rather than turn it into a huge “thing”.

Not talking about it and not dealing with it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s not a huge “thing”

She’s spying on you for flips sake.

Sympathies though, it sounds like a very difficult situation to be in. Especially with kids.

No way I’d stand for it though.

You know, actually typing this out is making me realise how dysfunctional the whole situation really is!!!

Off to relate with the pair of you. Seriously.

Yeah, you guys need counselling, that ain’t healthy.

She’s spying on you for flips sake.

isn’t spying supposed to be covert?

tbh, if he knows she’s lookign then I can’t see what she’s expecting to find that he hasn’t already deemed ok to be seen?

having said that if she was already looking (and he knew) before the email flirting incident then he’s more than a little daft or wanted to get caught.

Does she know what your thoughts are on this clearly, or have you backed down everytime she mentions your past behaviour?
Just talk to her about it in a calm manner. Explain how it makes you feel – her behaviour is clearly pushing you away from her. Don’t let it turn into an argument or petty point scoring.
It might just be a habit of hers.

You’re missing a trick here. If she checks your emails etc, that saves you a job. Just keep asking her if you have any new emails – she’ll soon get sick of it.

yes we’ve had a couple of counselling sessions though I’ve not found them particularly useful. I fear the flame may simply have been extinguished 😥

Interesting, greedo joined today and this is first post? 🙄
Are we carrying out social experiments on here again?

Interesting, greedo joined today and this is first post?
Are we carrying out social experiments on here again?

See above, forum regular posting under an alt. Just because.

I am very ashamed of this but, in a previous relationship, I was inclined to sneak a peak at texts etc. I always felt insecure for reasons I don’t really understand. I guess he was rather distant and seemed uninterested a lot of the time. I’m not aware he was ever dishonest and equally I never was. It just wasn’t right. Current relationship is entirely different. He has lots of friends, male and female and socialises all the tme. He’s also a photographer and regularly takes pictures of gorgeous women (and men) clothed and not. It would never ever occur to me to check up on him.

She is insecure of your previous fail.

Let her read till she stops.

You should have some spark or mystery going in
a relationship.

Read her mail?

Perhaps its a bluff on her part to divert attention from her activities??

You should have some spark or mystery going in
a relationship.

my wife always puts a new loo roll on the hanger with the sheets coming off on the wall side.

I always turn it around.

We’ve never discussed it.

It’s good that after 17 years of marriage there’s still some mystery in our lives 😉

You should have some spark or mystery going in
a relationship.

I got home last night to find the missus sitting crying in the dark. I hate to see her upset, but at least I knew it wasn’t me who’d done it this time. I’ve not been home since last last Friday

LMAO @ Binners 🙂

See above, forum regular posting under an alt. Just because.

Because your wife knows your real forum name and checks that too?

or he doesn’t want his mates knowing?

my girlfriend and i know each others email passwords, we don’t read each others emails though. she would be *really* interested on planet X’s latest carbon wheel sale and the fact that CRC are selling off purple BMXs and XXXXL windproof cheap 😉

thing is if you want to cheat & get away with it you will (at least for a bit), so you have to trust people not to.

Binners, unless she was crying because you came back…

My missus went through my entire inbox and facebook page soon after we met.

I think my suitably ape-shit reaction nipped that one in the bud, allong with a full set of new passwords.

thing is if you want to cheat & get away with it you will (at least for a bit), so you have to trust people not to.

Yup. She must know that this won’t work if he really is cheating. It’s not about trust, it’s about control.

Mine does this from time to time and I’ve nothing to hide but I do like a good slag off to the mates ( bloody missus is a cow and wont let me go riding/climbing/buying stuff i dont need…kind of stuff) so she can get a bit aggrieved about this. so it can be a bad idea just for this reason

I think that it’s something that snowballs. Someone will start to read another persons emails out of insecurity. But rather than quenching that thirst, it just grows, and so every opportunity they will be checking up.

Amusingly I installed the tracking software on my partners phone, in case she lost it. She constantly leaves her phone on silent, and the tracking software will allow you to login and make the alarm go off … and locate the phone. Because the phone is always on silent, there have been times when she is due home from work, that I’ve tried to call and fine out what time she’s due back, but to no avail. So I logon to the tracking, can see that she’s enroute, and put the kettle on for her return!

