Viewing 40 posts - 1 through 40 (of 50 total)
  • I think I may have just made up a joke, can someone verify this please…
  • augustuswindsock
    Full Member

    I decided to have some pasta with pesto for lunch and thought some toasted pine nuts would be nice to go on top, so I went to the shop to get some, en route I realised that saying to the assistant ‘ have you got pine nuts?’ Sounded like a feed line for a gag, so spent the next couple of minutes racking my brains for a witty response, and what I came up with was……

    Wait for it…

    ‘ no, it’s just my scented shower gel!!’
    Shall I get my coat?

    mikewsmith
    Free Member

    Do you have children? At best the best compliment is asking if that is a Dad Joke

    neilthewheel
    Full Member

    Well it may be yours, but on the other hand, you’re welcome to it.

    Fresh Goods Friday 696: The Middling Edition

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    dannybgoode
    Full Member

    theotherjonv
    Full Member

    Depends on you definition. If a joke’s defined as having a setup followed byy a punchline, then yes. If it’s supposed to have a setup and a funny punchline…..

    Have you got pine nuts?
    No but I do have a length of soft wood.

    sandwicheater
    Full Member

    [video]https://youtu.be/fR6exO2nJDs[/video]

    thestabiliser
    Free Member

    No but we’ve got woodcock.

    Malvern Rider
    Free Member

    Whathaveisaidnow
    Free Member

    I’m still convinced that I made up the joke… Knock, knock, who’s there Dr,…Dr Who!! Joke.

    Instances pre-dating 1983 will need verifying…

    tyrionl1
    Free Member

    Great joke, no really, I see a future for you in Stand Up…

    … Paddleboarding. 😉

    Sandwich
    Full Member

    I think you should go and sit quietly for a minute and reflect on what you have wrought. Then you can come back and apologise to the group.

    twinw4ll
    Free Member

    It’s good, but not that good 😀
    Back in the early 90s when my daughter was a wee sprog we had a pub lunch whilst on holiday.
    Turkey dinosaurs were the order of the day and when the waitress came over to ask if everything was ok, i piped up, i think the turkey dinosaurs are off, she stood there rather nervously and was just about to go get the manager when i cracked the punchline for the funniest joke in the world…. yes i recon they gotta be a least 65 million years out of date.
    Oh how i laughed 😆

    annebr
    Free Member

    With jokes like that you’ll go far!

    The further the better!

    Pigface
    Free Member

    I made up this joke when I was young about 11 or 12

    Q: What is the definition of a mince tart? A: A Yorkshire ripper victim

    My dad got really angry and sent me to bed 🙁

    funkrodent
    Full Member

    Ooh ooh, I’ve got one! This dates from the mid 90s (I think) and was made up on a soggy morning in a field somewhere, with a hangover after some tent based party. It was absolutely terrible then, and it hasn’t got any better with age. So, for better or for worse:

    “Did you hear that the police busted a rave full of sheep?”

    “No, what were they done for?”

    “Apparently it was on the basis of amplified, repetitive bleats”

    I’ll get my coat..

    trailhound101
    Full Member

    Funkrodent – I hope that’s not a sheepskin coat…

    wwaswas
    Full Member

    Woman walks into whole food shop

    Woman: “I’ve got a new bread maker and I’d like some unusual flour please.”

    Shopkeeper: “Spelt?”

    Woman (tutting): “F-L-O-U-R”

    trailhound101
    Full Member

    talking of ‘Dad’ jokes, I was told off by daughter because as we were coming out of Nando’s, I said, somewhat conspiratorily, to a couple who were just entering “pssst, don’t have the chicken!”

    mefty
    Free Member

    Punchline – not really a bolt from the yew.

    dirtyrider
    Free Member

    I’ve heard the OP joke before,

    dufusdip
    Free Member

    ‘Boo!,’ said the French fry

    ‘Oh, what a frite,’ said the salad.

    [/dad joke]

    theotherjonv
    Full Member

    Why do French people only have one egg for breakfast.

