I'm really not alright
No idea what to say really except that’s a terrible experience to have to go through. Can’t see you could have done any more…
I had a friend who was depressed and he just couldn’t be reached… didn’t want to in a way…it showed me that as a friend there was only so much I could do.
Def keep the dialogue open to friends and the various support networks open to you… make sure you look after yourself.Posted 4 years agojock-muttleyMember
Get out the house, you need to be with family & friends you need to be with REAL people… anyone will do… you are not imposing on them, this is a genuine emergency.
If I could hug you right now I would.. you did your best, you did all you could… your mate couldn’t ask for anything more… but please.. get where there are real people who can hold you and wrap you in cotton wool cos thats what you need right now.
If you are in Northumberland or North Tyneside/NCLE then you can come here if you have no one close by.
..Posted 4 years agosomafunkSubscriber
Dunno if my words were of any help realman but if at anytime you want to bitch/moan/vent anger through a keyboard then my email address is in my profile, i know what your going through and yeah – you feel like a shit friend at this moment in time, you’re swinging from deep sorrow to unbelievable anger and rage in an instant but that’s to be expected, don’t feel you you need to put a brave face on things as it does not help. I still get really upset over my friend and his actions, even 16yrs afterwards and i had to take myself outside for a walk in the snow and cold night air after i wrote my post earier as it brought it all back clear as the day it happened. I’ll never forget it but as the years pass i can deal with it rationally and with personal distance otherwise i’d crack up big style and prob go postal on some poor underserving person.
It will get worse before it’s get better, you will learn to live with it but you will never forget it – he was your friend and thus you should never forget it however horrific, make sure it doesn’t dictate how you live your life from here on forward, be honest with everyone who asks you how you are feeling – this is very important, do not say “i’m fine”, you are not fine – by explaining your thoughts and feelings you will come to terms with it – it does work over time, it took me years.
Best of luck mate.Posted 4 years agojamj1974Subscriber
Dreadful, dreadful thing to deal with…
Realman it sounds like you did everything you could. When people are truly suicidal there is not much you can do to stop them – so don’t blame yourself. Try and be with people over the next few days rather than on your own in the house. It will be better for you.
JPosted 4 years agobwaarpMember
One of my mates at 6th form did the same, didn’t get the shock of seeing him dead though.
You’ll pull through but things are going to be shit for a while, I’d suggest you spend some time with your family if you can. Or go riding.
Apply for mitigating circumstances to put your uni deadlines back and retake your exams in the summer because it WILL effect your grades.Posted 4 years agostayhighMember
Go easy on yourself fella and dont try to make any sense of it as sadly you wont. Remember the person and what made them who they are to you.
My thoughts are with you and your friends family at this difficult time and I hope you are able to find some resolution soon 🙂Posted 4 years agobruders338Member
Just read this and my heart just sank.
its not that long ago i lost my son and had to do the CPR thing (it’s not nice so understand what you been through there)
I’m still getting to grips with it all really myself but all i can suggest is that i found it so much better talking on this site (the support is overwhelming good and the people are just amazing)
If you can try and post/talk etc… dont bottle it up
If you need a chat mate or anything let me know.. more than happy to give ya a call…
Will be hard over the next few weeks but try and keep your Chin up stay positive and dont blame yourself!!!
thoughts are with youPosted 4 years agoSnSMember
This brought back some very bad memories.
The same thing happened to me – On April 26, it will be four years ago since I had to cut Andy’s body down – But, the memory’s still ‘raw’.
You will experience an absolute roller coaster of emotions from very upset to incredibly angry. – This is normal.
It’s an awful position to be in – the constant questioning and beating yourself up wondering if you’d missed something, however small.
One of the posters above mentioned you being linked with University ? – If this is the case, I’m guessing they’ll have someone professional trained to help you with this kind of situation – Use them !
Most blokes initial reaction at the thought of seeking help is to feel that they’re somehow weak – Get rid of that thought right now !
Go and speak to someone as it will be a good way to offload & It’s good to have someone more professional keeping their eye on you other than just well meaning friends.
Your friend will have left a sudden and very painful hole in peoples lives – It’s the ones he’s left behind who need help.
If you do want to offload to a complete stranger – email’s in the profile.
Very best and sincere wishes.Posted 4 years ago
Thoughts are with you bud.
We went through this a few years ago, the life an soul of the party decided he didn’t want to be around anymore. A big group of mates went to bits that day. A bit of advice for further down the line is to organise some kind of event, maybe close to his birthday. We have a golf day, raise some money for charity. His family are involved and I think over the years it has helped them, as well as us.
And keep posting on here, it will help.Posted 4 years agoAndy RSubscriber
I went through this twenty years ago and that involved two people who were strangers to me, one of them died, one survived. When it’s a friend it must be immeasurably worse.Posted 4 years ago
I remember I later got a certificate of commendation from the Chief Constable, in recognition of my actions, but I tore it up and burnt it – I didn’t need any more reminders of that day.
My thoughts are with you and your friend – in my life I’ve seen it from both sides and either way it’s a bastard of a thing.