She has access to my tablet and phone, and will use those devices. I don’t think she has ever snooped on my mail. Most of it is boring stuff, but some of it is conversations with female friends, including former partners. They’d probably make her jealous, and no doubt lead to questions … but from my perspective, there is no intention to cheat ever. I have a motto: “If you aint happy, then get it sorted before you look for something new”.

Send this to your own email with “RE: The other night was amazing” in the subject line.
The problem will either go away or she’ll come talk to you about it 🙂

I’m just thinking of any upsides to this. I presume she now knows what specific types of porn you’re into.

Has that helped things at all?

We read eachothers messages/FB/twitter/post or whatever. We are pretty open about everything though and I know a lot of other couples who haven’t ever gotten into doing this. Not sure why we do it, just always have done. I’d think it was a bit odd now if he suddenly decided I shouldn’t and vice versa. The only time it bugs me is if a friend texts, he reads it before me then forgets to tell me until about three days later. Anyway, that’s just us. If it makes you/her uncomfortable then you have some issues to sort out.

Its actually a form of domestic abuse to read a partners mails, and make demands on them to know where they are at all times etc.

Sadly it seems there are quite a few women out there that do a lot of this sort of thing, then expect roses.

Sadly it seems there are quite a few women people out there that do a lot of this sort of thing

FTFY.

Does no one on here have Outlook or another client and just have both accounts loading into a combined inbox?! We both see everything whether we like it or not! For gifts/surprises we just use work email accounts.

She doesn’t trust you because she is clearly capable of not deserving trust herself – why else does she passcode her phone?

She has a passcode set up on her iphone

Not too sure how I’d react in your position OP but I certainly wouldn’t be able to put up with this kind of behaviour.

Do you love her enough to either deal with this or keep putting up with it? If so then sounds like relate or something would be a good idea, or bring it all to a head and put a stop to it. If not then this must surely be the tip of the iceberg and perhaps you should get out.

Do you have kids? This would obviously complicate things enormously.

Seriously pussywhipped. Seriously. Strap on a pair.

The only time it bugs me is if a friend texts, he reads it before me then forgets to tell me until about three days later.

I assume you mean one of your friends sends a text to your phone, he reads it, removing the ‘new message’ notification and doesn’t tell you “Sarah sent you a text btw”? That’s reasonable enough, like taking a phone message and not passing it on.

If you mean someone texts him and he doesn’t tell you so you get annoyed about it then that’s weird! But I don’t think that’s what you’re saying.

Why do you let her out of the kitchen long enough to read your emails?

As above, grow a pair and tell her to get the heck out of your emails etc…

My wife and I just use the same email account for everything.

Although, granted, I wouldn’t know if she had a ‘secret’ account.

The shared account thing can go wrong on received emails, though. A mate of mine was going on a stag-do, but the best man emailed everyone (even though their email account was obviously named as a joint account) and announced that one of the major selling points of the chosen location was that punters in the lap-dancing clubs were allowed to (apologies for direct quote) “touch the slags”.

Minus one on the attendees list after that little nugget!

my wife always puts a new loo roll on the hanger with the sheets coming off on the wall side.

I always turn it around.

We’ve never discussed it.

It’s good that after 17 years of marriage there’s still some mystery in our lives

your wife is correct, you are wrong, just fyi 🙂

blimey, first post on here in some considerable time and it is about which way a bog roll should face 😀

Mrs Toast – Member

Sadly it seems there are quite a few women people out there that do a lot of this sort of thing

FTFY.

I stand corrected.

craigf, you are very wrong.

craigf: any suggestion that toilet roll should hang near the wall is just perverse. You are a sick man.

I assume you mean one of your friends sends a text to your phone, he reads it, removing the ‘new message’ notification and doesn’t tell you “Sarah sent you a text btw”? That’s reasonable enough, like taking a phone message and not passing it on.

This is what I meant! Not the other way round

I would suggest Relate pronto, even if you have to instigate it yourself. Issues like this can not be left unresolved and will always be there in the background, quietly chipping away.

Trust is an extremely emotive word that can be applied to all sorts of scenarios and contexts.

Can we all honestly put up our hands and say we’ve never hidden bikey purchases from our partner?

Good luck with it and just remember the hardest option is to face up to this and deal with it. It is the right thing to do.