how the family or daughter felt after what was an instinctive reaction by me.

I’d like to think i’d go have a quiet word with the family and then offer to go with them to security.
Even if the family didn’t want to make a fuss I’d probably want to raise the attention of the security/gendarmes

On my own, I’d have found a security guard and pointed out the bloke with the phone and explained what had happened – it wouldn’t need the victim to be aware of it.

Even if he’d deleted the pics (and I doubt this was his first offence so there would probably be others) an hour or so explaining himself might have prevented a repeat.

If my wife had been there she’d have just shouted at him for being a perving peado and it would have escalated quickly from there.

The guy deserved, at least, a kerfuffle didn’t he?

Yes.  And thats how I would have reacted.  I’d have told just the Dad though and acted with him as a referee if he confronted said peado stranger.   Although the guy deserves a bloody nose, no one wants offended Dad to be arrested for assault by the French police but he should be allowed to call the guy out.

Sigh*…all the best solutions are in hindsight. I feel well **** off about the whole thing – there were a few other much better solutions!

*That’s a self-directed sigh. :o(

Tricky. There’s an argument to say that you shouldn’t alert the family – they would never know otherwise, but if they did it could be quite damaging. After all, there’s no doubt that people are thinking these things in the privacy of their own heads, and surely you wouldn’t want to know?

Obviously not condoning any of this but it’s an interesting philosophical question.

As to what I would have done – hard to know what could have been done productively. If I knew the law I might’ve alerted airport security. But my holiday French is not good enough to present an allegation. Talking to the perv directly – what’s that going to achieve? He already knows you know, and he’s not going to moderate his behaviour – why would he? If you try to take his phone or something, you’ll end up in more trouble than him.

I feel well **** off about the whole thing

You shouldn’t.

You did something.

Which is a shitload better than what most people would have done in reality, which is nothing……. other than go back to their own family and point out the dirty bastard across the room before carrying on with their holiday.

Fair comment – I just thought maybe that would become the discussion more than what would be the right thing to do, but as I said, fair enough. So…and I’m not looking to have any “fun” but

Well I’ll admit I was hoping you started a brawl in an airport, but I don’t think you need to feel bad about this. That’s on the pervert with the camera.

Maybe you could have taken the parents aside but it’s always going to an awkward conversation to have.

At least you did something. Lots of people would’ve done nothing. There’s always going to be a better option in hindsight so don’t beat yourself up too much

DD – At least you did something about it, don’t beat yourself up, I’d hate to be in that situation

I feel well **** off about the whole thing – there were a few other much better solutions!

Hey, at least you did something, many wouldn’t. Feel good that at least one situation was prevented from escalating.

Could have videoed him videoing her, then put it online. See how he likes it.

On my own, I’d have found a security guard and pointed out the bloke with the phone and explained what had happened – it wouldn’t need the victim to be aware of it.

This, as it’s for the security services to deal with.

I wouldn’t have had a chat with the family unless the perpetrator was overtly aggressive with the “filming” In which case I would have done, but surreptitiously taking pics is more covert and therefore only the security folks should be interested.

IMO.

Ya did well keeping fairly schtum without causing a proper raucous event that could have had you in the arms of the security, should the perpetrator been so inclined…

Which is a shitload better than what most people would have done in reality, which is nothing

I’m not convinced it is better tbh.

Also at least the family found out from someone trying to do the right thing, and not from the picture making the rounds on pr0n sites

I think I would have found a couple of Les Flics and told them. I don’t think I wouldve told the family.

I’m not convinced it is better tbh.

I’ll wager it gave the perv at least a moment of twitchy arsehole, self reflection and guilt whilst he waited to see what the Dad did next.

That’s gotta be worth something.

As a parent of a 15 year old daughter, I’d want someone to tell me if that was happening.

I would gently photobomb the obvious ones on South Korean trains…but there were so many it becomes impossible. They also just don’t care.

Apologies and thanks for the posts folks. It’s not an attempt at validation from the herd, believe me. As I said, it’s been on my mind a lot – and it’s encouraged me to do what I’d always advise anyone else to do – just stop and **** think about it for a minute rather than acting on the hoof. My french would have been good enough to explain what had happened to a bizzie – but y’know, I was like, hmm, let’s shift it all onto the dad and let him decide. I don’t remember thinking that at the time, but maybe sub-consciously that’s what I was doing.

