I ordered a piece of timber by phone. They called me back to ask for the delivery address. I asked if he had my phone number to call me when it’s being delivered…

Sent a box of wine for Christmas to an address I haven’t lived for for 19 years….

At work yesterday I was discussing the photo of Jesus on the cross which is displayed in the Louvre.

I said Yes

I ordered some USB C to A adapters, then looked for some Micro USB to C adapters for a different use, then panicked and thought I’d ordered the wrong ones originally so cancelled the order.

I then remembered that I was now looking for something slightly different and re-ordered the original item. 😖

Shaved my pubes. The local paedophiles are queued outside my front door.

I just opened the log burner door with my hand. The log burner that’s been on for two hours

And the award for the most STW injury ever goes to….

*drumroll*….

Dip into the Naked Attraction thread.
Never again…

My life is just a constant, running stream of stupidity. Its difficult to think of specifics

Had an altercation with a motorist and allowed it to escalate. Turn the other cheek and avoid confrontation is my new leaf, now turned over 🙄

Well…..

I’m appear to be doing my best to emulate binners…

I said “Yes” on Wednesday when the nice lady at the vaccination centre asked me to confirm I wanted my booster. I had zero side effects from the first two AZ doses while MrsP crashed on the sofa for a day or two, but it feels like it’s payback time now.

Yes, I’ll put the tree up on Sunday.

I have an excuse but……………….

I couldn’t find the kettle – it was in the fridge.  I ran a bath the other day – went to get in – no water – I didn’t put the plug in.

oh, and, bought a 200 year old house on the top of a hill with stone walls and floors, no mains gas or water, dodgy broadband, and, possibly, the plasterer tells me, a leaky roof.

I went into the cupboard under the stairs to get the wok from the 4ft high shelf, forgetting to lift it high enough to clear the heavy paella pan underneath, which tipped off the shelf & landed edge first on my shoeless second toe, right foot. I reckon you could hear my scream for miles.
It went purple, now It’s green.

oh, and, bought a 200 year old house on the top of a hill with stone walls and floors, no mains gas or water, dodgy broadband, and, possibly, the plasterer tells me, a leaky roof.

Ours definitely has a leaky roof. It is also halfway down the hill so water runs down the hill and under the floor. Apart from that, snap.

It is one of the best things I’ve ever bought, though

I couldn’t find the kettle – it was in the fridge.

I once lost the TV remote, spent a about 6 hours on a hot summer’s day turning the flat upside down looking for it. Paused to grab a drink, and it was in the fridge. I was only 25 or so, and I had no excuse.

Parents lost and found the remote for their TV when they moved house 20 years apart.

While deciding where to put the posh new TV, first they had ever had with a remote, it had been put on a bookshelf. This was subsequently loaded with books without noticing the remote underneath them.

It was found 20 years later when they emptied the shelf to move house again. They still had the same TV and had forgotten it ever came with a remote so were thrilled with their ‘new modern’ TV because it now had a new remote even though it was the 20 year old one.

“I think I’ll do a bike race in the Spring”

How long have you got?

what Matt said.

Drilled a hole in the side of the house for a vent. Spent all kinds of time and thought planning the job through. Got 75mm into the 550mm depth, the bit jammed, drill span round
at whatever RPM it runs at and clocked me in the cheek. Pissing blood everywhere and needed two stitches.

Still had to finish the job lol.

My wife asked me to pick up a few things from the local Co-op in the village where I worked one lunchtime whilst I was at work, including a couple of things for our baby. This included a large tub of vaseline, a cucumber and something else which I can’t remember. It was only when I got back to work and sat down at my desk that I realised what it looked like! Sometimes ignorance is bliss.

Washed my car key.

Tried to sell something on FB marketplace 🙄

Tried to sell something on FB marketplace

OK, I buy, but I will send you envelope with your cash by Parcelhero and they will bring me the item.

went out for a ride this afternoon, in the wind, on my fat bike, whilst being stuck in AF.

I’ll get the bill.

This included a large tub of vaseline, a cucumber and something else which I can’t remember.

A little while back I went to the supermarket and bought a bottle of bourbon, a bottle of milk and a bottle of toilet bleach. I quipped to the lass on the checkout “it’s cocktail night” and she looked at me with deer-in-headlights horror.

Tonight spent about half an hour (as briefly as able) typing up my experience of growing up a boy in white-only working class estates in failed attempt to open/share/promote discussion on a ‘Dr Who role model boy’ thread.

Now:

bought another Dyson.

went out for a ride this afternoon, in the wind, on my fat bike, whilst being stuck in AF.

Aye but that’s just normal for you Tony. 😁

went out for a ride this afternoon, in the wind, on my fat bike, whilst being stuck in AF.

You’ve got your priorities right. 👍

Feigned a seizure on receipt of my booster jab for a laugh….

The nurse hadn’t quite removed the needle…..

Timing is everything 🙄

Walking into COP26 they had airport scanners and bag checks. Going through i has to drink some of the orange juice I’d nicked from the hotel to prove it wasn’t bomb fuel or whatever. Very strict.

On the other side of the scanner I asked how the guard was, just niceties as you do.
“Tired, really early start” she said
“That’s what the cocaine’s for!” I jokingly, poorly replied.

Cue a full bag and clothing search in full view of everyone coming in and my colleagues.

“You’ll not do that again!” laughed the (lovely) guard while her colleague scanned and body searched me, calling the dogs over

Pretty much anything I say on here…

Apparently most things I do at work, it would seem.