Stay strong, talk to people, swear at them, cry, whatever it takes to get you through.loweySubscriber
Thoughts are with you mate, and deepest condolences to both you and the family.
TALK to people. Do not go into yourself, talk to friends, us, anyone who will listen. Get your feelings out of youself and into the open where they can be rationalised.
Stay strong mate.Posted 4 years agost colinSubscriber
Not sure if this will help, possibly. I have been close to being that person wanting to end things. All I can say is this – talk. Talk some more. When I’m out of my lows it really does help to talk and grab a bit of perspective. Force yourself outside on the bike, go for a walk, emmerse yourself in normal things. It’s not your fault, not one bit. You did your very best for him and that’s all a friend would ever want.
Take care.Posted 4 years agomunrobikerMember
I hope things get better for you Realman. If it helps, it sounds like you did everything right and you shouldn’t feel any guilt. I know that you will, but you shouldn’t.
When our friend Chris was killed in the Glencoe avalanche it helped me talking to my friends. We were all over the country but spoke on the phone and saw each other regularly after the accident, and this really eased the pain. There will be other friends who are grieving and while their experience is obviously different to yours speaking to them WILL help, even if it’s not about what happened.
It sounds like you could do with some professional help too, but it sounds like you’re getting that.
This is not your fault in any way realman, if he wanted to do it so much, he’d have done it regardless of what you did. You did absolutely everything you could do and you should take comfort in that fact.Posted 4 years agocr500domSubscriber
Really sorry to hear that, as has been said, be with people and talk, not for your friend as he is at peace now, but for you.
I had a workmate take his own life 20 years ago, I dropped him off at home laughing and joking, said see you in the morning, he laughed and replied dont be late….
I never saw him alive again
Got home and my cousin who I was living with was really late home and annoyed as “some selfish ba$tard” in his words had chucked themselves in front of a train
Was on time(for once) the next morning as I pulled up outside Lee`s house…… Beeped the horn, nothing, waited, beeped again and his dad came out, said Lee wouldnt be in and who did he need to talk to at work.
I found out from work later that day, that Lee had stepped in front of a train the night before…… the same train my cousin had been on.
It destroyed his family, his mum never got over it, but he had planned it for quite a while, he`d been down there with someone else and mentioned in passing that this would be a good place to top yourself if you ever wanted too. Chris never thought anything of it at the time but beat himself up about it for ages afterwards, could he have done anything ? should he have picked up on that comment ? etc
Lee sadly didnt want to be around anymore, he kept everyone out of his decision to take his own life, but the fallout with those left behind was huge……
So very sad for your lossPosted 4 years agojekkylMember
oh dear mate, I’d like to put an arm around your shoulder and tell you it’ll be alright. The human soul weeps whenever we hear of another’s suffering.Posted 4 years ago
if it were me I’d get some beers in or a few bottles of wine, get blotto’d for a few nights, play music loud and cry it out of yourself.BunnyhopSubscriber
So very sorry that you’ve had to go through this at such a young age.
As others have said, you did everything you possibly could and there cannot be anything to blame yourself about.
Depression is a terrible thing and you mustn’t find yourself going through it too. Go and get some help.
Bunnyhop xPosted 4 years agomonksieMember
“…..he’s seemed fine recently”Posted 4 years ago
Sadly, this is when you * really * need to keep an eye on the buggers.
The days before I last took a bottle of sleeping and anti dep. pils were the calmest of my adult life.
It is very sad and I’m sure you’ll be running the full gauntlet of emotions as God only knows will his family if they cared about him but try not hate him for what he’s done.fervouredimageMember
My condolences and sympathies to you and his family. A terribly tragic and harrowing thing to go through. I wish you the very best.
It is a tough thing to go through and no doubt there will be times when you think you’ll be haunted by it for the rest of your life, which in itself is a terrible thing to consider but I can assure you that those feelings will pass, and while you will never forget it will soon get much better. If you do need someone to chat to in confidence or just email then please get in touch with me. I’m a clinical psychologist and sadly my work has meant I have experienced the very same sort of events that you have. I will only be too glad to lend an ear and help to make sense of things for you.
Best wishes.Posted 4 years agosingletrackmindMember
Sorry to hear about this . Hope you are keeping your chin up and have contacted the Uni to see about some councilling. Horrible thing to experience , for anybody at any age.
I think the funeral will be very difficult . If he has family nearby it may well be worth visiting or ringing them beforehand.
Take it one day at a time , and if people ask if you are OK , then dont be afraid to say “no , not really I could use a chat and a coffee”
I would consider moving house as wellPosted 4 years agoprojectMember
Realman, thanks for posting this up,it just possibly it may help just one person who is so depressed and so unable to talk to a freind or complete stanger it may well save their life just by simply getting the courage to ask for help or to just have a chat.
We can only imagine what youre going through at the present time, and to you it must be hundreds of times worse, but please chat and talk to someone, sometimes total strangers are the best, proffesionals or people on chat forums reason being because we all care and will listen.
Finally condolances to yourself for the loss of a freind and to his family and feinds also .
RIP.Posted 4 years ago
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