Totally agree with molgrips there. Girl didn’t come to any harm, so why tell the family?
Moral is, don’t look at other people’s phone screens!
Seriously though, yeah, you did the best you could under the circumstances, no point beating yourself up (no pun intended) about it. I think, personally, I would’ve left it at Mr Perv knowing I knew.

I would’ve probably done what you did.

With more thought, telling security might be a better option. You say he had probably deleted them but I would be surprised if he had deleted all similar pictures that he had, and my phone certainly retains pictures for a bit in case you’ve deleted them by accident.

I know France doesn’t have quite the same attitude to these things, but I’d hope nevertheless that such behavior would be unacceptable.

Or, stand behind him shouting “WHAT ARE YOU FILMING??!”

Re comments on better not to tell them, would you want to know if someone had a hidden camera in your bathroom for example? The girl was in her teens, she’s old enough to understand what’s going on.

I had a similar experience several years ago, and how I failed to handle it well still plays on my mind occasionally.

I was in a cafe with my wife, our daughter and my wife’s aunt. As we were getting ready to leave my wife was bent over rummaging in a bag and I could see the bloke at the next table was holding his phone (8-9 years ago, I think it was prob pre-smartphone model) oddly under his table and peering at the screen at the same time – the phone was pointed directly at MrsVs arse.
It’s not quite the same scenario as MrsV isn’t/wasn’t early/mid teens and had jeans on rather than a skirt.

Not wanting to upset my family I didn’t mention it and we all walked out, I then made an excuse and went back inside. I walked up to the bloke and told him I knew what he’d been doing and that he had to delete any photos/videos there and then. Where I went wrong…. I then walked out without saying anything else, or waiting for him to delete them.

When I was talking to him, the bloke looked scared (I’m not even remotely intimidating) and he didn’t attempt to deny anything, but I could feel I was on the verge of loosing my calm and getting into a situation I’d regret.

By not waiting for him to delete them, all I suspect I’ve done is given him an added edge of excitement and danger to those photos…

I’ve also never mentioned this to MrsV, not because I think I failed in how I handled it, more because I think it would upset her to think that it had happened and it was at a location she likes and it would taint it for her.

Hard to say what anyone would do in one of those situations, really…

Depending on where he was/where this family was sitting etc. I perhaps would have tried to put myself between the blokes camera & this girl.
No need to obviously leap in front of the camera with a coat out-stretched to protect her modesty; just wander over to cover the line of sight and then find some reason to hover there while checking phone/looking for passport, getting something out of a bag until the family had got up & moved on.

Girl didn’t come to any harm

Until some kid at school recognises her on some dodgy website and sends a video round all his mates at school…..

Tricky one, I probably wouldn’t have done anything unless I could video him videoing first as otherwise there would likely be no evidence so if it went further (e.g. family of the girl complained to security) than just having a word with the father you could have ended up in a situation you’d been involved in some investigation you couldn’t contribute more than a statement to but might have ended up missing your flight over (OK, probably unlikely but also unlikely to have ended up with the guy being held to account).

I have a feeling that , no matter what action any of the players in this drama had actually taken ,  the closing scene would always have been  some Gendarme sparking up a Gauloises and shrugging.

What did the dad do ?

I know what I would have done – probably the wrong thing – spoken to the pervert in question loudly so everybody could hear – are you filming that young women ??

But then coming from a 150cm female person this might not have been so confrontational.

What he did isn’t a crime in France. It was in a public place, at a distance and she was in a group. The family could only take a civil action if he published a recognisable picture of the girl alone without her family around her.

La Protection de la Vie Privée – Droit à l’Image

France perhaps needs a law against up-skirting but doesn’t have one yet, and I’m not sure your incident would fall within the scope of such a law. He was filming what was going on around him at a distance. Is anyone who films a femen rally, people sunbathing or kids playing breaking the law? Not in Toulouse.

Go in front of the camera bend down and tie your laces for 15 minutes or so. Then turn and smile at him.

Not in Toulouse.

….and , with that, the Gendarme lit his cigarette and shrugged.

There isnt a “manual” in how you deal with these things and with the greatest respect DD you are over thinking it but you come across as a top bloke so it doesn’t surprise me 🙂

Verses I also think you handled that quite well. I would have punched somebody for that.