I propose a “Most Howfin and Ridiculous Sunglasses” jersey.  Current jersey holder is Adam Yates.

http://www.cyclingnews.com/news/adam-yates-on-these-shorter-tour-stages-we-race-right-from-the-start/

What is this disturbing trend for wearing ski goggles on the bike ?  Even Peter Sagan isn’t cool enough to get away with this, and he is a Johnny Cash level competitor at being cool.

Best use of a banned substance or biggest package.

edit – nobody in the race is (or ever will be) anything near approaching Johnny Cash levels of cool.

“Lamest crash” jersey with airbag built in, currently awarded to the bloke that rode into another rider whilst having a drink, before falling off nastily.

What is this disturbing trend for

modern life….

https://www.scott-sports.com/gb/en/product/scott-sport-shields-60th-sungl?article=2709380005192

Only £60 though and so seem to have a lot of coverage without the frame getting in the way, maybe they protect his eyes and let him see 😉

Jersey for best nose rocket but green is already gone

Sharpest tan lines.

Pure white jersey to make them pop!

Those shades are alright waaaaaay better than all the daft oakleys with vents and stuff.

worst podium outfit.

sagan winning atm with his goggles.(and i mean actual GNARDURO goggles with strap an all not the 1992 retro shields shown above)

Sure – but at least Sagan gets paid to wear those goggles – some of the other fashion choices appear to be voluntary.

i get paid to wear a safety hardhat at my work.  – doesnt make it look any better

“Best Bitch” for the hardest working domestique

Best podium Girl …

Anything that is ‘podium specific’, as per Sagan and his goggles suggested above. See also, Alaphillipe and his podium glasses with logos all over the lens.

And then, there’s podium shoes…

Anyone wearing any such monstrosities shall ride the next stage in the Purple Mankini.

Scariest stem humping/shitting dog style descender…

Scariest stem humping/shitting dog style descender…

I really wouldn’t want to ride so close behind anyone riding like that! Do you think he has much control of the bike or are Pro’s another galaxy away in skill from us mortals?

modern life…

Yep, I don’t think it’s a recent thing.

Dick of the day.

I love the way that whilst in 👆position, he’s covering the front brake……

Surely it should just be the Lantern Rouge, in a tortoise shell pattern.

Best suicide no-hander

“Grey” jersey for most T.U.E.’s used.

Motorcycle near-miss of the day

Spectator bikini of the day. The mankini to bikini ratio needs some adjustment imo.

Longest stem, but not a jersey a little bunting they can hang off it.

Scariest stem humping/shitting dog style descender…

Didn’t some university study this and work out that the extreme positions for descending didn’t offer much, if anything over the traditional arse-in-air descending?

Actually here we go:

https://www.theguardian.com/fashion/2018/jul/10/high-fashion-cycling-sunglasses-kim-kardashian-princess-anne-bella-hadid-performance-shades

jersey for the most effort from a town/school/farmer put into getting a helicopter TV shot

Oh well then, if Princess Anne is doing it….

the hardman jersey for riding with the most debilitating injury

– Lawson Craddock at the moment

– Tom Skujins last year when he tried to ride with concussion

– Gee when he broke his pelvis in 2013

the jersey would just be a tattered bloodstained rag patched with mesh bandages

I’m not sure it’s actually the “Froome” descending position, I’m sure others did it before him….

I’ve always assumed it’s based on a similar bit of “Aero-logic” to Graham Obree’s disallowed hour record bike “ski-tuck” type position.

If you’ve ever tried doing it, even if just for a giggle, it feels as sketchy as anything, so I highly recommend you don’t…

I find it funny if there’s no actual aero advantage, it certainly is less stable and makes control of the bike harder… it’s basically the worst way to ride a road bike down a hill, so I think a special award is justified…

the hardman jersey for riding with the most debilitating injury

– Lawson Craddock at the moment

– Tom Skujins last year when he tried to ride with concussion

– Gee when he broke his pelvis in 2013

the jersey would just be a tattered bloodstained rag patched with mesh bandages

Lemond for riding a tour with shotgun pellets still in his back?

Best use of a sticky bottle. Velcro loops fabric in black to be worn the following day. Winning the jersey on consecutive days gets you the hook fabric shirt to wear and no base layer.

I’d award the “housewives’ choice jersey”.

Thomas Voekler would have have been a multiple winner in previous years and I reckon Alaphilippe would be a contender this year. As would any other rider Ona pro continental French team.

Biggest knockers on a podium girl

The poo brown jersey, for most over-hyped/ under-performing rider. Until yesterday Quintana would’ve been in with a shout, but now Romain Bardet has it uncontested.

White shorts for the rider who takes the most brazen “nature break”

Go easy on poor wee Romain – they don’t let him eat !

the hardman jersey for riding with the most debilitating injury

Reckon Gilbert has one hand on that for this year

“Lamest crash” jersey with airbag built in, currently awarded to the bloke that rode into another rider whilst having a drink, before falling off nastily.

I think Bernal riding into the back of the BMC car might have trumped that one.

Anyway, what about the highest number of futile attacks award, winner, Mr Dan Martin.

The cheered on by most fans wearing speedo’s jersey?

The inappropriate wedding shoe jersey?

Best waterbottle lob. Extra points for hitting a costumed spectator.

Anyway, what about the highest number of futile attacks award, winner, Mr Dan Martin.

Surely that has to go to the eponymous Pierre Rolland Energy Wasting Attack™

The HiViz jersey for the best impact with a motorised vehicle (includes motos as well as cars, and extra points for damage to rider / bike in addition to being knocked off)