- I need an hilarious joke for tomorrow……
If its for a bike mechanic then try these….Posted 6 years ago
‘I’ve never jetwashed it’
‘It broke when I was just riding along’
‘My last one lasted 10 years’
‘Of course it’s warranty’
‘It is new…I’ve only had it 2 years’
‘It should only take you 10 minutes’
‘Well it was’nt like that when I brought it in’
Although he may have heard all them before 🙄
Can be written as an…related to the pronunciation/sound of the word following ‘an’, iirc. Words beginning with ‘h’…
You use ‘an’ if the proceeding word starts with a vowel sound (but not necessarily a vowel), and ‘a’ if it doesn’t.
So it would be ‘an hour’ but ‘a helicopter’.
On that basis, Druidh is correct (if pedantic).Posted 6 years ago
Actually, have you seen Anti Joke? It takes classic joke setups but drops the punchline for a literal answer. Here are a few examples:
What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple? The Holocaust.
Why did the boy drop his ice cream? Because he was hit by a bus.
What’s sad about four black people in a Cadillac going over a cliff? They were my friends.
Your mother’s so fat, she should probably be worried about the increased risk of cardiovascular disease.
Also has some pretty good ‘Roses are red…’ gags:
Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
I have a gun.
Get in the van.
Roses are red,Posted 6 years ago
Violets are blue,
I have Alzheimer’s.
Cheese on toast.dan1980Member
I bought a dog off a blacksmith the other day.
When I got him home, he made a bolt for the door.
Did you hear about the magic tractor? It went down a hill and turned into a field.
What’s E.T. short for? He’s only got little legs.
Why did the baker have brown hands? Because he kneaded a poo.
I said to the butchers “I bet you can’t reach that meat on the top shelf” He said “I won’t take that bet, the steaks are too high”Posted 6 years agoKevevsMember
Stevie Wonder is playing his first gig in Tokyo and the place is absolutely packed to the rafters. In a bid to break the ice with his new audience, He asks if anyone would like him to play a request. A little old Japanese man jumps out of his seat in the first row and shouts at the top of his voice “Play a Jazz chord! Play a jazz chord!” Amazed that this guy knows about the jazz influences in Stevie’s varied career, the blind impresario starts to play an E minor scale and then goes into a difficult jazz melody for about 10 minutes. When he finishes the whole place goes wild.
The little old man jumps up again and shouts “No, no, play a Jazz chord, play a Jazz chord.” A bit irritated by this, Stevie, being the professional that he is, dives straight into a jazz improvisation with his band around the B flat minor chord and really tears the place apart. The crowd goes wild with this impromptu show of his technical expertise.
The little old man jumps up again. “No, no. Play a Jazz chord, play a jazz chord!” Well now truly irritated that this little guy doesn’t seem to appreciate his playing ability. Stevie says to him from the stage “OK, mister, you get up here and do it!” The little old man climbs up onto the stage, takes hold of the mike and starts to sing… “A jazz chord to say I ruv you…”
you have to stretch it out and pretend you aren’t just a little bit racist.Posted 6 years ago
Or there’s the other classic Stevie gag:
Appearing on a live television chat show for the first time, the host asks Stevie he manages to cope with his blindness.
“Well, I’m not going to say it hasn’t been tough, but, you know, it could be worse,” he says with trademark humility and charm. “I could be black.”Posted 6 years ago
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