"If you've got nothing to hide then why do you care if I read your emails?"
So, wife reads my emails & facebook messages when I’m not around. Has done for years. I never mentioned it, just put up with it. In her mind she was “vindicated” a couple of years ago when our relationship was a mess & I was a bit flirty with a female friend on email for a while, all of which my wife read. Fallout from that was dealt with and I knocked it on the head before anything started.
Two years later she’s still checking up on me, saying the classic “if you’ve nothing to hide then why do you care if I read your emails”. I suppose I should cut her some slack due to my previous (nearly) naughty behaviour, but it’s getting a bit tedious and it’s the principle of the matter really. Yes I could set up more effective security on the ipad & laptop so she can’t get on, but really I don’t think I should have to.
So, if I have nothing to hide (which is the case), should I care if she reads my emails?Posted 5 years ago
Just Start checking on her emails and texts, then just make random reference to snippets of private conversations she’s had with her friends.
See how that goes down?
A girl I know was telling us how a friend of hers had a bit of extra-marital hows-yer-father a few years back, and now her husband has a tracker on her iphone and checks her location about every half hour through the day, and constantly phones her to see where she is, so that the two tally up 😯
The issue here is trust. If its reached that point, then really… whats the point? Just call it a day move on. As its clearly benefiting no-onePosted 5 years agoNeil_BoltonMember
Trust is a two way thing. It can’t be one sided; i.e. she must trust you that you’re faithful, rather than have to resort to reading emails/text/facebook.
That said, mine does it occasionally and it does get right up my nose more because it’s bloody rude.
That, and if I were so inclined, as IanMunro says, I couldn’t do anything as a surprise.Posted 5 years agoMrsMugsyMember
yes you should care.
she’s using your past misbehaving as an excuse to misbehave herself.
being your wife doesn’t give her any rights on you.
if she can’t trust you then there are problems in your relashionship which haven’t been sorted.
in my opinion she gives herself the right to do something which is completely unacceptable.
I’d never do that to my husband even if I know his password.Posted 5 years agoFuzzyWuzzyMember
Curious if she is happy for you to read her emails, if so then it probably wouldn’t bother me much (OK it’s a bit of a lack of trust but there’s an element of truth in the having nothing to hide thing). If she doesn’t want you to read her emails then I’d tell her where to go…Posted 5 years ago
You made the comment
Fallout from that was dealt with and I knocked it on the head before anything started.
Her behavior would indicate that, from her point of view, its far from having been ‘dealt with’. You need to sit down and talk it through properly. Not only for your benefit, but if she’s constantly on edge about what you might possibly be up too, then that’s hardly healthy for her eitherPosted 5 years ago
Yes “rude” is kind of how I feel about it. Thing is, she’s done it for years, since well before any kind of shenanigans on my side (not that anything physical happened, but I was a naughty boy via email). She is very insecure in general, but if I’m honest it’s probably indicative of the gradual unravelling of our relationship.
She has a passcode set up on her iphone 🙄Posted 5 years agoourmaninthenorthSubscriber
Just mail a mate with the title “I’m sick of my wife – she’s always reading my emails. I think I might get a divorce”
See what reaction that provokes.
As above lack of trust and paranoia aren’t healthy. Nor is denying someone the right to any sort of independent discourse – she’s effectively vetting everything you commit to writing.Posted 5 years agoMrs ToastMember
Well, I shouldn’t really pass judgement, but this is STW, so…
Seriously, wtf? Even if she allows you the same level of access to her emails and private messages, it’s not really a sign of a healthy relationship. Technically I wouldn’t mind Mr Toast reading my emails – I have nothing to hide, and given that 90% of my emails are marketing spam from online bike stores he’s probably already seen the content – but I’d be upset if he felt the need. The fact you were ‘nearly’ naughty sounds like more of a symptom rather than a cause of your problems.
Generally people who do feel compelled to see every aspect of their other halves’ lives tend to be controlling and a bit unhinged (like Justin Lee Collins).Posted 5 years ago
Just mail a mate with the title “I’m sick of my wife – she’s always readig my emails. I think I might get a divorce”
I like that idea 😀
Dam it, no email in profile!!!
OP. Will your wife be looking at this thread?
I hadn’t considered the STW stalking possibility 😯 . Username changed to protect the innocent etc, but it wouldn’t be rocket science to work it out on her side!Posted 5 years agomartymacSubscriber
i used to get this off my ex wife, she constantly (by constantly, i mean 3 times a week minimum) accused me of flirting/eyeing up/**** every female we/i knew within the age range 14-60.Posted 5 years ago
somewhat ironic that when we eventually seperated it was because SHE had an affair.
i thought it was just me, but talking recently to a guy i work with he told me a scarily similar story.
just for the record, ive never cheated on any of my partners.bailsSubscriber
I went out with a girl who said the same thing, “if you’ve done nothing wrong….”, except I’d done nothing that would warrant any suspicion in the first place. She also used to throw a strop when I saw my mates without her, when I said she made me feel bad for seeing my friends she said “If you’ve done nothing wrong then you won’t feel guilty, so you must be doing something wrong”.
I should have made the most of being treated like a cheat/b%$tard because when it was the other way round and I thought (correctly) she was messing around I was told “why would you need to look at my texts, don’t you trust me?” 😕
Looking back….that was not a healthy relationship! 😆
Edit: Sounbds a bit like martymat’s post above. Maybe because she’s doing it she assumes you are too?Posted 5 years ago
A serious question for you: Surely you must end up self censoring?
Writing something completely innocent, then worrying how it might be misconstrued if/when she read it?
yes there’s a bit of that, though most of my emails are about bikes & bike rides so it must be very dull for her 🙄 . There is a wider trust issue going on I think. Every time I go for a ride she asks who it’s with. erm, the same group as last Thursday. Every Thursday in fact. “Any girls?” wft?!
You know, actually typing this out is making me realise how dysfunctional the whole situation really is!!!Posted 5 years ago
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