    Because one egg is ‘un oeuf’

    I’m not sure if I made that up or not, but it is my best Dad joke. Although in retort, my daughter did claim that my mouth is where jokes go to die.

    tuskaloosa
    Free Member

    Although in retort, my daughter did claim that my mouth is where jokes go to die.

    😆

    TheFlyingOx
    Full Member

    They all laughed when OP said he was going to become a comedian.
    Well they’re not laughing now….

    cheekyboy
    Free Member

    I think its a great joke, in fact our joke writers guild will be honoured if you would join, a small fee of £500 cash or pp gift is preferred 😆

    alpin
    Free Member

    i remember a mate of mine telling his dad a joke….

    “how do you wipe dandruff off a c-u-next-teusday?”

    “like this…”
    he then proceeded to flick at his dad’s shoulder.

    his old man back handed him and sent him flying across the room.

    i found it really funny.

    noltae
    Free Member

    What do you call a man who jumps of the Eiffel Tower into the river?
    … In Seine !

    Made up and told to my Dad on top of Eiffel Tower aged 11 ..

    SiofCannock
    Free Member

    The pizza chef in our local Dominos was found dead in the storeroom under a load of cheese and olives. Police reckon he topped himself.
    Is this any good?

    funkrodent
    Full Member

    My (then) 5 yr old boy, on a walk in the country, responded to his (then) 3 yr old sister’s question about what cows have for breakfast, with Moosli.

    I accept that he almost certainly isn’t the first to come up with this, but come up with it he did, which I think is pretty good for a nipper.

    That said, he seems to have peaked early on that front as despite being locked in a room with pen, paper and a Bob Monkhouse dvd he’s yet to come up with anything else!

    cynic-al
    Free Member

    Here’s the only joke I ever invented:

    Did you hear about the editor who was anxious about his writers’ typographical errors?

    He was worried sic.

    Not yet giving up my day job!

    jimmy
    Full Member

    Funny stuff, especially pigface 🙂

    The only “joke” I remember making up as a kid was when my mum and dad asked me where oil comes from… I answered…

    Greece!

    (…Grease… Yeah?)

    slowoldman
    Full Member

    Surely you are simply mis-remembering this:

    [video]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iS2N1mBsEdM[/video]

    dangeourbrain
    Free Member

    I was very proud of this one in my former life as a waiter:

    Asked by a customer “which part of a fish is the loin “

    I replied “the cod piece”

    It was met with a blank look, then “I know the cod loin is cod, but which bit”

    *this may be as old as the folks but I’d not heard it so am taking credit.

    esselgruntfuttock
    Free Member

    I said to my travelling fishmonger, ‘got any crabs on ya cock’
    he wasn’t happy.

    eemy
    Free Member

    I went wine tasting with Jilly Goolden once. She was getting hints of ‘wheelbarrow’, ‘old sock’ and ‘marmite’.

    I was getting orange, passion fruit, guava and mango………..turns out I was drinking Um Bongo

    pedropete
    Full Member

    As I warm up for a much looked forward to road trip through France, how about this one:
    -Frappé, frappé
    – Quie est la?
    – L’hoste
    – L’hoste qui?
    – Oui!

    theotherjonv
    Full Member

    Quelle dommage!

    AdamW
    Free Member

    Yesterday I was taking the doggie with MrAdamW for the evening walk in the park. Doggie did a wee on one bush then moved off and cocked his *other* leg against a different bush.

    “Oo look!” I exclaimed – “He’s ambi-dog-strous!”.

    I was informed a slight titter was booked in for August 25th 2028 at between 10:25:01 and 10:25:02, together with a firm look and a sigh. 😕

    Cougar
    Full Member

    I said to my travelling fishmonger, ‘got any crabs on ya cock’

    I once responded to, “got time on ya cock?” with “no, my wrist.”

    It’s a wonder I’m still alive really.

    augustuswindsock
    Full Member

    Loving the um bongo one!
    Confess to slow old man that ‘roll on ball’ was my inspiration!

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